


monsters are always hungry, darling

by Brennuvargur



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Abusive Parents, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Band, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eating Disorders, Eventual Smut, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Older Man/Younger Man, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 06:40:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 29
Words: 90,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23846857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brennuvargur/pseuds/Brennuvargur
Summary: Gerard's life as CEO of the family company is turned upside down when he has a chance encounter with a punk teenager
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 308
Kudos: 269





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been in the works for almost a year now! This is my first time writing MCR fic, I hope you enjoy!
> 
> big thanks to anabella for beta reading, sarah for being my cheerleader and making sure I never gave up on this fic, and ri for helping me with the title
> 
> Title is from Crush by Richard Siken
> 
> You can find the Russian translation [ here!](https://ficbook.net/readfic/9880369)

The music was uncomfortably loud, even as far back from the stage as he was. He had tucked himself away in a corner, acutely aware of how he stuck out like a sore thumb, perhaps even more so when he tried to hide himself away. Gerard Way simply did not belong at a rock concert. But here he was anyway.

He didn't often get a chance to see his brother's band play. They toured all over the state and played music festivals, but every now and then they'd do a show at their old home venue, where the crowd was the most raucous of them all, Mikey always said. Gerard pulled his suit jacket back up his shoulders after a passing concert guest had knocked into him - without apologising - and resumed watching the show. Mikey always looked so at home in front of a crowd with his bass in his hands. Gerard couldn't help admiring his ease as he moved on the stage, leaning against Ray as they played together. Gerard recognised the song but couldn't remember the name. He never allowed himself to listen to the CDs Mikey always gifted him.

It had been a trying day at the office and by the end of it, Gerard wasn't sure he the mental or physical energy to go to a loud concert in an area of the city he rarely went to, with people he didn't particularly want to be around. Not to mention he didn't feel comfortable leaving his car outside in this neighbourhood for long. It was only the love he had for his brother that made him venture outside of the comfortable bubble of his regular life.

Gerard briefly contemplated getting a drink as the third person squeezed past him in order to get to the bar, but quickly squashed that thought down. He had work in the morning, and he couldn't stay long anyway. He couldn't indulge this fantasy of staying. That fantasy, more than anything, was what made the decision for him to leave. He'd already listened to more songs than last time, and it was getting late.

Making his way through the throng of people wasn't something Gerard enjoyed doing, squashed against sweaty strangers who had precarious holds on their alcoholic beverages. This wasn't his _favourite_ suit, but it was still too nice to be ruined by having cheap beer splashed on it. He weaved through the crowd, seizing gaps where he could as the sea of strangers moved to his brother's music, the lead singer shouting out to the crowd and the crowd shouting back just as passionately. They knew all the words and the call and response reminded Gerard of mass sometimes.

Finally, he made it through the crowd, down the stairs, and out into the cool, fresh air. There were a few people outside smoking and talking animatedly. Gerard went the opposite direction, but did take out his own pack of cigarettes. He didn't smoke very much since his wife didn't like it, and more importantly, his father didn't. But sometimes he allowed himself to indulge. Two minutes, and then he'd get in his car and go home.

He was about halfway through the cigarette, his heartbeat calming down as he leaned against the building and looked at the smoke dissipating into the sky, when a voice startled him out of his thoughts.

"Hey man, can I bum one?"

Gerard snapped his head towards the voice. It was someone from the concert most likely, though he couldn't see very well as he was still standing in the shadows, the light from the nearby street lamp not quite reaching him.

Gerard considered for a moment, then shrugged. "Sure," he said, reaching into his pocket and holding out the pack towards the stranger.

"Thanks," the stranger said, stepping closer to Gerard. He could finally see the man now, and saw that he wasn't really a man at all. More like a teenager. Hopefully he wasn't giving an underage kid a smoke. Surely he had to be at least 18 to be at the show alone, Gerard reasoned. The kid had dark hair and was wearing a t-shirt with a logo of a band Gerard didn't recognise. He also had a few piercings and Gerard thought he could maybe see a tattoo peeking from underneath his t-shirt sleeve. Definitely at least 18 then. All in all, the kid looked like any other concert guest. Gerard really wouldn't have given him a second glance if he hadn't been addressed by him.

"No problem," Gerard said, taking back the pack of cigarettes and handing him the lighter.

The stranger lit his cigarette with fingers dressed in chipped black nail polish, inhaled deeply and then sighed contentedly. "Ah, man, I needed that." Gerard just smiled politely. Were they meant to make conversation now? He had kind of hoped the guy would just leave now. "So, do you come here often?" the teenager asked, looking Gerard up and down.

"Uh, no, can't say that I do."

"Figured," he said and Gerard wanted to roll his eyes. Nice detective work there, the guy in the suit didn't belong at this seedy venue. He held himself back though. ' _Rolling your eyes like worthless riff-raff will get you nowhere in life, Gerard'._ "So why are you here then? Are you a record executive looking to sign them or something?"

Gerard couldn't help smiling a bit at that. "I'm afraid not. I'm just Mikey's brother."

"Oh, I see. The bassist, right?"

"Yeah. I knew Ray too, back in the day."

"But not anymore?" the kid asked, taking a slow drag of his cigarette and looking up at Gerard. His face was lit from the light at the end of the cigarette as he inhaled, giving him an almost haunted look. Gerard was taken aback by the way the kid focused all his attention on him.

"Hmm," Gerard said, taking his own drag off the cigarette and exhaling before continuing. "No, you know how it is, people grow apart after they leave school."

"Sure," the kid agreed, even though he barely looked like he'd left school himself. "So what's your name then, just-Mikey's-brother?"

"Gerard," he answered after a brief moment of hesitation, leaning against the building again and turning more towards the stranger.

"I'm Frank," the kid replied with a wide grin. He had a hoop in his nostril, Gerard noticed. His father always remarked that he thought piercings were just for 'hooligans.' Gerard thought it looked kind of cool, at least on this kid. It suited him. Gerard's instinct was to reach out his hand to shake Frank's, but it didn't feel like the kind of thing people would do in this environment. "You kind of stick out around here."

"Yeah, I guess I do." Gerard shrugged and looked away, up at the sky. You couldn't really see the stars in this part of the city. Too much light pollution. A pity, in Gerard's opinion. He was getting a bit unnerved by the way the kid was looking at him. The noise from inside was muffled, but a burst of sound made it out to where they were standing whenever someone exited the venue. Mikey's band was still going.

"You don't see many people in suits at concerts like this," Frank continued.

"I came straight from work."

"Oh," Frank brightened up. "What do you do then, since you're not a record company executive?"

"I work down on Central Avenue," Gerard said evasively, stubbing his cigarette out against the wall. This kid was too nosey, what did he care where Gerard worked?

"Are you really rich then?"

"Um," Gerard started, taken aback. What kind of question was that?

"I'm just kidding man, relax," Frank said. There was something about the glint that had appeared in Frank's eyes that Gerard didn't like.

"Right. Well, I'm afraid I have to go now," Gerard said, tossing his cigarette stub into a nearby trash can. "Um… Bye." Gerard stiffly turned away to walk towards where his car was parked.

"See you around, Gerard," Frank called after him. Gerard made the mistake of looking back at him, seeing Frank stub out his own cigarette and then turning back towards the venue entrance, hands in his pockets.

_I wouldn't count on it, kid,_ Gerard thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on the fedi @brennuvargur@fandom.ink or on twitter @comrade__mikey


	2. Chapter 2

It was really pouring down. The windscreen wipers could barely keep up with the almost biblical downpour. At least the roads were mostly empty, though that was because the meeting had dragged on so late. Gerard was already dreading how little sleep he would get tonight. He should've just booked a hotel instead of driving there and back in one day. He made a quick decision and turned off the road to cut through the center of town. It should be faster this time of day, since there wouldn't be the same traffic as there was during the day. He drove down the main street, marvelling at how empty it was as he drove past his office building. Only a few hurried stragglers were about, hunched under their umbrellas or, a few of them, the hoods of their coats. One poor guy seemed to be only wearing a hoodie, Gerard noticed as he slowed to a stop at a pedestrian crossing. The man hadn't actually used the light to cross, but just waded out into the street like he didn't care if someone hit him or not. Like he was daring them to hit him. Gerard wasn't even sure the guy had seen his car coming. He was lucky Gerard was awake enough to notice him despite his dark clothing and stop the car.

The guy only glanced up at Gerard as he crossed, walking like the rain wasn't bothering him at all, even though he was so wet that the clothes were clinging to his skinny frame. Gerard did a double take. He _knew_ this kid. It was the strange boy he had met at Mikey's gig a week ago. What was he doing out this late? And dressed like that? He probably hadn't seen Gerard over the bright headlights of the car and the darkness inside it. Gerard could just drive away and nobody would blame him. 

Before he could stop himself he was rolling down the passenger-side window and calling out.

"Frank?" he wasn't sure Frank would even be able to hear him through the loud downpour. Hell, he wasn't even completely sure this _was_ Frank. He called out again, and this time the kid stopped in his tracks, almost all the way across the street. He took a moment before turning around, and walking towards Gerard's car. The rain was coming in through the window and soaking the inside of Gerard's car.

Frank looked a little reserved as he lifted his head to look up at Gerard through the window, but as soon as their eyes met, his demeanour changed. "Gerard!" he exclaimed.

"Come inside, it's pouring down out there," Gerard said and pushed the button to unlock the doors. "C'mon, I'll give you a lift." 

"Really?" Frank asked, but didn't wait before opening the door and sitting down in the passenger seat with a wet squish that made Gerard wince internally. "Thanks, Mr. Way." Gerard waited for Frank to put on his seatbelt, but Frank just looked at him, a little confused and apprehensive.

"Seatbelt," Gerard said, and Frank snorted out a laugh before reaching back to grab the belt and secure it. 

"Figures you'd be one of those," Frank said when he finished and Gerard started driving again.

"Where should I drive you to?" Gerard asked, ignoring Frank's comment, and hoping it wouldn't be too far. It was already almost 2am and Gerard had to be up in only a few hours.

"Oh, uhm," Frank said and paused for a moment, thinking. "Just home I think." He told Gerard the address, which was just on the brink of being annoyingly far off his route home. "Oh cool, can I?" Frank asked and pointed at the stereo, which Gerard never really turned on except to hear traffic updates.

"Uhm, sure," Gerard replied, thinking Frank just wanted to put on the radio or something. He was wrong however, as Frank brought out his phone and in a few moments loud guitars started booming from the speakers.

"Whoops, that's maybe a bit loud," Frank said sheepishly, lowering the volume a little. Gerard still thought it was about three times too loud, but he said nothing. He turned away from the direction that would bring him home, and down towards Frank's home.

"It's fine," Gerard said, squeezing the steering wheel hard. "What were you doing out so late?"

"Why do you care?" Frank asked, not sounding annoyed but curious. Gerard supposed that he was also curious.

He shrugged. "Just wondering. It's after midnight on a Tuesday. Most people are at home in their beds right now." 

"I could ask you the same thing," Frank shot back, that mischievous glint Gerard had seen the last time they met back in his eyes.

"I had a meeting in New York. It ran a little long."

"Yeah, me too." Frank paused, then clarified. "A meeting that ran long. Not in New York. Just downtown."

Gerard couldn't really imagine what kind of 'meeting' Frank could've been having, perhaps a friend or a girlfriend. It really wasn't any of Gerard's business anyway. He was finding it hard to concentrate on where he was going because of the music which seemed to be drilling its way into his brain. Gerard hadn't listened to music since he was a teenager himself younger even than Frank, back before the plan. Before his life had been in order. His father had helped him see that music was just a distraction from the things that really mattered. Frank was bobbing his head to the noise from the radio and mouthing along. He was even moving his hands in a way that looked vaguely like he was strumming along with the song.

Silence grew between them in the noise of the music. Gerard didn't really mind it, watching from the corner of his eye as the kid leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes in concentration as his fingers moved in the air.

"Do you play an instrument?" Gerard surprised himself by asking. It surprised him that he genuinely wanted to know. He wanted to know more about this stranger in his car, who seemed so intriguing and mysterious and full of life. Life that Gerard didn't have any more. 

A smile broke out on Frank's face as he met Gerard's eyes. "Yeah, I play guitar! I'm not in a band or anything," he added quickly. "I wish I was. Do you play?"

"Oh, oh no," Gerard said quickly, the thought so absurd he could barely think it. "No, I'm afraid I'm not very interesting like that."

"Sure you are," Frank protested. "A suit at a rock show _has_ to be interesting." As he spoke, the song changed from energetic guitars and angry singing to a slower piece, the singer's voice sounding more morose and heartbroken. 

"I'm not so sure about that," Gerard replied. "I'm mostly just a boring office worker."

"What does your company do?" Frank asked, turning towards him, focusing his whole attention on Gerard again, like the first time they met. It was still a little unnerving.

"It's too boring to explain," Gerard said.

"I'll be the judge of that."

"We make cardboard boxes and sell them to product manufacturers."

"Oh."

"I told you it was boring," Gerard chuckled. Frank smiled back at him though. Gerard only saw the briefest glimpse of it since he had to keep his eyes on the road, but he saw enough for a warmth to spread in his stomach.

"And you own the company?" Frank asked, with interest that Gerard couldn't tell if it was fake or not.

"No, my father owns it. I'm just the CEO."

" _Just,_ " Frank repeated with a snort, sliding down in his seat and looking at his phone. "So you _are_ rich, huh."

"I-"

"That's cool. I've never hung out with a rich dude before."

"I'm not-" Gerard started, but then stopped. He never considered himself to be _rich._ Well off maybe, but never rich. But looking at Frank, his clothes, his phone, he could tell that to him, yeah, Gerard was rich. He ended up just shrugging, glad his father wasn't there to see. And since when did him driving Frank home constitute 'hanging out?'

"It's cool," Frank said again, still focused on his phone. Abruptly the song changed and Frank put the phone away again. "What music do you listen to other than The Spiderweb Bitches?" The name of Mikey's band was a particular thorn in their father's side.

"I don't really listen to music," Gerard said, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter, feeling nervous all of a sudden. Like he was about to be found out for something.

"You don't?" Frank said, incredulous. 

"No, I don't really have the time for things like that."

"But… you can listen to music whenever? Wherever!" Frank seemed truly baffled that someone could live their life without noise damaging their ear drums at every moment.

"I maybe did a little, when I was your age, but then I had to focus on more important things."

"Fuck me, I could never do that," Frank said, looking at Gerard, a little differently than he had before.

"My father taught me there are more important things in life than frivolous pursuits like listening to music," Gerard explained.

"I bet he _loves_ going to your brother's shows then," Frank said sarcastically.

Gerard hummed noncommittally, not willing to talk about his father too much with this boy he barely knew. "Mikey was always more talented at that stuff than I was anyway." And someone had needed to take on the family business.

"So you did play an instrument?"

"Me? Not really. Maybe a little bit. I guess I used to sing, sometimes, when we were playing around with that stuff. Never anything serious."

"I bet you have a really good voice," Frank said, his green eyes earnest and bright. Gerard felt his cheeks warm at the statement and was grateful for the cover of darkness inside the car.

"Is this your street?" he said instead, after a moment.

"Yeah, I'm just down there." Frank pointed to a sad looking apartment block that had seen better days, sitting in a cluster of similarly dilapidated apartment buildings. 

Gerard pulled the car to a halt. "Aren't your parents worried about you being out so late?" he asked, cognisant that he still didn't know how old this kid was. For all Gerard knew he could be between 15 and 25. Gerard was just bad at judging ages.

"Nah, she doesn't care," he said, opening the door. "Besides, what she doesn't know, won't hurt her." He jumped out onto the sidewalk. "Thanks for the ride, Mr. Way, see you later." Frank held Gerard's gaze for a long moment, not bothering about the rain making his clothes wet again, before closing the door and hurrying off towards the entrance of the building.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consistent chapter lengths? I don't know her?  
> find me on the fedi @brennuvargur@fandom.ink or on twitter @comrade__mikey


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with another chapter!  
> Do people like it better if chapters are posted on a schedule? let me know! I'm mostly just posting when I have time and I've edited.

Once a day, every day, Gerard leaves his office, takes the elevator down to the ground floor, exits the office building, crosses the street, and enters Kathy's Café. He orders a cappuccino, and when it's ready he sits down in the corner seat and drinks his coffee. Ten minutes after entering the café, he stands up, puts his cup away, and walks back to his office.

He couldn't really remember how this habit had started, but it was one of the things he looked forward to the most in the day. The familiar feeling of the warm liquid filling his empty stomach was always comforting to him. A constant in his world. Of course, if he was in a meeting out of town and couldn't make it, it wasn't a big deal or anything, but if he was able to, he went. He'd managed to find the perfect time when the lunch rush was already gone, but the overachieving parents on parental leave with their newborns weren't there yet. It gave him time to think, to decompress a little, before going back and finishing his day.

Today had been a difficult day. Difficult enough that Gerard was seriously contemplating ordering a second coffee, something he never allowed himself to do. He just felt like he needed the extra time to process the things his father had told him. Gerard finally stood up, putting his cup away. A second cup of coffee was an absurd thought and he didn't deserve one. He was deep in thought as he pushed open the door to the outside, only noticing the small obstacle when he collided with it.

"Oof-!"

"Sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't see you," Gerard said immediately, putting his hands on the person's shoulders to steady them and keep them from falling.

"Oh, hey! It's you!"

Gerard's eyes finally met the bright green ones of the person he'd ran into, his brain taking a second to connect the dots of seeing an unexpected person in an unexpected place. "Frank," he said, finally letting go of the kid's shoulders.

"Gerard," Frank said, grinning a little crookedly and biting his lip.

"What are you doing here?" Gerard asked. They both stepped to the side, out of the way for someone who was trying to enter the coffee shop.

"Oh you know, my last two classes on Wednesdays are really boring so I thought, why not skip, right? But then I needed to find somewhere to stay while I skipped, and I couldn't really go home, and then, I don't know, I just thought maybe I'd go downtown or something." Frank spoke so fast Gerard almost had trouble keeping up with him.

"Isn't it a bit out of your way?"

"Yeah, well, I was kind of hoping I'd run into someone while I was here, so…" he trailed off, and then looked up at Gerard again. He was standing kind of close and Gerard would've stepped back if he hadn't had his back against the wall.

"Right, well, I have to get back to work, so," Gerard made a gesture to try to get Frank to move out of the way so he could leave.

"That's cool, oh, hey, maybe I could come with you?" Frank said, doing a very good impression of casualness.

"Excuse me?" Gerard said, freezing in place.

"Yeah, you know, just, just to check it out or something? I don't really have anything else I need to be doing right now and I don't know, it could be fun?"

Fun was the last thing it sounded like to Gerard. Putting all that aside, it was such a strange request from a teenager, to want to hang out in a boring office. Gerard couldn't think what ulterior motive he could have; there wasn't anything valuable that he could steal without being noticed. Was there someone inside he wanted to see? Was he trying to hide from someone? "I'm not sure-" Gerard started, but Frank interrupted him right away.

"Please, Mr. Way, I promise I won't be any trouble and I swear I won't get in your way, I'll just sit in a corner and do some homework or something. Please?"

He was looking at Gerard from under his lashes, his eyes wide and pleading under raised eyebrows. Gerard found that he didn't want to say no to him. The warmth of the coffee in his belly was being replaced by something else as he met Frank's gaze. Maybe by doing this, he was helping Frank. Maybe it was a good thing. He narrowed his eyes at the teenager for a final moment, before relaxing. "Alright," he said and immediately Frank perked up, almost jumping off the ground in excitement.

"Thank you, Mr. Way! You're awesome!" Gerard reached to open the door, and as he did, Frank caught him in some sort of an awkward half-hug. At least it was awkward on Gerard's behalf.

"Yes, yes, alright, let's get moving then," Gerard said, ushering Frank out the door. As they walked, Frank babbled on.

"That's such a cool building, what floor is your office? You said you run the company, right? Does that mean you can just like, fire people if you want to? Do you make a lot of money? How many-" On and on he went, and Gerard mostly let it wash over him without taking too much notice, as he led Frank across the street and in through the office building doors with a hand on his back. He used his card to unlock the elevator and pressed the button for the top floor, as Frank was still prattling on. Thankfully Gerard's office wasn't too far from where the elevator opened up to the top floor. They walked down a short, airy hallway, with offices and meeting rooms on each side and frosted glass windows looking in to them. At the end was the entrance to Gerard's office.

"Hi Paul, did I miss anything while I was out?" Gerard asked his assistant when he came into view. The young man stood up from his desk outside Gerard's office as soon as he saw Gerard.

"No sir, no messages," Paul replied, looking curiously at Frank. He knew Paul wouldn't ask, but he should probably tell him something anyway, to get ahead of the office gossip. Paul had only been his assistant for six months now, but Gerard was pleased with his work so far and he was fairly sure he could trust him and that he wasn't secretly reporting to his father. Fairly sure. Paul was young, only recently out of college, eager to please and thirsty for validation.

"This is my…" Gerard paused for a second to think. "My nephew, Frank. He's going to wait in my office for a little while." Frank waved at Paul with a small grin and Paul raised his hand slowly in answer. Finally, Gerard unlocked his office door, and ushered Frank inside.

"So… I'm your nephew, huh?" Frank asked when Gerard had closed the door, dropping his backpack on the ground. "Does that make me Mikey's son then or do you guys have more brothers?" He grinned up at Gerard cheekily.

"Well it's better than telling him I picked you up off the street," Gerard replied.

"Sure, sure," Frank said, looking around the office. "Dude, your office is _huge!_ Like, I'm pretty sure it's bigger than my entire apartment!" Frank went up to the big corner windows, putting his hands on the glass and looking out. "This view, holy shit!" When he turned away, Gerard's eyes immediately went to the smudgy hand prints left behind on the glass.

"Yeah, it is a pretty good view," Gerard agreed. His windows looked over the whole downtown area, and you could even see out to the suburbs in the distance when the day was clear. Frank had turned to opening all the doors in the office. There were only two, really. The closet, where Gerard kept a few changes of clothes, and the bathroom.

"Your assistant is kinda hot, you know," Frank said while looking through Gerard's bookshelf, occasionally turning his head to read a title. He glanced back at Gerard. "You ever hit that?"

"What- You mean- Paul?" Gerard sputtered, turning red at the mere concept. It was absurd!

"Alright, chill," Frank said, turning away from the bookshelf and towards the other wall. "You have your own bathroom in here? With a, fuck me, a bathtub and everything? Jesus, that's fancy."

"It wasn't my office when that was put in, but yeah." Gerard was usually put off by people who cursed as much as Frank did, but in his case it was oddly endearing. Maybe because it was so earnest.

"Just looking at your desk makes me tired, man," Frank said before throwing himself onto one of the couches in the corner opposite the windows. "Man this is soft." Gerard whirled around to see that Frank was nuzzling his face into the fabric of the couch. He moved so quickly from thing to thing that Gerard could hardly keep up.

"Yes, well, speaking of, I need to get back to work," Gerard said, a little awkwardly.

"Sure dude. Hey, can I turn on the TV?" Frank asked, gesturing to the television on the wall to the left of the couch. He had curled up on the couch with his feet on the cushions. Gerard wanted to say no. He wanted to so badly. He wasn't good at working when he was distracted, even just having Frank here was going to be difficult.

"Fine. Just keep the volume down please," he said, sitting down at his desk and turning on his computer, trying to remember what he'd been up to before his break.

At first he found it difficult to concentrate when Frank kept moving, sighing, humming and sometimes even talking to Gerard, but sooner than he'd ever thought, it became a comfortable background noise, instead of a distraction, and Gerard was able to sink himself into his work.

"Don't you ever go home?"

"Hm?" Gerard said, stirring from the papers he was highlighting.

"It's almost half past six," Frank said from where he was sitting on the - Christ - on the back of the sofa, with his feet on the cushions. He had his head cocked to one side as if he was appraising Gerard.

"Oh… I suppose I got a little bit carried away with these and forgot the time."

"I bet it's riveting material," Frank grinned. "I think I'm actually gonna go meet up with some people now." He stood up, putting some books and magazines back into his backpack before heaving it onto his shoulder.

"Sure," Gerard replied. To be honest he was surprised that Frank had stayed this long. Frank walked up to Gerard's desk, looking down at Gerard for once.

"See you later," he said, and Gerard was beginning to realise that it sounded like a promise every time Frank said the words. Frank's eyes darted down for a long second and Gerard worried that he maybe had spilled some coffee on himself earlier or something and that was what Frank was looking at. When he checked himself out in the bathroom mirror after the door had clicked shut behind Frank however, he couldn't find anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me one the fedi @brennuvargur@fandom.ink or on twitter @comrade__mikey


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please be sure you've read the tags, there's some stuff in this chapter that could be triggering for some  
> <3

Sweat was dripping down the back of Gerard's neck when the sound of the knock echoed out into his office. He stood up from the floor, rolling up his exercise mat.

"Sir, I found your ne-" Paul started when Gerard opened the door, but he was immediately interrupted by a now familiar dark figure striding into Gerard's office.

"Hey Uncle G, I thought I'd crash here for a few hours if that's cool?" Frank had already thrown himself on the sofa and reached for the TV remote. Paul was looking helplessly at Gerard, and he could imagine how the poor man had gotten himself into this situation. Hell, Gerard himself had gotten velcroed to Frank somehow after just one meeting. Paul didn't stand a chance if Frank set his sights on him.

"Thank you Paul, that will be all." Gerard gave Paul a slight smile to reassure his assistant, and then closed the door behind him.

"You're here early today," Gerard said, trying to keep the terseness out of his voice. He didn't like being interrupted during his exercise, and he hadn't managed to get his full routine in this morning and had to make up for it with extra time during his lunch hour. "Lots of boring classes today, I assume?"

"Loads," Frank agreed. "You're sweaty. I don't think I've ever seen you wearing something other than a suit before, it's freaky." Frank looked Gerard up and down, taking in his loose sweatshirt and shorts. Gerard felt self-conscious of the way the sweat was making the material stick to his body, giving him nothing to hide behind.

"Yes, I- I exercise during my lunch hour," Gerard answered, trying not to get defensive. Like Frank even cared enough to figure any of Gerard's secrets out.

"Oh cool, are you about to head out for food then?" Frank asked. "'Cause I could definitely eat."

"I- no, I don't usually-…" Gerard sighed heavily. "I bring lunch with me from home. If you're hungry, there's a cafeteria two floors down. I can call them and tell them to give you something."

"That sounds good, I'm starving!" Frank said, jumping up from the sofa. "But you're not gonna come with me? What if I get lost on the way?" He pouted at Gerard for a moment, before another thought seemed to overtake his mind. "Do they have anything good to eat? My school's cafeteria is the worst, like, they barely have anything vegetarian, let alone vegan, and I-"

"They've got plenty of options," Gerard assured him, trying to preemptively stop another winding rant. "And I'm sure you can follow the signs and find the cafeteria. Besides, I need to shower and-"

"I'll wait!" Frank said immediately, sitting down at the sofa and twisting his fingers together. Gerard gave up on trying to argue. He was learning that with Frank it was practically impossible anyway. He hadn't finished all he wanted to do during his break, but he could make it up tonight when he got home, he reasoned. And maybe he could just get a coffee at the cafeteria today, instead of going to the café.

"Okay then," Gerard finally replied. He then turned to go to the shower, grabbing towels and clothes from the closet.

While in the shower, Gerard marvelled at how it had come to this. He was changing his entire routine for Frank, doing things he'd never done before, but why? Just because he enjoyed the boy's company? What would Gerard's father say if he knew? He hoped that his father wouldn't hear of this somehow, irrationally worried that maybe his father had planted his spies among Gerard's staff. Something about Frank just drew Gerard in and he was rapidly losing his power to deny him anything. Not that he'd been able to in the first place, from the first time Frank had asked Gerard for a cigarette. Gerard still didn't even know how old Frank was. He barely knew anything about him.

"Foooood!" Frank called out, when Gerard exited the bathroom after his quick shower, back in his familiar suit and tie.

"You could've gone on your own and been eating right now, you know," Gerard pointed out.

"And eat alone like a loser? No thank you!" Frank grabbed Gerard's wrist and pulled him towards the door. "Let's go! I think my stomach has started eating itself from the inside." Frank's fingers were warm against Gerard's skin, gripping his skin below the cuff of his jacket.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming," Gerard said, following after Frank, who didn't let go until they were inside the elevator. Paul had been unable to hide how much he was staring as Frank pulled Gerard down the hallway. Gerard didn't even try to get Frank to release him.

The lunch rush seemed to be finishing as they arrived. Plenty of people came over to say hello to Gerard, or even chat with him about projects and meetings and deadlines. Many more looked at Frank curiously. It wouldn't be long before the story of his 'nephew' would be all over the building, and after that it wouldn't be long before people realised that Gerard in fact didn't have any nephews.

Having Frank in tow made Gerard realise how much the company cafeteria resembled a high school cafeteria. Frank got a tray and Gerard walked beside him as he picked food and drink from the selections. When Frank had started digging in his pants for his wallet, Gerard had quickly pulled out his own card, and swiped it at the register before Frank could protest, paying for Frank's food and Gerard's coffee together. It wasn't his usual coffee order, but it would do. Gerard was starting to notice the dull hunger pangs getting more intense, right on schedule. The coffee would help with that.

"You didn't have to do that," Frank said as they walked to a table. "I have money."

"So do I," Gerard replied, sitting down at the sticky table. This was why he never went down here to eat. Well, it was among the reasons why. "How would I look if I made my _nephew_ pay for his own lunch, hm?"

"Alright, well, I never say no to free food, so thanks." Frank immediately started scarfing down his food, and Gerard watched him curiously. Frank seemed to enjoy each bite, and he had a little bit of everything on his plate. French fries; after making the lady in the hairnet go into the back and check what kind of oil they had been fried in, a pasta with a tomato and vegetable sauce, two baguettes, some fresh vegetables on the side, and a soda. It all started vanishing into Frank's tiny body with alarming swiftness. Gerard was _fascinated_ , watching every bite travel from the plates to Frank's mouth, and then the movement of his throat as he swallowed it down so casually. "Gerard?"

"Hm, yes?" Gerard answered, conscious that he'd been staring and maybe he'd even missed a few beats of their conversation.

"Are you okay?" Frank asked, and god if that wasn't a loaded question. A question that Gerard would never be able to answer honestly.

"Sure," Gerard said, meeting Frank's eyes and trying to act natural. Frank slowed down in his eating, pushing the food around a little with his fork and biting his lip, seeming deep in thought.

"Okay… it's just that you're staring," Frank said before biting into his baguette.

"Sorry," Gerard said, flushing and looking away, out over the cafeteria.

There was silence for a few moments as Frank chewed his baguette slowly. "You know," he said after swallowing, "that time you picked me up in the rain, I really thought you were going to ask me to suck your dick as repayment for the ride." Frank said it all casually, looking at his food, and then back up at Gerard, while Gerard choked on his coffee and then looked around furtively. There weren't that many people around, nobody close to their table, and Frank hadn't spoken very loudly, but still, Gerard's stomach suddenly felt full of lead, heavy and icy cold.

"Wha- Excuse me?" Gerard said reflexively. "What do you- I mean, how- what- ?" Gerard was spluttering, choking on his coffee as he tried to get himself back under control. He hadn't spilled any down his front at least, and he'd managed to avoid most of it going down the wrong pipe, but he still had to cough a few more times.

"Yeah," Frank shrugged, as if it was perfectly normal for people to pay car rides with- that.

"I'm straight," Gerard said, as if that was the most important factor as to why that hadn't happened. Hadn't even occurred to him. Even if now his brain was conjuring unwanted images of Frank bending down across the console and unzipping Gerard's pants and-

Gerard shook himself. He hadn't been bothered by thoughts like that in such a long time now, he was surprised at his brain for even going there.

"Eh, everybody likes getting their dick sucked, doesn't matter who does the sucking," Frank replied easily, leaning back in his chair and taking a big sip of his drink.

"I'm married," Gerard said then, as if _that_ was the reason he hadn't. Frank looked up at him then, before shrugging again and putting his drink down.

"I've sucked plenty of married dicks," Frank explained, not meeting Gerard's eyes now. Not that Gerard even wanted to maintain eye contact during this conversation. "That's not my business, y'know?" Gerard couldn't believe how casually Frank was talking about this, like, like it was no big deal, like everybody did things like this. It was so wrong to think of Frank like that, think of him having paid for other car rides using his- Gerard couldn't finish the thought, it was too unspeakable.

"How old are you?" Gerard said, finally asking the question he'd been wondering the answer to for so long.

"I'm seventeen," Frank said defensively, straightening in his seat. "In two months," he added under his breath.

"You-"

"I'm short, okay, I'm not a baby," Frank said and finally met Gerard's eyes defiantly. "I'm perfectly legal."

"Frank," Gerard started, not sure what he wanted to say. He couldn't believe he was having this conversation, here of all places. With a teenager. That still felt like a shock to him. He'd given cigarettes to an underage teenager, and now he was harbouring him in his office. Who knew if Frank was on the run from the law, or his parents or something. What kind of a mess had Gerard gotten himself into?

"I'm just saying!" Frank said, still defensive. "I'd be up for it, you know, if you wanted." He lowered his eyes again and then looked up at Gerard from beneath his lashes, as if to gauge his reaction, his lips wrapping around the straw in his drink again.

"I'm straight," Gerard said helplessly again, still as if that were the most important fact here.

"Okay," Frank said with a shrug, returning to his food. Gerard felt like he was going to throw up.

"I… you know you don't owe me anything, right?" Gerard just had to make sure, had to be sure there wasn't a horrible misunderstanding between them.

"Yeah, I know," Frank said, not looking at Gerard, but eating his food, which Gerard took as a good sign. Gerard's coffee tasted like ash when he shakily lifted the cup to his lips again, feeling nothing as it ran down his throat into his empty stomach. "This food is really good, I should go thank the chef after this. Hey, when did you become the boss here? Had you been working here a long time before? Did somebody get fired just so you could be in charge?" Frank's transition to a new topic was clunky, but Gerard was so desperate for a the change that he grabbed onto it gratefully.

"It's been almost a decade now," he said, his breathing finally returning to near normality. "I took it over from my dad, so nobody had to get fired, no." The corners of his mouth twitched into something that wasn't quite a smile, but he tried.

They made menial conversation while Frank finished his food, only a little stilted from Gerard's side. Frank did in fact ask one of the employees to give his regards to the chef as they left, which made the corner's of Gerard's lips tug upwards in a slight smile.

Back in Gerard's office, Frank only stayed for another hour, reading comic books in his usual spot on the sofa, and leaving Gerard alone for the most part. Not that Gerard was able to concentrate at all. He went away for half an hour to attend two meetings on the floor below with no recollection of what had gone on in them afterwards.

He was stuck on Frank and his offer. Not that he was going to ask for that, or even accept that or something. No, it was just the fact that Frank was a teenage boy who had been performing oral sex on grown men, apparently? Gerard supposed that Frank could've been lying, that it could've been some false bravado, but it just didn't feel plausible. And he was so open about it too, about being… gay. Like it was just no big deal, nothing to be ashamed of. Gerard had never experienced that before.

When he had answered his last email at around seven that evening, Gerard didn't really have any more excuses to stay, so he headed home. He drove through the dark city streets and into the suburb where his house was situated. Heather wasn't home when he got there. She had probably mentioned something about it to Gerard earlier that week. An art exhibit opening or a charity fundraiser or some other thing she spent her time on. The house felt vacuous and empty when Gerard entered through the foyer, putting his car keys on the black marble counter. Then again, the house felt empty and cold when both of them were home, too. He made his way to the kitchen, contemplating another cup of coffee, counting in his mind if he had earned it or not. He settled on half a cup and a third of an apple, no peel.

Heather came home, not long after Gerard had weighed and divided up his apple.

"Hey, you're home!" she said, sounding surprised, her eyebrows rising up towards her fine blond hair.

"Hi," Gerard replied, smiling a little stiffly. Why did it feel like he was talking to a stranger whenever he spoke to his wife these days? "Yeah, I've been trying to get out of the office before seven."

"You work too hard," she said, moving to the coffee machine and getting a mug. She smiled back at him as the machine worked, filling her cup. "I'm beat, it's been a long day. I took Teacup to the vet today, he had a strange rash, but the vet said he's fine." As she spoke, the familiar click-clacking of claws on tile sounded as Teacup came trotting towards Heather.

"That's good," Gerard said, still feeling distracted.

"You're perfectly healthy, aren't you, T!" Heather said, bending down to pick the dog up and pat Teacup's small, fluffy white head. "Did you have a good time at work today?"

"Yes, everything was fine, thanks," Gerard said, wondering if that constituted a lie or not.

"That's good," she smiled again. "Well, I have some things to take care of in my office, then I'll probably head to bed." She put a hand on Gerard's shoulder as she walked past him with her coffee mug, and Teacup in her arms, leaving nothing but the smell of her perfume in the air.

Gerard finished his apple piece, before going to his favourite room in the house. It was the one part of it that felt truly _his_. The lights blinked on, reflecting off the wall of mirrors, making the room appear bigger than it was. Gerard closed the door before walking to his trusty treadmill. He loved this thing so much he had contemplated giving it a nickname.

Tonight, he really felt like he owed something to this room. Like he needed to sweat out his sins. After a quick change of clothes, he was ready. His legs were a little shaky when he started running, but his head finally felt a little bit clearer, focusing on the burn in his lungs and the beat of his feet on the treadmill. He forgot everything else as he ran, unaware of the time. Nothing mattered while he was running. He was nobody when he was running. He just _was._

It was later than he would've liked, when he got into bed that night, after a shower. He was pleased with his workout though, the ache in his muscles pleasant and familiar and comforting. He glanced at the mechanical clock on his nightstand as he sat on the bed. He had four hours to sleep before his alarm would go off. He got under the covers and turned on his side to watch the clock, Heather breathing softly somewhere on the other side of the bed.

Would Frank come visit him again tomorrow? Or would he not come again now, after Gerard had practically rejected him. Did Gerard even want him to come by again? If he was truly honest with himself, he did. There was something about Frank that just drew Gerard in. He didn't understand it but he somehow cared about him. It wasn't just the thrill he felt when he was around Frank, the thrill of doing something he wasn't supposed to, of the feeling that _anything_ was possible when he was with the teen. It made him feel almost like a teenager again himself! That was probably bad and wrong to think though.

If Gerard had met Frank when he was a teenager, would they have even been friends? Frank was the kind of kid that Gerard's dad would've called _'a bad influence.'_ Maybe that was it, Gerard was going through some late in life rebellion against his father. That was embarrassing, but better than a lot of the alternatives that he was too scared to even think of. He was scared of his own reaction when he allowed himself to fully contemplate some of the things Frank had said. Some of the things he had _offered._ His mind conjured up these unbidden images that made Gerard squirm in his bed. Frank's long lashes fluttering against his cheeks, and Frank's overactive mouth, and Frank on his knees in his torn black jeans and looking up with those wide green eyes.

Hard as he tried otherwise, that night, Gerard fell asleep thinking of Frank and by the time he woke up the next morning, he was sure he had dreamed of him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on the fedi @brennuvargur@fandom.ink or on twitter @comrade__mikey


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little short today but the next three chapters are pretty long and I'll try to get the next one out soon!

"Why do you do it?" Gerard blurts out one rainy afternoon. Frank looks at him over the top of his comic book.

"Do what?" Frank asks, sitting up a little bit straighter. Gerard bites his lip, wishing he hadn't said anything, wishing his next meeting hadn't gotten rescheduled so that he could have an excuse to run away.

"You… you said the other day that you, uhm, perform oral sex-"

"Suck dick," Frank corrected him, almost gleefully. He put the comic away and was looking at Gerard in a way that half-scared, half-thrilled him.

"Yes, that," Gerard said. "-with married men? But why do you do it at all?" Frank looked away then, seeming to contemplate for a moment. It was over two weeks since the initial conversation. Gerard had been fighting with himself whether to bring it up at all, but he wanted to know. At the same time, he was scared of the answer.

Frank had been coming over regularly, a few times each week, for a few hours here and there. When he was there, they usually went down to the cafeteria together, instead of Gerard going to his usual café across the street. Gerard found that he didn't mind this break in his usual routine when Frank was there. He had ended up telling Paul to just let Frank in if he came by while Gerard was out or in a meeting. It made his day a little bit better when he got to his office and Frank was there, usually with his nose in a comic book, but sometimes listening to music, or even studying, one time ("I'm not an honour student, but I want to like, graduate. Eventually."). People in the office were starting to recognise him, and ask Gerard about him. He'd always been able to make excuses, a distant relative on his mother's side, Gerard was trying to help keep him on the right track in life, that sort of thing.

"I just…" he paused, shrugging and looking at the wall. "Sometimes I need the money, sometimes I just want to. My friend told me it was an easy way to earn a few bucks once, when I needed money to fix my amp." The words echoed in Gerard's mind. _'Sometimes I just want to.'_ Easy as that. Easy as _want._

"Did you always know you were gay?" Gerard asked, all pretence of work forgotten. Frank laughed.

"I'm not gay," he said, a smile spreading across his face and making the skin around his eyes crinkle. Gerard felt a strange sense of relief at the words. "I'm bi."

"Oh. I see," Gerard said, unsure what to make of that. "And… are you still, doing- doing that?"

"Why do you care?" Frank asked with a devilish smile, like he'd caught Gerard doing something he shouldn't.

"I- I just, I mean, I-"

"Not for a while now," Frank said, lying back on the sofa. "Might need to soon though. My amp's busted again, and my guitar is close to quitting on me." Gerard's stomach clenched.

"Is that expensive?" he asked.

Frank hummed. "A few hundred at least, I'm not sure yet. The owner of the music store I go to likes me and sometimes gives me good deals on used stuff." Frank reaches for the comic again and pulls it open.

"Right." Gerard reached for a pen and clicked it open, bringing it to his notepad, before pausing and clicking it shut again.

It had been a particularly difficult morning for Gerard. He and Heather had fought over something stupid regarding Teacup, of all things. It had probably mostly been because Gerard was in a bad mood already as he had been restricting his intake more than usual for the past few days and the hunger had made him cranky. He'd just felt a little wrong, and restricting usually made him feel better, somehow. The bad mood was only an annoying side-effect. He just really needed something to distract him from the gnawing feeling in his stomach, the thought of the 78 steps to the office vending machine reminding him just how precariously close he was to a binging situation, and god if he didn't want to avoid that and the potential aftermath.

So maybe that was why he did it. Maybe that was why he blurted out, "I could spot you the money for it, or whatever." He regretted the words as soon as he'd spoken them, but there they were, out in the world, hanging between them.

"What?" Frank said, pushing himself up in his seat on the sofa and looking at Gerard like he expected him to laugh and say it was all a joke.

"Yeah, like, it's not a big deal or anything. I mean, I don't really have anything to spend my money on anyway and… yeah. Just… Just if you wanted?" He trailed off awkwardly, wishing he could disappear into the ground. The next best thing was pretending to be very preoccupied with something on his computer screen, so he wouldn't have to look at Frank.

"You don't mean that, forreal?" Frank stood up and started walking towards Gerard.

"It's not a big deal," Gerard repeated. "I- it's not that much money and- I mean, you're a good kid, you should have your, uh, instrument and all that, extracurriculars, life skills, um-" Frank came to a stop close to Gerard, looking down at him where he sat, floundering in his office chair.

"Gerard…" Frank's voice was low and made something other than the hunger roil in Gerard's stomach. Gerard couldn't look at him, couldn't meet his eyes. Instead he focused on the ground, on Frank's worn sneakers that looked like Frank had taken to doodling on, on a few occasions, perhaps while bored in class. They contrasted with Gerard's own shoes, just a short distance away, the shiny new leather looking like Gerard never stepped out of his office. He was such a coward, how could he not look Frank in the eyes right now?

A touch on his face brought him out of his thoughts. Frank's hand was warm as it cupped Gerard's cheek, lifting his face slightly until their eyes met.

"Gerard," Frank said again, and then he dropped to his knees, and his hands were tugging at Gerard's shirt, pulling at his trousers, trying to loosen the button. Gerard shot up out of his seat and backed away into the corner, almost tripping over his chair in his haste.

"Frank-! I- I just, I don't-" Gerard sputtered. Frank was still on his knees, but he met Gerard's gaze unflinchingly. Then he shrugged, standing up. He walked back to the sofa, pulling his hoodie back up his shoulders where it had fallen down. He threw himself back down on the sofa, picking up his comic again, as if nothing had happened.

"So this guy, Cliff," Frank started after a moment, and it took Gerard a second to realise that he's talking about the comic. "He lost his body, and he just lives as a brain in a robot suit."

Gerard's hands shook as he reached for his chair to sit down again.

"But I think maybe you're more of a Larry. Or a Crazy Jane. Definitely not a Beast Boy…" He looks up at Gerard then, evaluating him.

"What are you talking about?" Gerard asked, a little impatiently.

"The comic I'm reading. I think you'd like it. All the characters are these misfits, but they all come together and somehow save the world," he explained. "It's pretty good, most of the time. Depends on who's writing."

"Alright," Gerard said, not really paying attention. He tried to find his place in the document that was open on his desktop.

"Here," Frank said, getting up and walking over to place the comic on Gerard's desk. "Take it. You should read it. I have to go now." He only made one last furtive attempt at eye contact with Gerard, before he turned around, grabbed his bag and walked out of the office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're enjoying the fic so far I'd love to hear from you in the comments (´,,•ω•,,)♡
> 
> find me on fedi @brennuvargur@fandom.ink and on twitter @comrade__mikey


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yooo this chapter is really long lol... a lot of things happen.... I hope you like it :D

At some point, Frank had programmed his number into Gerard's phone, and presumably Frank had gotten Gerard's phone number somehow at the same time. Presumably, because occasionally, Gerard gets random texts from the younger man. Sometimes they're jokes (the knock-knock jokes are the worst), sometimes they're simple statements (Frank gets bored in class a lot), and sometimes they're something a little… _different._

Different is the word Gerard uses for it at least. The texts where Frank tells him he's pretty, or that he misses him. Those usually come late at night and Gerard suspects Frank may not always be entirely sober when sending _those_ texts. It feels like a secret he's carrying with him, even though he's not technically doing anything wrong, he supposes. But what would anyone say if they saw the messages?

Gerard never responds.

🙠 

"Well, it's dead!" Frank exclaimed as he threw himself in his dramatic way, face first, onto Gerard's office couch.

"What?" Gerard asked, distracted as he leafed through some documents in his desk drawer. _Don't say 'what,' say 'excuse me.'_ He was about to be late for a meeting, and he hadn't even heard Frank enter the office, but it was so common by now that his sudden appearance didn't even startle Gerard anymore. He finally found the right papers and put them into his folder, before looking at the clock. _If you're not early then you're late,_ his father's voice sounded in his mind.

"My amp," Frank said, turning his head so he wasn't face-down on the sofa, his cheeks squished. "My friend Evan tried to see if he could fix it but it's completely fried he said."

Gerard perked up a little at that. It had been a few weeks ago, but he _had_ promised to buy Frank new stuff, hadn't he? He'd managed to rationalise it to himself even. It wasn't weird because he was doing it as more of a, a _fatherly_ gesture for Frank. So it was fine, it was normal and even a nice thing he was doing. If he even did it. "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," he said.

"Ugh!" Frank growled. "I was gonna try out for this band I saw advertising for a guitarist, and now I won't be able to practice. This is the worst!"

"Sorry, Frank, I have to go to a meeting now, but my offer from earlier still stands."

"What?" Frank pushed himself up into a seating position and looked at Gerard, puzzled. Then the realisation seemed to dawn on him. "Oh."

"If you want, we can go to the shop when I'm back," Gerard said, daring himself to meet Frank's gaze.

"Oh," Frank said again. He bit his lip, considering.

"I'm not doing this because I want something in exchange," Gerard hurried to reassure him.

"I don't want to be a charity case," Frank insisted.

"Frank," Gerard said, and he couldn't help the smile tugging at his lips. "You're not."

That seemed to satisfy Frank somewhat. He considered for a moment, before looking up at Gerard. "Okay then, yeah. Let's go!" He sprang up from the sofa, and Gerard actually laughed at his enthusiasm.

"Meeting first. I'll be back in 40 minutes or so. Hopefully less." Gerard had been battling a headache all morning and this meeting would do nothing but exacerbate it.

"Fine, I'll wait." Frank said, and for a moment Gerard almost wanted to skip his meeting just to see how Frank was going to tame his unleashed excitement. Frank was so often like a live wire, his emotions bared and exposed and so intense.

The meeting was predictably boring and went predictably slowly. He got some confirmations about some projects and numbers he could finally use to reassure his father, so that was one good thing at least. When he got back to his office, he was half-expecting to find it destroyed, like if he'd left a new puppy alone for an hour, but he just found Frank, leaning against one of the walls and waiting for him.

"You're back! Let's go!" He took a hold of Gerard's wrist and started dragging him towards the direction of the elevators.

"Wait, I need to get my things," Gerard said. Frank let go of his wrist slowly, turning towards him. Gerard noticed that Paul was eyeing them curiously. "Paul, I'm taking Fr- I'm taking my nephew somewhere, I won't be back for the rest of the day." Those were words Gerard had never said before, unless he was going away somewhere for a meeting, and even then he was most often able to come back to the office before going home.

"Yes, sir, of course," Paul replied after a stunned second. Gerard turned to get his bag from his office and then met up with Frank again.

"Alright then," Gerard said as they started walking. "You'll have to tell me where this store is, I've never been."

"No problem, it's not too far from my home, you know the way there."

Frank's anticipation was palpable in the car on the way to the store. He wouldn't stop talking, barely giving Gerard a chance to respond to anything he said. Gerard didn't really mind. Frank guided him to a turn close to the place he had originally driven Frank home to, and they ended up at a dilapidated looking mall. The outside was peeled and faded, and it seemed to have had its glory days in the 80s, if not earlier.

"C'mon, it's just over here!" Frank said, bounding out of the car and off towards the entrance to the mall. Gerard followed after a bit slower, after he'd locked his car. The parking lot was pretty empty, even for mid afternoon on a weekday, but this wasn't a part of the city Gerard felt particularly comfortable leaving his car in for an extended period of time.

Gerard found Frank inside the doors, practically vibrating with excitement.

"You are so _slow_ ," Frank complained, and took a hold of Gerard's wrist again, pulling Gerard into a half-run behind him. Gerard decided there was no point really, in trying to slow him down or break the hold.

"The store isn't going anywhere, you know," Gerard pointed out, smiling at Frank's enthusiasm.

"No but what's inside it might, or the shop might be closed because everyone is sick, or there might be an asteroid that hits the mall and destroys everything in five minutes, so we have no time to waste!"

Frank dragged Gerard down the long hallways of the mall. Gerard hadn't spent a lot of time in these kinds of places either as a teenager, or now as an adult, but he had enough experience to know they all looked the same. The hallways were mostly empty, and a lot of the stores were closed down, with large signs in big letters saying "FOR RENT - RETAIL OPPORTUNITY" in the windows. Some seemed to have been closed for years. Frank led Gerard through turn after turn until they finally reached the shop. Then Frank stopped suddenly.

"What if the one I want is sold out?" he asked, his voice quiet.

"Then you just wait until it comes back in stock."

Frank took a deep breath, then pushed open the door and they walked inside, a bell tinkling softly to announce their arrival.

Gerard's first thought was the impression of being very crowded. But it wasn't from people, but just from the simple volume of _things_ in the store. Every available space was packed with shelves packed full with books or CDs, or stands housing instruments, some of which Gerard had never even seen before. Frank bounced down the corridors made by the towering shelves, deeper into the store, and since he still had a vice grip on Gerard's wrist, he was forced to follow.

"Stevie should be around here somewhere," Frank muttered, scoping down the corridors they passed.

"Frankie! What a surprise to see you here today," came a raspy voice from behind them. Frank let go of Gerard's hand and they both turned around swiftly.

"Stevie! Is the Roland T-500 still around?" Frankie asked.

"Sure," said the smiling woman who met them. She had a warm, scratchy voice, like maybe she'd sung in bands throughout her 20s and 30s, and until she'd settled down in her 60s to run this shop. She wore loose clothing, vaguely hippie in style, and her long grey hair was bound back from her kind face. She met Gerard's eyes after Frank's, and smiled at him too. "C'mon, I was just moving some things around, I'll show you where it is." They followed her to a corner of the shop where there were soft beanbag chairs, a wall full of guitars, and some shelves with books on them.

"Awesome!" Frank exclaimed, jumping at another wall display where there were big black boxy looking things, that Gerard understood had something to do with electric guitars probably. "I'm buying it today," he said proudly at Stevie. She smiled at him in surprise.

"Really? The old Marshall finally crap out on you?"

"Yeah," Frank said solemnly. Frank grabbed a hold of the amplifier and lifted it into the floor. Gerard immediately stepped forward to help him, it seemed far too heavy for someone Frank's small stature to lift, but to Gerard's surprise Frank seemed to manage it well enough by himself. Frank snuck a look at Gerard before asking Stevie in a quieter tone, as if Gerard wouldn't hear across the small distance between them, "is… is the Fender still around too?"

"It is," Stevie replied. Her smile didn't drop, but Gerard noticed that she gave him a considering look before continuing to Frank, "are you going to pick the guitar up today as well?"

"I-" Frank hesitated. "I just wanted to look at it again, I don't-"

"Yes, we will be taking that one as well."

"Gerard!" Frank said, turning on him. "I don't… don't _really_ need-" But now Gerard was the one who interrupted Frank.

"You said your guitar was old and almost out of order," Gerard countered.

"Yeah, but-"

"And you said you were going to try out for a band, correct?"

"Yes, I did but I don't-"

"We're taking the guitar too," Gerard said to the woman. She was smiling at Frank's sputtering, red face. _Now he knows how it feels,_ Gerard thought, a little smugly.

"Very good, I'll pack it up." She turned and walked away, and Gerard turned to Frank. He was still gaping like a fish at Gerard, who couldn't stop the smile splitting his face at the sight. This just felt good. It felt right. Frank should have this stuff, he deserved it.

"Pick out whatever else you want," Gerard said, unable to stop himself now that he'd started. "Any of these books or those buttons over there or whatever you want."

"Buttons?" Frank laughed. "Books? You mean the sheet music?" He pulled one of them from a shelf and showed Gerard, a picture of Elvis and some notes on the cover.

"Yes, pick out whatever you want," Gerard replied, taking the booklet from Frank.

"Really?" He looked up at Gerard with wide eyes, like he still couldn't believe it.

"Yes, Frank. Don't make Stevie wait," he added, trying to encourage Frank to go for it. It seemed to be all Frank needed, and he ran off, up and down the corridors, grabbing things off the shelves, sometimes coming back and handing things to Gerard to hold. He was like a kid in a candy store at Christmas, and Gerard had not smiled this much in a long time.

Finally, Frank was satisfied, and they walked to the counter and put all the stuff Frank had collected there. Stevie dutifully tallied it all up together on an ancient looking cash register, placing the stuff in two large bags, plus the instrument and the amplifier. When she read out the total, Frank's face went white, but Gerard just handed Stevie his credit card without blinking. It really wasn't that much to him, but he thought he could maybe understand where Frank stood right now.

Stevie offered to help them carry everything back to the car, and Frank accepted before Gerard could say anything. She then locked the front door to the shop and walked with them, carrying the amplifier with a strength surprising for her frame. She lifted it into the boot of Gerard's car with no trouble.

"I guess you won't be coming by the store as much now huh, Frankie?" she asked as Gerard slammed shut the door to the boot. "That boy was in here every couple of days, trying out that guitar," she added to Gerard.

"Aw, stop," Frank said. "I can't not come by, I'd miss ya too much."

"I'm just glad that guitar is going to a good home," she said, patting Frank on the shoulder. "Well, I better get back to the store, though you guys have already bought as much in an hour as I usually sell in a week." Frank actually hugged her goodbye, before she left. The woman seemed surprised but appreciative of the gesture, gripping Frank back for a second. Then Frank came back and turned to Gerard.

"Well…"

"You know, at some point you're going to have to let me hear you play," Gerard said lightly.

"Yes, definitely! We could go to my place now and I'll totally play for you, I've been practising this song by The Misfits, and I also have a couple that I wrote myself!" Gerard felt like a lead weight dropped in his stomach. He really had spent this whole afternoon just kidding himself, hadn't he. He could never just go to Frank's place, what if someone found him there? There was no good explanation for how he knew this kid.

"I don't know if-"

"If I get into the band, then maybe you could come see us play!" Frank hurried to say, and that did seem more reasonable to Gerard. "I guess I'll just borrow Ray's acoustic guitar and bring it to the office sometime to play the other stuff for you."

"Sure, that should be alright," Gerard said.

"Gerard…" Frank started, looking at Gerard, his face solemn now. "I'll repay you for all this, I promise, I'll keep the receipts and I'll pay you back."

"Get into that band, Frank, and forget about the money. That'll be enough repayment."

"But, that's, that was so much, I can't just… just take it," Frank argued. "I have to repay you somehow! I could still give you a-"

"Don't, please," Gerard cut him off, knowing where this was going. "Frank you don't need to do that, I've told you before."

"But, but what if I _want_ to," he said, biting his lip as he looked at Gerard earnestly, a slight whine in his voice. It drew Gerard's attention back to Frank's lips and he sternly made himself look back into Frank's eyes instead.

"I've told you before, Frank. I'm straight. And I'm married. Please, just get in the car and let me drive you home."

"Fine," Frank said, walking around the car to the passenger side door. "I'll find some way to pay you back. When I'm a rich and famous musician, I'll write you a check for all this stuff."

"Okay, but only when you're rich and famous," Gerard agreed, smiling a little.

"I will," Frank said, looking pleased that he'd managed to get Gerard to smile again. "I will," he repeated, as if to himself.

"Let's get this stuff back to your apartment," Gerard said, already dreading having to help Frank possibly carry all the stuff inside. Where anyone could see him with Frank.

But surely, he wasn't doing anything wrong just by being around the kid. It would be fine, he reasoned to himself.

"Could we maybe go get something to eat first?" Frank asked, putting on his sweetest smile. "I'm hungry."

"I… I can't do that, I have to get back to the office," Gerard lied.

"But I thought you said-"

"If I turn left here, is that the shortest way to your place?" Gerard asked, interrupting him.

"Yeah, I guess," Frank said, sitting back in his seat, a little subdued at Gerard's rebuke. Gerard wanted to apologise, wanted to explain, but he couldn't, he knew he couldn't.

The short drive to Frank's apartment building was a little tense, but when they started unloading the purchases, Frank became bubbly all over again.

"I can't wait to try it!" he exclaimed as he held the guitar. "I need to think of a good name for it."

"Oh?"

"All the best guitars have names," Frank explained, seriously.

"I'm sure you'll think of something," Gerard replied. They got all the stuff out of the boot, and Gerard closed and locked the car again. It stood out in the parking lot, a sleek, modern car among the older models around.

"I-I can carry all the stuff inside, you don't have to come in," Frank said, not looking at Gerard.

"Nonsense, you can't take all this by yourself," Gerard said briskly, picking up a bag and the amplifier. "Come on, let's go. This is heavy." He wasn't sure why now he was so eager to go inside Frank's home, except that the alternative, having Frank carry it all by himself, was really not an option at all, and he felt exposed just standing here in the paring lot. He'd just walk Frank to the door of his apartment and then leave. It was fine. It was normal.

"Okay," Frank said, grabbing the rest of the stuff and heading towards the front door. He used his key to open it up, and they only struggled a little against the weight of the door, holding it open for each other. Frank laughed at their difficulties and Gerard found himself joining in. They got through a second door, and then an elevator, before they were stood in front of the door to Frank's apartment. Gerard felt anxious again, the laughter from earlier forgotten.

"Are… are your parents home?" Gerard asked, trying to sound casual.

"It's just my aunt, and she's at work right now," Frank said, putting the key in the lock. "Oh and Ella," he added just before starting to open the door, and Gerard could hear scratching noises coming from the other side.

"Oh," Gerard huffed out surprised breath when a small dog, vaguely shaped and coloured like a sausage, jumped up on him. It barely reached his knees, but he could feel its little claws through the material of his trousers.

"Hello my girl!" Frank said, putting down the stuff he was holding just inside the door, and picked up the dog. "I found her wandering around outside," he said proudly, holding her up to Gerard.

"Um," Gerard started, not really sure how to respond to that. He finally settled on a "she's very cute." People liked when their dogs were complimented, he knew that. He started looking around for where to put down the bags and the amplifier. The front door opened into a small kitchen and living room, with a hallway down to the left. On the wall closest to his right was the kitchen and dining area, with a sofa and a television just ahead of him.

"Thanks! Her name is Ella!" Frank beamed at Gerard. He finally seemed to realise Gerard's predicament, and put down the dog and rushed over. "You can just put that anywhere," he said, reaching his hand out to take the bag from Gerard's hand, which was closer. Their fingers touched for a moment until Gerard realised to let go of the bag, and Frank took it over to where he had put the other stuff.

"So I guess I should get going," Gerard said, gesturing towards the door.

"Oh, um, do you want to, I mean, could you maybe help me carry the stuff into my room first?" Frank asked, and since Gerard couldn't really think of an objection to that, he just nodded and lifted up the bags and amplifier he'd just put down. "It's just over here," Frank said, leading Gerard down the corridor towards the last door. The dog - Ella - kept getting underfoot, running in circles around their legs, and Gerard was terrified he'd drop something heavy on her and murder Frank's dog by accident.

Frank kicked open the door and walked in, putting his things down again in one corner of the room. Gerard did the same, placing everything neatly next to it. He then straightened his back and looked around carefully. Frank's room was small, but full of personality. There wasn't really anyone other than Frank who could have lived in this room, Gerard thought as his eyes glanced over the posters and drawings on the walls, both political and cultural, the unmade bed and clothes everywhere, the stacks of video games, DVDs and CDs on the shelves, and the rusty electric guitar laying on the bed. The amplifier was on the floor next to it, the front of it open to display the electric innards.

"Um, yeah, so this is my room!" Frank gestured with his hands at the room around them, as if he were showing tourists a grand cathedral, and not a teenager's small bedroom. The dog was jumping up at Frank's bed, unable to reach high enough, and Frank pulled his desk chair closer to the bed, so she could use it as a step and get all the way up. She clumsily made the two jumps and then curled up on Frank's pillow, which was in the centre of the bed for some reason. "Sorry about the mess, I wasn't expecting visitors."

"It's- it's very nice, Frank," Gerard said and smiled politely. His unease at being in the apartment had not lessened in the time he'd spent there. If anything, it had increased when Frank had shown him to his bedroom. He was definitely not supposed to be here, he could feel it with every nerve of his body. "I should probably-"

"Oh! But, since you're here, maybe I could play you a song?" Frank asked, meeting Gerard's eyes with that expression that was becoming so familiar to Gerard now. The expression that he found so difficult to say no to. "Sit, it won't take long!" Frank cleared a space on the bed, throwing clothes to the floor and moving the pillow so Ella was closer to the end of the bed. Gerard didn't really know which end was the head of the bed, just from looking at it.

"I- I guess, just for a few minutes," Gerard acquiesced, still feeling disquiet.

"Great!" Frank said, and then busied himself starting to unpack his new gear. "Since the old one is broken." He plugged the new amplifier in, and carried the old one outside the room. Then he picked up the new guitar too, and took a few more minutes plugging everything in, and cursing when he had to troubleshoot it because it didn't work the way he expected.

Gerard didn't know what to do with himself, just sitting on Frank's bed, so he just watched the kid's fingers move expertly over the equipment, tweaking settings and turning dials. At some point, the dog had come over and curled up beside him, warm against his thigh, and Gerard was absently stroking her fur with one hand, her steady breathing calming him down.

"Aw, she likes you!" Frank said, smiling big.

"Yeah, she's a good dog," Gerard said.

"I think everything's ready." Frank said and sat down on the desk chair, facing Gerard. He looked at Gerard, then at the strings on the guitar, his fingers ready to play, but instead he laughed a little. "I don't know why, but I'm suddenly nervous to play for you."

"You don't have to, if you changed your mind," Gerard reassured him. He could admit to himself that he actually did want to hear Frank play, but there would always be other opportunities. "You'll need to get over the stage fright if you want to be in a band though," he tried to joke.

"I don't, I mean, it's just you," Frank said, his face serious now. "I'm just nervous to play for you."

"Oh."

"I can do it," Frank said, and then he was humming to himself, and then his fingers started strumming in harmony with his humming, and Frank seemed to lose himself to the music, forgetting his nervousness. Gerard didn't recognise the song, not that he had expected to, but it wasn't too offensively loud, though he did wonder what saints Frank had for neighbours, and the melody was pleasing, especially as Frank continued to hum along. Gerard could sometimes catch words or phrases that Frank was singing, but Frank seemed to focus only on his guitar, the words an afterthought.

When he finished, Gerard clapped politely, and then felt foolish about it immediately. "That was really good, Frank," he said and meant it. Frank was talented, his fingers had navigated the guitar expertly. At least in Gerard's novice opinion.

"Thank you," Frank said. "It was one I wrote myself a few days ago."

"You wrote that yourself? That's amazing! You could just start your own band, you don't need someone else to let you in theirs."

"Thanks, but it's really not that big a deal, it's just a few chords," he shrugged.

"You're talented, Frank," Gerard said. He put his hand on the closest part of Frank he could reach to emphasise his words. Frank was wearing jeans but there was a rip at the knee that meant Gerard's thumb was resting directly on warm skin as he placed his hand on Frank's leg.

"You really think so?" Frank asked, a vulnerability in his voice that Gerard hadn't heard there before, so he squeezed Frank's knee before answering.

"Yes, I do. And you know I'm an expert," he added, smiling. His smile froze when Frank put his fingers over Gerard's where they rested on Frank's knee. Suddenly his heart was beating so fast, like he'd been running, and he just wanted to flee out the door.

"Gerard?" He heard Frank's voice distantly, and then he felt the hands on him, steadying him. Had he fainted? Or just lost track of his body for a few seconds? "Gerard, are you alright?" Gerard stiffened, and stood up from the bed. The dog, who hadn't so much as opened an eye as Frank was playing, grumbled in annoyance at being jostled.

"I- I have to go, I'm sorry," Gerard said quickly. Walking straight was a challenge, and he felt so weak like his limbs were made from jelly, but he managed to get through the doorway and into the hall.

"Gerard, are you sure you're okay?" Frank asked, concerned, as Gerard steadied himself on the wall in the corridor.

"Yes, I'm fine, I'm sorry, I just have to- have to go," Gerard tried to assure him as he fumbled his way towards the front door. He recognised the tingling feeling in his extremities, the fuzziness in his brain. He didn't think he'd gone this far already, but his body was telling him he had to eat. Goddammit.

"I'll walk you to your car," Frank said. "Can you even drive?"

"I'm fine Frank, please!" Gerard said, a little more irritated than he meant to sound. That was also something he recognised. The racing heart, the irritability, the headache he'd been ignoring since this morning. He stumbled out the door, closing it behind himself and slowly making his way towards the elevator. He heard the door opening again behind him, and felt Frank's gaze on him as he got into the elevator. He met Frank's pained eyes when he turned around to press the button, and held his gaze until the doors of the elevator closed.

Gerard always kept an emergency bar of chocolate in the compartment where the car's spare tyre was. It was suitably difficult to get to, so that it wasn't a temptation on most days, but easy enough that it should save him from another hospital visit. It had been embarrassing enough that one time. At least nobody had known about that.

Still, it was moments like these that made Gerard feel the most regretful about his- his habit. It was alright when it only hurt himself, but when other people were subjected to Gerard's weaknesses, that was unacceptable to him. He'd have to be more careful in the future.

Eating the wretched chocolate did make him feel better very quickly, but it also made him feel guilty. He didn't deserve it.

He actually did go back to the office in the end, not feeling up to going home and possibly facing Heather. When he got there, he saw he had a litany of texts from Frank, all of them of the same variety. _'Are you ok???'_ and _'please tell me you didn't get into a car accident'_ and so on. He felt guilty about how he had just rushed out, and how he had snapped at Frank as he had fled the apartment. It was the low blood sugar, but maybe he'd also been irritable because of the anxiety he had about being in Frank's home. About being _caught_ there. Because it was wrong, this- this _relationship_ he had with the boy, no matter if it was just platonic.

And that was the other thing. Was Frank just joking when he was propositioning Gerard? He had always assumed so, but maybe he was doing more harm than good, being around Frank if the kid was so confused. But the idea of just stopping, of not seeing Frank again, it was practically unthinkable to Gerard and boy, was that something he didn't want to inspect too thoroughly in himself.

So he texted Frank back that he was alright, nothing to worry about, and then put the phone in a drawer and closed it, deciding to focus on the new distributor contracts instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm depressed pls give me comments


	7. Chapter 7

The next time Frank came for a visit, he brought an acoustic guitar with him. He sat in his usual spot on Gerard's office sofa, and took out the guitar and started playing it. At first Gerard tried to make out a song or a melody in the notes, but he quickly realised that Frank was lost in thought in the music, plucking notes or chords, sometimes playing a few bars of a song and humming along. It was kind of nice, Gerard thought, because Frank had a pleasant voice.

After about an hour of that, Gerard was the one who asked, "Are you going to play me another song?"

Frank's face lit up with his typical smile that Gerard was growing so fond of. "You really want me to?" he asked, his face still split in a grin.

"Yes, I'd very much like to hear you play more," Gerard said and he realised that he wasn't lying. He found the acoustic guitar a little nicer to listen to, especially when paired with Frank's soothing voice. It wasn't as intense as the electric guitar had been.

"Okay!" Frank beamed. He sat up straighter and tightened his grip on the guitar, closing his eyes and humming to himself for a few seconds before beginning.

The song started with intense strumming that then mellowed out into something more melancholy as Frank began singing. At first his voice was quiet, but he gained confidence as the song went on and by the time he reached the chorus he was singing without reservation. The lyrics were serious and a little sad, and Gerard didn't understand them fully, but the morose feeling seeped into him anyway. They talked about family and about the loss of innocence at a young age in a way that made Gerard's heart ache in sympathy. Frank seemed to put such emotion into the song as he sang that Gerard wasn't sure how to react. When he finished, Gerard didn't know what to say. Frank had sung those solemn lyrics with such feeling, and it raised so many questions in Gerard's mind.

When Frank had sung the last few words and played the last few notes, Gerard clapped and tried to keep a pleasant smile on his face. His stomach was churning wondering if Frank just liked the song, or if he related to it. If Frank had had similar experiences to the things described in the lyrics… Gerard didn't want to think about it. But it seemed at least possible, given some of the things Frank had said and the things he did.

"That was a really good performance," he said. "Is that one of your songs?"

"Thanks," Frank replied. "No, it's a song by a band I really like. It was one of the first songs that made me want to write my own music, y'know?"

Gerard was about to pretend that he understood, when there was a soft knock on the door. He recognised it as his assistant's. "Come in," he called out, and the door opened.

"Sorry to bother you sir, I just thought you'd want to know, your father called earlier," Paul said, stepping in through the door. Gerard stood up at the words.

"What did he want?"

"He said he booked you another appointment at the clinic. I put it in your diary. Do you want me to call them and cancel?" Paul looked nervous, stepping from foot to foot. More nervous than usual. He had his hands behind his back, probably wringing them anxiously, looking like he did the first few weeks on the job working for Gerard.

"No, that's fine, I'll take care of it," Gerard assured him. "Thank you, Paul."

Paul took it as the dismissal it was, and exited the office, glancing at Frank like he only just noticed him, before closing the door behind himself.

Gerard wanted to curse. Instead he tightened his hands into fists at his sides and took a deep breath. "Excuse me, Frank, I have to make a phone call." He knew Frank was looking at him questioningly, but he ignored it for now, walking back to his desk and sitting down.

What did his father think he was doing, meddling in Gerard's personal life like this? It wasn't his business to deal with! It made Gerard feel furious and vulnerable when his father reached his hands into Gerard's private life, still pulling Gerard's strings, still controlling Gerard's every move.

His fingers dialled the numbers without his conscious mind needing to focus. It rung twice.

"Yes?" came the familiar answer on the other side.

"Dad."

"Gerard," his dad acknowledged, but didn’t go on. Suddenly all of Gerard's anger emptied out of him like the air being let out of a balloon. Why had he thought it would be a good idea to call and talk to him?

"You don't need to do that," Gerard said, after a moment.

"Do what, Gerard?" his father asked, sounding distracted. Gerard could picture him in his crisp suit, sitting at his large, dark wood desk, reading over documents on his tablet in his office while talking to Gerard on the phone.

"Make an appointment at the clinic. It's not your responsibility," Gerard said, trying to keep his voice even and void of emotion. _If you get angry, you've already lost,_ his father used to say. It was almost funny thinking about how Gerard was applying this advice to dealing with the man himself now.

"Well it certainly seems like it is," his father replied in a clipped tone. "They said you haven't been there in months!"

"We needed time-"

"And you're not getting any younger, you know," his father interrupted.

"I can take care of it," Gerard insisted.

"Good. See to it that you do." The line went dead. Gerard carefully put the phone down. He was breathing hard, like he had been running, and that was just what he felt like doing right now. Running until he collapsed from exhaustion.

"Are you okay?" Frank's voice sounded far away. "Gerard?"

"Yeah, yes, I'm fine," Gerard said, trying hard to focus on Frank's voice. Frank had gotten up at some point, and walked over to where Gerard was sitting at his desk.

"You look pale. Paler than usual."

"I'm fine," Gerard repeated.

"Okay. So…?" Gerard just looked at him, confused. "What was that about?"

"Oh," Gerard said, understanding. "Nothing important, really."

"It sounded important," Frank countered. "Was that your dad?"

"Yes," Gerard said, hesitating a little.

"He doesn't sound very nice," Frank said and Gerard almost smiled at his honesty. "What clinic does he want to send you to?"

"That- it's kind of personal," Gerard said. "It's just… my wife and I have been trying to start a family. It- it wasn't working out for us, so we've been going to the clinic for help. We haven't been for a few months now. Guess my dad was getting impatient. He really wants an heir." Gerard didn't mean to say so much, but somehow he wanted to explain to Frank, make him understand.

"Oh," Frank said and looked away. "I see. Why not?" Gerard was unprepared for the question.

"Why what?"

"Why haven't you been going?" Frank clarified.

"I… I don't know, I guess we've just been busy."

"What's her name?" Frank asked. "You don't have any pictures of her in your office."

"Her name is Heather," Gerard said and then looked around his office. Frank was right. Gerard had never even thought about it. "I… a few months ago - well, I guess it was last year now - I was moving offices and put some stuff away into boxes. I guess they never got unpacked."

“What’s she like?”

“She uh, she’s kind,” Gerard started, thinking about the best way to describe her. “She’s very driven, focused on her work, and she’s smart.”

Frank hummed in response. "And you're trying to have kids?"

"Well… yes, we're trying. Or we were. I guess we still are. Like I said, we've been busy."

"So you want to be a dad?"

"I…" It catches Gerard off guard. He's never really thought of it that way. It was just something inevitable that he was supposed to get done at this point in his life. "Well, we've always, I mean, my family and my father especially-"

"I don't care about him," Frank interrupted levelly. "You. I'm asking about you."

"Well… I guess," Gerard said, though it felt like a lie. "I mean, doesn't everyone?" he added, half desperately.

"I don't think so," Frank said, but not unkindly. "I have to go" He turned away from Gerard quickly and took long strides towards the sofa and started to pack away the guitar. "The band audition is tomorrow and I have to practice some more."

“Oh,” Gerard said and stood up. “I- I can drive you home if you want?”

“Nah it’s fine, don’t bother,” Frank said, picking up his backpack. “It’s fine, I can catch a bus.”

“It’s not a bother.”

“Thanks, but it’s cool, see you later,” Frank said and opened the door to the office.

“Good luck tomorrow,” Gerard called after him but he’s not sure Frank heard, he was already walking down the hallway outside the office.

Gerard tried to focus on work for the next half hour but his mind was still stuck on the bad feeling left behind from the way Frank had left, and the anger his father’s actions woke up in him. He felt the need to do something about it; to act, but there was nothing he could do, really.

So he called Heather.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Heather," Gerard said into his office phone.

"Oh, hi darling," came Heather's reply over the line. He wondered if she was as happy to hear from him as she sounded. "Is everything alright?"

"Y-yes, everything is fine," Gerard said, faltering only a little. "Actually, I was wondering if you had thought any more about us going back to the clinic?"

There was silence on the other end for a long moment. "I… I don't know if I'm ready, yet sweetheart. I'm sorry."

"That's nothing to be sorry about," Gerard assured her. She had taken it pretty badly when it hadn't worked out the last time, they had talked about taking a break for a little while to recover. It was too soon to be asking this of her again. If Gerard had any backbone he would've protected her from his father, told him to stop interfering. "We have an appointment in two weeks, but I can have it cancelled if you like. I just wanted to ask you first."

"Oh, I…" there was a pause, some noises on the other end of the line, like she was moving around or something. "Honey, you know I'm just really busy with the gallery these days, you know I have that new exhibition opening up soon. I don't think I have time for this right now."

"I understand," Gerard said, wanting nothing more than to reassure her he'd take care of it, that it wasn't a big deal. "I'll cancel the appointment, don't worry."

"Thank you, I think that's what's best, for now."

"Of course. Will I see you at home, later?" Gerard asked, feeling a little better about the situation already.

"Well I'm really busy tonight, we have the carpenters in to plan out what we're doing for the big hall, you know? So I have to stay until we figure that out. The lead contractor has some very innovative ideas about the space, and on some of the displays we're setting up. She's the one Susan recommended to me, remember? The one she brought in to remodel the tennis club"

Gerard half listened as she talked more about the exhibit and the gallery and the art and her contractors, just glad that she seemed to be recovering from earlier. Heather deserved to be happy. Gerard constantly worried that he wasn't doing enough to bring that about for her.

By the time the phone call ended, Gerard was feeling decidedly better, at least about that area of his life. He asked Paul to cancel the appointment, told him to direct all calls from his father straight to Gerard's office, and he even managed to reply to a few emails before he had to leave for a meeting. When he got back from that meeting though, he remembered Frank.

The boy had seemed a little upset when he had left. Perhaps it was nerves about his audition? Gerard argued with himself about it, but finally decided to send Frank a short text message. He had never initiated their communication like this before but he thought it would be the right thing to do, to send Frank a good luck text about his tryout.

By the time Gerard went home that evening, there was still no reply from Frank.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends I'm back with another chapter, hope you like it!  
> come talk to me on twitter @comrade__mikey


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always update just before i go to sleep because else i worry too much about the reaction it's gonna get lol

Gerard didn't hear from Frank at all the next day. Or the day after that. In fact he hadn't heard from him at all for almost a week. He never got a reply to the texts he sent, the ' _good luck tomorrow_ ' one, nor the ' _hope everything went well yesterday_ ' one. He was starting to get nervous, his mind coming up with all sorts of scenarios about why Frank wasn't answering or coming around.

Frank was dead. Frank was busy with school. Frank had aced the band audition and was currently touring the east coast. Frank was mad at him for some reason and didn't want to talk to him ever again.

He wanted to call Frank, to find out what was going on, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Every time his fingers hovered over the screen, he chickened out. Maybe Frank didn't want to see him any more and that was fine, in fact that was probably good! He should be relieved!

Even the people in the office had started asking after Frank when he hadn't been around for a few days. Some of the older staff members seemed to think Frank was ‘adorable.’

The mystery wasn't solved until very late one night, almost a week to the day since Gerard had seen him last. It was raining hard, the sky an angry, dark grey, lit occasionally by lightning strikes that were soon followed by thunder that made Gerard's pen tremble in his fingers. It was late, and Gerard was pretty sure it was only him and the custodial staff left in the building, when his door opened without any warning. It wasn't a scary scene like in a movie, where the thunder would go and the person who opened the door was backlit by the flash of lightning. Instead, it was just Frank.

Except it was never ' _just Frank_ ', was it?

Gerard stood up in shock and walked quickly towards him, before Frank had even shut the door behind himself. He was dripping water all over the wood floors of Gerard’s office, and looking a bit like a wet kitten, his hair lying flat on his head, his clothes sticking to his body, and his eyes looking murderous.

“Frank!” Gerard exclaimed.

“Hey!” Frank said, and smiled at Gerard, but it was too wide and didn’t seem to reach his eyes.

“Jesus, Frank, you’re soaking!”

“Yeah… don’t know if you noticed, but it’s biblical out there right now.”

“You, your clothes-”

“I’m fine,” Frank said, but Gerard had put his hands on Frank’s shoulders, and he could feel the boy trembling underneath his fingers.

“Frank, you’re shivering, you need to get out of those wet clothes, I’ll find you something dry,” Gerard said, turning towards the little closet he had in his office where he kept some spare shirts and workout clothes.

“You know, if you want to see me naked, you don’t have to be so bossy about it,” Frank said, pulling off his hoodie, revealing another shirt underneath, and a t-shirt.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Gerard said, turning back to Frank, having picked out some clothes that should fit him. Frank was still shivering when he got down to his t-shirt, dark with wetness and clinging to Frank’s skin. “You know, you really should just have a warm shower,” Gerard realised. He opened the door to his office bathroom. “Or even a bath, if you’d like.”

“A bath?” Frank said incredulously. “A shower might be nice, I g-guess,” he added, his teeth clattering. He wrapped his arms around his torso, and Gerard noticed some kind of wristband around his left wrist. A Hospital tag? No time to think about that now, he had to get Frank warmed up. His lips were starting to turn blue.

“Here,” Gerard said, walking into the bathroom. He placed the dry clothes he had picked out for Frank on the counter by the sink, and got out two large fluffy towels and placed them there as well. “You’re going to start losing toes soon if you don’t get warmed up.”

“I can think of more fun ways to get warmed up,” Frank said with a smirk, peeling off his wet t-shirt and revealing the pale skin beneath, dotted here and there with tattoos. How had he managed to get tattoos while underage anyway? Gerard looked at the hospital tag again. He could see that it was misshapen and stretched, like Frank had tried to force it off but had been unsuccessful. Gerard couldn’t help how his eyes roamed over Frank’s body, looking at the tattoos on his arms and chest as he struggled out of his pants. There were all kinds of images, stars and bats and knives, and references Gerard didn’t understand. Then there were the ones that Gerard was most scared of looking at. The birds, low on Frank’s hips, close to the line of his underwear. They were darker than most of the others, and not fully filled in, like they were still new and not finished. “Like what you see?” Frank asked, his thumbs reaching down into the waistband of his underwear, and starting to tug them down. “Looks like there’s room for two in that shower.”

Gerard flinched, realising that he’d been staring. He turned away so Frank couldn’t see his blushing face. “I put the clothes by the sink, let me know if they don’t fit,” Gerard said and then practically ran out of the bathroom. He closed the door behind himself and leaned on it for support while he tried to calm down his heartbeat. He heard the shower go on after a few moments and sighed, going back to his desk and sitting down. He didn’t manage to get any work done while Frank was in the shower, mostly just burying his head in his hands with his elbows resting on the desk, and asking himself what the hell he was doing.

“Nice shower,” Frank said, startling Gerard out of his thoughts. He hadn’t even heard the door to the bathroom open. Frank was pulling on the dark tracksuit pants Gerard had picked out for him. They were both too large and too small for him. Too long in the legs, but a little snug over his thighs and waist. Not terribly so, just. Tight.

“T-thanks,” Gerard said, watching Frank put on Gerard’s white t-shirt while he walked over to Gerard’s desk and sat in a chair on the other side of Gerard’s desk. The shirt was also a little small, pulling tight over Frank’s torso, and his arms, and his shoulders, and-

Gerard swallowed hard.

“Feeling better?” Gerard asked, hoping his voice sounded at least half-way normal. He noticed that the hospital tag was now gone from Frank’s wrist, as Frank was pulling on the fabric of the t-shirt, trying to fix the positioning of the neckline. A drop of water fell from Frank's hair and made it's way down his neck and into the shirt.

“Warmer for sure, even if it was a bit lonely in there,” Frank said in a teasing tone, though again, it didn’t seem to reach his eyes. It was almost as if he was performing a script. Even so, his words managed to make Gerard flustered, every single time.

“Frank…” Gerard started, unsure how to proceed. “Is everything okay?”

“Sure, yeah, everything’s great,” Frank said, meeting Gerard’s eyes but then quickly looking away.

“Where have you been for the past week?”

“Nowhere,” Frank said. “Why, did you miss me?” he added with an impish smile that finally seemed like himself.

“I-I like having you around, yes,” Gerard stuttered. He figured that was an okay admission to make, right?

“Aw, that’s so sweet of you to say,” Frank said, still smirking.

“I noticed the armband on your wrist earlier,” Gerard said, hesitating. “Is everything really okay?”

Frank looked away, the corners of his mouth turning down. “Yeah,” he finally said, then sighed. “I’m fine. Sometimes I get sick and need to go to the hospital. It’s not a big deal, it’s happened before.”

“Sick how?”

“Just like, I get a cold but then it just gets worse and worse. But it’s fine, I’m fine!”

“And you got out of the hospital just to go running out into the rain?” Gerard exclaimed. “But you could get sick again, maybe even worse! You have to be careful, Frank!”

Again, Frank was quiet for a few moments, but this time there was a smile tugging at his lips. A real smile. “You know, when most people say that and I find it incredibly annoying,” he said. “But I kind of like that you worry about me.” Now it was Gerard’s turn to look away, embarrassed.

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t die,” he finally said.

“You too,” Frank replied. “Speaking of, have you had dinner yet? I’m starving! Maybe we could order a pizza or something?”

“Oh! Uh, I already ate,” Gerard lied. “But we can order something anyway. I don’t want you to go hungry, you need to eat to keep the hypothermia at bay.”

Frank rolled his eyes. “I think I’m fine now,” he said, but he was still smiling. He seemed to be feeling better than he had when he had first come over. Frank ordered the pizza on his phone, using an app that Gerard had never seen before.

“I forgot to ask earlier, how did you know I was still in the office?” Gerard asked, while they waited on the delivery notification.

“I just counted the windows,” Frank said like it was the most obvious thing. “There was light in your office still. And because you’re a nutcase and always stay in the office until ass o’clock.”

“Right.”

“I’m really glad you are a nutcase, in case that wasn’t clear,” Frank said. “It’s nice to be able to get out of the apartment.”

Gerard wanted to ask if everything was alright at home, wanted to ask where he would’ve gone if Gerard had been away, but he didn’t. “You could’ve texted me,” he said instead, and then he remembered. “Oh! You never told me, how did the band audition go! Did you get it?” By the way Frank’s face fell at the words, he knew the answer.

“No. It went alright, but I was already getting sick by then so I probably didn’t sound very good. Anyway they said they wanted someone older.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry Frankie,” Gerard said, reaching out and putting his hand on top of Frank’s to comfort him. “They didn’t deserve you in their band.”

“I’m so sick of being too young for things,” Frank said, his cheeks pink. Frank’s hand was warm under Gerard’s, and he was glad that Frank had managed to recover so well from his trip outside. He had chipped black nailpolish on his short nails, and Gerard was admiring it when Frank’s other hand went on top of Gerard’s. “Gerard,” Frank started, and seemed to be searching for the words to say, when his phone buzzed. He didn’t move for a long moment, just looked at Gerard, his bright eyes open and vulnerable. Then he sighed and took his hands away to look at his phone. “I’m gonna run and get the food.”

Gerard’s hand felt warm and his heart beat fast as he watched Frank go. Gerard cleared up his desk while he was away, so that Frank could sit there and eat when he returned.

Frank was back before long, with the pizza box. “It’s still pouring down out there,” he said. “The poor delivery driver.”

“We should’ve given him a good tip,” Gerard said, annoyed at himself for not realising it earlier, but Frank waved his concern away.

“You sure you don’t want any?” Frank said when he started on his third slice. “Only, you’re looking at it like you do. Unless you’re looking at _me_ like you want to eat me?”

“Sorry,” Gerard said, forcing himself to look away from the load of grease and carbs and cheese that Frank was lifting to his mouth, licking at his finger to catch a drop of stray sauce.

“If you want to eat me, I’m game,” Frank teased. Gerard never knew how to react when Frank was joking about being attracted to him like that. What kind of response was Frank hoping to get out of him? What was he supposed to say?

“D-don’t be ridiculous.”

“Whatever,” Frank shrugged, and took another bite of his pizza. Gerard’s stomach took that moment to growl loudly, and Frank raised an eyebrow at him. “You can have a slice if you want, you know. Maybe even two, since I’m feeling generous.”

“No, no I shouldn’t. I mean, I can’t,” Gerard replied. “I don’t, I don’t like pizza,” he flailed. He hadn’t truthfully tried pizza in a very long time now, but just the thought of all that cheese both frightened him and called to him.

“Okay…” Frank said skeptically. “Seems like you deny yourself everything you want.”

“I don’t-”

“Does your wife even know you’re gay?” Frank interrupted him.

“What? I already- I’m not, I’ve told you, I’m not gay,” Gerard insisted. “Frank, you can’t just say things like this, and like what you said earlier. What do you want from me? What are you trying to do?” He hadn’t meant to get so heated, but his temper was rising anyway.

Frank looked at him for a long moment, appraising. “What do you think I’m trying to do?”

“I don’t know!” Gerard said, trying to keep from shouting his frustration out. “Get a rise out of me or something? Which you seem to have succeeded at. Maybe you’re just trying to make fun of me? I don’t know...”

“Gerard…” Frank said, putting down his pizza slice, wiping his hands on Gerard’s tracksuit pants, and then reached across the table to cup his cheek. “I’d never make fun of you, ever.” He turned Gerard's head gently until he was facing Frank again, and didn’t continue until Gerard was looking him in the eyes again. “I’m sorry if I’ve been making you uncomfortable. I can stop.”

“It’s not…” Gerard trailed off. Frank’s hand was so warm on his cheek. It was weird but sometimes he felt like Frank was the adult and Gerard was the teenager in their relationship. Frank always turned everything Gerard thought he knew about the world on its head. In some ways he seemed older and wiser than his age, and often he made Gerard feel so inexperienced and naive. Like Frank had opened a curtain on this whole side of human existence that Gerard had never even had any idea about.

Frank sighed. “It’s okay, I’m sorry,” Frank said, pulling his hand back and picking up the pizza again, though his appetite seemed to have calmed down at least somewhat by now.

“I don’t want you to change,” Gerard said desperately, feeling like he’d broken something.

“It’s okay,” Frank said, and his sad smile just made Gerard feel worse.

“I shouldn’t have said anything, I’m sorry,” Gerard said. “Please, pretend I didn’t.”

“Gerard, shut up,” Frank said, and grinned a little into his pizza. “It’s fine.” He took another bite and then seemed to think of something important, as his eyes widened. “Dude, your brother’s band is playing another show in town soon, are you going to go?” he asked through his mouthful.

"Is he?" Gerard hadn't actually talked to Mikey for a few weeks, while Mikey and his band had been on tour.

"Yeah! The homecoming show is always pretty rad, you should try to come," Frank said, getting out his phone. "I don't know if it's sold out yet or not. It might be."

"Mikey always saves me a ticket," Gerard says. "You can have it if it's sold out."

"No! You need to go!" Frank said, looking at him intensely. "It's going to be so good, I promise."

"Alright alright, I'll go," Gerard replied, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. It did sound like it would be fun. Gerard always loved seeing how much the crowd adored his brother. He wanted the world to love Mikey as much as he did. "I'm sure Mikey can get me an extra ticket for you." Frank's eyes went wide.

"Really? That would be so awesome!"

Frank made Gerard put the date of the show into his calendar, so he wouldn't forget or book any out of town meetings or anything. When Frank finished eating and started yawning, Gerard figured it was about time to take him home. He hadn't really done any work since Frank arrived but he somehow didn't feel too guilty about it.

It was still raining hard when they exited the building. Gerard handed the umbrella to Frank while he locked the front door, and then Gerard huddled close to Frank to stay relatively dry as they fought the torrents to get to the parking lot. Frank tried to hold the umbrella out to cover Gerard, but Gerard just came closer so it could cover the both of them. Frank was warm when Gerard bumped against him every so often, and he smiled at Gerard when they came together, making Gerard's chest kind of swell. He was relieved he hadn't messed things up too badly with his earlier outburst. It didn't seem like Frank was upset with him.

When they were in the car, Frank was back to his usual self soon enough, talking Gerard's ear off. As Gerard pulled up to the parking lot of Frank's apartment building, Frank didn't stop chattering. He was in the middle of a story about a gig he had been to where the guitarist had spent half the time in the pit with the crowd. Gerard wasn't really sure what that meant but he smiled and nodded along at the right places. When his story finished, Frank glanced up at the concrete block that was his home, and sighed, biting his lip. Gerard wondered if there was something other than the hospital visit that had made Frank unable to come visit him for over a week. He wasn't sure if Frank would want to talk about it with him, especially after the way Gerard had acted earlier.

"I guess… I guess I'll see you later," Frank said, gathering his stuff and opening the car door. It was still raining, but much less than it had been.

"Take the umbrella," Gerard said, holding it toward Frank.

"No, I can't, you need it," Frank protested.

"It's fine," Gerard said. "I just got you warmed up, I don't want you to get wet again." Frank paused for a moment, and Gerard could've sworn he was blushing, though it was hard to see in the dim light of the car. Finally he reached a hand out towards Gerard and took the offered umbrella.

"Yeah, okay. Bye Gerard." He jumped out of the car, grabbing his backpack with him.

"Bye, Frank," Gerard said, and then watched as Frank opened the umbrella and then ran towards the entrance of his block. He looked back and waved at Gerard again as he got to the door, and Gerard didn't drive away until the heavy front door slammed behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm  
> find me on fedi @brennuvargur@fandom.ink or on twitter @comrade__mikey


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while but I'm back (o˘◡˘o)
> 
> First of all I want to say thank you to everyone who's been leaving kudos and all my love to everyone who has been leaving comments, it really means a lot to me <3 I hope you all enjoy this update!

Sometimes when Frank came over, he played music. Mostly on his headphones, but eventually he'd said something about "Gerard's musical education" and he'd started playing specific songs and artists for Gerard. Sometimes Gerard paid attention, but mostly he felt it was pointless. Especially if he liked something, he usually asked Frank to shut it off so he could concentrate on his work. If he liked it, then it was a distraction. Frank seemed to have picked up on this, to Gerard's dismay.

"I know you like this one," he said, as he played a song on Gerard's car stereo. There was no escape for Gerard now, as he was driving Frank home late one night. Frank didn't stay this late very often, but sometimes he stubbornly stayed until Gerard felt like he _had_ to drive him home. He even suspected Frank was doing it on purpose just so Gerard _would_ go home at some point. Like he knew that if he left, then Gerard would just stay behind for hours more.

"I don't-" Gerard said, but then gave up. "It's alright, I guess."

"You're like an old man, Gerard! I'm trying to teach you to be young again," Frank said, and then started singing along.

When Gerard drove Frank home, Frank was usually the one to fill the silence between them with words, just like in any other situation, chattering about school, or his friend Evan, or the new songs he was practising on his guitar, or what he'd watched on the television the night before, or whatever else came to his mind. Gerard liked it that way. The idle chatter was comforting to him, and it felt like a confirmation that Frank was okay, and that he was doing good. It was also nice to be rid of the pressure of having to fill the silence himself. He just had to nod and smile at the right times, and answer Frank's occasional questions.

"You've lost weight," were the words that brought Gerard out of his thoughts.

"What?" he said, trying to control his panic. "No, I haven't, you're mistaken."

Frank hummed. "You have," he insisted.

"I'm fine," Gerard insisted right back.

"It's my birthday in two weeks."

"I- what?"

"My birthday," Frank said, enunciating comically. "You know, a celebration that I've survived another go around the sun? I mean, I know you can't come, I guess."

"Yes, I'm not sure it would be a good idea," Gerard agreed.

"But I was wondering," Frank started slowly, and Gerard felt a tickle of dread start to build in his stomach. "I was going to go get a piercing the day after with the money my grandma gave me for my birthday, and I was wondering if you could come with me?"

"Me?"

"Yes, the piercer says it's better not to come alone," Frank explained.

"I'm not going to pretend to be your dad or something so you can get a piercing," Gerard hedged.

"Duh, you're way too young for anyone to buy that. Besides, I'm already old enough to get any piercing I want. I just need someone there in case I faint or whatever. It's just a precaution."

"Oh. Did you faint when you got any of the other ones?" Gerard asked, raising one hand off the steering wheel to point to his own nose for illustrative purposes.

"No, not even close! It's definitely just a precaution," Frank said.

"And you want me to go with you?"

"Well… yeah. All my friends are busy the day of my appointment. And you need to get out more anyway."

"I get out enough!" Gerard said, indignant.

"Sure you do. Hey maybe you should get something while we're there too!" Frank said, turning in the car seat to look at Gerard. "I think you would look good with an eyebrow piercing… or maybe a septum!"

Gerard shuddered. "No, thank you." Although, imagining the faces of his family and coworkers if he suddenly appeared with a cattle ring in his nose one day was amusing for a few moments. "I'm not a delinquent, like you."

"I'm hurt!" Frank said with an exaggerated movement of his hand to his chest. "I'm not a delinquent, I'm just… _alternative_."

Gerard laughed.

When they reached the parking lot outside Frank's building, he unbuckled his seatbelt and turned to look at Gerard again with a look on his face that Gerard couldn't read. Gerard was still smiling from their latest banter, something he was doing more and more in his companionship with Frank. "Um, thanks for the ride," Frank said, gathering his things. He bit his lip as if he had something more he wanted to say, but didn't go on.

"You're welcome, as always," Gerard replied after a beat.

"I- I'm really glad I met you, Gerard," Frank said seriously, looking Gerard in the eyes for a few moments. Gerard kept thinking Frank was about to say something more, glancing at his lips and waiting for the words to come, but Frank just took a few breaths without saying anything. He just looked at Gerard and worried his lower lip between his teeth. Before Gerard could think of some reply, Frank had jumped out of the car, and opened the door to the back seat to get his guitar. "See you after the weekend!"

And then he shut the door and was jogging off towards the entrance to the apartment building. Gerard watched him until the door closed behind him, and then turned to drive home.

Heather was there, when he got home half an hour later. "Gerard! It feels like we hardly see each other these days, you've been so busy!"

"Yes, I know, I'm sorry," Gerard said, putting down his work bag and taking off his jacket to hang it in the foyer.

"Your father called, he asked for you to call him back," she said, walking into the living room and sitting down on the pristine white sofa. The television was on, Gerard didn't recognise what was playing. Why had his father called the home phone? Gerard's stomach turned to cool heavy stone, as his mind raced through the possibilities of what his father had wanted. He had a pretty good idea and he didn’t like it.

“He can wait,” Gerard said, sitting down on the sofa too. He turned slightly to face Heather. “How was your day?” There was a slight pang of guilt as he asked it, and he tried hard to mask it from showing up on his face. Heather looked beautiful as always, her hair and clothes immaculate, not a thread out of place, and Teacup napping in her lap as she slowly stroked his fur.

"It was fine," she answered with a smile. "Are you sure you don't want to call Carl back?" She knew what he was like, and Gerard could tell she was surprised he wasn't already on the phone back to him.

"I'm sure," Gerard said, hoping that if he focused on Heather for a while, it would ease the cold, clenched hold the guilt had on his chest. "Come on, tell me what you got up to today."

As he had hoped, he felt the guilt dissipating a little as Heather launched into her story of meeting up with the contractor from the gallery, who she seemed to be striking up a friendship with, and then going to the dog training group she supervised. It made him glad that Heather had so much going on in her life, both friendships and professional ventures. He hoped he was giving her the best life he could. It was what she deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a little short and it's been a while BUT the next chapter is SUPER long and I hope I'll have it out soon (＠＾◡＾)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a long one, kids, and it's a little angsty (×_×)

The cool porcelain of the bathtub felt soothing against his cheek. The solid cold mass didn't really warm up from his body heat, but eventually the skin on his face got numb to the cold and it didn't feel as effective anymore. Still, he spent a good while trying to regulate his body temperature by cooling various parts of his face on the side of the bathtub. If he just moved as little as possible, the pounding in his head to the time of his racing heartbeat and the nausea roiling in his stomach would leave him alone.

Gerard didn't know how long he'd been at this balancing act. He knew Heather had left for her day, not before telling Gerard he looked ill and maybe he should take it easy today. He knew his phone had rung multiple times but it was in the bedroom and standing up was not an option now. Never mind throwing up, he wasn't even sure his legs would be able to carry him at this point. He was just so tired. His limbs ached with it. If he could just close his eyes for a few moments, just for a little bit, and then he would get up and go to work. He would just stand up and get dressed and walk the steps to his car and drive to work.

Just…

Just a few moments to rest his eyes…

The next time he came to, Gerard was lying on the floor. He didn't really fully awaken, it felt like. He just vaguely became aware of the position of his body, of the headache still throbbing in his skull, and his heartbeat pounding so hard he felt like his entire body was shaking with it. He was suddenly very, acutely aware that he was going to die here like this, on the floor of his bathroom. At least Heather would be well taken care of, Mikey would make sure of that. But there was something nagging at the back of his mind. Frank… nobody even knew about him. Nobody except Gerard's assistant. When Gerard swallowed hard he realised he'd thrown up at some point.

God, he was so disgusting. Maybe it would be for the best that he'd die here. Poor Heather having to find him like this. He hoped she'd be able to get over it.

He faded away again, first in his worries of Heather, imagining her finding his body. He idly wondered where he would go when it was done, when his body finally gave up. Fading into nothingness sounded reassuring to Gerard right now. Just slowly stopping, disappearing and never having to worry about anything again. Then he remembered his grandmother and how she had spoken of heaven and of God. If he went to heaven maybe he would get to see her again. She'd always said that you would be reunited with the people you loved when you died. He had never believed it really, but now he hoped she was right. And she'd spoken of the angels, god's most beautiful creatures. He could almost see it, an angel coming towards him, to carry him there. The soft, warm hands on his face, and then he was being lifted. _I'm coming, grandma_ , he thought, but then suddenly he was crashing down again and everything was so cold.

"No," Gerard said, though his voice sounded far away to his own ears.

"Gerard?" He could hear the voice distantly, urgent as hands shook him. "Gerard, please, come on," the voice continued, and it wasn't so cold anymore, but he was wet, and his clothes were being peeled off.

"What…?" Gerard croaked out, his eyes finally focusing. He was in the bathtub now, rapidly warming water raining over him. He wasn't alone. "What-?"

"Gerard? Thank god! What happened? Do I need to call an ambulance?" Gerard was leaning back against something soft and warm. _Someone_ soft and warm. Someone with their arms around Gerard, pulling his wet and dirty clothes off.

"Frank?" Gerard asked, still so confused, his brain sluggish. He tried to turn around to see but he was shivering and his muscles didn't want to cooperate with his brain.

"Shh, it's okay, it's me, come on, let's get these off."

"Why-?" But Frank kept shushing him and making soothing noises, manoeuvring Gerard's limbs so he could take off the vomit stained trousers and shirt, tossing them to the far side of the tub. He was rocking Gerard a little, and Gerard just wanted to lean back and close his eyes again.

"There," Frank said when Gerard was down to his underwear. "Do you think you can stand up?"

" I- yes,” Gerard said, but when he tried to get his legs under himself, they buckled. "Oh."

“Okay, that’s okay,” Frank soothed. "I think maybe you need a doctor."

"No," Gerard protested, his voice weaker than he would've liked. "I'm fine, no doctor." Frank looked at him skeptically.

"Gerard…"

"No doctor," Gerard insisted. Frank still didn't look entirely convinced from what Gerard could see, but he tightened his grip around Gerard and continued rinsing him off with the soothing warm water. He was starting to feel clean again.

"Okay, let's get you to bed then," Frank said after a few more minutes of soft water trickling down on them. Gerard had almost forgotten where he was again, lost in the feeling of the water warming his skin.

"Frank," Gerard started, trying to figure out the words he wanted to say but his brain was fuzzy and uncooperative. ' _You shouldn't have to do this_ ', or ' _I'm fine_ ', or ' _don't worry about me_ '. But nothing came. Not even the plea in the back of Gerard's head of ' _please don't look at me._ '

"Here we go," Frank said, standing up awkwardly in the tub and pulling Gerard up with him. Gerard would never have guessed that Frank was so strong. He managed to get them both out of the bathtub without either of them falling and breaking their skull. Frank's front was warm through his wet clothes, against Gerard's back. "Where's your bedroom?"

"Your clothes," Gerard said.

"Ah, don't worry about it, they needed a wash anyway," Frank said lightly. "Bedroom?" He moved them so he was supporting Gerard with an arm around his back, and one of Gerard's arms over Frank's shoulder. Gerard gestured with his hand where to go, even though he felt too weak to even lift his arm up, and they managed to make their way to the bedroom. Frank let out a whistle when they got there. "Wow. Fancy. You could probably fit my whole apartment in here." Gerard knew he wasn't far off, since he'd seen Frank's apartment, though he'd never thought of it like that. "Okay, c'mon, under the sheets with you." Gerard didn't argue as Frank unmade the bed and helped Gerard get in. Gerard was still wearing his wet underwear so he pushed them off once he was fully covered under the blankets, his mind only focusing on getting comfortable.

"Wait," he called out when Frank turned and started walking towards the door. Frank paused and turned back to him. "Don't go," he said, feeling small and pathetic. "Please." Frank smiled a soft smile that made Gerard's whole body warm up, and walked back towards Gerard. He sat down on the edge of the bed and raised a hand to push Gerard's wet hair away from his forehead, sliding his hand down to Gerard’s cheek and leaving it there, radiating warmth for a moment.

"I'll be right back. You need something to eat and drink, I think. Especially if you don't want me to call a doctor, then you'll have to let me be your nurse." Gerard almost mustered a smile. "I'll be back as quick as I can, okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay," Frank repeated and then Gerard's cheek was cold again as Frank left the room. He pulled the blankets up further around himself, shivering a little and listening for the sounds of Frank moving through the house. After a moment it became almost soothing. From the sounds he could picture exactly what Frank was doing, opening cupboards and drawers, filling up a glass with water, moving around with his accustomed ease even if he'd never been in Gerard's kitchen before. It wasn't long at all until Frank appeared back in the doorway holding a plate and a glass. He placed them on the bedside table next to Gerard and then sat down on the bed as Gerard sat up a little, leaning back against the bed frame.

Frank had brought him the simplest of foods, which was good because Gerard thought his stomach might riot at something complex. The plate had only two pieces of toast with butter and little slices of banana on top, and a peeled apple cut into little triangles. "Thank you," Gerard said, feeling like a child. He looked the food over, trying to decide which piece would be safest to eat and what would make it look like he'd eaten more than he had. "I'm not really very hungry, but thank you."

"You're eating that or I'm calling you an ambulance," Frank said, his tone not allowing for any disagreement. He stood up, walked to the other side of the bed and then lay back on top of the covers, next to Gerard. "It's all food that's supposed to be good for an upset stomach so don't worry."

"I… all of it? I have to eat all of it?"

"Yup."

"You're bossy," Gerard said, instead of arguing more. He was too tired to argue.

“Yup,” Frank said again as Gerard reached for a slice of the apple. That was safe. He glanced to the side but Frank wasn’t watching him. He’d taken out his phone and seemed engrossed in it.

Gerard ate a couple of the apple triangles and it didn’t make him feel any worse, so he reached for the toast and got started on that. Just one step at a time. Maybe it was okay if he ate it all. After all, this had probably happened because he’d been too strict with himself. He usually knew the line to walk but maybe this meant he should up his intake a bit, at least for a few days. The thought didn’t make him feel as panicked as he thought it would.

“So do you want to tell me what happened?” came Frank’s voice, breaking Gerard out of his thoughts. He was surprised to find that he was halfway through the second toast already, and he was actually feeling better.

Gerard shrugged. “Not really.”

“You should anyway,” Frank said gently. Gerard was shrugging again before he realised it. A bad habit he’d picked up from Frank, apparently.

“I don’t know, I was getting ready for work this morning and then I just felt kind of weird,” Gerard said. “I think it’s probably the flu that’s been going around.” Lying to Frank felt _wrong_ but he knew that telling the truth would be even worse.

“The flu’s not here yet,” Frank countered. “Trust me, if it was, I’d know.”

“Then a bad cold or something? I don’t know,” Gerard said, praying Frank would just drop it. “I just, I just felt kind of woozy and then I blacked out a bit and then you were there. But I’m fine now, really.”

“Do you think it’s because of your anorexia?” Frank asked, doing that thing again where he just said things, things that made Gerard feel like the floor had been pulled out from under him and he was falling into nothingness.

“What,” Gerard said faintly.

“Come on, Gerard,” Frank said. “You never eat, I’m not stupid.”

“But I- I don’t have anorexia, that’s- that’s absurd,” Gerard protested. Only models and teenage girls had anorexia. Gerard was just… just a little bit neurotic. A picky eater. And he'd needed to lose a bit of weight. He wasn't- wasn't like _that_.

“I mean, I’m not a doctor, but it seems kind of obvious. A girl in my class had it, I know what it looks like.”

“I don’t-”

“It’s okay, if you’re not ready to talk about that either, it’s cool. I just,” he paused, turning in the bed to look at Gerard. His clothes were still wet from earlier, soaking into the sheets, though he'd taken off his sweater and was just wearing a tshirt and jeans. “I don’t want you to die.”

“Oh.” He didn’t know what to say to that. Thank you? You too?

“Finish your toast,” Frank said, saving Gerard from having to reply at all. Gerard finished the last few bites of the toast and then the last of the apple. He was starting to feel uncomfortably full now, but he was too tired to panic about it.

“Thank you,” Gerard said. “For the food, for coming here, for… for everything.” He snuggled deeper under the sheets again, then had a realisation, a question he’d forgotten to ask. “How did you even find me?”

“I came by the office,” Frank said, like it was obvious. “Paul was in a state, because you hadn’t called and you hadn’t shown up. So I offered to go check on you, and he gave me your address,” Frank explained.

“I should probably call him and let him know I’m not coming in today.”

“I already took care of that,” Frank said. “Don’t worry. Anyway, then I took a bus and my bike here and well, I climbed your gate a little bit and then your front door was just open. Home security isn’t high on your priorities, huh.”

“Oh, yeah, Heather usually leaves the door open and then I lock up when I leave, if she is ahead of me in the morning.

“Mmh, well I guess it was a good thing, this morning,” Frank said. “You should probably try to sleep, you look exhausted.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Gerard said before yawning and proving Frank right.

“When will she be home?” Frank asked, and he didn’t need to clarify which ‘she’ he was talking about. They didn’t need to spell it out to each other, they both knew that Frank had to be gone before then.

“Usually around six,” Gerard said. “Before me, most of the time.”

“Okay. I’ll wake you up if you sleep that long,” Frank said, turning onto his side towards Gerard. He was suddenly so close, or had Gerard just been slow to realise it? He could feel Frank’s warm breath hit his cheek as he lay in bed. He could feel Frank’s gaze on him too.

“Okay,” Gerard breathed. Then Frank’s hand was finding his, twining their fingers together, and Gerard felt like his heart stopped for a moment, and he couldn't meet Frank's eyes.

"Close your eyes," Frank told him, and Gerard obeyed, his heart beating so hard he felt like he was making the entire bed tremble. He was suddenly convinced that Frank was going to kiss him. He was ready for it, even. He didn’t _want_ it but he was ready for it anyway. It felt inevitable. The mattress dipped as Frank moved, coming closer, but Gerard didn't open his eyes. He waited and waited, but nothing happened, and eventually the exhaustion won over and he fell into a dreamless sleep.

He woke up later, somehow feeling more tired than when he'd fallen asleep, his body aching and his stomach feeling rebelliously nauseous. However, he felt warm and content and safe, the protective arm around him making him feel less like he was about to jump out of his own skin. He moved closer to the other body, inhaling deeply the unfamiliar yet familiar scent. Frank. Gerard's face was practically buried in Frank's throat and he could feel Frank's chin resting on the top of his head, his breath hitting Gerard's hair on every deep exhale.

It was wrong, inappropriate, bad, but he couldn't bring himself to move or pull away. He felt this strange impulse to reciprocate and put his own arm around Frank. Experimentally, he lifted his hand from where it was lying on the bed between them, and then slowly moved it to rest very gently on Frank’s waist. He froze when Frank inhaled deeply, and Gerard wasn’t sure if Frank was awake or not. As he inhaled, he pulled Gerard even closer, tighter. Gerard was too scared to move so he left his hand where it was, and soon fell asleep again, his fingers resting on the soft material of Frank’s t-shirt, feeling the warmth of the skin beneath.

It felt like a long time later, when Gerard woke up again. The room seemed darker, but he was still warmly enveloped in Frank’s arms, and his limbs felt less like he’d just been put through a medieval torture device.

“You’re awake,” Frank murmured into Gerard’s hair. “I was about to wake you up, it’s getting late.” Gerard stiffened. Being tangled up in sleep was one thing but if they were both awake, then it _was_ something. “Don’t worry, it’s only around five. How are you feeling?”

“Okay,” Gerard said, unable to stop himself from relaxing again. “Better, I think.”

“Good,” Frank said, raising his hand from Gerard’s waist to run it through Gerard’s hair. “You better not be thinking about going to the office now,” Frank said sternly.

“No,” Gerard sighed. “I guess it’s fine.”

“I’m sure the building didn’t burn down while you were home or anything,” Frank said. He was still running his fingers through Gerard’s hair. It was very soothing, Gerard thought he could fall asleep like this again. But it was late. Heather would be home sooner than later.

“Um,” Gerard said awkwardly. What was the right protocol to- to _un_ -cuddle? Frank’s hand stilled in Gerard’s hair. He’d been pulling lightly on a few strands, and really it felt altogether too nice.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Frank said with a sigh, but he didn’t pull away. So it was up to Gerard then. He was the adult here, after all. And he kind of needed to use the bathroom really badly. It was then that he realised that he was still naked beneath the blankets. He moved his hand back from where it had been resting on Frank’s waist to pull the sheet up to cover himself up to the neck. Frank smirked.

“Could you possibly…” Gerard trailed off awkwardly, hoping Frank would get it. And Frank did. But that mischievous grin was back on his face as they pulled apart a little.

“Yes?” he said innocently, still lounging on top of the blankets.

“I need to get dressed,” Gerard said.

“Of course, go ahead,” Frank said politely.

“Frank,” Gerard said, exasperated.

“What?”

“I need privacy.”

“Are you sure? What if you need help?” There was some genuine concern there, but the devilish grin never left his face either.

“I’m perfectly capable of getting dressed by myself, thank you.”

“Alright, yell if you need me,” Frank said, lithely swinging himself off the bed. He stretched his hands to the sky when he stood up, making his t-shirt ride up and reveal a sliver of skin at his back. When he finished stretching, he left the room, glancing back at Gerard once, still grinning, before the door closed behind him.

Gerard found Frank in the kitchen after he’d gotten dressed. Frank had prepared more food. Gerard’s stomach sank a little.

“Hey, you managed to get dressed by yourself like a big boy!” Frank teased. Gerard tried to will the blood not to rise to his cheeks.

“Shut up,” he countered ineffectively.

“I made you another sandwich,” Frank said, pushing the plate toward him. “I was thinking about cooking something - you have a lot of food in your house, dude - but I think I should really get home soon.”

“Thank you,” Gerard said, looking at the plate.

“Will you please eat at least half of it? For me?” Frank asked.

“I- I don’t know if I can,” Gerard said truthfully.

“Please, at least try, please,” Frank said, and there was so much emotion in his voice that it startled Gerard. “Please. Seeing you lying there on the floor like that,” he paused. “I just, just _please_.”

“Okay,” Gerard agreed. He could try. For Frank. And the smile Frank gave him back was worth the panic and anxiety. It kind of made him forget worrying about the food, eating while Frank told him a story about one of his favourite musicians, and how he was hoping to emulate his path to stardom. His joy and enthusiasm were infectious.

“Alright,” Frank said, glancing at the clock. It was half past five already. “I should probably get going. My aunt wanted to have dinner with me tonight anyway.”

“Do you want me to drive you home?” Gerard offered.

“No, I think you need to rest still,” Frank said. “But thanks.”

“Yeah um, thank you too,” Gerard said, looking at his toes. “For, you know. Everything. Oof-!” Frank had tackled him into a tight hug, his arms tight around Gerard’s body.

“Okay, I’m leaving now, bye,” Frank said, letting go and jetting out of the kitchen, and Gerard heard the front door shut a few moments later.

About an hour later, Gerard was sitting in his home office, working on replying to emails he’d gotten throughout the day. He figured that wasn’t too strenuous and it would be okay. He heard the door open, and Heather’s voice called out. “Gerard?”

“In here,” he called back. A few moments later Heather came in, followed by the rapid footsteps of Teacup.

“You’re home?” she asked.

“Yeah, I wasn’t feeling very well this morning, so I decided to stay home.” He was only lying a little bit, so it came easily enough, but it still made the guilt burn in his stomach like acid.

“Oh no!” Heather said, coming over and feeling his forehead. Her fingers were cool and familiar and gentle in their movements. “You don’t feel warm, do you still feel sick?”

“No I think I’m better,” Gerard said. “Must’ve been a 24 hour thing.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, concern evident on her face. “You usually don’t stay home when you’re ill, no matter how hard I’ve tried. It must’ve been bad for you to actually take the day off.”

“It was, but I’m much better now, I promise,” he reassured her with a smile he hoped looked genuine enough.

“You should’ve called me,” she said. “I would’ve come to take care of you. I hate thinking of you home alone and sick all day.”

“It was fine,” Gerard said. “I mostly just slept, there was no need for you to stay home and babysit me.”

“Still, maybe we should take your temperature before you leave tomorrow morning.”

“I promise you I’m feeling better,” Gerard said emphatically. She seemed to finally accept that and left the room, Teacup giving Gerard a disapproving look before following behind her. Gerard had a sudden panic that Teacup _knew_ what he had done, could _smell_ Frank on Gerard still, and somehow he'd let Heather know. But that was absurd, even if he did, Teacup had no way to let Heather know anything.

Gerard heard Heather going about her business, talking to Teacup every so often, moving through the rooms. An hour later she came back to the home office and asked Gerard if he wanted to eat dinner with her and Gerard explained that he had already eaten., which she accepted easily enough.

When Gerard went to bed, not too long after - he was still pretty tired - Heather was changing the sheets in their bed. “I think we need fresh sheets if you were lying here all day while you were ill,” she explained.

The fresh sheets were nice to lay in that night, but it still took him longer than he expected to fall asleep. He’d been lying in this bed just a few hours earlier with someone else, and he couldn’t believe himself. He couldn’t believe himself because somehow he missed Frank being there. As if he couldn’t get the same reassurance and warmth from his own wife. He was about to spiral when his phone buzzed on the nightstand. It was late, so if it was business-related it was probably urgent. He reached for the phone and unlocked it. It wasn’t a work-related email. It was Frank.

_hey r u still feeling better?_

Gerard couldn’t help a small smile, even as his heart sped up a little.

_I’m good. Did you get home okay?_

_yes my aunt was a bit fussy tho_

_you should go to sleep, it’s late._

It wasn’t really that late, but Gerard was still tired, even after all the sleeping he’d done during the day.

_You too. School tomorrow._

_dont remind me…_

_miss you, sleep well xx_

Gerard sighed and put his phone away. Somehow Frank was always able to simultaneously make him feel better _and_ worse. He wondered again if he was leading Frank on, but he’d been clear about the fact that he was straight and married. Heather moved next to him, jarring him from his thoughts and bringing the guilt back full force. He told himself he had nothing to feel guilty about, but it didn’t help.

“Is everything alright?” she asked. “You’re not feeling ill again, are you?”

“No, no, everything’s fine,” he said, forcing himself to smile. “Good night.” He turned on his side away from Heather and squeezed his eyes shut, taking deep, slow breaths. Hoping that if he pretended enough, sleep would come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to heat up in here or is it just me?  
> I love hearing from you guys in the comments, tell me what you think! (ﾉ>ω<)ﾉ :｡･:*:･ﾟ’★,｡･:*:･ﾟ’☆


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I kind of like this chapter

"When did it start?"

Gerard looked up from his box of Chinese takeaway vegetables, his chopsticks going slack in his fingers. "What?" he asked, though he figured he knew what this was about.

In the days following Gerard's sick day, Frank had come to visit him regularly, practically every day. He also texted Gerard to check up on him, and if Gerard didn’t reply soon enough for Frank, he’d call Gerard. While Gerard understood where this was coming from, it did start to feel more than a little overbearing. When he tried to tell Frank to back off a little, Frank just got this stubborn look on his face, his eyes going all intense and his nose wrinkling a little bit, and he refused. It wasn’t too bad as long as Gerard had his phone and could answer Frank’s mundane texts with his own.

This had led to Gerard answering the phone with a grumpy “I’m fine!” only to find Mikey, not Frank on the other end. Mikey had been politely curious about who Gerard had been expecting, but he didn’t pry too much when Gerard tried to change the subject. They talked about Mikey’s current tour, and when the talk came to their homecoming show, Gerard remembered about the extra ticket he needed. This seemed to pique Mikey’s interest again and Gerard’s mumbled “a friend,” didn’t seem to satisfy him. At least Mikey had been able to get the extra ticket, as someone else had reserved an extra ticket they didn’t need for a family member.

“Come on, Gerard,” Frank said, cocking his head and raising an eyebrow. Gerard put his food down and wiped his mouth with a napkin before speaking.

“I’m not sure. I was always a chubby kid, and then a chubbier teenager,” Gerard said. “I guess when I was around 17 or so.”

“Oh. My age…” Frank said slowly.

“Yeah,” Gerard said, and then felt guilty about Frank’s reaction. “But you know, it’s not really that bad, I mean, it’s not- I’m fine most of the time, you know? I just- that day I was already feeling kind of ill, so, you know, it’s fine.” Frank just looked at him.

“You’re an idiot,” he finally said, and returned to his steamed vegetables and tofu. “The first step is admitting you have a problem, but what do I know, I’m just a dumb teenager.”

Gerard opened his mouth to protest and then snapped it closed again. Frank always seemed to have his number, always saw through everything Gerard did. It was one of the things that made spending time with him so exciting, but at the same time so terrifying.

“My birthday is on Thursday,” Frank said after a moment’s silence. “You know, 17 is legal in New Jersey. Just a fun fact I came across the other day. So is 16 by the way, so I mean, I’m _already_ legal, but you know…” He paused again, and Gerard knew Frank was looking at him, but Gerard didn’t lift his eyes from the napkin in his hands. “Just a fun fact,” Frank repeated. “So we’re meeting at the piercing place at 3 on Friday, right?”

“Y-Yes,” Gerard managed, glancing up.

“Are you gonna get me a cool birthday present?” Frank asked, grinning a bit crookedly. “You don’t have to,” he added quickly. “I mean, you already bought me so much…”

“Oh,” Gerard said, caught off guard _again_. “Of course I’m getting you something, don’t be silly.” His mind raced because he actually didn’t know what to get Frank. It had completely slipped his mind somehow and now he only had a couple of days to figure it out.

“Cool,” Frank said, beaming, and Gerard knew he’d said the right thing. Now he just had to find the right gift, worthy of that smile.

🙠 

The gift was now sitting in the trunk of Gerard’s car. If he was honest with himself, he was _hiding_ it there, but he didn’t like to think about it. Stevie had been very helpful when Gerard had gone there earlier in the day, picking out things she thought Frank would need, from the shelves of things Gerard really had no clue about. Pedals and tuners and headphones and more pedals. He trusted her though, she seemed to know what she was doing, and more importantly, she seemed to know Frank pretty well. She didn’t ask any questions, really, which Gerard appreciated. She’d just started piling the items up until she was satisfied, and Gerard had thanked her profusely and walked out with two full bags again. Just before he left, Stevie decided to speak up.

"You take good care of Frankie," she had said seriously, waiting to let go of the bags she was handing him until he met her eyes. Kind still, but steely. "That boy has been through enough, so you check yourself and make sure your motivations here are in his best interest." She had held his gaze for a moment longer, and Gerard had swallowed and nodded, and then turned and left the store.

Gerard didn't hear from Frank all day, apart from the ‘Happy birthday!’ text he had sent that afternoon. He immediately regretted the exclamation mark. He spent the day half-expecting Frank to show up at some point during the day, but Gerard passed the day in relative solitude in his office. Frank had sent back a message thanking Gerard for his text, but other than that, Gerard assumed he was celebrating with his family or his friends. He still knew so desperately little about Frank’s life, but whenever he found himself wanting to know more, he reminded himself sternly that this was how it should be. All in all, he spent the day unusually free from any interactions with Frank.

That was why the text he received late that night was so surprising to him. He was lying in bed with Heather, both of them reading, when his phone buzzed twice in quick succession on the nightstand.

“Is everything alright?” Heather asked, looking up from her book. Gerard reached for his phone before answering.

“I’m sure it is,” he said faintly as he saw the texts were from Frank.

_please Gerard you have to come_

_please_

As he read the messages, his phone buzzed again.

_I need you_

His heart started beating faster, wondering what was going on.

_Is everything alright?_

He didn’t get a reply for a while, so he pushed back the covers and got up, sliding his feet into his slippers. “It- it’s Mikey, I better call him,” he lied, far too easily.

“Is something wrong?” Heather asked, concerned, her book resting on her lap.

“No, I’m sure it’s fine,” Gerard said and smiled, trying to reassure her. “Just go to bed, I’ll be back soon.” Heather frowned slightly but accepted his lie and went back to her book soon enough, and Gerard closed the bedroom door and walked determinedly to the other side of the house, his office, where he was sure he wouldn’t disturb Heather, or be overheard.

When he called, Frank didn’t answer.

He tried Frank's number three times, feeling increasingly worried, but also increasingly silly. The odds were that Frank was just out with his friends having a good time, and the texts were nothing to worry about. But on the other hand, if they weren’t… If something was actually wrong, and Frank had reached out to Gerard for help?

_Where are you?_

He didn’t expect an answer, since Frank hadn’t answered his calls, but to his surprise he got an address back only a few moments later.

It only took him a few hasty breaths after that to make the decision. He walked through the dark house to the foyer, pulling on a jacket before quietly leaving through the front door. He walked briskly to his car, keeping his attention on his phone still, but he received no more messages from Frank as he walked, so he put the address into his navigation system, and drove off.

The address Frank had given him was not far from the downtown area of the city, so Gerard assumed Frank had been out celebrating with his friends. Hopefully he wasn’t alone. It took him only twenty minutes or so to get there, with the late evening traffic being minimal. It turned out to be a narrow side street with plenty of bars and clubs that seemed very active, even though it was a Thursday, which surprised Gerard. There was loud music coming from many of the buildings, and people walking around in strange outfits. It was only then that Gerard remembered that it was Halloween tonight as well. He had to park the car a little ways away from the address, and then got out to walk towards where Frank had said he was, aware that he was still in his flannel pyjama pants. Gerard made his way through the crowd of rowdy people in costumes that really were over the top especially for this cold weather. At least it made him feel slightly better about his own outfit. He tried calling Frank again as he walked, but there was still no answer.

_I’m here, where are you? Is_

_everything alright?_

A few moments later, he heard someone calling his name. “Gerard!” came the voice, joyful and warm and loud enough to make Gerard a little self-conscious.

“Frank?” Gerard said, turning around to try to find the source of the voice. There were people milling about, smoking and laughing together in groups beneath the street lights. Finally he saw the short figure weaving through the small crowd, coming towards him. He was not prepared when Frank launched himself at him, his arms coming around Gerard’s neck and his legs around Gerard’s waist.

“Gerard!” Frank exclaimed as Gerard tried to regain his balance. “You came!” His voice was a little muffled into Gerard’s throat as he nestled his face there. “You smell really good,” Frank said after a moment. The tip of his nose was cold where it brushed against the sensitive skin at Gerard's pulse point.

It took Gerard a moment but he realised that his arms had come up to support Frank’s weight automatically, holding onto his thighs and his ass. His face immediately started burning and he wanted to pull his hands away like he'd been burned, but he didn't want to drop Frank to the ground. “Frank! Is everything alright?” Gerard said, surprised. He tried to lean away so that he could see Frank’s face, but Frank held on steadfastly and Gerard shivered when he felt something warm and wet touch his neck for the briefest moment, quick but deliberate. Was that… Frank’s tongue? He was so startled that his hands dropped down by his side, and Frank started sagging down where he was holding on to Gerard. He finally dropped his legs back down to the ground and smiled up at Gerard. His eyes looked a little unfocused and his face was flushed. He was drunk. Gerard took a step back to make the distance between them greater, and less like they’d just been embracing.

“Frank? Are you okay? Jesus, I was worried,” Gerard said, looking Frank over for any signs of injuries or anything of that nature. Frank was wearing black clothes, painted white in the image of a skeleton. His face was painted white too, with shadows added to give him the gaunt appearance of a skull. The makeup had smudged by now though, and Gerard could see Frank's skin beneath in places. Like where Frank's face had been buried in Gerard's neck.

“I’m great, now that you’re here,” Frank said, his familiar beaming smile a little more unfocused than usual, a little unsettling with the black and white makeup of a smudged skeletal grimace.

“I thought something was wrong,” Gerard said, now feeling silly. Frank was perfectly alright, just drunk. He was happy, even. And Gerard had come all this way in his pyjamas and slippers, thinking the world was ending and he’d be able to save Frank somehow. Now he was just cold and foolish.

“Yes,” Frank said seriously. “It was. But now you’re here so everything is perfect!”

“Frank…” Gerard started, admonishingly, but Frank ignored him. Gerard didn't know what he should do. Probably just go back home.

“I haven’t seen you in two days and I forgot how fucking beautiful you are,” Frank said, stepping closer to Gerard again. His hand was reaching towards Gerard’s face and Gerard stepped back and out of the way. Frank pouted.

“Frank, please don’t,” Gerard said, looking around them. There were a lot of people here, even if most of them were drunk like Frank. Frank groaned loudly and petulantly, grabbed Gerard’s hand and started leading him down the street before ducking into a relatively quiet alley. Gerard followed behind without protesting. He was hoping he'd be able to convince Frank to let him drive him home. At least then he'd know Frank got home safe.

“Can I say it now?” Frank asked, looking up at him with a stubborn set to his eyes. Gerard sighed. He was still on this topic?

“Frank, no, I’ve told you before, come on, just let me drive you home,” Gerard said and started walking towards the opening of the alley, but Frank grabbed hold of his wrist again and stopped him. Gerard turned back to look at Frank with a question on his tongue, but Frank took Gerard’s other wrist into his other hand, and then pushed Gerard with his body up against the brick wall behind him, holding Gerard’s hands up against the wall as well. “Frank,” Gerard said, his voice low and breathier than he would like. His heart was suddenly thudding so loudly in his chest that he was sure Frank would be able to hear it with how close he was, pressed against Gerard so warm and solid. It wasn't like he couldn't break Frank's grip, but he just… didn't. Some part of him just wanted to see what would happen.

“No,” Frank whispered, his face so close to Gerard’s that he could feel Frank’s warm breath against his skin. “No,” he repeated, the stubborn look on his face still there, his eyes bright even through the haze of the alcohol.

And then he was surging up towards Gerard and crushing their lips together, warm and clumsy and sweet and terrible. Frank was stood on his toes to reach Gerard, and he lost his balance for a second, falling back, but then just came back stronger than before, lowering their hands from the cold wall and instead gripping Gerard’s shoulders for balance, and Gerard's ears were ringing, but he couldn't move. Frank's lips kept pressing and pressing and _pressing_ and Gerard realised his hands had come up to grip Frank’s shirt, but he didn’t know whether he was trying to push Frank away or pull him closer. Finally the ringing in his ears reached a crescendo and he surfaced from the haze in his brain long enough to push Frank back, breaking the kiss. Frank's hands were still on Gerard's shoulders, and Gerard's were still fisted in Frank's dark shirt, neither of them ready to let go.

Frank was breathing hard, his eyes dark and _hungry_ , as they met Gerard's unflinchingly for a long moment.

"Fuck," Frank said, his lips wet and shiny, forming the word with some difficulty. "Fuck," he repeated emphatically and brought a hand up to wipe his mouth, looking to the side and stepping away. Gerard's hands followed, still hanging on to Frank's t-shirt. When he realised, Gerard dropped them, feeling the cold keenly on his fingers as they let go.

"Uhm," Gerard started, his heart still racing. "C-come on, I'm driving you home," Gerard decided finally, turning to walk away without checking to see if Frank followed him. He was proud of himself for speaking with only a slight hitch to his voice. Frank didn't say anything as they walked towards Gerard's car, but Gerard was sure he was there, hearing the footsteps following him and feeling Frank's presence close behind him.

The drive, too, was quiet. He noticed Frank sending a few texts as they passed through the town, the glow from the screen illuminating Frank's face, but Gerard couldn't read his expression. Gerard's heart still hadn't slowed down and he was starting to worry it never would.

It was unusual for them to spend time in the car so silent, not even music to break the awkwardness between them. Gerard felt like he should say something, clear the air, be the adult, but he didn't. He couldn't. Frank had put his phone away and was leaning against the car door, staring out the window.

After the excruciating time it took to reach Frank's home in the quiet, Gerard finally stopped the car. Neither of them looked at each other for a long moment. The sound of the door opening broke the silence. Frank was turning to leave and they hadn't said a word the whole drive, and Gerard didn't know what it meant. Maybe they were best to pretend nothing had happened at all.

"Um, bye," was all Frank said before the door was shut and Gerard hadn't had the chance to reply, though what he wanted to say he didn't know. But then it hit him. He quickly unbuckled his seat belt and jumped out of the car.

"Frank, wait!" he called out, and Frank started and turned around swiftly, an unreadable expression on his face.

"Yeah?" he said, stepping towards Gerard. Gerard walked to the back of the car, keeping Frank in sight as he opened the boot and got out the two bags he'd stashed there earlier.

"Happy birthday," he said, lifting the bags awkwardly towards Frank. Frank's face was still for another long moment, before he smiled softly.

"Thank you, Gerard, you really didn't have to."

"I wanted to," Gerard said, and felt a smile pulling at his own lips to match Frank's. Maybe they were okay, maybe everything was okay. Frank took the bags without looking in them. The shop logo was a dead giveaway.

"Thank you," he said, his voice quietly serious.

"I- I just hope you can use some of the stuff." They stared at each other for another long moment after Frank had taken the bags from Gerard. "Good night," Gerard finally said, turning to walk back towards the front of the car.

"Good night," Frank said. Gerard got into the car, and pulled out of the parking lot, Frank watching him leave, a lone figure in his rearview mirror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im doing a presentation tomorrow at work for my boss and my boss' boss. pls pray for me (／。＼)  
> hope you liked this chapter, I'm not sure but I think some of you might have been waiting for this moment? hm..


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I want to thank everyone for their comments on the last chapter, both here and on twitter, you don't know how much it means to me that so many people are enjoying this story ♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡ I love you all  
> Secondly, I've caught up with my beta so updates might be a little slower in the future because she's a very busy person who still manages to make time for me and I love her dearly.  
> Thirdly.... enjoy!!! This chapter is kind of fun, I think?

It wasn’t until the next morning that Gerard realised that he was going to be seeing Frank again the next day, for Frank’s appointment with the piercer. Gerard lay in bed for a good while panicking about that, before he could fall asleep. He had tried his best to be quiet when he got home the previous night, making his way through the house and back into bed next to Heather, and he didn’t think he’d woken her up. It was almost two in the morning by the time Gerard fell asleep.

At work he was distracted and irritable, and even Paul noticed, when he had to actually knock on Gerard’s door and remind him of his weekly Friday meeting. He felt overwhelmed with all his emails and phone calls and meetings and he was dreading going to meet Frank that afternoon. The night before was running through his mind on a loop. Getting the texts from Frank, running off to meet him downtown, Frank tackling him into a hug, and then- then the kiss.

Gerard hadn’t kissed anyone other than his wife since he was in college, and even with Heather it had been a while. It had taken him by surprise when Frank had lifted himself up on his toes and brought their lips together, soft but determined. His eyes had been so intense, framed by dark lashes against pale skin, his grip on Gerard so secure as he brought them together. Maybe Gerard _should_ have been expecting this, given the way Frank sometimes acted. Was it his fault this had happened? And what was he supposed to do now?

What did he _want_ to do now? That was a question Gerard was afraid to answer.

Ignoring the problem might just make it go away, he reasoned. After he gave Frank the present, things had seemed sort of back to normal, hadn’t they? And Frank had been drunk, maybe he wouldn’t even remember anything. It was probably for the best not to do anything, unless Frank brought it up, which he most likely wouldn’t even do. It was fine, everything was fine, Gerard told himself as he put his things away for the day, saying goodbye to Paul, who was surprised to see Gerard leaving so early, even on a Friday.

“You should take an early weekend too,” Gerard told him. “You deserve it, you’ve been working really hard recently.”

“Oh! I- thank you, I will!” Paul said, his eyebrows lifting almost to his hair in surprise. “Are you sure?”

“Yes I’m sure,” Gerard said, smiling at Paul’s expression. “Have a good weekend.” He set off towards the elevators before Paul could answer, trying not to think about where he was about to go or who he was about to see.

“Thank you sir, you too!” Paul called after him, scrambling to put away all the things on his desk. He probably should let Paul off early more often, if this was the reaction he got.

When he was in his car and moving towards his destination, Gerard’s anxiety came back full force, making him feel like he was choking on his own beating heart in his throat.

Gerard got there at 2:45. He found a place to park in a nearby street and then made his way to the piercing shop. It wasn’t in a seedy alleyway like he had imagined, there were no scary teenagers in leather jackets with chains around their necks hanging around outside, and there wasn’t a blinking neon sign in the shape of a nude woman. It was just a shop, on a street, with people walking by, running errands and going about their day. He didn’t even stand out much, outside the shop in his suit. He waited dutifully until five to three, and then started wondering if Frank was maybe already inside, so he tentatively pushed open the door, a bell tinkling as he did.

It wasn’t even scary on the inside. It was a small place, and nobody was getting tattooed in the corner, and he couldn't see any needles going through anyone's skin anywhere. In fact there were only two people inside apart from Gerard, and neither of them was Frank. There was an older lady at the cashier’s counter, reading a magazine, and a heavily pierced man, probably around Gerard’s age, was rearranging items on a shelf. They seemed to be selling jewelry too and not just piercing people, Gerard noticed. He wondered what kind of things Frank would buy. He’d seen him with the ever growing black circles in his earlobes, and he usually only had a ring in his nose. Gerard looked closer at the items on the shelves. There were all kinds of bars and studs and shapes that Gerard didn’t even want to imagine where they were supposed to go. Would Frank go for one of the dainty studs, or something more flashy?

“Can I help you?” the man who had been rearranging the shelves was now standing next to Gerard, surprising him. He looked bored, more than anything, which was reassuring to Gerard, who felt so very out of place here. Not that they would throw him out of the shop for not wearing leather or for having a tie on, surely.

“No thank you, I’m just waiting for someone,” Gerard explained and put on his polite smile. This one he usually reserved for older ladies and kids, but he felt like he really needed to try his best to get off on the right foot here.

"Cool, just let me know if I can help you,” the man said and then walked over to the counter where the woman was paging through her magazine. Looking at them together, Gerard couldn’t help thinking that maybe the older woman at the register was this guy’s mother. Was that possible? The thought made him smile.

There was a tinkling of the bells behind him and then Gerard heard Frank’s voice calling to him. “Gerard! You came!” Frank said, and it was such an echo of the previous night that he half-expected the feeling of Frank’s weight jumping onto him again. Gerard turned around to face Frank.

“Hello Frank,” he said, and berated himself for sounding too mechanical. “How are you?” he added, but that was really no better.

“I-am-fine-how-are-you?” Frank said in a purposefully robotic voice, and then laughed. “C’mon, let’s do this! I’ve been waiting for this forever!” He walked to the counter where the shopkeeper was with his possible mother. “Hey Trevor, what’s up?”

“Hey Frank," Trevor replied. "You ready?"

"I'm beyond ready," Frank said, practically bouncing on his feet. "I would've done this months ago if I'd had the money." Trevor rolled his eyes and gestured over to the back of the shop where there were two doors on the wall. When Gerard made to follow behind Frank, Trevor stopped and looked at them.

“You’re coming too?” he asked. When Gerard just looked at Frank, Trevor shrugged and started walking again.

“I thought you said you were told to bring someone with you?” Gerard whispered at Frank, trying not to be overheard by Trevor.

“Yep,” Frank said, popping the ‘p’ at the end and not meeting Gerard’s gaze.

“Alright kid, hop up on the bench for me,” Trevor said as they entered a small, sterile looking room. It was barely large enough for the three of them, so Gerard tried to make himself as small as possible and not get in the way. Frank hopped up on the long black bench that was up against one of the walls of the room, dangling his legs. Trevor and Frank had a discussion about placement over a small handheld mirror, while Gerard stood there and pretended to know what he was doing.

“What do you think, Gerard?” Frank asked, turning to him. He had a small black dot painted below his lower lip on one side.

“Uhm, sure, looks good,” Gerard said, hoping he was right.

“Okay, good. Let’s do it,” Frank nodded and turned back to Trevor.

“Alright, now remember, after the piercing you want to be careful with what you eat for the first few days, it’s going to be sore,” Trevor said, sounding like he was reciting a well-known script. “Try to lay off the alcohol and cigarettes, it will slow down the healing. Don’t go swimming for at least two weeks and no kissing.” He looked at Frank sternly for a long moment before his eyes moved to Gerard, and looked at him just as sternly. Gerard was taken aback and he could feel his cheeks starting to heat up.

“Aw, you’re no fun,” Frank said.

“And no oral sex,” Trevor said, looking at Frank again. “I mean it,” he said looking over to Gerard, who could feel himself blushing furiously now.

“Sorry babe,” Frank said with a wink at Gerard. “Wait, I can’t give but I can receive, right?” Frank asked Trevor who just looked at him, seeming not to dignify that with a response. Frank wiggled his eyebrows at Gerard who quickly looked away, hoping his blush wasn’t too obvious.

“Alright, are you ready?” Trevor asked, turning to a small table and getting out a packet containing a needle.

“Yeah,” Frank said and then reached his hand toward Gerard. “C’mon!” he said when Gerard didn’t move. “You have to hold my hand.” Gerard grudgingly moved closer, and lifted his hand. Frank gripped it immediately and held tight. He held hands with Frank way too often, Gerard thought. It seemed to happen all the time without him even noticing before it was too late.

Trevor was moving over with the needle. He’d sterilized the skin and now all that was left to do was the needle. The needle through the skin. “Take a deep breath for me,” Trevor said and Frank obeyed. Gerard stared at Frank’s lower lip as the sharp needle got closer and closer, and was it getting warmer in there or was it Gerard’s imagination? He watched the sharp, tiny needle push at Frank’s skin, denting it until it gave way and the thin metal was pushing inside and suddenly Gerard fell into a black nothingness.

When he came to again, Frank was bending over him, a needle hanging through his lip, and Gerard was looking up at the ceiling. The back of his head hurt.

“Gerard? Fuck me, Gerard? Are you okay?” Frank was saying. Gerard couldn’t look at him with the needle still there, god, why was the needle still there.

“Oh,” Gerard said. “I forgot.”

“Forgot what?” Frank asked, pulling Gerard into a sitting position. “Do we need to call an ambulance?” he asked Trevor.

“I don’t like needles.”

There was silence for a few moments and the Frank burst out laughing. “Oh my god, Gerard!” he said and then continued laughing. When it finally started to slow down, Frank said, “sorry I dragged you along then.”

“He’s probably fine,” Trevor said, looking Gerard over. “You should still maybe call your doctor, and watch for any signs of a concussion.”

“I’ll take care of him,” Frank said.

“Neeled,” Gerard said, and both of the others looked at him curiously. “Neelde,” he tried again, before taking a deep breath, pointing at Frank’s face without looking. “Needle.”

“Oh, right,” Frank said, looking down at himself.

“Yeah, let’s finish you off,” Trevor said, going to get new sterile gloves.

“Okay, you can look,” Frank said a few moments later, lowering himself down so he was face level with Gerard who was still sitting on the floor and trying to catch his breath. “Do you like it?” Gerard took a few moments to prepare himself, and then he looked.

“Oh,” was what came out. “It looks-” Gerard started but then trailed off, still admiring the ring now adorning the side of Frank’s lower lip. The ring curved around the lip and disappeared inside Frank’s mouth, and when Frank smiled it moved with his lips, drawing attention to the corner of Frank’s mouth. He could see Frank’s tongue on it, peeking between his lips, worrying at the metal. “It… it looks good,” he managed, sounding a bit choked. Probably because he’d just fainted. Probably.

"Thanks!" Frank said, beaming. Gerard couldn't stop looking. There was a deep sigh from behind Frank.

"At least _try_ to wait two weeks. Please." Trevor looked resigned, when Gerard managed to drag his eyes away from Frank's mouth. "And come by if you have any issues."

"Don't worry," Frank said, now reaching a hand towards Gerard to help him up. Gerard took it, and didn't let go once he was upright. He was still a little unsteady. "You know I'm a fast healer," Frank added.

"You're really not," Trevor muttered, but followed them out of the room and to the counter, where Frank paid the old lady for the piercing. It wasn't until they were back outside, in the daylight, that Gerard realised he still had his hand in Frank's. They were basically just holding hands. Again.

"Do you have to go back to work?" Frank asked as they walked down the street towards Gerard's car.

"I wasn't sure how long this would take, so I took the rest of the day off." Gerard thought about trying to free his hand as they walked, but almost as if he had read his thoughts, Frank gripped tighter, moving to weave their fingers together. Gerard swallowed hard.

"Do you think you can drive?" Frank asked. "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go to the- oh, hang on,” Frank said, stopping mid sentence to reach into his pocket and get his phone. His face lit up in a smile at the screen and he let go of Gerard’s hand to tap at the phone for a few minutes. Then he looked up at Gerard, with the smile that wasn’t for him. “Sorry, I actually, I have to go.”

“Oh, sure,” Gerard said, flexing his fingers down by his side. “Everything alright?” he asked, even though he knew it was, just based on Frank’s expression.

“Yeah, just, an old friend is suddenly back in town and he wants to meet up,” Frank explained.

“Alright, do you want a lift anywhere?” Gerard asked, feeling unsettled for some reason.

“No it’s fine, we’re going to meet up not far from here,” Frank said. “Bye, thanks for coming with me, see you later!”

And then he was gone.

Gerard couldn’t stop clenching and unclenching his fingers as he walked to his car and got in. It was like Frank had done something to his hand and now it felt wrong somehow. He didn’t want to think about it.

Going home didn’t feel like an option, Gerard decided as he drove. So he just kept driving around the city, trying to get lost, trying not to think. It didn’t really work, his mind kept supplying him with thoughts and images he didn’t want to have, didn’t want to deal with. The feeling of Frank’s tongue on his neck, his lips on Gerard’s, his hand clutching Gerard’s, Frank’s mouth with that piercing. And the thing that was causing him the most mental anguish right now was the thought that maybe he wasn’t special, maybe Frank was this flirtatious with everyone, maybe that was just how he was with people. Seeing him smile that familiar smile but at someone else, _because_ of someone else… it had made Gerard feel so strange, like he’d just swallowed charcoal or something. He tried to blame it on his earlier fainting incident, but if he was honest with himself, if he really let himself think it through…

Driving wasn’t helping, clearly, but he didn’t know what else to do. On a red light, his eyes landed on a CD sitting beneath the car stereo. Something that Frank had left there weeks ago probably. On a whim, he put it in and pressed play.

It was immediately obvious that the album had to be pretty old, at least 30 years, if not more. The first song didn’t immediately offend his ears, and he felt a little rebellious, turning the sound up a few notches and actually listening to the music while he was driving. The music played on, building up in a melancholy crescendo that mesmerized Gerard. He found himself looking forward to the next song. He got lost in the music as he drove, lost in the sounds, the story and the voice of the singer, filled with pain and emotion but always with that edge of hope. The way the singer’s voice broke on the last song got to Gerard until he felt the build up of tears unexpectedly in his eyes, and he tried to blink them away. As the song died out and the CD stopped, Gerard looked around where he found himself driving. It was an industrial area of the city, full of square, bleak warehouses and busy metal workshops. He smiled a little to himself as he pressed play on the CD again, and kept driving.

After Gerard got home that night, his phone rang. He was sitting in the kitchen with Heather, who was telling him about the paint choices she was grappling with for her art gallery's remodelling. Gerard didn’t really have a preference between the two, almost white colors she showed him but he tried to seem interested. Looking at his phone, he saw that it was Frank calling him. Immediately Gerard started to panic. Not only because of what had happened the last time Frank had called, but also because of how they had left things that afternoon, and because Heather was right there.

“Sorry, it’s work,” Gerard said, standing up. “I have to take this, I’ll be in my office.” He did briefly consider not answering, but he couldn’t go through with it. He walked quickly to his office and closed the door.

“Gerard!” Frank exclaimed as Gerard answered. “Are you okay?”

“Yes?” Gerard said uncertain.

“I was supposed to take care of you after you fainted and then I got caught up with my friends, I’m so sorry,” Frank said and he did sound genuinely remorseful.

“Oh. Yes I’m fine, I have a bit of a bump on the head but nothing serious I think,” Gerard said.

“Good. And no nausea or headaches?”

“No, nothing like that,” Gerard said, smiling at the worry in Frank’s voice. “Everything’s fine.”

“Good,” Frank repeated. “Let me know if you do get worse though, I feel like it’s my fault.”

“It’s not your fault I had an adverse reaction,” Gerard said. “I really have to go now Frank, thank you for your concern but I’m fine, really.”

They said their goodbyes, Frank a little reluctantly, and Gerard hung up the phone. When he came back out of the office, Heather wasn’t in the kitchen anymore and when he checked, the lights were off in the bedroom and Heather was sleeping soundly on her side of the bed. Gerard decided the best thing he could do was join her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come talk to me on twitter @comrade__mikey or on fedi @brennuvargur@fandom.ink


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you guys are absolute darlings with your comments, you give me the will to keep going °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° also everyone giving kudos I see you too <3

Things slowly got back to normal between Gerard and Frank over the next few days. Mostly because Gerard resolutely pretended nothing had happened and Frank didn’t push him too much on that narrative. Even if he had, Gerard would’ve pretended not to notice.

Gerard tried to be nicer to Heather in the days following _‘The Incident’_ as he had started calling it in his head. Logically, he knew it wasn't his fault - Frank had kissed _him_ , Gerard hadn't done anything wrong. But it _felt_ wrong, somehow. He was sure Heather saw through his attempts and right through to his guilt, but she never said anything. She was always delighted and surprised as he brought home flowers and bracelets and dog toys and art books. It only made him feel worse.

Despite his worsening guilt, Gerard still couldn't bring himself to cut off contact with Frank. He knew he should. It would be the right thing to do as nothing good could come from continuing this mad dalliance with inevitable trouble. Yet he couldn't. He just couldn't. He looked forward to seeing Frank every day, even after _The Incident_ had made things awkward between them. On the days he didn't see Frank, his thoughts were constantly wandering to the boy, wondering where he was, what he was doing, how he was feeling, and whether he'd hear from him at all that day. It was embarrassing that a teenager had this much power over him, the power to make him happy with just a smile, just a look.

That day, only a few days since _The Incident_ , Frank seemed preoccupied. He'd only recently arrived at Gerard's office, but he'd been distracted with his phone the whole time, paying very little attention to Gerard. He tried not to take it in on himself but he couldn't help being curious. He also couldn't help it if the curiosity turned a little sour and acidic in his belly as his mind wondered what was so much more interesting than him.

"Are you okay?" Frank asked, breaking Gerard out of his thoughts. He'd been staring into the distance as his mind wandered, and hadn't noticed Frank putting down his phone and turning his attention to Gerard. If he was honest with himself, he was also desperately trying to keep himself from staring at Frank's lip ring.

"Hm?" Gerard said airily, trying to seem busy as he turned back to his tablet. "Yes, everything is fine."

"Okay…" Frank said, leaning back in his seat and stretching his arms to the ceiling. He then reached back for his phone.

"And you?" Gerard asked, doing a bad job at hiding his agitation.

"Me? Sure," Frank replied easily.

"You seem glued to your phone."

"Yeah, I'm trying to get my friend to come visit me again," Frank explained.

"Oh, is that the same friend as the other day?" Gerard asked desperately trying to sound casual.

"Yes, his name is Evan," Frank said, sitting up straighter. His face lit up as he spoke and Gerard's stomach clenched uncomfortably. "He used to live here but then his family moved away to freaking Pittsburgh. He's my best friend."

"That's nice," Gerard said. He felt like he should say something more, distract from his weird… whatever it was. He looked at his tablet for a moment and then put it down on his desk. "You've known him long then?"

"Yeah, since we were kids!" Frank replied. "Everything's sucked since he moved away…" Frank looked away.

"I'm sorry, that must've been difficult," Gerard said.

"Yeah, we used to do everything together. He was even my first-" Frank stopped himself before he finished. "Well, you know."

"He… he was your boyfriend?" Gerard asked, his heart thumping hard in his chest and the sour feeling from his stomach spilled over and engulfed him completely.

"God no," Frank said vehemently, scrunching his face up, and Gerard felt himself calming down slightly, before Frank continued. "We just fooled around, y'know, as friends." Gerard's eyes widened and he looked up at Frank.

Gerard must have made some kind of sound, because Frank looked at him. "I see," Gerard said, hoping his voice was politely neutral.

"Well you know, we were the losers in our class. We had to learn how to kiss _somehow_." He smirked to himself. "And other things."

"Sure," Gerard's mouth said faintly as his mind exploded with the images of Frank and this unknown boy, the tentative first kisses and experimental touches that passed between them. Frank, younger than he was now, kissing someone young and handsome like he had kissed Gerard that night. It made Gerard feel like he couldn't breathe, but his mind wouldn't stop torturing him. When Frank had gone to see this friend that Friday when they'd gone to the piercing shop, had he and this friend, had they gone off to-

"Gerard?" Frank said, looking concerned when Gerard finally met his eyes. He leaned forward across Gerard's desk and put a hand over Gerard's where it rested and then looked at Gerard, his face so open and earnest.

Gerard sprung up from his chair, lied about having a meeting and practically ran out of the room. When he came back, Frank was gone.

🙦

“Oh dude, were you listening to Ziggy Stardust?”

There was really no way for Gerard to play it off, the CD started playing from the speakers after they got in and he started the car. He’d been listening that morning as he drove to work. The traffic had been worse than usual and he’d been running late, and he had just needed something to distract himself. He glanced at Frank and turned the volume down before answering. “Yeah I gave it a listen this morning.”

“Awesome, did you like it?” Frank asked, and Gerard could see him revving up into his hyper-excited mode.

“Um, well,” Gerard started, but really, was there any reason to lie? “Yes, I liked it.”

“I knew you’d be a Bowie fan,” Frank said, smiling to himself as he settled into the seat and put on his seatbelt. Gerard pulled out of the parking spot and exited the parking garage under the office building, into the relatively empty night.

“I guess,” Gerard replied. He’d only listened to, and liked, one album. He wasn’t sure that constituted ‘a fan’ really. But there was no stopping Frank now.

“I knew it, it’s such a good gateway album,” he started, and then leaned forward to rummage through his backpack on the floor in front of him. “If you liked that then you should try some of The Velvet Underground, maybe Fleetwood Mac, or- oh! Oh! Pink Floyd! You’d definitely like The Wall, and Queen, have you listened to Queen before? You should try one of theirs, maybe A Night at the Opera? I think I have it with me.” He finally emerged, triumphant, an album clutched in his right hand.

“Uh-” Gerard began, but Frank barrelled on.

“I’ll bring more CDs next time, I have some at home I borrowed from Evan, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind, it’s for a good cause after all.”

“A good cause?” Gerard asked as he pulled up to a red light and looked at Frank, who grinned back at him.

“Yeah dude,” he beamed. “Your musical education! It’s important.” Gerard didn’t realise he’d been staring until there was a loud honk from behind them and he jumped, blushing. He hurried to put the car into gear and set off again, clearing his throat.

"You can… if you leave it I might give it a listen if I have the time," Gerard said. Frank just smirked as he placed the CD in the compartment between the seats.

"Sure," he said. "No pressure or anything." They drove on for a few moments, nothing passing between them as they listened to the music. Frank caught Gerard mouthing along to the current song a few times, making Frank's smirk reappear and Gerard blush again.

The route to Frank's home was so familiar to Gerard by now that he hardly had to think as he navigated through the streets. He pulled the car up to the usual parking lot where he let Frank off. It was an unseasonably warm night, the kind that made you think a thunderstorm was coming. Gerard turned to Frank as he put the parking brake on.

"So I'll meet you there tomorrow?" Frank asked, turning to Gerard. Gerard searched his mind for a moment before he remembered.

"Mikey's concert," he said.

"The Spiderweb Bitches, yes," Frank said. "You forgot? You can still go, right?"

"Yes, no, I didn't forget, I just… forgot," he replied, sheepish.

"You have tickets for us, right? I've heard from so many people they're gonna be there, it's gonna be a fucking crazy show!" Frank looked genuinely excited at the prospect.

"I have our tickets.”

"Awesome!" Frank smiled, his lip ring glinting in the light from the street lamp outside and drawing Gerard's eyes. "See you tomorrow!" Frank jumped out of the car, pulled the hood of his jumper over his head against the wind, and walked to the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bit of a transition chapter but... we're going somewhere good I promise. And next chapter we get to meet Mikey!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends!!! I think maybe you will like this chapter...

Gerard had never actually been this early to one of Mikey's concerts. He didn't usually allow himself to give up that much of his time, and showing up after everybody else meant he could find a nice corner to hide in, and slink in and out without anybody paying attention to him. But this time, Frank had convinced him to come early. They'd had a heated discussion about it over text messages, and eventually Gerard had given in.

He waited outside the venue for Frank, who, when he arrived, informed Gerard that there would be an opening act and that they simply _had_ to see them, too. It was almost reminiscent of the night they first met, standing together under the street lamp outside, even if it was a different place from last time. Frank even asked him for a cigarette ("because it's cold, c'mon") but Gerard denied him as usual. He wouldn't knowingly break a law even, if he had done it unknowingly that one time. Frank pouted at him and it was almost enough to make Gerard give in and just give him one. Instead he sucked on his own cigarette and looked away, hearing Frank groan beside him.

“You look so hot with that cigarette,” Frank said and Gerard froze. “But your clothes...” He trailed off and Gerard looked down at himself. Was his tie crooked? Did he have coffee stains on his shirt? Frank hummed and looked Gerard appraisingly up and down. “I think…” Then he started rummaging in his backpack. “Here it is!” he said and handed a waddled up piece of black fabric to Gerard. Gerard held it up, straightening it out.

“A… t-shirt?”

“Yes, put it on.”

“But-” Gerard started. They were outside, in the cold, surrounded by people waiting for the venue doors to open.

“I’m not allowing you into that venue with a tie on,” Frank stated and crossed his arms. “If you want privacy, you can do it around that corner or in your car or something.” Gerard looked at the shirt, considering. It was black and had the name of Mikey’s band on the front in white. It would probably fit him, he thought. And nobody he knew would see him here except Frank and Mikey… It might even make Mikey happy to see him wearing his band's logo.

“Okay, fine,” Gerard said, making up his mind only as he said the words. He strode down along the wall of the venue and to the side, hiding himself from view from most of the crowd. Frank followed. “I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Gerard muttered to himself. Frank giggled in that way he had. Gerard started with his tie, carefully undoing the knot and handing it to Frank. Then he started unbuttoning his white shirt, aware of Frank’s attention on his fingers as they worked every button. He wanted to turn away. He didn’t want to be seen, didn’t want _Frank_ to see him, but at the same time it felt like if he did hide himself, he would lose some kind of test. A test of strength or courage or _‘coolness.’_ He pulled the shirt off, first one arm and then the other, along with his undershirt, shivering in the cold air. He folded it over his arms and then handed it to Frank who gave him the t-shirt in return.

“You’re so thin…” Frank said, staring at him. Gerard didn’t really know what to say to that and he felt self-conscious so he just carefully pulled on the black t-shirt, hoping it wouldn’t make his hair stand on end as he did.

“Well?” he said to Frank after he was done, and Frank just stared at him.

“God,” Frank said, in a voice that sounded low and gravelly. Gerard’s pulse quickened. “It suits you.”

“Thank you,” Gerard said, hugging his arms to his body to try and conserve some body heat without a jacket on.

“Oh shit, here, take this,” Frank said, and then he was stuffing Gerard’s clothes in his backpack haphazardly, much to Gerard’s alarm, and then took off his hoodie and handed it to Gerard.

“No, I can’t, you need it,” Gerard protested but Frank just shook his head.

“I will get so warm as soon as we get inside,” Frank said. “I’ll be sweating in the pit.”

“Are you sure?” Gerard asked, hesitantly reaching for the jumper. He was really cold and it looked so tempting.

“Absolutely,” Frank said. “They’ll be letting us in soon anyway.”

“Alright,” Gerard said, taking the sweater. It was black and zipped up in the front, and Gerard could feel the warmth from Frank's body still clinging to the soft fabric as he slipped his arms into the sweater and hugged it close to his body. It was a little big for him.

“Fuck,” Frank said, still looking at Gerard. “All that’s missing is the eyeliner and you’d be every single person in there’s perfect wet dream.”

“I- excuse me?”

“You look really good,” Frank said, stepping closer. He lifted a hand to brush Gerard’s hair to the side. “I have eyeliner in my bag I think.” His voice was soft, and his hand lingered in Gerard’s hair.

“I- I don’t-” Gerard stuttered. Frank was looking at him with such heat in his eyes and that _hunger_ again and Gerard couldn’t stop himself from staring. Frank’s tongue came out to wet his lips and Gerard’s eyes followed the movement automatically. Gerard took a deep breath, swaying where he stood, leaning closer to Frank and then back again. Frank’s lips were shiny and Gerard subconsciously did the same to his own. Frank’s hand moved down from Gerard’s hair, his fingers trailing down the side of Gerard’s face, down his neck, his chest, until it came to rest away from Gerard's body at Frank’s side. The trail his fingers had traced still felt like fire on Gerard’s skin, even against the cold air.

“C’mon, let’s get you inside,” Frank said, quiet like he didn’t want to unsettle or disturb Gerard. Gerard hadn’t even noticed that the doors were open now but indeed the sounds from the crowd outside the venue seemed to be moving away.

Inside, Frank immediately made a beeline for where the merchandise shop was set up in one corner of the venue. Gerard didn’t really want to join the throng of people clamoring at the table where three people were trying their hardest to serve them all. When Frank came back, he was holding a t-shirt and some patches. He shoved it all into his backpack alongside Gerard’s suit jacket and shirt.

“They had such awesome shirts on this tour,” Frank said, excited. Gerard just smiled back. “Will you buy me a beer?” Gerard sighed.

“Frank…” he started. “Do you want me to go to jail so badly?”

“It was worth a try,” Frank shrugged, not as disappointed by this as by the cigarette.

They milled about inside for a while as the room they were in filled up. It was a venue like any other Mikey’s band had played in, though Gerard had proudly noticed them getting larger and larger over the years. The end where the stage was located was where most of the crowd was gathering, while the merchandise table was at the back, as well as a bar. Gerard eyed a corner that he would stand in if he were alone, but he didn’t know what Frank expected of him while they were here. Were they supposed to be here _together_?

Soon enough, the opening band came out and started playing music that felt very fast and harsh to Gerard’s ears. Frank stayed near Gerard for the first few songs, but then leaned in to shout in Gerard’s ear over the noise, “I’m going in!” and then he was gone, practically diving into the crowd of people, and Gerard quickly lost sight of him. Gerard stood close to the bar, deciding to stay in the same place so that Frank could find him again if he wanted to later. He noticed a few other people in the same area, leaning against the bar and watching the show while sipping on their dark liquids from see-through plastic glasses. One of them, a man a little older than Gerard, wearing jeans and a band t-shirt, met Gerard’s eyes and raised his glass to Gerard before drinking. Gerard quickly looked away and pretended he was watching the band.

Frank returned once the set finished and the crowd returned to a calmer state. The lights were turned on again and music played softly from speakers in the ceiling as people started chatting to each other. “That was so fucking awesome!” Frank said. “I’m gonna go see if they are selling a CD at the merch table, didn’t that just like, blow your mind?” Frank didn’t stay and wait for Gerard to answer, but galloped off. Gerard watched him disappear back into the crowd, smiling to himself at Frank’s enthusiasm. He was just so excited about everything and Gerard couldn’t help being charmed by it.

“Hi there, I haven’t seen you around here before,” came a voice from somewhere beside Gerard. Gerard swirled around and saw the same guy from earlier at the bar.

“Oh... yeah, I don’t really come out here very often,” Gerard replied.

“What made you come out tonight?” the man asked.

“Uhm, I guess I just really like the uh, The Spiderweb Bitches,” Gerard said, looking around to see if Frank was coming back yet.

“That’s cool, they’re pretty good,” the guy said. “Do you live around here? My name is Felix, by the way.”

“No, I don’t, I-” Gerard was cut off as an arm reached around his back and clasped his shoulder.

“Hey babe, who’s your new friend?” Frank asked, tightening his arm around Gerard and leaning against his side to look at Felix. He was smiling but the smile was tight and his eyes looked hard.

“Oh, hey,” Gerard said, taken aback and feeling like he was rapidly losing control of the situation. “This is uh, Felix?”

“Sorry dude,” Felix said, taking a step back. “I didn’t realise, I thought he was alone.” Felix took another step back.

“Did you now?” Frank said, like he didn’t believe him.

“My mistake,” Felix said, and turned around and walked away. Frank leaned his head on Gerard’s shoulder for a moment and sighed, before letting go of Gerard.

“I can’t leave you alone for five seconds, huh,” he said, turning to face Gerard.

“What do you mean?” Gerard said, refusing to believe what had just happened.

“I told you, you look hot as fuck,” Frank said. “I’m going to have to beat them off you with a stick all night!”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Gerard said, blushing and looking away. “He wasn’t-! I’m not- that’s not what was happening!” It made him feel so strange to think of being wanted, being _desired_. He never thought of himself that way. As much as he found himself thinking of his physical body, it was always just in terms of how much space he was taking up, how wrong he looked, all the parts of it he didn’t like and wanted to change.

“You don’t believe me.” It was a statement, not a question. Frank stepped in close to Gerard again, taking one of Gerard’s hands in his own. “I don’t know who or what made you so critical of yourself that you don’t believe me when I tell you you’re beautiful.” He came even closer, their chests almost touching. Gerard forgot all the people around them, feeling invisible in the crowd, just the two of them. Frank lifted his free hand to brush Gerard’s hair from his face again, and then cup his cheek. “You don’t even see…” He broke off, his thumb brushing over Gerard’s lower lip. Gerard swallowed, and noticed Frank’s eyes following the movement of his throat.

“Frank,” Gerard said, and his voice sounded desperate, even to his own ears. He stared helplessly into Frank’s eyes and his gaze was met with such intensity it almost knocked him off his feet. Why was Frank even telling him this, when _he_ was the one of the two of them who was beautiful, with his dark hair and pale skin and his kind smile and even kinder eyes. Gerard wasn’t anything, but Frank, Frank was _everything_.

“Just tell me to stop,” Frank said, almost whispering. He stepped even closer, one arm around Gerard’s waist, the other moving from Gerard’s cheek to the back of his head. “Just-” and then he pulled Gerard closer until their lips met.

Something broke inside Gerard.

His arms wrapped around Frank, holding him close as their lips moved together. He felt the cool metal of Frank’s lip ring against his mouth, and the hint of Frank’s tongue for just a moment, making Gerard’s entire body hum with the electricity of it. Frank was warm and his lips were soft and Gerard sighed into the kiss, feeling something tight loosening up in his stomach. Like a coil that had been compressed tight and then finally allowed to spring free again. He wanted more.

His fingers were tangling in the back of Frank's shirt, holding tightly as their lips moved together. His breath hitched as he felt Frank's teeth on his lower lip and his hands started moving over Frank's body, every part of him he could reach, feeling him so warm and alive beneath his fingers as he mapped his body, trying to memorise it from touch alone. Frank’s hand on his back was stroking gentle circles that Gerard could feel through the fabric of his clothing, his skin tingling in response. The hand on the back of his head was holding him steady, fingers softly tangling in Gerard’s hair. It was all so much. It was perfect, but it was so much, so much sensory input, he felt like he was being overloaded.

The room went dark and the music that had been playing on the speakers died down. A hush came over the crowd and they all rushed towards the stage. It broke the spell, reminding them again of where they were. They broke apart, and Frank was smiling at Gerard, a smile that broke Gerard's heart with how happy and hopeful it was. Gerard stepped back. He was breathing hard and didn’t know what to say. It felt like something enormous had just happened, a polarity shift, and nobody had noticed except him.

The sound of an electric guitar note broke through the room and Gerard looked up as the stage was slowly lit up as the rest of the instruments joined in. Seeing Mikey there with his bass made Gerard beam with pride. The crowd went absolutely crazy, and Frank grinned up at Gerard and said, "c'mon," though Gerard saw it more than heard it over the roar of the crowd and the din of the music. Frank took Gerard's hand and led him towards the edge of the crowd. He started jumping around and singing along to the music, with the rest of the crowd. Gerard didn't go quite that far but he allowed himself to move with the beat more than he usually did. He smiled when he saw Mikey throwing his head forward as he played. A particularly energetic song started up and Frank pointed into the crowd, mouthing something Gerard didn't catch, and then he was off again, disappearing into the sea of moving bodies.

It was only then, when Frank was gone and Gerard was alone in the crowd, that it really hit him. The music became muted and the room almost went dark as his heart started pounding. Because now he couldn’t hide it from himself any longer, he couldn’t pretend it wasn’t happening. He wanted Frank. He _wanted_ him. He was _attracted_ to him. It had been going on for so long and it had crept up on him so slowly that he’d been able to deny it, to hide it even from himself. Now that he could admit it, he felt consumed by it. Now that he could see it for what it was, he couldn’t stop thinking about Frank, the feel of him against Gerard’s body, the taste of his lips, the spark in his eyes, the slope of his brow and the curve of his lower lip. Gerard was looking at Frank in a whole new light and greedily he wanted more, he wanted to see Frank and drink him in, every detail that he hadn’t allowed himself to notice before. He knew he should go back to that. Back to the denial and self-deception, but he wanted, for a moment, just a moment, to bask in the feeling.

Frank emerged from the crowd again, his cheeks ruddy and lips stretched in a smile. His hair had become even more dishevelled and Gerard wanted to run his fingers through it. It seemed like all the air rushed back into the room, the sound became blaring again, and he noticed the jostle of people around him.

Five more seconds, he told himself. Five seconds of looking. Of having Frank like this. Five seconds.

He noted down every detail of Frank right now, the sweat running down his cheek and along his jawline, the smile on his face, the joy and warmth in his eyes. He took it all in and then locked it away in the back of his mind.

“You okay?” Frank asked into his ear over the music. Gerard just nodded and forced himself to smile.

For the rest of the concert, Frank did his thing of running into the crowd for some songs and then coming back to Gerard for others. During the single slow song, he sang along loudly and put an arm around Gerard, swaying with the rest of the crowd. Gerard tried not to notice and leaned away, but Frank just followed.

The quiet at the end of the last song was welcome, Gerard thought his ears would be ringing for days after tonight. The crowd started slowly making their way back outside, chatting loudly about the concert. Many seemed disappointed that the show was over.

“I want to stay and see Mikey,” Gerard said. He’d missed his brother more than he thought. They only talked on the phone a few times a month when he was touring and he had realised tonight how much he missed having him around.

“Sure,” Frank said and made no move to leave. Gerard got his phone out and texted Mikey to let him know that he would be waiting for him, and Mikey quickly replied and told him to go to the back room through the doors on the right of the stage. It felt a little bit like they were sneaking somewhere they weren't supposed to go, but the door was unlocked and Gerard tried to project an air of confidence. He hadn't expected Frank to follow him through the door though. Christ, what was he going to tell Mikey?

"You don't have to come with me," Gerard said awkwardly, still holding the door open.

"No, I'll wait with you," Frank replied easily.

The room they entered was quiet and empty. There were a couple of sofas separated by a low coffee table, with a small kitchen nook in one end of the room. There were so many random objects lying around that Gerard imagined had been left by the multitudes of bands that had come through here and used this room to get ready for their shows. The walls were _covered_ in posters, advertising gigs. Gerard saw dates as far back as the 70s on some of them.

Gerard's phone buzzed and he looked to find a text from Mikey saying he'd be there in five minutes. Gerard told him not to worry and then put his phone away again. It was nagging at him, the duty he had to say something to Frank.

Well, there was no time like the present, right? He just had to get this over with. Gerard sighed and then took a deep breath. Frank looked at him curiously. He'd been leafing through some of the magazines on the coffee table but he put them down and turned to Gerard.

"Look, Frank," Gerard started, trying to keep his voice even and neutral. "About what happened earlier…” He took a deep breath before continuing, trying to organise his thoughts. “You really need to stop doing things like that, Frank.”

“I do?”

“Yes,” Gerard said, trying to sound firm.

“And what _’things’_ are you referring to?” Frank was grinning, like he was challenging Gerard. Like this was a game, and not the most terrifying thing Gerard had gone through since he'd left home.

“You- you know what I mean.” Frank stepped closer and Gerard automatically stepped back.

“Oh, so you’re saying you don’t like it?” Frank asked, following after Gerard with another step. Gerard automatically stepped back again, and his back came up against the wall.

“Yes,” Gerard said, his voice wavering a little. Frank was still following after him.

“So you don’t like it when I come real close like this?”

“No, I don’t,” Gerard said, pushing himself further against the wall. Frank was coming closer and closer and Gerard had no escape left. The edge of the sofa was on his right and the counter of the kitchenette on his left.

“And you don’t like it when I kiss you?” Frank’s voice was lower now, quieter. Gerard could feel his entire body reverberating with it.

“N-no,” Gerard said, his voice almost a whisper now. He looked up to meet Frank’s eyes again and almost flinched from the intensity in them. There was heat building up in his body and he didn’t know what to do with it, didn’t know where it should go.

“Or when I touch you?” Frank asked, reaching a hand up to stroke his fingertips over Gerard’s cheek, the barest hint of a touch.

Gerard's heart seemed to be beating from his throat and he couldn't swallow around it. “God, Frank,” Gerard breathed, almost choking on the words as they clawed their way out of his throat. Frank was right there, _right there_ and Gerard was having a hard time remembering why he was lying, why he was _supposed_ to lie, why he _had_ to lie, and Frank’s fingers were trailing down Gerard’s cheekbone and over his lips and Gerard was breathing hard, frozen in place.

There was the sound of a door opening and Gerard straightened up immediately. Frank also took a step back, though not as quickly, and let his hand fall down.

“Mikey!” Gerard said and his face broke out in a smile, the sight of his brother driving everything else from his mind. Frank moved away so that Gerard could get past him and Gerard went over and hugged his brother. He didn’t even care that he was sweaty and gross from being on stage. Mikey seemed a little surprised at first, but he lifted his arms up to reciprocate the hug after a moment or two.

“Hey G, how are you?” Mikey said when Gerard finally let him go. He looked over at Frank and then back at Gerard. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, everything’s fine,” Gerard replied, still drinking in the sight of his brother. His hair had grown since the last time Gerard had seen him, and he was wearing the same outfit as he had on stage, tight black jeans and tshirt with some picture on it. “Oh, this is Frank,” Gerard started and then didn’t know how to even begin to explain. It was so unlike him not to have a plan for how to explain to Mikey how he knew Frank, but at the same time he didn’t want to lie to Mikey and he wasn’t even sure he could.

“We’ve met before,” Mikey said, smiling at Frank.

“Yeah, hey thanks for hooking me up with tickets,” Frank said, running a hand through his hair.

“No problem,” Mikey replied.

“You guys were really awesome tonight,” Frank continued. “The way you played off the crowd in there was the best thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it,” Mikey said. He gave Gerard another look, before continuing. “Hey, do you mind if I speak to Gerard alone for a second?”

“Oh, sure,” Frank said. “No problem, I wanted to go to the merch table one last time anyway, if they haven’t packed up yet. It was nice to see you again.”

“You too man,” Mikey replied as he and Gerard watched Frank leave.

“You really were amazing tonight,” Gerard said when it was just the two of them and the door had closed behind Frank. Mikey went to sit down on the sofa and gestured to Gerard to sit next to him.

“Thanks, Gerard,” Mikey said with a smile. He turned to face Gerard better and leaned forward. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, of course,” Gerard said, his stomach tying itself into a knot. What had Mikey seen? “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Just… when I came into the room, you and Frank, I mean,” he paused. “It just looked… strange.”

“Oh,” Gerard said and tried to laugh airily like it was no big deal, but he'd never been good at that and he knew he was blushing. “That was nothing.” He couldn’t meet Mikey’s eyes. He hated lying to him but what could he even say, how could he explain?

“Are you sure?” Mikey said, insistent. Gerard still couldn’t meet his brother's penetrative gaze.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Gerard said.

“Frank’s a good kid,” Mikey said. “I’ve only met him a few times but he has a good reputation with the people around here.”

“Y-yeah, he’s- he’s nice.”

“Do you know how old he is?” Mikey asked carefully.

“Yes, I do." Gerard swallowed, then glanced up at Mikey briefly. "What- why are you asking?”

“Just… you know you can talk to me, right? About anything.” Mikey was so earnest and kind and in that moment Gerard’s heart was overflowing with love for his brother. “I would never judge you or laugh at you or- or anything like that.”

“I know,” Gerard said. For a second, a long second, Gerard wanted to tell him. He wanted to confess everything to Mikey. It was so difficult carrying this all alone, the shame, the guilt, the certainty that he was a horrible person. It would be so good to just confide in someone for once, even if Mikey would never talk to Gerard again after hearing about what was going on. And that was the fear, wasn’t it. Gerard didn’t know what he would do if Mikey never talked to him again. He wouldn’t be able to keep living if that happened. So he just smiled at Mikey, gripped his hand tight for a few seconds and said, “Thank you.” His throat felt tight and he could barely swallow.

"Hey, you're wearing one of our shirts!" Mikey said, breaking the awkwardly emotional moment.

"Yeah, well, I have to show support for my favourite band, don't I?" Gerard said, and Mikey beamed at him. 

He and Mikey chatted for a few more minutes, planning to meet up again in the next week for dinner, and Gerard breathed a little easier. It wasn't until he got back home after driving Frank that he realised that he was still wearing Frank's t-shirt, and Frank still had his suit jacket and shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how did I write over 4k words about things happening for one evening?
> 
> so... do you think mikey knows?....


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's been so long, I promise I won't abandon this fic as I have most of it written already, so don't worry about that. I just had a lot of Life Things going on, I saw my mom for the first time in over 7 months, and then I bought a house 〜(＞＜)〜  
> The finally when I was able to come back to this fic I was just really really unhappy with this chapter. I've worked on it for long enough now though, I just want it done and away from, me lol  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy! (´• ω •`) ♡

Heather looked happy as always to see Mikey when he showed up that Thursday evening for dinner. The two of them had always gotten along well, thankfully. Gerard had cooked fresh salmon with lemon, a sauce he made from scratch, and a smoked salmon salad with avocados that Gerard had spent hours carving into intricate shapes.

As they settled in, Heather asked Mikey all the usual polite questions about his band and his roommate, and Mikey answered them all politely and informatively. The band was doing well and they were about to record another album, and his roommate -and bandmate - Ray, was badgering Mikey to finally let them splurge on a new sofa for their living room.

"He wants it to be something nice enough that we can have visitors over more often," Mikey said with a fond smile on his face. "To be honest I didn't even realise our sofa wasn't good enough for company."

"That's nice," Heather said. "I guess it runs in the family, Gerard never even notices if I buy a new dining table or curtains." Gerard thought about protesting but it was probably true. He wouldn't notice things like that if he had work on his mind. His home was just a house. Just like any other house. The furniture was always there, he never had to think about it, really. Should he feel bad about that? He didn't know.

"Yeah," Mikey laughed. "Gerard can be oblivious sometimes. Ray would probably say that about me too."

"You should bring him with you next time," Heather suggested.

"Thank you, I'm sure he would like that," Mikey smiled. "But how are things with you two?" He took a forkful of his food and looked between them expectantly.

"We are good," Heather said, dabbing at the corner of her mouth with a napkin. "Aren't we Gerard?" She smiled and looked across the table at him.

"Yes, Heather has been redecorating her gallery for a new exhibition," Gerard said as Mikey handed him the salad bowl.

"Modern art in a postmodern light," she explained. “We’ve been doing these amazing renovations to incorporate parts of the architecture into the different displays. The contractor I’m working with is really quite good,” Heather continued, taking a bite of her salmon.

Mikey made all the appropriate noises to indicate that he was paying attention as Heather told them about the modifications they’d done to the staircase in the center hall, but Gerard could feel Mikey’s eyes boring into him. When he looked, Mikey was indeed staring back at him, intense and questioning, and Gerard could feel himself sweating through his dress shirt and it wasn’t because of the spicy harissa aioli he’d made for the avocado salad. Gerard’s hope that they wouldn’t have to _talk_ about last weekend was quickly evaporating.

"But that’s enough about my gallery,” Heather finally finished. “Gerard has been really busy at work as well. Gerard has been… well go on, tell Mikey what you've been up to at the office."

"Oh it's just the same old, I know you're not interested in that," Gerard said, working on cutting his salmon into even sized portions along with his potatoes.

"You're not wrong there," Mikey deadpanned after swallowing his bite. "But I'm interested in you," he added. "Have you been drawing anything lately?"

"Mikey," Gerard tsked. "You know I don't do that anymore. I only ever really doodled anyway, it wasn't serious."

"It could have been," Mikey said, putting down his fork. His voice was low and he wasn't looking at Gerard. Gerard sighed. He sometimes felt like he was disappointing his brother with how he lived his life, just because he’d followed the path their father had set out for him. Couldn’t Mikey understand that Gerard had done it for _him_? So that their father would leave Mikey alone to follow his dreams. Gerard had to be perfect, in order for Mikey to be able to do what he wanted.

"This is so delicious, Gerard is such a good cook, don't you think?" Heather asked, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen between the brothers.

"Yeah, he is," Mikey said, smiling sadly and poking at the last piece of his salmon.

"Dessert," Gerard said, standing up. "I'll bring dessert." He grabbed the plates off the table, and carried them to the kitchen. Heather and Mikey had cleaned their plates off and Gerard quickly scraped the leftovers from his plate into the compost bin. He got the dessert plates and placed them on the table before bringing out the Crème brûlée he’d laboured over that afternoon.

They lapsed back into pleasant small talk over dessert, Mikey regaling them with a story of when he and Ray had gone to Ikea to buy a new set of drawers, and then spent the evening and well into the night trying to put it together, before realising they had put it together backwards somehow and none of the drawers could be opened. Gerard laughed along with Mikey and Heather. He was so glad that Mikey had someone like Ray in his life. Gerard hadn’t kept up with any of his childhood friends and listening to Mikey talk made him wish he had. Someone to just be friends with, without any other pressure.

When Heather had excused herself to go take Teacup for his evening walk, leaving the two brothers in the dining room, a heavy feeling settled in Gerard’s stomach and he thought he could feel the atmosphere in the room tense. He knew what was coming.

“So…” Mikey started. Gerard flailed for any distraction to keep the discussion from happening. He’d already put away the plates and cutlery as well as the leftovers from the table.

“Ah, shouldn’t we move into the lounge? It’s more comfortable to sit there.” Gerard could feel himself standing ramrod straight and he wasn't looking at Mikey.

“Sure,” Mikey said easily. Gerard led the way through the house to the lounge, a room in the far corner of the house that had large windows on the corner two walls, with a view out over the neighbourhood below. It was already dark outside and you could only tell the landscape by the streetlights and lit up windows of the houses sprawling out over the city. They sat down in the chairs, white and plush that allowed you to sink into them and made Gerard feel like he was being swallowed alive.

His brother cleared his throat.

“Mikey,” Gerard started, trying to head him off, begging him not to go there.

“Heather seems well,” Mikey said after a moment, instead of the interrogation Gerard was starting to expect. “Is dad pressuring you two to go back to the clinic yet?” Gerard held back a sigh of relief.

“Yeah,” he replied. “He’s trying to make us more appointments. I’m just not sure we’re ready.”

“That’s totally reasonable,” Mikey said. “After what happened, it’s normal that you’d need some time to recover.” He patted Gerard on the shoulder comfortingly. “Something like that can really take a toll on a relationship,” he added, and then Gerard understood Mikey's strategy.

“I don’t think that had any effect on my relationship with Heather,” Gerard argued. “She was… she was sad, for a while. But she seems more happy lately, I think. She’s excited about her work at the gallery again.”

“She seems better, yeah,” Mikey agreed. “And you?”

“I’m fine,” Gerard said.

“So what I saw last weekend…” Mikey started and then trailed off.

“It was nothing!” Gerard said, louder than he intended, his heartbeat starting to speed up.

“Okay, okay,” Mikey said, appeasing. “So everything is good between you and Heather?”

“Yes,” Gerard said, feeling himself becoming agitated despite himself. “Everything is fine.”

“Okay,” Mikey said again. He seemed disappointed. Gerard's heart clenched painfully.

“Maybe…" Gerard started, desperately trying to find something he could say that would placate Mikey. "Maybe we’ve seen less of each other lately than usual, but that’s just because we’ve both been really busy at work.” He hoped that telling Mikey just a little bit of the truth would appease them both. Make Mikey feel like Gerard was confiding in him, and make Gerard feel less like he was lying or that he was going to burst if he didn’t tell Mikey his dirty little secret. It seemed to have the opposite effect.

Mikey hummed in response, encouraging Gerard to go on and looking at him with a neutral expression on his face.

“I… I don’t know. Sometimes I guess… I guess it feels like we’re just roommates, you know? Like we just exist in the same space, but not together.” Gerard was leaning forward in his chair and looking at the shining white tile floor as he spoke.

“And is that what you want? Are you happy?” Mikey prodded.

“I-…” Gerard didn’t know what to say. “I don’t remember the last time I kissed my wife because I wanted to,” Gerard whispered in a rush, admitting it to himself as much as to Mikey. The words tumbled out unbidden and he couldn’t stop himself from speaking. “You know, _really_ wanted to. N-not because I was _supposed_ to.”

There was a pause before Mikey spoke, almost like he was hesitating. “Did you ever?”

Gerard looked up at him sharply, feeling like a lead weight had dropped into his stomach. It was too big, too enormous to even hold the thought in his mind. “God, Mikey, I don’t know what to do,” Gerard said eventually, looking back to the ground and resting his head in his hands, leaning on his knees.

“And Frank?” Mikey asked, his voice gentle. Gentle as he pulled open all of Gerard's wounds and looked at them, straight on. Gerard swallowed hard.

“He- he kissed me,” Gerard said, hiding his face in his hands. He almost expected Mikey not to have heard him, his voice was so quiet.

“At the concert?”

“Yes,” Gerard whispered, squeezing his eyes shut. “And… and before.”

Mikey took a deep breath and then sighed, leaning towards Gerard. “What do you _want_ to do?” he asked finally.

“I don’t know,” Gerard said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t know.” He sounded frightened, even to his own ears, and he couldn’t face Mikey, not after what he'd said, what he'd confessed.

“That’s okay,” Mikey said, and it was such a surprise to Gerard that he raised his head to look at him. Mikey just met his eyes steadily, his face free of judgement or horror or disgust or any of the things Gerard had been afraid of. “It’s okay, Gerard,” Mikey said, and put a hand over Gerard's. “You’re gonna be okay.” Suddenly Gerard felt like he was going to cry.

“Mikey,” Gerard said and then he leaned forward to hug his little brother. His little brother who seemed so much bigger and stronger than Gerard, and was definitely a better person. Gerard would give his life to protect him.

"You don't have to have everything figured out," Mikey said once they broke the hug. "It's okay to have doubts, to question things. In fact, it's good." Gerard sniffled, feeling like a little kid again. "You're not stuck, nothing is irreversible. You can always take a step back and make changes to your life." He smiled at Gerard, his hand stroking Gerard's gently. Reassuringly. "I'm always going to be here for you, okay?"

He seemed to be waiting for a response, for Gerard to acknowledge his words, so Gerard swallowed hard, met Mikey's eyes, and nodded.

"No matter what," he added.

Gerard nodded again with another sniffle. He felt so stupid, so weak, just like a child, but Mikey's words made something tight in his chest start loosening up slightly.

"If there's anything, you can always come talk to me," Mikey continued. "If you have any questions or you just want to talk, whatever. And there's always room for you on my couch. Especially if we get a new one like Ray wants." They both laughed, Gerard's laugh a little wetter than he would've liked, and he told himself to pull it together.

"Thank you," Gerard said, managing a small smile.

"Gerard, you're my brother, I just want you to be happy," Mikey said. "I love you."

The words made something twist in Gerard's stomach. Not because he doubted them, not because he didn't feel the same, but because he wasn't used to hearing those words. Or speaking them. He and Mikey hadn't grown up in the kind of warm family where those words were spoken easily and often. He'd never doubted his brother loved him, or that he loved Mikey back, even if they didn't say it very often. But if he thought about it, he wasn't so sure about his parents. Did his father love him? Did his mother?

He'd never even gotten into the habit with Heather either. They weren't the type of couple to say the words casually before they left the house, or every morning over their coffee and toast. He wasn't even sure they'd ever said those words to each other in all these years.

Gerard looked up at Mikey, and he felt it. He felt it so strongly that he found himself compelled to say the words back.

"I love you too."

Afterwards, Gerard sent Mikey home with the rest of the Crème brûlée, regards to Ray, and maybe a slightly damp shoulder on shirt, but nobody had to know about that part.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so so so so much to everyone who's reading and leaving kudos and commenting!!!!!!! It makes me so happy <3  
> Find me on twitter @comrade__mikey or on fedi @brennuvargur@burymein.black


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few questions get answered?  
> Thank you all so much for your comments on the last chapter it really means a lot to me, thank you for coming on this ride with me and sticking with the fic for so long (´• ω •`) ♡

“Guess what, guess what!”

The door to Gerard’s office burst open, banging into the wall before Frank came bouncing over to the front of Gerard’s desk. Gerard was so startled he almost dropped the papers he was holding. “Frank?”

“Guess what!” Frank insisted. His smile was so wide Gerard thought his face might split in half, and it was so infectious Gerard was smiling before he knew it. Frank was wearing his usual tight black jeans and t-shirt, with an unzipped black hoodie that was almost falling off his shoulders in his excitement. Gerard recognised it with a pang as the hoodie he’d borrowed from Frank for Mikey's concert.

“What?” Gerard asked.

“Remember the band I didn’t get in?” Gerard nodded, still not understanding where Frank was going with this. “Well, they called me, and they need someone to fill in for a concert next weekend! Can you believe it!”

“Really? That’s amazing!” Gerard exclaimed.

“Yeah! Their guitarist is going to a funeral out of state!” Frank was so excited he was leaning over Gerard’s desk and bouncing on his feet.

“That’s- well, not for him, but I’m so happy for you!” Gerard said, sitting back in his desk chair. “Is it just for the one show?”

“Yes,” Frank said. “Next Saturday.” He moved to the side of Gerard’s desk and lifted himself up on his toes to sit on the corner, closer to Gerard. “You’re gonna come, right?”

Gerard felt put on the spot, which wasn’t unusual when it came to Frank. “Ah, uh- I don’t know if I-”

“Please,” Frank said, dragging the word out. “Please you have to come, please!” Gerard sighed.

“I don’t think it would be a good idea,” Gerard said, reminding himself of his promise to keep from leading Frank on. To his horror, Frank jumped off the desk and went to his knees in front of Gerard.

“Please, Gerard, it would mean so much to me if you came,” Frank said, looking up at him from underneath his lashes. He looked beautiful and Gerard couldn’t look at him, he wasn’t allowed. The longer Frank knelt in front of him, the tighter Gerard's self-control was wound until it snapped. He met Frank's pleading eyes.

“I-”

“Please… nobody else I know will come. Evan is busy, you’re the only other person I want there.” His voice was quiet and he didn’t meet Gerard’s eyes, like he hadn’t meant to admit it. He had started off joking as he got to his knees, but now the mood was somber.

Gerard was filled with an absurd kind of jealousy that Frank had asked Evan first. It hit him harder than he was expecting it to. Maybe that was why he just said, “Alright... Alright, I’ll be there.” The way Frank’s face lit up really shouldn’t make Gerard feel so happy, like it was all worth it. He couldn’t help it.

“Yes!” Frank said, grinning and sitting back on his knees, and he let Gerard’s hand go. “Thank you,” he added, more seriously. “I don’t know if I could do it if you weren't there.”

It was so soft and quiet that it almost didn’t sound like Frank. He never really seemed to let his guard down like this and Gerard wanted to treasure it. “Of course you could,” Gerard said, and he believed it to be true. “But I’ll be there anyway.”

Frank beamed back at Gerard, and god, was he blushing? Gerard couldn’t look. He couldn't.

It was becoming a little awkward, sitting in his desk chair with Frank at his feet, but he didn’t know how to move on from there and Frank seemed to be in no hurry to get up.

“Um,” Gerard started intelligently. “I have extra chairs you know.” He tried to make it light, a joke, but he wasn’t sure he managed it when Frank looked at him like _that_.

“I know,” Frank shrugged. He looked around for a moment. “There’s enough room back here for a whole person to hide underneath your desk and nobody could see them.”

“I guess,” Gerard said, uncertainly. He really hadn’t thought about it, the desk had been here when he’d moved into the office.

“I mean, I could be down here sucking you off while you had somebody in for a meeting and they wouldn’t even know.”

Gerard drew in a sharp breath, because he could imagine it so perfectly and he couldn’t, he wasn’t allowed to. He closed his eyes tightly and shook himself.

Frank scooted closer towards Gerard, still on his knees. “What are you so afraid of?” Frank asked softly, looking up at Gerard and placing his palms on top of each of Gerard’s thighs. The warmth of his touch burned through the material of his slacks and seared into Gerard's skin so sweetly.

“Please, Frank,” Gerard whispered, and he felt like he was begging for his life. He opened his eyes and saw Frank looking at him with a strange expression.

“You’re not ready,” Frank said slowly, leaning back and dropping his hands from Gerard’s thighs. “That’s okay. I can wait.” He paused for a moment before fluidly getting back to his feet and walking around the desk to the opposite side to Gerard.

Gerard let out a shaky breath he hadn't known he’d been holding in, and swallowed hard, trying to calm his heartbeat. He gathered up the mess of papers on his desk just to have something to do, trying to sort them based on origin.

"It'll be my first performance with my new guitar," Frank smiled. "It'll be good to break her in."

“I’m happy for you, Frank,” Gerard said. He put the papers he was holding to the side and started tidying the rest of his desk, putting staplers and highlighters into a drawer. It wasn’t that he was getting used to how quickly Frank would change gears, how fast he would go from one mode to another. He was just learning to cope with it better, usually by pretending to be busy.

“Thanks, this probably wouldn’t have happened without you,” Frank replied.

“Why do you say that?” Gerard asked, looking up. “I haven’t done anything.”

“When my guitar died, and you bought me all the new gear,” Frank said and sighed. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t.” He stared at his hands for a few moments. “I still feel like I haven’t thanked you properly for that.”

“Don’t, Frank, you don’t have to thank me any more than you already have,” Gerard said. “And you got this opportunity yourself, through your own hard work and talent.”

Frank smiled, a little ruefully and looked away. Gerard’s office phone rang and he hurried to answer it, before even looking at the little screen that showed where the call was coming from. As soon as he did look, he regretted picking up the phone.

“Gerard,” said the only person who called Gerard directly on his office phone, without going through Gerard's assistant, Paul.

“Father,” Gerard replied. He could feel himself stiffening, sitting up straight and his face going carefully blank.

“Well?” his father said after a while.

“Um…” Gerard started uncertainly, not sure what his father was referring to. “Yes?”

“Do not _um_ and _aw_ at me, young man,” his father snapped on the other end. Gerard winced and then remembered that Frank was there, across the desk from him. He was leaning an elbow on the desk and looking at Gerard with interest.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Gerard said, his voice barely more than a whisper.

“What was that?”

“I’m sorry, sir,” Gerard said again, louder.

“That’s right,” his father replied. “Now, my secretary tells me that you have missed the last two appointments she set up for you and Heather.” Gerard wanted to sigh, to roll his eyes, but all his old instincts kept him sitting straight, not betraying any of his feelings. "You're not getting any younger you know, and neither is Heather."

"That's not-"

"So you had a miscarriage, it happens, that doesn't mean you stop trying. Do you want the family line to die out?"

This time, Gerard did sigh, careful not to do it into the phone receiver, and slumped forward onto his desk. Frank looked at him questioningly. “I don’t really have time to go into this right now, I’m busy with some contract papers and I have a meeting in-”

“I looked at your calendar and you don’t have a meeting in the next hour, so you _will_ answer me,” Gerard's father said, his voice taking on that cold anger that Gerard was so familiar with.

“I’m sorry, it’s not on my schedule, it’s a phone meeting with the distributor in Germany, this is the only time she was available and it came up very short notice.” Gerard had never before lied to his father this flat out. Some white lies now and then, but nothing like this. He just found that he couldn’t do this, not now, not in front of Frank. He just hoped neither of them could hear the panic in his voice.

There was silence on the other end for a long moment. Gerard felt the sweat on his palms growing cold as he waited. Frank was frowning at him, but said nothing. “Very well. I will talk to you again soon, Gerard. We are not done discussing this.”

When he was finally free, Gerard slumped fully onto the desk, resting his head on his arms and sighed deeply. “Everything alright?” Frank asked eventually, after Gerard had taken a few deep breaths and calmed down a little.

“Everything is peachy,” Gerard said, his voice going high pitched. “I’m sorry, my father, he can be a little difficult.”

“Yeah, I know how that can be,” Frank said, tenebrous. It made Gerard look up, and he finally asked the question he’d been meaning to ask for weeks now.

“Yeah?” Gerard sat up again in his chair. “Where- I mean, you live with your aunt, right?” he asked. When Frank just nodded, Gerard continued. “Your parents, are they not around?”

“You know, I’ve been waiting for you to ask this,” Frank said, grinning a little sadly. “No they’re not, not really.” Gerard waited for him to go on. Frank leaned back in his seat and looked out the window, biting his lip. He took a deep breath before he went on. “My parents split up when I was a kid, I think I was three or four years old. They weren’t very good for each other,” he smiled dolefully, a haunted look in his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Gerard said.

Frank’s lips twitched in a half smile. “It’s okay. I was with my mom for a while after that, but she wasn’t in the best head space to be taking care of a kid after the divorce. Then I stayed with my dad for a bit, but he didn’t really want me around. Too much responsibility. Too many memories. So I was in foster care for a year after that, though I don’t remember it much. Probably for the best. I hopped around between relatives for a few years after that, before my grandma took me in.” His smile this time was genuine as he spoke of his grandmother. Gerard could relate to that. “She was really nice, but she didn’t have a lot of money, and then she got sick, and my aunt was taking care of her. She’s my mom’s sister. And anyway, she kind of moved in to take care of grandma, and then when grandma died, we just kind of stuck together. We’re just kind of like… we accidentally ended up living in the same house, y’know? I’m not sure she really likes me very much, but throwing me out before I’m 18 would be too much hassle probably.”

Gerard was silent for a long time after Frank had finished speaking. It was a lot to take in, and it explained a lot of things about Frank that Gerard had wondered about. How Frank could be so independent and so lonely at such a young age. “I’m sorry about your grandmother,” Gerard eventually said. “I- my grandmother was also a good woman, and losing her was the worst moment of my life. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“Thanks,” Frank said tightly. They weren’t looking at each other, and when Gerard glanced at Frank, his gaze seemed distant. Gerard blinked hard a few times, trying to clear his own stinging eyes. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

“No,” Gerard interrupted him quickly. “I’m glad you told me, thank you. And- and I’m sorry,” he added. “For asking. Thank you for telling me.”

It was a strange moment. More vulnerable than Gerard had been with anyone other than Mikey in a long time, and Gerard hadn’t even been the one talking about his past. Frank had trusted him enough to share his story with him and that meant a lot to Gerard, but he also wished there was anything he could do to take that pain away from Frank, make him never have had to experience it in the first place. Frank seemed to accept it as an inevitability that life would always try to knock him down, and Gerard wanted to do whatever he could to make sure that didn’t happen ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we're about half way through now? Exciting! Things will really start picking up in the next chapter and beyond so be prepared my dudes


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of you who've been leaving comments just know that I love you and I want to kiss you on the mouth (except those of you who are underage and ignoring the warning that this fic is rated E for explicit)  
> ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡  
> Some spoilery extra warnings in the end notes because this chapter is a little bit heavy

Gerard put his tablet down with a deep sigh. He’d left the office early that night and then felt guilty enough about it that he'd gone straight to his office when he got home. He was worried that the contract negotiations he was currently working on with a contact in Europe about unit prices and import taxes would somehow go awry because of some rules or regulations that they would miss, so he had been reading up on European Union laws and directives for hours now. He was tired and had a headache from all the legalese.

There was a soft knock on the office door and Heather came in shortly after. “Hey, am I interrupting?” she asked.

“Not at all,” Gerard said, motioning her to come in. “In fact I was just about to take a break for the night.”

“Good, that’s good,” Heather said, and sat down on one of the chairs opposite the desk. She was looking down at her hands, which she was wringing together very uncharacteristically. She looked tired, and her usual upbeat demeanour was missing. She was wearing a very simple outfit, which was also not usual for her, simple black pants and a light blouse, no bright colors or glittering diamonds to be found anywhere.

“Is everything alright?” Gerard asked. Heather looked up at him and then quickly away again.

“I… there’s something we need to talk about,” she started, and for a long moment Gerard had the panicked thought that she was going to tell him she was pregnant. But there was no way, he told himself. No way, it had been too long since… there was just no way.

“Okay?” Gerard prompted when she didn’t go on.

Heather took a deep breath and met his eyes, but before she could speak, the doorbell rang. Both of them looked towards the sound.

“Are you expecting anyone?” Gerard asked, but Heather shook her head. “I’ll go get it then,” Gerard said when Heather didn’t seem like she was going to move. Gerard wasn’t expecting anyone either, but dutifully walked out of his office, down the hall and to the front door.

It was really the last person he would’ve expected showing up at his house at 6:30pm on a Friday night. His mouth dropped open, and the cold wind blowing from outside was not the reason for the feeling of ice in his veins.

“Well? Aren’t you going to invite me in? Where are your manners, Gerard.”

“F-father,” Gerard stuttered out once he’d had a moment to compose himself. His father stepped inside and Gerard closed the door. “What are you doing here?”

His father didn't reply, taking off his jacket and handing it to Gerard to hang up, and striding past Gerard and into the sitting room. Finally, once Gerard joined him, he spoke. "You ask me what I'm doing," he said, and Gerard's heart fell into his stomach at his familiar, angry tone. "The important question is what are _you_ doing?"

"I… what do you-" Gerard started, trying to gather himself, but his father quickly cut him off.

"I know you've been going home early for the past few weeks, you've missed meetings and lunches with important people, and you keep cancelling the appointments I set up for you at the clinic. What kind of son are you trying to be, Gerard? What kind of _man_ behaves like this?"

"Dad, it's not like that, I only-" but it was futile. His dad had paused long enough for Gerard to start formulating an answer, but as soon as he started talking, he was cut off again.

"We are a family company Gerard, you have to be able to represent that."

"I'm sorry," Gerard said, his shoulders slumping.

"This behaviour is so unlike you, Gerard," his father said, a little more gently. "You look pale. Is everything alright? It's not drugs, is it? It's bad enough to have one degenerate son, but two…"

"Dad, no, of course not! How can you say that about Mikey," Gerard protested.

"Be careful how you speak to me, Gerard Arthur Way," his father replied icily. "You are not too old to punish, you know." Then his eyes turned somewhere to Gerard's left and he turned towards the doorway to the bedroom hallway. "And you!" Gerard turned around too and saw Heather standing there, probably drawn by the noise.

"Carl," Heather acknowledged, her voice void of any emotion.

"Dad, please don't," Gerard tried.

"Be quiet, Gerard," his father snapped in response. "You," his father repeated to Heather, who had stepped into the room when he had addressed her. "I knew it was a bad sign when you started with that gallery business. A woman should be at home, taking care of her husband's needs so he can focus on his work. Is this why you've been slacking off?" He looked at Gerard, who could feel himself growing smaller and smaller under the barrage from his father. "And why are you avoiding the clinic, having Gerard make up excuses? You two are the only hope of carrying on the family line!"

"Stop," Gerard said weakly. It was too much. He could take the onslaught himself but Heather didn't deserve this. It wasn't her fault, any of it, and Gerard had to protect her. "Just stop," Gerard repeated. "Leave her out of this, it's not her responsibility to make sure I do my job."

"She sure doesn't seem to think so," his father said, stepping towards Heather. "Where have you been while all this has been going on? Parading around with your paintings, I'm sure." There was silence after the words fell. Heather took a measured step towards Gerard's father, and she straightened herself out to her full height. Teacup came out of the bedroom and trotted over to stand beside Heather, as if to offer moral support.

"You need to leave," she said, looking him head on. "Right now."

"Excuse me?" Gerard's father said, taken aback.

"You heard me," Heather said, still just as steady. "You're not welcome here."

"Are you going to let her talk to me like this, Gerard?"

Both of them looked at him, expectantly.

"I-I…" Gerard stuttered, looking between them. The moment lasted for what seemed like an eternity and Gerard was trying to think, trying to come up with some kind of solution, but his head just seemed to be fuzzy and full of static, like an old television.

"Very well," Gerard's father said eventually, his voice chilled and his words sounding like they were being formed from ice. "But this is not over, Gerard. Heather." Then Gerard's father turned around and left the same way he came, grabbing his coat and shutting the front door behind himself with a soft and anticlimactic click.

Gerard and Heather stood there for a long while, neither of them saying anything, like they were both shell shocked.

Heather broke the frozen silence. "I have to go."

"What?"

"I just have to get out of here, I'm sorry Gerard, I just need some air," she said, turning to to pick up her keys from a table behind her. He watched as she grabbed her coat from the entrance hall closet, opened the front door, and then she too, was gone, Teacup following closely behind her.

Gerard was left alone, the silence eating at him. He felt like his chest was going to cave in, dissolve into powdered glass for him to choke on. He wanted to run. Just run and never stop running.

So he did.

Three hours later, Gerard collapsed in front of the toilet, having stumbled from the treadmill and to the bathroom to throw up. It wasn't much, the contents of his stomach, and the bile burned his throat coming up. It still didn't feel like enough. There was something burning inside him that he had to get out, even if he had to claw it out with his blunt fingernails. He felt disgusting. Not just from the sweat and spit and bile, he felt like there was a layer of dirt on him that would never wash off no matter how hard he tried.

He did try though, tearing his clothes off and scrubbing himself in the shower once he managed to get back to his feet. The water did nothing to make him feel better, and as soon as he was out of the shower a sheen of sweat sprang out across his skin again. As his brain was scrambling for any solution, any way to escape what he was feeling, his eyes fell on his phone poking out of a pocket where his clothes lay on the floor. Maybe it would help to talk to someone who might understand, he thought. He wanted someone to tell him it was alright, that he hadn't messed everything up, and that everything would be okay. Even if it was a lie.

With shaky fingers, Gerard navigated to the right contact and then lifted it to his ear as the phone rang.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end answered. Gerard's voice didn't seem to want to cooperate and when he opened his mouth to answer nothing came out. "Gerard? Is everything okay?" There was a rustling sound on the line, like a sound of fabric moving against fabric.

"Mikey," Gerard finally managed to croak out.

"Gerard? What's wrong? Did something happen?" Mikey asked, an urgency in his voice that made Gerard want to pretend everything was okay, so that Mikey didn't have to worry.

"Yeah, everything is fine," he said, trying to make his voice light. "Just uhm, dad came over."

"Oh shit, that can't be good."

"He was not happy with me," Gerard signed.

"You shouldn't listen to him," Mikey said with conviction."You know he's full of shit."

"Mikey! He's our father, we have to show him respect," Gerard said, the burn of guilt flaring in his gut again.

"And what does he ever give us in return?" Mikey asked. "He always treats you like crap, I don't know why you put up with it."

Gerard wanted to yell, tell Mikey that it was because of _him_ , that Gerard just wanted to please their dad so that Mikey could be free from his influence and do whatever he wanted with his life. But he didn’t. That was too much pressure to put on Mikey, too much potential guilt. There was soft noise on Mikey’s end, more fabric shuffling and then a voice. Gerard couldn’t make out what it said, but he guessed it was Mikey’s roommate.

"Yeah, in a second," Mikey's muffled voice said to the other person. "Look," he said, back to Gerard. "You're amazing, Gerard, you could do whatever you wanted with your life, you're so good at anything you try to do. Don't let him guilt you into thinking you're no good, because you are."

"Thanks Mikey," Gerard said, then paused.

"What is it?"

"Heather… she- she left, after. He was pretty harsh to her, and I should've stood up for her but I didn't… I'm such a coward." He let the words tumble out, releasing all the self-loathing he felt over his failure to act, and immediately he felt a little better, a little lighter.

"She left? Have you tried calling her?" Mikey asked.

"I haven't, I think she wanted some time to herself."

"I'm sure she'll be back soon enough. Don't worry about Heather, she's stronger than she seems."

"You're right, she is," Gerard said. He admired her so much for how strong she was after going through what they had when they lost the first baby. And the second. And the third and fourth too, until it had become almost expected. Always early on in the pregnancy, but it had still hit her hard every time. Gerard had grieved too, but sometimes he'd felt relief, and that was what made him hate himself the most.

"Are you going to Frank's concert tomorrow?" Mikey asked, breaking Gerard out of his ruminations.

"How do you know about that?"

"I know some of the bands there and I heard he got subbed in. It's a great opportunity for him. So are you going?"

"I guess," Gerard said. "I promised him I would."

"Then you should go," Mikey said, like it was that simple. "He's a good kid."

"He is," Gerard agreed.

There was noise on the other side of the line again and Mikey came back a few seconds later. "Listen, Ray is hounding me to go to bed. Are you going to be okay? I can come over if you want, we could have a brother bonding evening, watch a movie or something, like we used to."

"Thanks, I'm alright," Gerard said, and he thought maybe it was the truth this time. They said their goodbyes and Gerard went up to the bedroom to get some sleep. Talking to Mikey actually had made him feel better. Not like it had actually solved any of his problems, but something about putting some of the things he was worried about into words and letting Mikey help him carry the burden had made him feel a little less like the world was ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More detailed warnings: Gerard's dad appears again and he's not very nice, Gerard has a bad reaction to it
> 
> Love to you all as always <3   
> The next part is probably going to be about 6k words, and idk if I should split it into two parts or just post it all as one chunk what do you guys think?


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a monster and I have a few things to say. First of all thanks everyone for commenting and reading and kudosing <3 
> 
> My sweet Mariana made a playlist inspired by the fic and it's so good!!! please go check it out!!!!! [ Click! ](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4f82ZRPBfOTjPaXSpoOhbh?si=SYM_SL1oSn6LpEhu7Ymbnw)
> 
> Thanks to Anabella and S for helping me beta this ridiculous chapter, it would be so much worse without your help.
> 
> Lastly, this chapter is dedicated to GC from twitter, I hope you like it <3

It took him a few moments to gather enough courage to leave the car and walk towards the venue. It was a small place, an old community center, run down and unkempt, the street lamp flickering overhead as Gerard crossed the street towards the entrance. There were people outside, smoking and laughing as they chatted. Gerard had to squeeze past them to get to the doors. Music was coming from inside, but not like a band had started playing yet, more like the radio was turned up really loud. Gerard showed his ticket to the girl sitting at the table in the entryway, and she stamped the back of his hand. He hoped it would wash off easily, not like those where you had to practically scrub the skin off to clean it off.

He gave her a polite smile before moving further in, towards the loud music and the sounds of people talking. He didn't think Frank was going to meet him before the show, seeing as Mikey rarely did, so Gerard found the room with the stage, and started scoping out for the best place to stand. He wanted to be able to see Frank, but more importantly he wanted Frank to be able to see him, to see that he showed up.

He felt even more nervous than usual, being in one of those places where he didn't belong, and he didn't know why. Maybe it was leftover jitters from his father's visit the previous night. Gerard had dressed more casually tonight, wearing dark trousers and the t-shirt he had gotten from Frank, so he didn't even stand out as much as usual. Still, he felt anxious, like he was about to crawl out of his skin. He looked over to the other room at the venue, the one where the bar was, and thought for a moment, maybe having a small drink would help calm his nerves, make it easier to be here. The stage looked like it was ready for the opening band to take stage soon, so he wouldn't have a lot of time.

Gerard looked at his phone, and saw he had a text from Frank, asking if he'd found the venue. Gerard replied telling him he had, and wishing him good luck. If _he_ was nervous, he couldn't imagine how Frank was feeling. This wasn't a large venue by any means, certainly not as large as the one Mikey's concert had been in, but he knew it was bigger than anything Frank had played before, which had mostly been school related events, he'd told Gerard.

The crowd was getting thicker and thicker as Gerard made his way to the bar. It also seemed to be a rowdier crowd than what Mikey's band attracted, some were younger, while others were a lot older, and frankly, stranger. When he got the bartender's attention, Gerard looked over the selection behind him and then asked for one of the more expensive whiskeys. Really, it had to be drunk slowly to be enjoyed, but he didn't quite have time for that now, and none of the other drinks had tempted him. He took a big gulp from the horrid plastic cup, and then another as he was walking back to the spot he'd chosen earlier. The place was getting pretty crowded now and he had to squeeze past people to get to his destination.

Frank had explained to him in a text that his band was the opener, but there would be an opener for the opener, as he'd put it. That would be the loud ruckus that started up while Gerard's back was turned, startling him so much he almost dropped his cup. There were three boys on stage, looking like young teenagers to Gerard's eyes. One on the drums, one on the bass, and one doing the guitar and singing. If you could call that singing. They all had really long light brown hair and seemed very upset about something Gerard couldn't really make out in all the screaming.

Luckily it didn't last too long, the band only playing four or five songs. Gerard honestly couldn't be sure. The crowd had seemed to get into it eventually, jumping around and screaming along to some parts of the performance. When they finished, the lights came up again and people started moving around and chatting, many heading back for the bar. Gerard was anticipating someone spilling beer on him before the night was out. It was that kind of crowd. At least he wasn't wearing a fancy shirt, though he didn't particularly want to ruin Frank's t-shirt. He hadn't even washed it since Frank had given it to him.

Gerard had finished his drink during the set and he was already feeling a little better, so he figured another round wouldn't do any harm. Not like it would get him drunk or anything. When he got back, he could see Frank already on stage, getting his gear set up and doing a few experimental strums as the guy Gerard presumed was the lead singer did a mic check. Gerard's nerves ramped up at the sight of Frank and he quickly downed his second whiskey, managing to hold back the undignified impulse of wanting to wave at Frank to get him to notice him.

Instead he just watched Frank. He was wearing a white sleeveless top with something scrawled on the front. Probably with a Sharpie, knowing Frank. Fingerless armwarmers reached above his elbows, and ripped jeans that showed a sliver of skin on Frank's knees. They were sitting so low on Frank's hips, Gerard was worried they'd slip off him during the show if he moved around too much. He even thought he could see the white band of Frank's underwear peeking above the waistline, and he blushed at the thought. Frank's hair was getting long, it fell over his face as he bent over his guitar, plucking at the strings.

The guitar Gerard had bought him.

They fit together beautifully, Frank and his instrument.

The rest of the people on stage were starting to get off, completing the sound check. Frank pulled his guitar off and put it to the side, but before he left, he cast his gaze over the crowd in the small hall, and his eyes quickly found Gerard. He wondered how, but didn't have time to think it through, because Frank was smiling and winking at him before he too left the stage.

Only a few minutes later, the lights went dark, and the crowd started cheering. When the lights came on, the band was all at their instruments, immediately launching into a song, fast and unforgiving with a steady thrum of guitars. There was a second guitarist, and a bass player, if Gerard knew his instruments correctly, along with a girl on the drums and a lead singer.

"Is everybody having a good time tonight?" the singer yelled into the microphone after the song was finished. The crowd responded with a cheer. "I said are you having a good time tonight!?" he repeated, and the crowd responded again, louder this time. "Unfortunately our lead guitarist is unavailable to play with us tonight," he went on and a few people in the crowd booed. "Luckily, we have our friend Frank filling in for him! Everybody give him a warm welcome, it's his first time performing with us!" The crowd responded with cheers and claps. Gerard wanted to cheer too, but he ignored that whim and went for a clap instead. Frank looked up and out over the crowd again, smiling so bright that Gerard thought he could probably light the whole room by himself. He looked to where Gerard was standing, though Gerard wasn't sure if Frank could actually see him through the bright stage lights. Frank waved at the crowd before grabbing his guitar and launching into a riff that led into the next song.

Gerard was having a hard time focusing on anything that wasn't Frank as he moved on the stage. He was magnetic, full of energy, and his talent was undeniable. Gerard looked at him and could feel it in his bones - this is what Frank was meant to do. It was the same feeling he had when he watched Mikey on stage. He had expected Frank to be a little nervous or stressed at the beginning of the show, which would be understandable, but that seemed to be far from the case. Instead of feeding off the crowd, the crowd seemed to be feeding off him, as Frank held the same high level of energy from the start, and by the third song, as Frank launched into a complicated solo, the crowd was finally roaring along and jumping to the beat.

Frank's fingers moved hypnotically over the frets of his guitar, looking intense as he screamed into the microphone. Gerard couldn't really hear his voice over the cacophony of noise, but he thought he could feel it. Frank's hair was flying around his face as he ran and jumped across the stage, reaching to shout into the lead singer's microphone with him, leaning back to back with the other guitarist during a solo, falling down to his knees during an intense part of a song, pushing his hips forward, almost obscenely.

It was difficult to watch for Gerard. He had to bite his lip hard to prevent himself from doing something stupid, trying to ground himself with the pain. He couldn't stop his eyes from catching on the way Frank's sweat soaked shirt was clinging to his skin, or how the wet strands of his hair framed his face, or, God, the expression on Frank's face as he threw his head back and lost himself in the music, baring the column of his throat. Gerard's breathing seemed to be coming faster and faster.

This wasn't okay, Gerard wasn't allowed to look at Frank like this, to consume him like this, but he couldn't stop himself. It just became harder and harder as the show went on and Frank only got wilder and more covered in sweat. He even went up to the singer during a break in a song, grabbed his head and gave him a big smacking kiss on the cheek, making a sharp flare of jealousy run through Gerard. The crowd seemed to like it though, cheering him on as Frank grinned and winked, shaking his head to throw his hair back and out of his face.

The next song was a slower one, and the tinkling of the guitars pricked at something in the back of Gerard's mind. He knew this song. He had been listening to it on his way to the venue earlier. There were whoops and cheers as more people in the crowd started recognising the song. Frank was smiling in his direction, and this time Gerard knew it was just for him.

Eventually, the singer announced their last song of the night, and when the crowd started aw-ing, he started pumping them up for the next band, the main act of the night. They ended on another fast song, and it seemed more people knew this one as they loudly sung along. After the last note rang out and the band had been waved and cheered off stage, the lights came up again and Gerard felt drained, but simultaneously full of energy. He didn't know what to do with himself. He didn't want to see the next band so he thought he should leave, but he was hoping, despite his best judgement, that he would be able to meet up with Frank, tell him how amazing he was. In fact he should tell him that right now.

_You were amazing tonight_

_Don't leave yet_

Gerard stared at the reply, blinking slowly. Frank wanted him to stay, and Gerard couldn't make himself think of any reason to object. Well, he had a few but he was having a hard time remembering why they were important. Frank wanted him to stay, after all.

He milled around in the area between the actual venue hall and the section with the bar looking around for Frank. He had no idea where he'd be coming from or how soon, but he didn't want to be surprised.

It was all for nought though, as Gerard was startled by Frank jumping on him from behind. Well, he didn't so much jump on him as jump towards him, steadying himself with hands on Gerard's shoulders. Then he wrapped them around Gerard's midsection from the back, pinning his arms down in the process so all Gerard could do was take it.

"Thank you for being here," Frank said, his voice muffled into Gerard's shoulder. The vibrations of his voice ran through Gerard, making him shiver.

"Of course," Gerard whispered. "You were amazing,", he said after a beat.

"Thank you," Frank said, still into Gerard's shoulder. Then he let go and stepped back. "Did you like the song?"

Gerard didn't even have to ask which one. "Y-yeah, I did. It was the only one I knew."

"I picked it for you," Frank said simply, meeting Gerard's gaze. Gerard couldn't breathe for a long moment. Then Frank interrupted the quiet between them. "Fuck, Gerard, look at you." He wasn't sure what Frank meant, but Frank clearly did, his gaze travelling down from Gerard's eyes to his mouth and then down his body, pausing at the t-shirt Gerard was wearing before continuing down.

"W-what-?" Gerard started, the heat in Frank's gaze making him feel almost naked. Frank fisted a hand in Gerard's t-shirt and pulled him towards himself. Gerard's heart thumping hard as blood rushed to his face.

"Fuck," Frank said, and Gerard noticed his voice was a little slurred. His breath smelled of beer. He didn't seem as drunk as he had the night of his birthday, which Gerard was grateful for but also... A little disappointed? But that was ridiculous.

The thought wouldn't leave him though. He realised he wanted Frank to do something, something stupid, something like he usually did. He wanted Frank to instigate, to push Gerard against a wall and keep him from moving, or pin his arms by his side, so that Gerard could rationalize to himself that he hadn't wanted it, that it was all against his will, and all coming from Frank. There was a buzz beneath his skin, an itch in his fingers, an impatience he couldn't stomp out. He glanced down at Frank's lips, trying to gauge what Frank was going to do. He never could, really, Frank always seemed too unpredictable, it was almost like trying to predict where a drop of rain was going to fall.

"Fuck, Gerard..." As if he had read Gerard's mind, Frank pulled on Gerard's shirt and walked backwards a few steps, as the lights overhead dimmed for the next band to take the stage. Frank turned to walk quickly down a grubby hallway lined with old concert posters Gerard hadn't seen yet, looking back at Gerard every few steps with that familiar heat in his gaze every time. There were doors on the wall, maybe a bathroom, Gerard didn't look closely enough to see, and then they turned a corner and Frank was pushing Gerard against a wall and Gerard didn't even resist. Gerard was surrounded by Frank, drowning in him, his arms coming up around Frank's waist, needing to feel the warmth of him.

He couldn't even lie to himself and say it was a surprise when Frank leaned in and kissed him. He couldn't lie to himself and say he wasn't kissing back either, because he was, as hard as he could. Frank was practically crushing him against the wall, one hand pushing on Gerard's chest while the other went up into his hair, pressing them together from their chests down to their thighs. Frank's body was hot and firm against Gerard, all knobbly knees, sharp hip bones and demanding mouth. Frank's hands moved down Gerard's body as he started nosing along Gerard's jaw, leaving searing impressions of the press of his lips in his wake on Gerard's skin.

"God, fuck, Gerard," Frank said against Gerard's throat, sounding wrecked. "I want to fuck you so bad, god." Gerard felt a pang go through him at the words, a tingling feeling that shot out into all his extremities. "Wanna fuck you, you're so hot, Gerard, fuck," Frank kept babbling into Gerard's skin, as his hands slowly made their way down Gerard's chest, and then moving to his sides and down to his ass, grabbing and pulling him closer. "I know you're not ready, I know, I just, fuck," he breathed out hard and bit Gerard's earlobe for just a fraction of a second. "I just fucking want you so much. It's so hard to-" he cut himself off.

Gerard heard himself making pathetic noises in response to Frank's words and his touch. High pitched whines and whimpers he'd never imagined himself capable of producing, but now he couldn't stop. He clung to Frank's shoulders, holding him close but somehow not close enough. He tried to pull Frank even closer as the boy was still focused on Gerard's neck.

"Fuck," Frank cursed again as he paused to take a shuddering breath and detour back to Gerard's mouth. He brought their lips together again, overwhelming Gerard as he sucked on his tongue and then tickled the roof of his mouth, making Gerard shiver. He felt feverish with the heat between them that had built up so quickly. He hadn't even gotten the chance just to enjoy the smooth feel of Frank's lips, with the hard metal of his lip ring a sharp contrast to his soft mouth, before he was drowning in Frank's taste, Frank's smell, Frank's touch, filling him up until he felt like he was going to burst. Frank pulled back again. "I want your wife to see that you fucking belong to me," he said, looking Gerard in the eyes, before biting at the same spot on Gerard's throat as he had been working on earlier. Gerard let out a helpless whine at the words, and his hips thrust forward unconsciously. Frank kept sucking on the sensitive skin and Gerard couldn't think, couldn't breathe, and he could feel Frank hard against his thigh and he realised with a jolt that he was hard too. Had maybe been for a while, judging from the almost painful throbbing of his cock.

"Frankie," Gerard moaned out, surprising himself with the volume of his own voice, the pet name spilling out without conscious thought.

"Yeah, c'mon," Frank said, slotting his thigh in between Gerard's legs and giving Gerard heavenly friction where he wanted it the most. "That's it, baby, that's it."

Frank was still sucking on Gerard's neck in-between his soothing words, starting to border on painful, but it was the one solid point Gerard could hang on to as his head was swimming. At Frank's encouragement, Gerard's hips started thrusting against his thigh, the quest for pleasure driving every other thought out of his mind. Nothing existed but the solid wall behind him, Frank in front of him, steadying him, holding him.

"Yeah, just like that," Frank coaxed, his voice calm and reassuring, one hand coming up to stroke Gerard's hair. Their movements started off jerky and awkward but then evolved into a perfect rhythm that had pressure building up at the base of Gerard's spine so quickly it took his breath away.

"Please," he breathed out, desperately clutching Frank's shoulders, not even sure his legs were still holding him up at this point, his weight resting in Frank's arms and on his thigh.

"Yeah, you're alright," Frank said, kissing the corner of Gerard's mouth. "You can do it, just let go." Distantly Gerard realised the needy whine was coming from his own throat, but at the moment he didn't even have the brain capacity to care, let alone stop it, until his mouth was covered by Frank's, effectively shutting him up. Frank kissed him like he was devouring him, like he couldn't get enough, and it was all Gerard could do to hold up against it, as the wave of pleasure crested and he fell into his orgasm, his fingers digging into Frank's skin, and his hips bucking against Frank's thigh. "Fuck, you're so beautiful," he heard Frank saying softly, leaning back a little to look up at Gerard, when Gerard could think again. Frank was flushed and his hair was falling into his face, and he had a filthy grin on his face that made Gerard feel like he'd swallowed something hot and it had settled in his stomach, heat radiating from it as Frank leaned in and pressed their foreheads together.

For a few long moments Gerard let himself just be. Just enjoy the last few sparks of pleasure his orgasm left behind, the feeling of Frank's fingers softly combing through his hair and Frank's breath mingling with his own as Gerard slowly caught his breath again. The concert was still going on in the main hall and the noise was only slightly muffled by the walls, but for those few moments it felt like they were in a bubble all of their own, far away from the outside world and all its constraints.

Until Gerard shifted and he was made aware of the uncomfortably sticky mess in his pants, growing colder by the second. He must have made a face, because Frank laughed and pulled back from Gerard.

"Hey, have you eaten yet tonight?" Frank asked, still grinning. "I'm starving, I think the diner down the street is still open." He looked at Gerard hopefully. Gerard could see Frank was still hard and it confused and embarrassed him. He'd come in his pants like a teenager from rutting against Frank's leg, but the actual teenager was standing there all calmly like nothing had happened. Frank didn't seem like he expected anything at all from Gerard, apart from an answer to his question.

"Food?" Gerard asked finally.

"Yeah, food," Frank said, and did a fairly impressive mime of eating. "I'd kill for a burger or something."

"Aren't you a vegetarian?"

"They have vegan burgers now, Gerard," he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "It's not the middle ages anymore. Come on." He took Gerard's hand and led him down the hall, through the crush of people and outside. The fresh air was a welcome relief from the hot stuffiness of the venue. Walking through the crowd had made Gerard paranoid that everyone would know what they had just done, what _he_ had just done. That they'd be able to tell just from how he was walking, or the sweat on his face, or some other tell he couldn't even think of. In the end nobody even gave him a second glance. Not even as they walked down the street hand in hand, Gerard shuffling awkwardly because of the mess in his pants.

"I should really go home and change," Gerard tried to protest as Frank pushed open the door to the diner. As he did a little bell rang out pleasantly. The diner was small, with seats at the counter and one row next to the windows. Maybe enough for 15-20 people at most. The colour scheme had maybe been white and baby blue once upon a time, but the sun and time had turned it into faded shells of their former glory.

Frank turned to look at him up and down. "What you're wearing now looks fine," he said, smirking. "It's just a diner, not an olive garden or whatever."

"Olive garden?" Gerard asked, barely containing a laugh.

"I don't know any fancy restaurant names, sue me," Frank said with a shrug as they walked up to the counter. "Veggie burger and a chocolate shake with sprinkles for me, and an order of fries for him please," Frank said to the woman behind the counter, resolutely holding Gerard's hand, even when Gerard tried pulling away to wipe his sweaty palms on his pants. It gave Gerard a funny feeling, having Frank order for him. He led Gerard to sit at the corner booth, furthest away from the door, as they waited for their food.

"The food here is really good," Frank said as he made himself comfortable in the plush seat of the booth.

"That's good," Gerard said, looking down at the table and thinking about the size and numbers for an average portion of French fries. 300 calories seemed like an awful lot, especially when he hadn't earned it.

"I might get to play with the band again some other time," Frank said. Gerard looked up, his thoughts stilling for a moment.

"That's great," he smiled. "Did you enjoy it?" He only asked for the sake of politeness. It had been obvious when he was up on the stage, he had.

"Yes, it was so amazing," Frank said fondly, his smile growing wide. "It would be even better if I got to be an actual part of it, you know?" He ran his tongue over his lip ring. "Like, in writing the songs and deciding things for the band."

"Yeah, I understand. Maybe you should start your own band," Gerard suggested. "Then you could be in charge of everything."

"I've thought about it," Frank sighed. "Evan and I have talked about it, but it's hard since we don't live in the same place anymore. I don't really have any other friends who could work out."

"Evan is your friend who moved away, isn't he?" Gerard asked carefully, pretending like hearing about the boy Frank had been with before didn't make Gerard feel like throwing up.

"Yeah," Frank said. "He moved to a town near Boston"

"That's right," Gerard said, then stopped. "I'm actually going to be in Boston next weekend," he added without thinking.

"What?" Frank asked. "Really? Why?"

"I have a couple of meetings there on Friday evening and Saturday morning, so I have a hotel booked. I'm leaving on Friday noon."

"Oh my god, can I come with you?"

Their food arrived at that moment, the waitress placing their plates in front of them, as well as Frank's milkshake.

"Can I get you anything else?" she asked.

"Yes, can we get an extra straw for our milkshake please," Frank said with a sweet smile at the waitress. She looked between them for a brief moment, hesitating, before bringing the straw.

"You can't come with me, Frank. It's a business trip, not a jubilee." Gerard knew he'd chosen the wrong words when Frank smirked.

"We can make it a jubilee," he said, wiggling his eyebrows in a comical way that made Gerard have to stifle a weird burst of laughter that wanted to break out from his throat.

"Frank," Gerard said sternly, when he'd recovered.

"Look, that's not what I mean at all," Frank said, taking a large bite of his burger and making Gerard wait while he chewed. Gerard looked at his own greasy fries and his stomach churned. He had to eat at least some of it to keep up appearances, he thought as he picked up one french fry and lifted it to his mouth. It was warm and mealy and tasted far too salty, in his opinion, but then Frank was speaking again. "What I meant was," he paused to take a deep sip from his milkshake, his cheeks hollowing out as his lips pursed around the straw. "-I would appreciate it if I could get a lift with you, Mr. Way. This is really good, by the way," he said with his mouth half full. "You want to try it?" Frank pushed the milkshake towards Gerard, sticking the second straw into it.

"No thanks," Gerard said, lifting his hand. It was jarring to be called Mr. Way by Frank after what had just transpired between them earlier that evening, and Gerard felt wrong footed, like he and Frank were having two different conversations.

"Aww c'mon," Frank wheedled. "Let me live out my romantic 50s diner fantasy!" Gerard just gave him a look. He'd already swapped enough spit with Frank that the sanitation of the situation wasn't what worried Gerard, but the mountain of cream floating on top of the chocolate milk was another thing entirely. Gerard shoved another fry into his mouth to avoid the milkshake. "You're no fun," Frank pouted.

"I guess, if you just want a lift that shouldn't be a problem," Gerard said finally.

"Thanks! I can't wait to tell Evan!" Frank exclaimed.

"Evan?"

"Yeah, I was gonna go visit him," Frank said between bites of his burger.

"Oh," Gerard said. "I see." When he couldn't think of anything else to say, he took another french fry and placed it in his mouth.

"My aunt has been so overbearing lately, I really need to get away, even just for a weekend." Frank took another swallow from the milkshake, staring at Gerard the entire time. Then he stopped and pushed it towards the center of the table again. "Please? Just a sip?"

"Fine," Gerard said, rolling his eyes. He'd only pretend, just to make Frank happy. He pulled the large glass toward himself.

"No, together!" Frank said, his hand coming on top of Gerard's on the glass to stop him. Gerard rolled his eyes again and bent forward, towards the straw. Frank still hadn't let go of his hand where they both rested at the base of the glass. Gerard put his lips around the straw and pretended to suck. When he looked up Frank was staring at him across the glass. He pulled back and swallowed. "You have to really drink, Gerard, come on," Frank said and then bent down again.

"Fine," Gerard sighed again. Only a small sip. He leaned forward and this time actually sucked on the straw, pulling liquid into his mouth. It tasted sweet… rich and creamy. He swallowed and let the taste lie on his tongue for just a moment.

"Good, right?" Frank asked with a knowing smile.

"It's alright," Gerard said, but he bent down for another taste. Just a little bit more, to be sure it was actually as good as he thought the first time. Then he would be good and stop.

"Told you," Frank grinned and dipped down again for another sip.

There was silence for a few minutes as Frank finished his food, and they both drank the milkshake, Gerard forgetting to count his sips whenever he looked at Frank and Frank smiled back at him. When it was done, Gerard had even eaten over half of his fries, though Frank had swiped a couple, impishly grinning at Gerard.

When he stood up from the booth, Gerard was yet again reminded of the mess in his pants and he grimaced at the feeling of dried cum tugging at sensitive skin. He glared at Frank who seemed close to laughter.

"Something wrong?" Frank asked, innocently, only for the benefit of the waitress behind the counter it seemed. "Oh, no, let me." Frank hurried forward when Gerard pulled out his wallet. Frank put his arm around Gerard's waist as they faced the counter, and Frank dug some bills out of his back pocket and put on the counter top. "I got paid tonight, you know. We got paid for that. Not a lot, but you just let me take care of dinner darlin'." He winked at Gerard as he led him out of the diner.

"You're terrible, you know that?" Gerard said softly as they walked through the door and into the cold night's air.

"Is that any way to thank me for dinner?" Frank asked, teasing. "I really need to get a car," he added as an afterthought.

"Do you even have a license?" Gerard asked.

"No," Frank huffed. "I can get one easy though, I bet. Where did you park?"

Gerard led the way, as Frank raved about cars and motorbikes, and even scooters.

"But it would need to have room for you to ride bitch. Or a sidecar, would you prefer a sidecar?" Frank asked.

Gerard wanted to reply with something witty, maybe even sarcastic, but he couldn't think of anything before Frank continued babbling. Gerard smiled to himself. Somehow, despite everything, being with Frank was easy. He felt this strange bubbling feeling in his stomach, airy and light, not the sour and heavy sensation that had taken over him in the past few days. It took him a moment before he realized what it was. He was happy. His smile broadened. He shouldn't feel this way, everything was so complicated and uncertain,his underwear was still full of dried come, but right then, at that moment, he was happy.

"What are you smiling about?" Frank asked, and Gerard could see the genuine curiosity in his face.

"Just get in the car," Gerard said, still smiling.

"Have you started listening to any new albums yet?" Frank asked as they settled into the car, fastening their seat belts.

"I really liked Low, by Bowie," Gerard said. "It's a good album."

"It is," Frank agreed. "Okay, we should listen to The Wall on our way to Boston." When Gerard seemed hesitant, Frank launched into an explanation about the background surrounding the band and the concept of the album that lasted most of the way to Frank's home.

Gerard put the car into park and looked at Frank. Frank was getting his backpack from beside his feet at the floor of the car, and Gerard could examine his face in the low light from the street lamps outside. His hair was falling into his face and obscuring most of him apart from his jawline and his lips. Gerard looked away and out the window before Frank came back up and saw him looking.

"Gerard?" Frank said after a moment, and when Gerard turned to face him, Frank was much closer than he had expected, leaning across the gear shift between them.

"Y-yes?" Gerard answered, but what Frank wanted was obvious as he leaned in and kissed Gerard, soft and slow. It took Gerard's brain a few seconds to catch up to what was happening and before he knew it, he was kissing back. Frank's hand came up to cup Gerard's face as he turned in his seat to face him better. Gerard made a sound as he felt just the barest hint of Frank's tongue against his lips. He parted his lips to let Frank in but Frank kept up with the teasing, barely there touches as his hand moved up into Gerard's hair, and his free hand went to Gerard's waist.

Finally, Frank licked into Gerard's mouth, still moving so slowly, teasing at Gerard's lips, his tongue, the roof of his mouth. Gerard moaned out in surprise at every new touch as Frank explored his mouth so thoroughly. The slow and deliberate movements were such a contrast to their usual kisses, desperate and hurried, sometimes feeling more like a battle than anything. This kiss was more evocative of the feeling of sinking into a warm bath after a long, difficult day, warm and comforting.

Gerard made a "mmh" sound as Frank finally pulled away ever so slowly.

"Good night," he said, giving Gerard one last press of his lips, before he left the car.

Gerard was relieved to find the house empty when he came back home, before the memory of Heather leaving came crashing down on him. He headed straight for the shower, washing himself quickly and clinically, before getting into bed. It was almost two in the morning, and for once it didn't take Gerard long to fall asleep. Even with everything he had on his mind, he fell unconscious within moments of his head hitting the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading enjoy the good times while they last eat your vegetables happy september! @comrade__mikey on twitter if u wanna chat!
> 
> Edit: A friend of mine wrote a coda inspired by the fic set after this chapter, please go read it before reading the next chapter, it's really good!! It's not _"officially"_ canon but it's very similar to something that could have happened in this verse. You can find it over [here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26585224)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoooo boy this chapter. Sorry I'm a bit late this week, lots going on irl. Hope you enjoy it!!!!

Heather came back the next day. She wouldn't say much about where she'd been or what she'd been doing, and Gerard was afraid to ask. She just smiled at him a bit sadly, cupping his cheek with a cool hand and kissing the top of his head before he headed to work on Monday morning.

The week started off with a bang for Gerard, a rush of emergency decisions and paperwork and phone calls to make because of a fire in one of their production factories. The chaos lasted long into the week, with Gerard working long hours and early mornings. It was almost a welcome reprieve, leaving him little space to think of anything or anyone other than his work.

Frank came by on the Tuesday while Gerard was too busy to panic over his arrival, but when he had even less time for the boy than usual and was even more resistant to his charms of distraction, Frank didn't stay long. By Thursday afternoon, things were slowing down and though everything was still chaotic, they were on track and Gerard didn't have as many metaphorical and physical fires to put out. Frank was in his office that afternoon, sitting in his usual spot, actually doing homework for once, when Gerard sighed heavily and pushed his chair back from his desk, looking up at the ceiling. He was really ready for this week to be over, except he wasn't looking forward to the weekend either.

"It's been a rough week huh?" Frank said, closing his thick textbook and placing it on the coffee table in front of the sofa with a thunk. He stood up and looked at Gerard with concern in his eyes. Gerard looked over to meet his eyes and nodded. "Are you ready for the trip tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I guess," Gerard said, trying to rub the tiredness from his eyes. When he opened them back up, Frank had walked over to stand next to his desk. They hadn't been this close since- since the concert. Since Gerard had embarrassed himself. He had managed not to think about it for a while but now Frank was just _there_ and making him remember all over again. "I was thinking of leaving from here around 11." 

"Sounds good," Frank said, leaning his hip on the desk, turning his side towards Gerard. "I'll be here."

"Okay."

"Do you want me to help take your mind off work?" Frank offered, turning towards Gerard again with a grin.

"Frank…" Gerard was so tired. So tired of rebuking Frank's advances, so tired of lying to himself, denying himself. Yet he didn't move when Frank stepped closer and closer. Barely felt like he was breathing as Frank put a hand on Gerard's shoulder, lifting one knee up to Gerard's chair and then the other so he was straddling Gerard, his weight pressing down on Gerard's thighs as Frank leaned in close.

"I can make you forget all about it," Frank was practically purring into Gerard's ear. The warm puffs of breath on Gerard's neck made him shiver. "C'mon, G, don't you want that?"

"I…" Gerard started. _Just give in_ , a voice in his head kept saying. _Just a little, what could it hurt?_ Frank's hands were resting on Gerard's shoulders, his thumbs stroking over the skin of Gerard's neck that was revealed by the collar of his shirt. Gerard shivered and opened his mouth to reply.

"Mr. Way, I'm sorry to interrupt you," came a harried voice over the com system on Gerard's desk. It made both of them jump, Gerard almost upending Frank and depositing him on the floor, but Frank held on, gripping Gerard's shoulders even more tightly. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but your father is here, he just walked past me, I couldn't stop him."

Gerard's face must have done something, because Frank's expression turned instantly serious for once. He then dropped to the ground from Gerard's lap, and curled up beneath Gerard's desk. Gerard didn't even have time to worry whether he looked presentable before the door burst open and his father came in. The door closed behind him as he walked towards Gerard. Gerard desperately tried to slow down his heart rate and get his breathing under control. He was sure that if he didn't, his father would know something was up. He would know about Frank and Gerard would be in so much trouble.

"Gerard." The customary greeting usually managed to make Gerard shrink in his shoes, and this time it was worse than usual with the additional stress of having Frank hiding in plain sight.

"Father," Gerard said, forcing himself to meet the older man's eyes. "This is a surprise, how are you? Please, have a seat." He gestured towards one of the chairs on the other side of his desk, but his father didn't move.

"I thought I'd best come find you here, after what happened last time at your home." His father made a face of distaste. Scenes of _'last time'_ played through Gerard's mind and he wanted to retort that the last time his father came around, Gerard hadn't seen his wife for three days afterwards. But no, then he would just be blaming his problems on someone else, and that wasn't what Way men did, that wasn't how he had been raised. "I thought it might be easier to talk sense into you without any disruptive influences around."

Gerard took a deep breath to steady himself. "What is it you wanted to talk about, father?"

"Things are starting to get dire," his father said and Gerard's stomach immediately fell, just knowing that whatever his dad was going to say, it would be bad. He tried not to cower, as his father towered before him, clearly working himself up towards the agitated state he'd been in the night he came over to Gerard's house. "I'm disappointed in you, Gerard. It's like you're trying to disrespect not only me, but your entire family. Our legacy."

Gerard looked down and clenched his hand. "I'm sorry, I'm trying my best," he started, thinking of things he could say to placate his father. "Profits are up this quarter and the factory was well insured, we shouldn't see big losses from this-"

"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it!" his father thundered, shutting Gerard up. He glanced up at the older man, whose expression was icy and stern, making Gerard feel like a chubby, disappointing 15 year old again. "If you didn't have such trouble controlling your woman already, I would tell her about your dalliance, to teach you a lesson." The words rang out into the room and Gerard felt his heart stop. He couldn't mean- he couldn't know about- surely he didn't- did he? "Both my sons, Lord, what did I do wrong?" his father muttered to himself, looking to the heavens.

"I- dad..." Gerard felt so helpless against the man in front of him. His voice was raw as he pleaded with the man. He still had that instinct inside of him that his dad was supposed to be able to fix everything, make things right, like when he was a boy. But now it was up to him to fix things, and he didn't know how. If he hadn't been sitting down, Gerard's legs would've given out as everything started weighing him down.

His father knew about Frank, somehow he did, and that meant other people could find out, or maybe even already knew, and that could have terrible consequences. How could he have been so stupid to allow this to happen? He had a responsibility towards not only his wife, but his company as well. If it came out that the CEO of the company was having an affair, a _homosexual_ affair with a _high school student_ , their stocks would drop, they would have to downsize, people would lose their jobs that they relied on for their livelihoods, and it would all be because of Gerard. Because Gerard was weak and useless.

"I don't know why you do this to me, Gerard. Wasn't I a good father? Did I not give you everything you needed?" He immediately went on, starting to pace around the office. Gerard felt a pang of fear, even though he knew Frank was well concealed under the desk. "What did I do wrong for God to give me such disappointing children. Are you doing this to punish me, is that it?"

"No, father that's not-"

"So you just don't care? You don't care about the company? You don't care about your family?" His father took a step forward towards Gerard and put both hands on the table, leaning in towards him.

"Dad, stop, please, it's not like that," Gerard said, hearing the desperation in his own voice but unable to hide it. He sounded like a scared little boy again.

"You disappoint me, Gerard. I always knew this would be too much for you, I never should've put you in charge here." It was like his father had dug deep into Gerard's mind and brought up all his deepest fears. He felt like a child being scolded for misbehaving and his eyes started burning and he looked away to hide it.

Gerard jumped as a warm hand gripped his ankle, over his sock, squeezing gently. He'd forgotten Frank's presence, somehow, during the conversation with his father. His hand didn't leave Gerard's ankle, solid and reassuring.

"If this goes on I will be forced to replace you. Peter Osgood has been outstanding recently in the finance department, I think he would make a good CEO one day. Maybe one day soon." The pointed words were clearly a threat, and he waited for Gerard to meet his gaze before going on. "If you want to have your fun outside of marriage, try to do be more discreet about it. And for the love of God don't do anything with underage children. That's all we need."

"I'm sorry," Gerard said, not sure what he was apologizing for. He felt detached from his body, from the situation, empty and cold inside.

"Don't be sorry, be better! I thought you had learnt your lesson when you married Heather, but clearly she could only keep your attention for so long. But why you had to go off with a child, and do it in your office. For God's sake I almost expected to catch you at it when I walked in here! That's how indiscreet you've been!"

Gerard shrank in his seat at the words as his father's voice got louder and louder.

"Useless. Absolutely useless." His father sighed heavily and shook his head. "Two sons, I thought I was the luckiest man in the world. I end up with one degenerate and one unnatural, worthless failure." His father had worked himself up to such a fury that his chest was heaving, and his voice was tight. It was like he was holding back, but if this was what he would say to Gerard's face then what could he be holding back? "I have a meeting with your head of marketing. Goodbye."

Gerard didn't look up as his father turned and walked out of the office. He knew his face was red and flushed, his eyes still burned, and as soon as the door closed, Gerard took a gasping breath like he'd just surfaced from water, falling forward on to his hands on the desk.

"Gerard?" came a soft voice from beneath him. A hand on his knee. "G? Are you alright?"

He could only breathe, he could only focus on drawing in air and exhaling it back out.

He was gently pushed so the chair rolled back from the desk, and Frank came up in front of him from under the desk, on his knees. Gerard didn't see the expression on his face, he didn't want to look. "Gerard, baby, can you look at me?"

He took another deep breath. "I'm okay, Frank," Gerard said, trying his best to make his voice sound normal. "It's fine, everything is fine." He wanted to disappear, to escape to run away, to run, run, _run_.

"It's not," Frank said. A beat, then, "your dad is a fucking asshole."

"I can't."

"He's a fucking asshole, and he's fucking wrong." Frank said it with such conviction, and when Gerard glanced up at him, Frank looked back intensely. "Everything he said about you, he's wrong. You know that, right?"

"Is he?" Gerard asked in a small voice. He _was_ a failure, it was true. He _was_ useless, he always had been.

"Yes," Frank said fiercely, placing both hands on Gerard's thighs and gripping tight making Gerard look at him again. "Tell me you know that, Gerard! Tell me you know that you're not worthless, you're not useless. You're a kind, caring, hard-working, beautiful fucking person, tell me you know that!"

"I... I can't, I don't-"

"God, fuck your dad, seriously!" Frank said. "He's fucked you up so badly! No wonder Mikey rebelled and joined a punk band."

That made Gerard crack a small smile.

"Listen, your dad is wrong about Mikey, right?" Frank asked.

"He judges Mikey too harshly," Gerard replied. "Mikey is still a good man and he's very successful, just not in the way our father wants."

"So he's wrong then, yeah?"

"Yeah," Gerard answered reluctantly after a moment.

"Doesn't that mean he possibly could also be wrong about you?"

"I don't... That's different," Gerard started and trailed off, unable to come up with an argument. It _was_ different. He just couldn't articulate why.

"It's not!" Frank was so passionate in his denial, and Gerard wanted to believe him so badly, his conviction was infectious.

"Okay," Gerard said softly, quietly. Giving in just a little bit.

"Yeah, he is," Frank agreed, with a finality in his voice that Gerard wished he could feel. "Good. Now help me up, my old man knees have gone stiff."

When Gerard laughed, Frank's intense expression faded into a smile, as Gerard gave him a hand and helped him up.

"He's wrong about you, he's wrong about what we do, he's just a cranky old man who's upset the world is moving on without him. Okay?" Frank was standing close to Gerard, still holding on to Gerard from when he'd helped him stand up. His grip was tight, deliberate. He was selling a reality that Gerard so desperately wanted to buy. "You don't have to take this from him, you know? You could just quit!"

"It's not that simple."

"That's what people always say, but it could be. It can be. You've been the CEO of a whole friggin' company, you don't think you could find a job somewhere else?" Frank paused and his enthusiasm dimmed a little as he saw Gerard's expression. "It's okay, we can look into that later."

"Yeah I should get back to work," Gerard said. "There's still a lot of things I have to- to take care of." Frank looked at him sharply as he sniffled, but Gerard managed to gain control of himself and Frank seemed satisfied enough.

Frank went back to his homework, and it was reassuring to Gerard to hear him shifting around, muttering to himself, and scribbling into his notebook. It helped ground Gerard and keep him from falling into his negative thoughts. It took him a while to get back into the right mindset to work, and he didn't get as much done as he should have. That evening he drove Frank home, and Frank left him with a brief reassuring grip of his hand, a soft and swift kiss on the cheek, and a cheery "see you tomorrow!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are we all ready to go to boston? :D


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello again!  
> News this week, the fic is being translated into Russian!!! If you're so inclined you can check that out [ here](https://ficbook.net/readfic/9880369).  
> Also, a friend of mine wrote a coda/interlude inspired by this fic!!!!!!!!! So please go read it, it's so good! It's set after chapter 18 and you can find it [ here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26585224)! I'll be here when you're done.
> 
> And now... onto the new chapter :D

When Gerard got home that night, everything seemed to be upside down at his house. Heather was running around, only tossing words like "gallery" and "opening" and "Monday!" at him when she passed him by, her arms full of clothes or ribbons or once even wooden planks and Teacup trailing after her. Gerard went to bed alone and woke up alone.

He entered the kitchen after his morning workout and shower as Heather was getting ready to leave. It didn't happen often that she would leave the house before him.

"Everything ready for Monday?" Gerard asked. It would be such a relief when the gallery opening was over with. All the stress was leeching into Gerard, and Heather seemed more tired than usual, the bags under her eyes expertly hidden with makeup. Gerard could only tell because he knew her so well.

"Oh, Gerard, good morning!" She kissed his cheek as she walked past him to the stove. She came back and out a plate of eggs and toast in front of him at the counter. "Yes, everything is ready, I think."

Gerard didn't comment on her lack of certainty, he was sure it would all work out in the end. She had always been good at her work and he didn't doubt this would be the same. "I'm leaving for Boston today," Gerard reminded her. "I'll be back on Sunday night."

"Oh, right!" she said emphatically. "I guess I will see you at the opening on Monday then, I will probably be home late on Sunday." She smiled at him for a brief second before turning away. "Anyway, I have to jet, so much to do."

"You'll be great, I'm sure," Gerard said, cutting his eggs into little pieces.

"Thank you." She paused for a moment and turned to look at him again. "You're a good man. Don't let your father take that away from you." She gave him another brief smile and turned away again. "Goodbye, Gerard."

Gerard waved to her as she left with Teacup in tow, looking like the king of the house in Heather's arms, and turned to his eggs. "Guess it's just you and me, now," he said to his plate. He split his toast into 16 equal sized portions, and ate every other one, as well as his egg whites. He felt guilty throwing away food Heather had so thoughtfully cooked for him, so he'd eaten more than he usually would.

Things still felt strained between them. Like they hadn't finished working out what had happened the other day with Gerard's father. Gerard still didn't know where she had gone for so long. He assumed she'd stayed with a friend or maybe gone to a hotel. It was uncomfortable, to feel like something was unsaid between them, a gap that just kept widening. He supposed it was his own fault too, as he thought of the last evening he'd spent with Frank.

At the office, Gerard spent the morning making sure everything was ready for his time away, as well as sitting in a few emergency meetings because of the factory fire. Frank arrived in the late morning with a small duffel bag, and the words of his father from the day before echoed in Gerard's head. How would this look to everyone in the office? Like he was taking this teenager away for something scandalous. When they walked out of his office towards the elevators he felt like everyone was watching them, whispering and judging. He wanted to scream out that he was only giving him a ride!

"Have a good trip, boss," Paul said as they walked past.

"Thank you, don't stay too late tonight," he replied. "Are you coming on Monday?" he asked.

"Yes sir, I'm looking forward to it!"

"What's on Monday?" Frank asked as the elevator doors closed behind them.

"My wife's gallery is having a big opening for a new exhibition," Gerard said.

Frank pressed the button for the ground floor and then nodded. "Are you ready for your music education to continue?" Frank grinned.

"Hm," Gerard thought about it for a moment. "Yes, I am," he said, surprising even himself. He was looking forward to it. He had found himself really enjoying the Bowie album, and now he was ready for more. The fact that it was something his father would disapprove of gave him a small thrill of satisfaction too.

He had thought about telling Frank the trip was cancelled, about cutting all ties with him, after his dad's tirade. But how could he do that when Frank just wanted a lift, and he couldn't bring himself to disappoint the kid like that. It was just a lift.

They got in the car in the underground car park, and Frank dug around in his bag for a few moments before finding what he was looking for.

"This is gonna blow your mind I think. It's not _my_ favourite, but I appreciate the classics, the revolutionaries. And Freddie Mercury was an icon," Frank explained as he put the CD into the player.

The music started off grand and then became even grander, and Frank told Gerard all about the band and the lead singer, in between bouts where he couldn't seem to help himself from loudly singing along. When that album finished, Frank picked out another one, and Gerard found himself smiling as he drove and Frank explained about yet another band that Gerard simply _had_ to know about.

The drive up the I-95 was far more enjoyable than usual, listening to Frank talk so passionately about the music, debating with himself about which CD to choose next and so on, but they finally got into the city and Gerard followed his GPS to the hotel close to the city centre.

"Did you want me to drop you off somewhere?" Gerard asked on the way.

"No it's fine, I want to see your hotel room before I go," Frank said.

"Oh... Why?" Gerard asked. That was approaching dangerous territory. It was one thing being alone together in the car, but in a hotel room?

"I just wanna see it," Frank shrugged. "I've never been to a fancy hotel like this. I wanted to steal the shampoo and maybe raid the minibar. Your company is paying, right?"

Gerard relaxed. "Yeah sure, go for it." He remembered being a kid and being excited about the prospect of a minibar. Gerard parked the car and got out to get his bag from the trunk.

"I'll take my bag too so I don't have to come back to the car when I leave," Frank said, grabbing his duffel bag. They walked together into the lobby of the hotel. It was a large room with high ceilings and marble floors with lush carpets in the walkways and a fountain in the center of the room. Gerard could hear Frank behind him muttering something about "fucking rich people."

They walked up to the concierge and a young woman, neatly dressed in her uniform immediately addressed Gerard. "Good afternoon sir, checking in?"

"Yes, thank you, Gerard Way," he replied. She went to the computer and looked up the booking, and Gerard showed her his ID.

"Here's one key for you, and one key for your... son?" She finished uncertainly, looking at Frank who was leaning against the counter and playing with a pen he'd found. He looked up at her words and smirked, taking the key she put on the counter. She glanced back at the booking before looking at them again and blushing.

"Thank you, daddy," Frank said, leaning up to give Gerard a quick kiss on the cheek, making Gerard blush. "Let's go look at _our room_ , daddy!" Frank set off towards the elevators, pulling Gerard along, who was hissing Frank's name under his breath.

"That's not funny, Frank!" He said when they were alone in the elevator. "Didn't you hear what-" he faltered, gathering himself before continuing. "Did you not hear what my father said the other day?"

"Fuck your dad!" Frank said. "You're not doing anything wrong here!" Then he added under his breath, though still loud enough for Gerard to hear, "well I guess you really should divorce your wife."

"It's not about right or wrong, it's about optics, it's about public relations, it's about the good of the company!" Gerard exclaimed, ignoring Frank's last utterance.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever... daddy," Frank said, before the elevator dinged open and he strode out, leaving a flustered Gerard. "Come on, I want to see what rich people hotel rooms look like!" He dashed off down the hall, counting off room numbers until he reached the right one.

"Frank, slow down," Gerard said, following behind Frank with his bag.

"You'll just have to catch up, old man," Frank said, opening the door with a soft beep and heading inside. Gerard heard his impressed gasp and a whistle. "Can we live here?"

Gerard finally caught up, coming up behind Frank and closing the door behind them. The room didn't seem all that special to Gerard. It wasn't like they'd splurged for an executive suite or something, it was just a normal hotel room to him. Clean, tidy, and minimalistic. Maybe the TV on the wall was on the larger size and perhaps the same could be said about the bed, the bed which, Jesus, Frank was launching himself onto. "Frank," Gerard reproached. It didn't have any effect.

"It's like a fucking cloud!" Frank said, spreading his arms and legs out and sighing happily. "C'mon, get on here! I promise I won't bite. I won't even call you daddy."

"Frank," Gerard said again, putting his bag into the corner and walking towards the bed. "You're behaving very childishly."

"Yes and you should try it," Frank said and bounced on the bed. He took Gerard by surprise, bouncing up off the bed and pulling Gerard back with him so he tumbled onto the bed, half on top of Frank. The landing stole his breath and his face landed in the admittedly very soft bedsheets. "Now we're talking," Frank said, and then when Gerard gave him a look he added, "what? I'm not biting! I never said I wouldn't pull you down to the bed."

"Aren't you supposed to be on your way to see your friend?" Gerard grumbled, trying to get up but finding himself tangled up in Frank, who seemed to have wrapped his limbs around Gerard making it practically impossible.

"I dunno, I'm pretty comfortable here," Frank said. Gerard turned so he could look at him and Frank had buried his face in Gerard's shoulder, the vibrations of his voice giving Gerard goosebumps.

"I have a meeting in a bit, let me go," Gerard said, trying to make his voice authoritative. He wasn't sure he quite managed. Being this close and tangled up with Frank was bringing up memories he was trying very hard not to think about. It was too nice, he wanted to stay like this too badly, which meant he had to get up, _now_.

"It's not for a few hours, we have time to fuck," Frank said, tightening his arms around Gerard.

"Frank!"

"Fine, fine! We'll just cuddle."

"Frank, I'm serious."

"So am I," Frank insisted.

Gerard sighed. "You don't make this easy..."

Frank's arms slowly slackened around Gerard. "I guess I should go, anyway." He looked regretful when Gerard finally managed to push himself up and off the bed. Gerard tried not to think about how cold be felt from losing Frank's body heat.

"Thank you," Gerard said, his voice not as steady as he would've liked. He turned away and walked to his suitcase to pretend to look for something.

"I'll see you later, I'll let you know if I want a ride back home, I might just take the bus, it depends." Gerard heard Frank getting up and picking up his bag and shuffling towards the door.

"Bye," Gerard called back without looking at Frank. After a few long moments he heard the door opening and then closing, and he was left alone in the silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is pretty long I wonder why....


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello......

The meeting went as well as Gerard could have asked for, with the CEO of the other company deciding to give the contract to Gerard's company, which really had been all but a given because of their earlier communications, but it was still a weight off Gerard's back. He really needed a success after what had gone on in the past few weeks. They agreed to meet again the next morning to discuss more details, and then Gerard headed back to his hotel. Being on his own was a good excuse to skip dinner, so instead he spent a couple of hours in the hotel gym, before going upstairs to his room to shower and get ready for bed. All in all he was in his pyjamas and about to turn the lights off when the door to his hotel room opened.

His first thought was that it was someone coming to clean and that he should have put up the "do not disturb" sign, but that was ridiculous, rooms weren't cleaned this late at night. His second thought was that it was some sort of intruder and he would be murdered any moment. In the end, it was only Frank who came shuffling in, dumping his bag haphazardly on the floor and making his way over to Gerard who was sitting on the bed.

"Frank? What are you doing here?" Gerard asked, pulling on the sleeves of his night shirt that suddenly seemed too short, now that he wasn't alone.

"Mmfh," Frank grumbled. "Everything sucked tonight." He sighed and started pacing back and forth, short little circles. "Evan was just hanging out with Sarah all night and completely ignoring me and like, he didn't even tell me he got a girlfriend, I would've fucking stayed home if I had known. He didn't even want me to stay the night because he was _'busy,'_ and I mean, whatever, I don't need him." He stopped pacing folded his arms over his chest, looking away from Gerard. "He'll come back when Sarah dumps him. And the party they dragged me to was just super lame."

"I… Um, I'm sorry," Gerard said, not sure what to say.

"And I realised," Frank continued, right back into rant mode before tapering off slowly and becoming more quiet. "I realised I'd much rather be here with you." He was stood across the room from Gerard and was being uncharacteristically… reserved, almost shy. It was a little unnerving.

"I-" Gerard's first instinct was to argue, to disagree. "Why?" He wasn't just asking about tonight and they both knew it.

"Because I like being with you!" He paused, as if that was it, but Gerard didn't reply so Frank went on. "Because you're beautiful and handsome and kind and smart and generous and I think I-" He closed his mouth and took a deep breath through his nose. "I just..."

"I'm not," Gerard said quietly into his lap. His mind was spinning with refutations of every single thing Frank had just said. "I'm none of those things, Frank, why can't you see that?"

"What do you mean?" Frank asked. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not!" Gerard said, louder than he had meant to. There was just too much spinning around his head, his thoughts deafening him, reminding him of his father, his job, his wife. He just kept failing them all, and it was frustrating that Frank couldn't seem to understand this irrefutable truth. "I'm- I'm a screw up, a disappointment, the only reason I got my job was because of my father, and even then I can't do anything right." It was like the opening of flood gates, he couldn't stop himself. "I'm not ' _beautiful'_ or ' _handsome'_ , I am a failure! I'm _disgusting_ …"

"Shut up!" Frank shook his head. "You're so fucking smart but you're still a fucking idiot." Frank took a step towards a bewildered Gerard. "How can you be this-" he stopped himself before he finished the sentence. He started walking towards Gerard. "Look at me, Gerard. Look at me." He reached out to grip Gerard's chin and lift his head so their eyes met. "You are wonderful. Fuck your dad for making you think you're anything but. You're perfect just the way you are. Fucking perfect."

He wanted to believe it. He wanted it to be true. He wanted to be able to let go of all his doubts and fears and insecurities and just believe Frank.

"You know what, fuck it. Fuck it! You don't believe me? I'll just have to show you." He surged forward, meeting Gerard's lips for a kiss, the force of it making Gerard fall backwards onto the bed. Frank followed after him, climbing on top of him, his thighs on either side of Gerard's waist.

He'd lost his breath on the impact when Frank had kissed him, their lips colliding clumsily at first but before he knew it Gerard was kissing Frank back like the oxygen he lost could be found behind Frank's lips. Frank was as he always was, enthusiastic and intense; every time Gerard got used to the movements of his lips or the teasing of his tongue, Frank changed it up, going from soft presses of his lips to deep licks of his tongue into Gerard's mouth and then over to sucking on Gerard's tongue or biting at his lower lip. It made Gerard feel dizzy and his heart beat faster and faster until he had to push at Frank's shoulders to get him to let Gerard come up for air.

"Sorry," Frank panted. "Is that too much? Fuck." Their bodies were flush against each other, Gerard carrying most of Frank's weight, pinned to the bed by Frank's body, a warm anchor holding him down.

"No, I just-" Gerard managed to get the words out between pants. "I needed to breathe." Then his mind caught up with his mouth. _'No?'_ He should be saying _'yes, get off me now.'_

But…

He looked up into Frank's eyes above him. What he saw nearly overwhelmed him, almost made him want to look away from it's intensity.

He didn't.

"I don't know what I'm doing," Gerard whispered finally, and it was the truth.

Frank smiled, a little tug at the corners of his mouth. "That's okay, I do." And then he was kissing Gerard again, one hand in Gerard's hair and at some point Gerard's arms had wrapped around Frank's waist without him noticing, and he immediately forgot it again because Frank was sucking little bruising kisses into the sensitive skin of his neck, and Gerard couldn't control the moan that wanted to rip free from his throat.

It only got more intense as the moments passed. Frank was starting to move his hips against Gerard, first minutely, like he wasn't aware he was doing it, but then with determination. Gerard was holding on to Frank desperately, not like he was scared Frank would run away, but like Frank was his only anchor in a roiling ocean and if he let go he would drift away, never to be seen again.

"Can you feel how hard you make me, G?" Frank said, breathing heavily against Gerard's throat. He pulled back so he could look Gerard in the eyes. "Can you feel that?" he asked again, rolling his hips purposefully against Gerard. He could feel it. He could feel the hardness of Frank's cock against his stomach. It made his head spin with want and fear and thrill. _He_ did that? _He_ did that. It drove a shudder through his body.

"Frank," he pleaded. "Please." Frank rolled his hips again hard and Gerard whimpered and clutched him tighter, burying his face in the crook of Frank's shoulder. He could feel the now familiar feeling of himself getting hard in his pyjama pants against Frank's ass and it was overwhelming, confusing, intoxicating.

"It's okay," Frank soothed. "I've got you, it's okay." Frank stroked a hand through Gerard's hair again, before pulling lightly on it so Gerard would look at him. When he did, Frank smiled and then leaned in to kiss Gerard again, the intensity building with each press of his lips, each time he came back up for air. He sat up suddenly and pulled off his hoodie and his shirt in one movement, leaving him bare from the waist up. Gerard's fingers went to trace against the tattoos, low on his hips, before he knew what he was doing. "They're not complete yet," Frank said of the outline of the birds on his skin. "I couldn't afford it yet, but I'm saving up."

Gerard nodded. "I like them," he said and then blushed and looked away. Somehow that felt too forward, even after everything.

"I'm glad you approve," Frank smiled and leaned back down to kiss Gerard. "Can I take off your shirt?"

The question was like a splash of cold water on Gerard. It activated his fight or flight instinct, except he always only ever wanted to run.

"I've told you, you're beautiful," Frank said. He must have seen the look on Gerard's face. "You're probably the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life. But… I understand if you don't want to."

"I…" It wasn't like Frank hadn't seen him sort of shirtless before, that time before the concert. And he'd helped Gerard to the shower when he had been ill. And he was still here, even after all that. "Okay." He sat up, and pulled off his thin night shirt, shivering a little as he did. Frank was sitting on his lap still, close enough that Gerard could feel the warmth radiating off his body even before Frank leaned in to kiss him slowly again.

This time, there was even more skin on skin contact, making the heat start to sizzle and build up in Gerard's gut. "You're so fucking gorgeous, Gerard," Frank said in-between kisses, holding Gerard close the whole time, one hand running up and down Gerard's back and sides and making him shiver with want. "And you're all mine." He leaned in to kiss Gerard again, slow and deliberate, just like the roll of his hips against Gerard's. It made him gasp into Frank's mouth and clutch him harder, chasing the feeling of the sparks it sent up his spine.

"Frank," Gerard moaned, as Frank broke their kiss to start nipping on Gerard's throat again. Gerard noticed Frank seemed to really like his throat, always spending time kissing and biting the same spots around Gerard's Adam's apple and the spots just below his ears. It was strange to think that there were places on his body that someone liked. That his body could be something to be enjoyed. At least parts of it. Maybe he should also have favourite parts of Frank's body. He knew he liked Frank's lips, he couldn't deny that. Maybe he also enjoyed the hands that were roaming his back, the fingers that could produce such wondrous sounds from his instrument. The more he thought about it, the more he could find about Frank's body he liked. He liked the weight of him in his lap and on top of him, he liked what Frank could do with his tongue, he liked his arms that always seemed so strong and sure. "More," Gerard found himself whispering into Frank's hair, as their hips rocked together, never quite getting the right angle, but the search was so sweet he didn't even mind.

"Yeah, I got you," Frank said, his hand slowly coming around from Gerard's back to his front, down his stomach and to the front of his pants. Frank rubbed at him through his pyjama pants, making Gerard fully hard in only a few moments. "Yeah, that's it." He brought their mouths together again, even as Gerard was panting too hard for it to become a proper kiss. "Can I take off your pants? Fuck, please?"

Gerard was saying yes before his brain caught up with what was going on. "Yes. Please, Frankie, yes, do it," Gerard pleaded. Frank climbed off Gerard and started tugging at his pyjamas, and before Gerard could second guess anything, before he could worry or be self-conscious, Frank had pulled off his pyjama pants and his underwear in one go. Then, however, he just stared at Gerard and that was enough time for Gerard to feel awkward, to pull up his legs so he could hide himself somewhat.

"Fuck, no, wait, Frank said, reaching a hand out to touch Gerard's knee. "You don't have to hide, shit, let me," he fumbled with his own pants, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them off clumsily. They got stuck on the shoes he hadn't take off yet, and Frank cursed, which made Gerard huff out a small laugh despite himself. "Fuck, okay, see, I'm naked now too," Frank said when he'd finally managed to kick off his shoes and dump his clothes on the floor. "Can I kiss you again?" Frank was treating Gerard like he was a skittish animal that might run away at any moment.

And Gerard couldn't exactly say it wasn't working, that it wasn't helpful in keeping him in the moment and out of his head. He bit his lip and looked away, before nodding, and Frank immediately shuffled over, put one steadying hand on the back of Gerard's head, before leaning in to kiss him, pushing Gerard down onto the bed. A slow movement of their lips at first, and then Frank opened his mouth, licking at Gerard's lips until he opened up and met Frank half way. It was the kind of kiss you could lose yourself in for hours, Gerard thought. Even as it slowly built up the intensity and need within him, Frank always brought him back down, pulling back a little, slowing down, always leaving Gerard wanting more. He was so hard he ached, but he didn't want to stop. He hadn't been brave enough to look, earlier, but he could feel Frank's hardness against his stomach, he could feel the wetness it left behind when the tip brushed over his skin. It should be revolting, but it was proof that Frank wanted this, wanted _him_.

"Just tell me to stop and I will," Frank said, an echo of one of their earlier encounters. Had Frank truly wanted this all this time? Had he truly wanted Gerard like this? Had he _hungered_ for him? The thoughts were abruptly driven out of his mind because Frank's hand had trailed down his chest and was now gripping Gerard's cock, tight and confident. He moved his fist up and down a couple of strokes, and Gerard groaned, hiding his face in Frank's shoulder. Frank laughed, breathy and warm, his free hand tightening around Gerard's back. He let go of Gerard's cock then, and Gerard managed to hold in his sound of disappointment. Frank moved to fist his own cock, and this time Gerard looked. He watched Frank's fingers moving over his own skin, up and down. He really wasn't that different from Gerard in size and shape. Almost familiar yet different enough not to be. He curved in a way Gerard didn't, and he gripped himself with confidence and experience Gerard had never known. His eyes travelled from where Frank's fingers were wrapped around his cock, trailing up his tense abdomen, up to his face, his cheeks flushed and eyes squeezed shut in pleasure.

"God," Gerard said as he looked at him, making Frank open his eyes and meet Gerard's gaze. The heat was unmistakable now, and how could Gerard ever have mistake the desire in Frank's face for anything else? It was all for him.

"Do you trust me?" Frank asked, shifting to face Gerard again. He looked serious, but Gerard wasn't afraid to tell him the truth.

"Yes."

Frank leaned in for a quick kiss, just a chaste press of his lips, before he dove off the bed, leaving Gerard behind, puzzled. "You- fuck. You know I want to fuck you so bad, right?" Frank asked. He had emerged again from the floor, holding something in his hand. The words ignited a heat in Gerard's gut, one that he was afraid to explore or let loose. "Not now," Frank added quickly. "But I thought, maybe… Can you lie back on the bed for me?" Frank helped Gerard rearrange some pillows so he could lie back more comfortably, half sitting up against the headboard.

"Frank, what-" but instead of answering, Frank just came up to Gerard on the bed, and then swung a knee over Gerard's body so he was straddling him again, making their cocks bump against one another. Frank brought his hand forward and Gerard could now see it was some sort of lube. He squirted a bit into his hand and then spread it over their cocks, stroking them together. It was strange, because it wasn't as good as when Frank had jerked him earlier by himself, but it was also better because he could feel Frank so intimately against himself, feel the smooth skin and the heat of him. Frank stopped. "Do you trust me?" he repeated. Gerard looked up to meet his eyes.

"I-I do."

Frank held his gaze for another moment before rising up on his knees, holding Gerard's cock steady in one hand, and looking behind himself and then- oh god. He started to lower himself down again, lower himself onto Gerard's cock.

It was torturously slow. The tight heat of Frank around Gerard's cock was enough to drive him out of his mind and he didn't know what to do with himself. Gerard's hips jerked minutely, but he didn't dare move, his fingers clenching around the sheets. He just watched Frank. Watched the focus on his face, the drop of sweat running down his temple, the tremble of his muscles as he so slowly, oh so slowly seated himself in Gerard's lap again. Both of them let out their breaths as Frank's ass hit Gerard's hips, panting into the air between them, and Frank leaned forward to kiss Gerard between breaths, sloppy and wet.

"Fuck, Gerard," Frank bit out. He was smiling. "Are you-?"

"Frank," Gerard said and he could hear the reverence in his own voice.

"It's been a while," Frank said and grimaced. "Give me a second, then I'll rock your world." He winked, red faced and sweaty and sitting on Gerard's cock.

Gerard couldn't hold back the almost hysterical giggle that came out of him. It ended on a choked off moan when Frank slowly raised his hips up and then down again, making a fizzle of pleasure run up and down Gerard's spine.

"Yeah, fuck," Frank said, biting his lip as he started moving faster, though his movements had nothing resembling a rhythm, instead being almost exploratory even if they were sometimes clumsy. It didn't matter as the clench of Frank's ass, the drag of Gerard's cock in and out, it all added up to be so fucking good, Gerard had never experienced anything like it. It was perfect.

Silence fell between them, filled only with their exerted breaths, their matching moans and gasps, and the sound of skin hitting skin. The finger's of Frank's left hand were digging painfully into Gerard's shoulders for purchase as he lifted himself up and down and it was a stark contrast to the overwhelming pleasure he was experiencing everywhere else. Gerard clutched Frank back just as tightly. Frank's other hand had snaked down between them and Gerard couldn't see, couldn't look away from Frank's face, but he was sure Frank's hand was moving over his own cock.

"Ah, fuck, I think I'm close, I'm close, Gerard-?" Frank gasped out, his movements gaining more finesse, a rhythm, and Gerard found himself lifting his hips up to meet him on every downstroke.

"Yeah," Gerard said, his head falling forwards, his sweaty forehead hitting Frank's shoulder. "Please, please, Frank-" Gerard's voice was getting progressively higher pitched and maybe even louder, he couldn't tell. All he could think about was Frank, Frank all around him, on top of him, the taste of him lingering in his mouth like they were merging into one.

As Frank's movements reached a crescendo, Gerard found himself biting into Frank's shoulder to try to hold himself back, keep himself quiet, and to ride out the overwhelming pleasure that was wreaking through his body. As he bit down, Frank let out a harsh moan and then Gerard could feel a hot wetness hit his stomach, and Frank's hand on his chin dragging him up into another sloppy kiss, and god, he could _feel_ Frank coming, feel him clenching around Gerard's dick in his ass as he moaned into Gerard's mouth. Frank's movements had slowed down and Gerard let out a whine and a thrust of his hips. He was so close, so close, but now his climax seemed to be slipping further and further away.

"Frank!" Gerard whined, so frustrated that tears were starting to gather in the corners of his eyes. "Please, I need- please, Frank!"

"It's okay, I've got you," Frank said, wiping away the wetness on Gerard's cheek. He kissed Gerard again, before putting his arms around Gerard's back and shifting their positions, leaning backwards so Gerard was now on top of him. "Ah- just- fuck, just do it," Frank said, biting at his lips and squeezing his eyes shut.

"What? Are you- am I hurting you?" Gerard asked, trying to reorient himself to their new position. Frank's thighs were now up around his hips, Gerard was holding himself up over Frank.

"I'm okay," Frank said, and grinned up at Gerard, even though his eyes still looked a little dazed after his orgasm. "I'm just a little bit sensitive after I come," he explained. "C'mon, just fuck me, stud." He giggled and there was a strange swelling in Gerard's chest.

It was different looking down at Frank like this, Gerard's arms bracketed around him, and Gerard had almost forgotten his earlier desperation. He looked down at Frank, saw his come spread over his stomach and chest, saw him lying there all pliant and easy, just for Gerard, Felt Frank _squeeze_ his cock with his ass, and yeah, Gerard remembered the throbbing need he had been feeling. He pulled back with his hips experimentally and thrust back in, making Frank gasp.

"Oh, fuck," Frank groaned, and threw his head back on the bed. It intrigued Gerard, he wanted to see if he could get that noise out of Frank again, so he gave him another sharp thrust, and was rewarded with another moan and a "Oh god, Gerard." Frank's hand made it's way down his body to take hold of his cock, which was slowly starting to fill out again. "Keep going, I want to feel you come inside me."

It was almost like a competition, who could make the other more mindless with need and want and pleasure. Gerard started fucking Frank with a purpose now, the tension building up deep in his stomach again, and every moan he managed to wring from Frank made the pleasures spike in his gut.

"Are you almost there?" Frank asked, panting. He was jerking himself off faster now, in time with Gerard's thrusts, and his other hand was roaming over Gerard's chest, his stomach, his face, gripping at his ass, touching anywhere he could reach. "You gonna come from fucking me, daddy?" Gerard looked at him and he was grinning his impish grin again.

"Shut up," Gerard said, unable to hide his own smile, and aimed a few particularly sharp thrusts that made Frank's eyes roll up in his head. It was only a few moments later, a few more thrusts, and Gerard was spilling himself inside Frank, his thrusts becoming sloppy and uncoordinated as the pleasure ran through every nerve in his body. "Frank," he gasped, and he could feel Frank coming again too, feel the splash of his release, the spasm of his muscles around Gerard, before his arms gave out and he landed on top of Frank.

They lay still for a long moment, just breathing together. He could feel Frank's fingers tracing patterns into the skin of his back as they caught their breaths. "Fuck," Frank eventually sighed happily. Then he winced as Gerard pulled out of him, his come spilling out with him and Frank grimaced.

"We should clean up," Gerard said, feeling the itch of the stickiness everywhere, their sweat and come connecting them together.

"Yeah, yeah, in a minute, Frank said, pulling Gerard and moving him around until they were settled comfortably under the blankets, even grabbing a pillow he had discarded earlier.

"Frank, we need to- ugh, I'm lying on a wet spot," Gerard shuddered.

"You're fine, don't be such a baby," Frank said, his eyes closed and his arms wound around Gerard.

"Frank, I need to get up," Gerard tried again. His muscles didn't really want to cooperate though. And he felt very warm and content where he was. Well, apart from the wet spot at his hip.

"Yeah, yeah, you're very important babe, I know," Frank sighed out, still not opening his eyes. "Now shut up, close your eyes, and let me sleep."

"Fine," Gerard grumbled, but settled in more around Frank, resting his head close to Frank's shoulder and even throwing an arm around his waist. He wanted to keep Frank close, moving away from him felt wrong somehow. And he _was_ kind of tired… Maybe if he just closed his eyes until Frank fell asleep, then he could get up and shower. Yeah, he'd just rest for a moment and then he would get up and fix everything again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.... i guess maybe some of you were waiting for this to happen? maybe?  
> come talk to me on twitter @comrade__mikey happy halloween month!!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm really sorry it's been so long, I have an explanation in the end notes if you want but it's a bit spoilery so that's where it goes. Hope you all are well, enjoy this chapter!!

Gerard's first thought when his alarm went off was denial. He was too warm, too content, too comfortable. Yes, he was a bit closer to the edge of the bed than he'd like to be and the sheets had mostly been tugged off him as he slept, but somehow none of that mattered as he lay there, face buried against warm skin, listening to the rhythmic breathing of the person beside him.

"Turn that off," Frank groaned into the pillow. "What time is it even, isn't it Saturday today, what the fuck, G?" Gerard tried to pull back, to get up and reach his phone on the nightstand, but the arm around his waist tightened. "Don't go."

"You asked me to turn off the alarm," Gerard argued, fighting the rising tide of panic within him which threatened to overwhelm him.

"Fine, but then come right back." Frank raised his head to turn it towards Gerard, his eyes squeezed half shut.

Frank was sort of beautiful, first thing in the morning, his hair messed up and a pillow crease along his cheek. The panic in Gerard's chest throbbed. He turned towards the nightstand and shut off the alarm. He had a meeting again in two hours.

"Hey, I told you to come back here," Frank protested, his voice raspy, when Gerard swung his legs out of the bed. "I had this whole plan of teasing you for being a pillow princess! Don't ruin it for me."

"I..." Gerard started, not sure what to say. _'This was a mistake'_ or _'I need to go'_ or _'stay with me and never let go'_ were some of the candidates running through his mind. "I need to shower. I'm gonna be late for my meeting," was what he said instead. He picked his nightshirt up from the floor and put it on, trying not to show off too much skin to Frank, who had risen to his elbows in the bed and was watching him.

"Gerard?" Frank said slowly. "Are you freaking out?"

"Everything is fine," Gerard said brusquely, and ran off towards the shower. He washed himself clinically and efficiently, trying not to think about any of the things he was scrubbing off his skin, even as images from last night were still running through his head in flashes. Frank's fingers gliding over his skin, the feeling of Frank, tight around his cock, Frank's lips on his. It made him burn and he turned the heat of the shower down to as cold as he could stand, while he rinsed himself off.

When he got back into the room, dressed in one of his better suits, simple black with a white shirt, well tailored, Frank was also up and rummaging in his bag. He was wearing black jeans but no shirt, which was presumably what he was looking for in his rucksack. Gerard tried not to linger on the purple bruise forming on Frank's pale shoulder. A bite mark Gerard distinctly remembered being the cause of.

"I have to go," Gerard said, not looking at Frank. He busied himself with his briefcase, double and triple checking that everything was in order, before snapping it shut and standing up straight again.

"Are you freaking out?" Frank asked again, hesitant.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Fuck. You fucking are." Frank shook his head. "I should've known." There was bitterness in his voice that Gerard had never heard there before.

"Frank…" Gerard sighed. He felt at a loss. He'd made one of the worst mistakes of his life last night. A moment of weakness that could ruin everything he had ever worked for. It could ruin everything his father and his whole family had ever worked for. The more he thought about it, the faster his heart started beating. "Oh god."

"What?" Frank asked warily.

"Oh god," Gerard choked out again. "What did I do?" He walked over to the window. "Oh god I'm going to prison-"

"I told you, I'm legal-"

"-I transported a minor across state lines, isn't that a thing?-"

"-I just needed a lift, it wasn't like that-"

"-the company is going to go bankrupt because of my stupidity and selfishness!-"

"-oh Jesus-"

"-I'm so stupid how could I have endangered my company like this-" Gerard's hands had gone to his hair and were now pulling on it, none-too gently.

"For fuck's sake, Gerard!" Frank said, loud enough to jar Gerard from his spiral. "First of all, nobody even gives enough of a shit about what I do that they'd call the cops on you, just fucking relax." Frank shook his head. His voice was loud, angrier than Gerard had ever heard him before. "Your precious _company_ will be just fine. Secondly, if you-… fuck." He shook his head, looking down with a smile lacking any mirth. "If you hated fucking me so much, you should've just said so."

"That's- I-" Gerard sputtered. His heart was beating faster and faster.

"It's okay, apparently I'm a shitty fuck and a worthless friend," he bit out. "I just thought- but clearly not, whatever. I gotta go."

"Wait, Frank," Gerard called after him, as Frank grabbed his bag and turned towards the door. Frank paused, though he didn't turn around. "I…" Gerard started, looking for the right thing to say. He didn't have it.

"Yeah, whatever," Frank said coldly after a moment's silence, and started walking towards the door again. He pulled it open and walked out. The door slowly shut after him, the soft click as it hit the frame and locked again barely audible over Gerard's loud breaths. When had he started panting? He sat down on the chair by the window, and bent down to hold his head between his knees.

He needed a plan. He needed to organise his mind, put everything back where it belonged, back in their neat little boxes. One box for work, one for his family, one for his home, and so on. Except Frank… Frank had never fit into any of the boxes, no matter how hard Gerard had tried.

He would come home from this trip, he would be a good husband to his wife, they would have a baby, and everything would go back to normal. Maybe Heather would be happy enough to try again after her gallery opening. It would also get his father off his back for a while. He would be good to Heather from now on, make up for his inattentiveness and his indiscretions. She would never have to know. It would only hurt her, and he loved her too much to do that.

And Frank? Maybe it was for the best they never saw each other again.

The rest of Gerard's weekend passed in a blur. He tried not to think too much about anything that had happened on the Friday night. He ignored his impulse to text Frank to see if he had gotten home safely. He got good use out of the hotel gym for the two nights he was there. He got through his meetings and celebratory drinks and even the drive home, his mind blank, the radio silent. It got easier as time went along. At first everything set him off, brought him back to that night, images flashing through his head enough to make him blush and stutter. He tried calling Heather, but she didn't answer. It was probably for the best, he was worried his guilt would shine through even on the phone. She texted him and assured him everything was going to plan though and wished him luck with his meetings. It broke his heart a little.

Gerard finally got home late on Sunday evening. Heather wasn't home, but she'd told him she would be at the gallery late and that she would see him there on Monday night. There were no other messages on Gerard's phone, nothing he had received all weekend.

Which was fine, as it should be.

So Gerard just headed to his treadmill to try to tire himself out enough so that he could sleep. Tomorrow was a big day and he had to be ready for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I edited this well enough, I was rushing.... sorry.
> 
> Okay so... basically I just moved house and my internet cut out a week earlier than it was supposed to and then I was just super busy with the moving and I /could/ have updated this chapter earlier but I didn't want to leave you on this note for weeks and weeks and weeks, so I decided to wait until I at least had my computer set up again so I could post the next chapter after this soon-ish.  
> The next chapter btw is over 9k right now so... idk what to do about that lol....  
> Love you all!! I'll reply to comments soon but I'm so exhausted I'm about to pass out. I spent all night getting my desk put back together and connecting my computer back up and then hurrying to finish editing and posting this.  
> yell at me on twitter @comrade__mikey if you want hehehe


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew. A long one. Okay, so we're officially starting what I loosely called the third (and final) act in my outline.
> 
> This chapter is a long one and with everything that's been going on in the last week (the last month, really (btw go read my Halloween challenge fic if you want!)) I never would've got this chapter out if it wasn't for the help I got from my friends, especialy Ri and Z, thank you guys so much, I love you <3
> 
> Also to any US readers, hope this helps pass the time on election night, good luck

Gerard was about to start packing his things away and get ready to go to Heather's gallery, when Paul knocked on his office door.

"I'm sorry sir, they insisted they had to see you," he said as he opened the door. "They have badges," he added in a loud whisper. Behind him entered two tall men dressed in mid-range suits. Gerard felt the sweat start to prickle out all over his body. He had been stupid not to anticipate this. He hadn't even decided whether he was going to try to lie or not.

"Mr. Gerard Way?" one of them asked. He was taller and had a military-style buzz cut.

"Yes?" Gerard said, swallowing hard. "Who are you? What's this about?" He heard how squeaky his own voice had become and cleared his throat. Well, lying was clearly out. He'd just have to come clean.

"Sir, we're from the FBI and we'd like to ask you a few questions," the other agent said, flashing a badge at Gerard. This one was younger, late twenties at the most, and wearing a false confidence so realistic that Gerard was almost envious. "I'm agent Fowler and this is my partner, agent Phillips."

"Please, sit down," Gerard said, gesturing towards the two chairs on the other side of his desk, his heart in his throat. He hadn't seen Heather since he got back, hadn't had a chance to hold her and tell her he loved her and that he was sorry. This was how she would find out. Seeing Gerard on the news being dragged out of his office in handcuffs, branded as a child molester. "What can I do for you?"

"We just have a few questions to ask you," the younger one said. "Can you tell us your whereabouts this weekend?" He took out a notepad and pen and waited for Gerard's answer.

"Um," Gerard started then chided himself. That wasn't very innocent sounding of him was it? Agent Phillips immediately started scribbling into his notebook and Gerard could taste iron on the back of his tongue. "I was out of town for some meetings."

"Can you be more specific?" agent Fowler prompted, as Phillips scribbled on.

"I was in Boston from Friday night until Sunday afternoon. I stayed in a hotel there and attended some meetings and events. I can ask Paul to find my precise schedule if that would be helpful?"

Agent Phillips smiled politely. "Thank you." He looked up from his notepad.

"And were you by yourself?" agent Fowler asked. His gaze was intense and penetrative and Gerard could hardly meet it, even as he knew he looked even guiltier if he didn't.

"Um," he started. "I had some company on Friday night and until Saturday morning."

"Company?" Fowler prompted.

"Yes, uh... He came late in the evening when I was about to go to bed and stayed-" Gerard cleared his throat, unable to look at either agent. "He stayed the night."

"He?" agent Phillips asked.

"Yes," Gerard choked out, his eyes darting to the closed door. Nobody could've heard his confession. Nobody would know.

Until he was led out in handcuffs.

"So you didn't see your wife?" agent Fowler asked.

"I- huh?" Gerard said, so ineloquently he could've slapped himself. "Heather? No, why?"

"When was the last time you saw your wife, Mr Way?" agent Phillips asked.

"It was..." Gerard had to think, hard. "Friday morning."

"Friday? You haven't talked to her since?" Fowler asked.

"A few text messages," Gerard answered, his unease growing by the second. "What is this about, is Heather alright?"

"Mr. Way, do you recognise this woman?" agent Phillips asked, getting a photo out of a file and sliding it across Gerard's desk. It was a mugshot of a pretty brunette woman with deep brown eyes and the hint of a mischievous smile on her face, even in the mugshot. He'd never seen her before.

"No," Gerard said, sliding the picture back towards the agents.

"We have reason to believe she's been in contact with your wife for a few months now. You've never seen her at your house?"

"No," Gerard repeated, shaking his head. His heartbeat had calmed down a little but his confusion was rising. "Heather doesn't usually bring friends home and she's been so busy with her gallery opening tonight, I haven't seen her much lately."

"Mr. Way, is this your wife?" agent Phillips asked, getting a collection of photos and sliding them across the desk towards Gerard. Gerard picked them up and looked at them one by one.

They were stills from security camera footage. It looked like an airport. He could see his wife and the woman, queueing up at a check in desk at the airport in the first picture. In the next picture they had dropped off their bags and were walking away, Heather holding Teacup in her arms. The next picture showed them sitting at an airport cafe, Heather laughing at something the brunette woman had said. The last picture was of them in a line to get on a plane. They were kissing. Heather looked happier than Gerard had seen her in years, probably.

A giggle exploded out of Gerard as he looked at the last picture. He couldn't contain it. He couldn't stop it from growing into a full out explosion of laughter. His wife had run away. His wife had run away with another woman. Gerard's wife was a lesbian? Gerard Way's wife was having an affair with another woman. It was some kind of cosmic joke, surely. Gerard has been so worried about what he was doing with Frank, about everything that was going on within him, and Heather... Heather had been doing this?

"Yes, that's Heather," Gerard finally managed after a long moment, during which the FBI agents looked at him like he was insane. Maybe he was. "I don't understand, what's going on?"

"Well, Mr. Way, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but we believe your wife has fled the country," agent Fowler said, not looking sorry at all.

"Oh..."

"She seems to have made the acquaintance of Guinevere Diaz, also known as Theresa Reinhardt." Agent Phillips put his notebook away and looked at Gerard with sympathy. At least it seemed like sympathy, but maybe he was faking that too.

"Ms. Diaz is a known criminal who we have been trying to catch for five years now," agent Fowler explained. "Her particular expertise is in stealing artwork."

"Though we've never seen her seducing a gallery owner to do it before," agent Phillips added, as if it would be a comfort to Gerard. "They cleared out Heather's gallery and disappeared."

"Oh," Gerard said. It was all slowly sinking in. It wasn't about what he'd done. It wasn't about him at all. Heather was gone. She was _gone_.

"-search your home," agent Fowler was saying, when Gerard started listening again. Gerard made a decision then and there. He wasn't going to make it any easier for them to find Heather, no matter if she was in on the thievery or not.

"Do you have a warrant for that?" Gerard asked.

"We will," agent Fowler said, looking at him intently. "And we will also need to go through all your bank accounts including those related to your company."

That would be a bother. His father wouldn't be happy about that, Gerard thought dully. He didn't really care to let him know in advance though. "Alright, well you will have to talk to the people in finance about that I'm afraid." He really wanted them to leave now. He needed time to process all this, it was life changing, but he just felt numb and detached. "Do you know how long?" Gerard asked, interrupting agent Fowler in some speech Gerard hadn't been listening to.

"How long...?" agent Phillips asked.

"You are talking like Heather was in on this, yes?" They nodded. "Do you know how long they were planning this? How long she was-..." He cut himself off. How long she was _cheating on him_? Like he had been cheating on her? Did that make it any better, if they had both been doing it?

"According to our investigation, Ms. Diaz was posing as a contractor, helping your wife renovate the gallery for the upcoming exhibition. We believe that's how they met." Agent Phillips was looking at Gerard with pity. If he only knew Gerard deserved none of it. "We don't know exactly how or when it became _romantic_ between her and your wife."

"Right."

"We will be in touch again," agent Fowler said as they both stood up, as one. Gerard belatedly rose to his feet too.

"Sure."

"We'll find our way out," agent Phillips said, with a nod at Gerard.

A few moments later (moments? Minutes? Hours? He wasn't sure,) Gerard found himself alone in his office, still standing awkwardly. His back hurt from it.

Gerard bent down to hit his internal Comms system. "Paul?" There was only a few seconds wait before Paul was knocking on the door and entering Gerard's office.

"Mr. Way. Is everything alright? What can I do?" Paul walked over to Gerard's desk and looked at him with concern that most angered Gerard.

"It's- everything is fine. The gallery opening is cancelled tonight. Can you-" He didn't know if Paul even knew who was invited or how to contact them.

"I'll take care of it, sir," Paul said confidently when Gerard didn't continue for a few moments.

"Thank you," Gerard said. "I think... I think I need to go home."

"Of course, sir, is there anything else I can do?" Paul asked. Gerard could feel his phone buzzing in his trouser pocket. He looked at the screen, but it was a withheld number.

"No, thank you," Gerard said. He put his phone back in his pocket and finished packing away his things to go home.

He felt oddly empty as he left, and a little bit like he'd never come back again, which was absurd. He'd be back in the morning, as usual. Everything would be back to normal soon enough. Just... Without Heather. Normal but without Heather. It would be fine.

His father was going to explode when he found out. Gerard half wanted to be there just to see, but he knew his father would be insufferable having been proven right about Heather, in his mind.

By the time he got home he had five missed calls. Two from the withheld number, two from a number he didn't know, and one from his father. Gerard sighed, put his phone away in his office, and went downstairs to his home gym.

_Run._

_Just run._

When he hit the shower afterwards, he had almost managed to forget everything. One foot in front of the other, the rhythmic thumps of his feet hitting the treadmill, it was like meditation. Probably. He'd never tried it, but he imagined that's what meditation was like. Just him and his body and the outside world didn't exist.

Unfortunately, he couldn't stay there forever. When his legs started trembling and his lungs started burning too much to ignore, Gerard reluctantly had to stop. At least take a break.

Upstairs, the home phone was ringing. Why did they even have that thing, anyway. He answered to stop the noise, but immediately regretted it.

He only emerged an hour later, feeling numb again, and so, so cold.

It was an insurance company. The artwork that had been supposed to be on display in Heather's gallery was mostly on loan from other places, collectors and museums. As such, it had been insured for damages and theft. However, since the thief had technically been the borrower, the insurance policy holder...

Gerard sighed, massaging his face with his hands, pushing his palms into his eyes until it hurt. He wanted to give Heather the benefit of the doubt, but she had really left him a mess to deal with in her wake. He wished he could just talk to her, understand what she was thinking, why she had done what she did. Was it just because she'd had the same experience as Gerard? Had she been unhappy and then this woman had come into her life and turned it upside down, but in a way that made everything better, somehow? Had she fallen in-

Gerard groaned, out loud into the empty house. She'd even taken Teacup. Of course she had, but the house felt even more empty. Too big, too vast, too quiet. Too cold. He wandered into the kitchen to make himself some tea. He looked over towards the refrigerator and saw a note stuck to it. He hadn't noticed it before. He didn't really spend a lot of time in the kitchen, but to have missed it for two days was a feat. Had it been there that morning? He picked it up carefully, recognising Heather's handwriting.

> _Dear Gerard._
> 
> _By now you've probably heard what I've done. I'm sorry you had to find out this way. It was for the best, I didn't want you to be involved and have to lie to the authorities._
> 
> _I'm leaving. You have probably gathered that by now too. But I needed to say it, write it out. I'm leaving, I'm not coming back. This is for the best for both of us. You know we weren't happy. I love you so much, and I know you love me, but it wasn't enough. I've found someone who makes me happy, who has shown me what love can truly be like. From what I've seen over the past few months, I think maybe you have too? I hope so._
> 
> _You won't be hearing from me again, and for that I'm sorry. I'll miss you Gerard. I wish you the best in life. Please tell your dad to fuck off every now and then, it would be good for him._
> 
> _I will be keeping my ring, so I'll never forget you. I hope you're not too mad at me._
> 
> _Actually, I know you, I know you're not mad at me. You're a good man, Gerard. I hope you find happiness._
> 
> _All my love,_
> 
> _Heather._

Gerard sank down to the floor as he read the letter.

She was gone.

She was gone.

She was gone.

It ran through his mind on a constant cycle. She was gone. Heather was gone. His life was gone. Heather was gone. His future was gone. He was gone. Everything was gone.

What was that weird wheezing sound? He looked around the kitchen before realising it was _him_ , his breathing, fast and erratic. Distantly he noted he was probably having a panic attack. He slid down even further on the floor, his fingers grasping at the tiles desperately as the world spun around him and he sobbed dryly. The cool smoothness felt good against his cheek, his breath condensing into small droplets. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to keep from throwing up.

It was late evening when he sat up again. Standing up, he felt dizzy and weak. He wandered around the house some more entering rooms and looking around, trying to see if anything looked out of place. He got to his office again, picked up his phone. More missed calls he didn't want to answer. None from Heather. No messages either. He wanted to text her, to rage at her, to blame her for everything.

But he knew it wasn't true. It wasn't her fault at all.

"What?" came a voice out of the phone Gerard was holding to his ear. When had he done that?

"Frank?"

"Gerard? What's wrong?" Frank's voice had changed immediately from irritated to concerned. Did Gerard sound that bad?

"I..." He paused for a long moment, breathing hard and wondering what to say. He could just apologize for disturbing Frank, hang up and move on. He should've called Mikey, why hadn't he called Mikey? "Heather's gone."

"...fuck," came Frank's voice after a beat. "Can you come over? I would, but it would take me forever. My aunt's at work, don't worry."

"I..." Hearing Frank's voice was the first thing that had made him feel better, a little lighter, a little less like the world was ending. "Okay."

"Are you sure you're okay to drive?" Frank asked. "Maybe you should take a cab."

"I'm fine."

"Gerard, I swear to god if you get killed in a car accident on your way here, I will kill you myself."

"I'm fine," Gerard repeated.

"Okay. Just... Just get here, okay?" Frank said.

"Yeah."

It felt like Gerard was watching himself from outside his body. He hung up the phone. He got into his car. Had he locked the front door? He was driving. He was driving. He was driving. What was he wearing? Hopefully something. He was driving. Had someone just blown their horn at him? He was driving. He was driving. He parked the car in the parking lot by Frank's building. He sat there for two breaths, two deep breaths, before getting out. He rang the buzzer for Frank's apartment and was immediately let in. He took the lift up to Frank's floor, and as the doors dinged open, he was greeted by a pair of arms wrapping him in a tight, warm embrace.

"C'mon," Frank said, pulling Gerard towards his open apartment door. "You're freezing, Gerard! I'll make you some coffee, or tea? Would you like tea?"

Frank led Gerard into his apartment and down on a chair in the kitchenette. Before he knew it, Frank had wrapped a blanket around Gerard, who realised he was only wearing a thin t-shirt and sweatpants, along with his work shoes, for some reason.

"There," Frank said, setting a steaming cup down in front of Gerard. He sat down on a chair next to Gerard at the small circular table, tucked into a corner of the kitchenette, and then leaned forward to press a warm hand to Gerard's forehead for a moment. "We need to warm you up, then you can tell me what happened."

Gerard nodded and started sipping at his tea. They sat in silence as Gerard drank, avoiding Frank's worried gaze. When he finished, Frank took Gerard's hand and led him to the sofa in the small living room. They sat down, Frank far enough away that he could be turned towards Gerard.

"Tell me," he said.

Gerard swallowed.

And then he did. He told Frank that Heather had left, that she'd been having an affair with her contractor and that they'd absconded with the art pieces. He told him about the FBI, about the insurance company, even about the letter. When he was done, he felt deflated, like a balloon with the air let out of it. "I don't know what to do." Gerard finished. "Everything is changed now, everything is different. Nothing will ever be the same again. I don't know what to do." He was looking at the floor, hugging the blanket Frank had given him around himself.

"It's going to be alright," Frank said. "It will. I know it will."

"But I-"

"It will, trust me Gerard." The look in Frank's eyes was intense, and his words echoed ones he'd said before, under such different circumstances. It felt like years ago, had it really only been a few days?

"I trust you," Gerard said.

"Then let me take care of you," Frank said, a hand on Gerard's thigh. His voice was warm and soothing, and Gerard wanted to give in. He wanted to let him. And what was there to stop him now?

"Okay," Gerard said weakly. Frank stood up, pulling Gerard along down the hallway and into Frank's bedroom. Frank pulled the blankets back and got into his bed, gesturing to Gerard to join him. When he did, lying on his side with his back to Frank because the bed was so small, Frank's arm came around his waist, steady and comforting. He gripped one of Gerard's hands in his too. His warm breath hit the back of Gerard's neck, slow and rhythmic.

"Close your eyes, Gerard," Frank whispered, holding Gerard tighter, their bodies pressed together from Frank's chin on Gerard's shoulder, to their feet tangled together. Gerard wasn't tired, he thought. It wasn't that late in the evening either. But he did as he was told, and soon enough, he had faded from the world of the waking and into the warm embrace of sleep.

He woke up from a dream some hours later, confused and disoriented. The unfamiliar room he was in was dark and there was a heavy arm around him. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, his memory started to come back. Everything was fine. He was with Frank.

It seemed like it was still the middle of the night, maybe late evening. He was lying on his back, Frank holding on to him with his arm and his legs, his head tucked into Gerard's shoulder, his hair tickling Gerard's chin. His breaths were slow and steady as Gerard watched him. They were both wearing their clothes still, under the blankets, and Gerard was starting to feel uncomfortably warm. He tried to move from under the blanket, twisting carefully and trying not to wake Frank. He ended up on his side, facing the sleeping boy, now able to see his face properly, the way his dark eyelashes rested against his cheek, the slack jaw and the soft smoothness of his face in sleep. He looked beautiful.

Maybe he made a sound, because Frank took a deep breath and then his eyes fluttered open, finding Gerard's in the darkness.

"Hey," he said quietly, his voice raspy.

"Hey," Gerard whispered back.

They looked at each other for another long moment. "Are you okay?"

Gerard thought for a moment, then hummed and nodded. He felt kind of free, for once. "I'm okay."

"Good," Frank said with a soft smile. Gerard wanted to turn the lights on so he could see it better, but at the same time he didn't want to interrupt the peaceful moment they had created here, in the middle of the night in a small twin bed in a teenagers' bedroom.

Frank looked beautiful, Gerard thought again. Soft and sleep-ruffled and a little vulnerable as he met Gerard's eyes. So, Gerard leaned in and kissed him, because he wanted to. He put a hand on Frank's waist, leaning in as he pressed their lips together. Maybe it was a little clumsy, and maybe it wasn't a good idea, but it brought Gerard such _relief_.

"Gerard?" Frank asked once Gerard pulled back for air, hesitating. He looked uncertain, raw, like Gerard could break him with just the wrong word.

"Please," Gerard said, and then kissed Frank again.

It was like Frank had just awoken, he surged towards Gerard into the kiss, his lips soft and warm against Gerard's, licking into Gerard's mouth, tasting of coffee and mint and heaven. Frank's hand came up to Gerard's cheek, stroking him softly. He pulled back, just a little, and pushed on Gerard's shoulder so he was laying on his back, with Frank on top of him. It ignited a fire within Gerard's belly, his hands coming up Frank's body to tug him closer by his t-shirt.

One of Frank's arms was holding him up above Gerard, while the other ran down Gerard's chest down to his waist. He leaned down to kiss Gerard again, their tongues sliding together warm and wet, Gerard finally giving as good as he got, taking what he wanted from Frank and holding him close. It was sending sparks of arousal and pleasure through his body and he thrust his hips up against Frank, not caring how wanton and desperate it made him seem.

"Yeah?" Frank asked when they broke apart again for air. His hips were cradled between Gerard's legs, his weight heavy and grounding above him. Familiar.

"Yes, please," Gerard said, trying to pull Frank down again for another kiss, but Frank laughed and leaned back to take off his t-shirt, tossing it on the floor. He finally came back for another kiss and Gerard's hands clutched at his shoulders and back, holding him close. The skin of Frank's back was smooth and warm and Gerard wanted to run his hands all over it, before he realised that he _could_. He moaned into Frank's mouth as Frank's hips started grinding against him, building up the intense want within Gerard.

"C'mon," Frank said, tugging at Gerard's t-shirt, helping Gerard get it off.

Gerard let out a sigh of relief as Frank lay back against him, chest to chest, skin to skin. He squirmed as Frank's mouth travelled down his jaw to his throat, biting at the sensitive skin hard, before soothing it with his tongue and sucking on it with his mouth. The combination of pain and pleasure made Gerard groan out, throwing his head back so Frank had better access. Frank pulled back to admire his work, before moving down Gerard's body, his mouth leaving a trail of hot kisses and bites down and across Gerard's chest. Frank nipped at Gerard's nipple, making Gerard's back arch. "Frank," he gasped.

"God, I've wanted to do that for so long," Frank murmured against Gerard's skin, before biting on it again, hard, and then gently soothing it with his tongue. Gerard couldn't control the noises coming from him as Frank overwhelmed him with sensations, his hand coming up to squeeze at Gerard's chest, before focusing on his other nipple, working both of them at the same time.

"Ah, please," Gerard moaned. "I can't, _god..._ " His hands coming to the back of Frank's head, threading his fingers in Frank's soft hair.

"I've got you," Frank said with a kiss to Gerard's mouth. "I've always got you." Frank moved down Gerard's body again, his tongue teasing at Gerard's abdomen, dipping into his navel, making Gerard squeak and his muscles jump. Frank got down to the waistband of his sweatpants, and looked up at Gerard, holding his gaze as he started tugging them down, slowly, oh so slowly, revealing Gerard's underwear, his cock visibly straining against the fabric. When his pants were off, Frank came back up to kiss Gerard, his hips still grinding against Gerard's.

Frank broke the kiss but hardly moved away, pressing their foreheads together as they breathed heavily and then looked into Gerard's eyes.

"I'm gonna fuck you," he said, pausing to take in Gerard's reaction.

Gerard's breath caught in his throat, and he could feel himself going even redder, flushing hot at the statement. "Yeah?" he asked, his voice high pitched and breathy.

"Yeah," Frank confirmed. One of his hands went down to rub at Gerard through his underwear, making Gerard moan. He teased at the head of Gerard's cock, the roughness of the fabric on the sensitive skin just on the wrong side of comfortable, and Gerard wouldn't have given it up for the world. "You want that?" When Gerard didn't answer right away, he squeezed Gerard's cock.

"Yes," Gerard whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut as he blushed even more, the confession feeling intimate and vulnerable.

"You want me to fuck you?" Frank asked, still stroking Gerard's cock, tantalising and yet not enough, nothing compared with the feel of skin on skin contact, he knew.

"Yes," Gerard whispered through his teeth, his eyes still closed.

"Tell me," Frank said, leaning down to whisper in Gerard's ear. "I want to hear you say it."

"I-I..." Gerard started; the words caught in his mouth. He swallowed and tried again. "I want you to fuck me."

" _God_ , Gerard," Frank said and then he was kissing Gerard, hard and passionate, taking from Gerard what he wanted, and Gerard just held on through the onslaught, just gave and gave and gave.

When they came up for air again, Frank was smiling, like he was proud. The look gave Gerard a swooping feeling, deep in his gut. Frank pulled back and took off his own pants and underwear in one go, kicking his socks off too and onto the floor by his bed. Gerard stared like he'd never seen Frank naked before. His eyes traced the lines of Frank's neck, down his chest, his stomach, past his tattoos, and down to his erect cock. Frank let him look, stayed still for a moment as Gerard's eyes drank him in.

"Ah, fuck," Frank said, turning from Gerard and opening the drawer next to his bed. "I hope I have enough lube." He rummaged around for a few moments, pushing everything in the drawer around until- "ah-ha!" He waved the bottle at Gerard. He closed the drawer with a thud and then draped himself back over Gerard. He gave Gerard a short, tender press of his lips before he moved down, looking at Gerard the whole time. He got so low on the bed he was face to face with Gerard's dick, still covered by his shorts. Frank kissed the inside of Gerard's thigh, sucking on the skin and worrying it between his teeth until Gerard was shivering and trying desperately not to move. Frank brought his fingers up to dip below the waistband of Gerard's underwear, tugging gently, but not hard enough to pull them off. "This feels like unwrapping a present," Frank said with a grin.

Gerard pushed himself up on his elbows to watch as Frank pulled down his last piece of clothing. He wondered, with Frank's face so close to his cock, if Frank would put his mouth on him. Would that make Gerard just like all the other men Frank had been with? Had Frank had any of them like this? In his bed?

Frank's hands started spreading Gerard's legs, and despite everything it sent a throb of arousal straight to Gerard's dick. "God, Gerard," Frank said as his hands ran down Gerard's spread thighs. "You're practically a virgin."

"I'm not," Gerard protested, bringing his hands up to hide his face.

"I know, but..." He paused, looking pensive. "I'm the only one who's seen you like this," Frank continued. He started running his hands back up Gerard's thighs, tantalisingly slowly. "I'm the only one who gets to spread you out like this," he said as his hands pushed Gerard's thighs even further apart. "I'm the only one who gets to touch you here," he said, pushing Gerard's thighs up towards his stomach and spreading the cheeks of Gerard's ass.

It was so embarrassing, so intimate, Gerard blushed and tried to push his thighs back together, but Frank's grip was strong.

"Turn over, onto your stomach," Frank commanded. Gerard hesitated for a moment before he did as he was told. He didn’t like not being able to see Frank anymore, unable to see what was coming next. "Don't worry, it's just to make this part easier on you," Frank assured him. "Evan and I learnt that the hard way."

"Don't!" Gerard said, sounding whinier than he'd wanted to.

"Don't what?" Frank asked, his hands coming to Gerard's waist and his voice full of concern.

"Don't talk about _him_ ," Gerard said into the pillow and huffed. Frank laughed.

"Aw, baby are you jealous?"

"I'm not!" Gerard protested, ignoring the sour burn in his stomach. "I just don't think it's appropriate."

"Whatever you say, G," Frank said, and Gerard didn't have to see his face to know he was grinning. Bastard. "You know you're my only one," he continued and pressed a kiss to the base of Gerard's spine, just before the swell of his ass, and oh, wasn't _that_ an idea, and suddenly Gerard was reminded of what they were doing here. "Try to relax," Frank instructed him, his hands coming to massage the cheeks of Gerard's ass, squeezing and kneading them making Gerard tingle all over. "Just let me know if it hurts or you want me to stop, okay?" Frank's thumbs were inching closer and closer to the space between Gerard's cheeks as he massaged the muscle. The thrum of anticipation was stringing Gerard up tighter and tighter.

"Okay."

Frank's hands disappeared off Gerard's ass. "I tried to warm it up, let me know if it's too cold still," Frank said, and Gerard heard the cap of a bottle being opened, felt Frank move around behind him, and then Frank was spreading his cheeks again, this time with purpose. Again, Gerard felt exposed, too exposed, but then he felt a finger rubbing against the outside of his hole and he jumped. "Relax," Frank murmured.

"I-I'm trying," Gerard said, taking a deep breath in and then out, trying to tell his muscles to stop tensing.

"That's it," Frank coaxed, and Gerard could feel his breath against his hole as he talked, making him shiver. He rubbed slickly against the outside a few more times, making Gerard _want_ , before he pushed in slowly with one finger. "Okay?"

"Y-yeah," Gerard said, uncertainly. It was different than he'd imagined. Not that he'd imagined it at all of course, but if he _had_ , this wasn't what he expected. The feeling of a warm finger inside him, foreign but not painful, just... Strange. Frank started moving it slowly in and out of Gerard, the lubrication making the slide easy, but Gerard didn't really understand, it didn't really feel like anything at all, what was the point?

"I'm gonna add another," Frank said. He was breathing heavily, and Gerard wished again that he could see him.

"Okay," Gerard said, and then he could feel the second finger rubbing against the rim of his hole, and a strike of fear shot through him.

"No, relax," Frank said, "c'mon, it's not gonna be that bad and if it is, I'll stop, I promise." Frank kissed the swell of Gerard's ass, leaving a tingling feeling behind on Gerard's skin.

"I'm trying," Gerard said, lifting his head from the pillow. His neck was beginning to ache. Was he too old for this? When he huffed out a breath of irritation at Frank's impatience, Frank took the opportunity to slide the second finger in along with the first, making Gerard gasp out and squirm.

"There you go, that's it, that's it baby," Frank gentled him, his free hand stroking Gerard's flank. "Are you breathing?"

At Frank's words, Gerard took in a gasping breath, realising he had indeed not been breathing.

"Good boy. There you go," Frank said, still stroking up and down Gerard's side.

It wasn't as painful as Gerard had been expecting. As soon as he took a breath and relaxed his muscles, it lessened from uncomfortable to just a little sting, a burn. He found that he actually _liked_ it. He liked being spread open, the burn of taking what Frank wanted him to take. The fullness of it.

"Keep breathing," Frank instructed as he started moving his fingers gently in and out. The sting slowly faded away and then it was just weird again. A strange, foreign sensation, though every now and then there was a hint of a sensation that maybe, just maybe, explained why people did this in the first place. "I'm gonna-" Frank said, before stretching his fingers out a little, bringing back some of the burn, but it didn't bother Gerard now. It was familiar, easy. "How are you doing, Gerard?"

"I'm okay, fine," Gerard said, a little out of breath.

"Then I'm clearly not doing my job right," Frank said. "' _Fine_ ,' he says," Frank muttered to himself. He then moved somewhere behind Gerard, he felt the dip of the mattress, and then suddenly his fingers were way deeper, making Gerard gasp. "Are you still just ' _fine?_ '" Frank asked. Before Gerard could answer, Frank started moving his fingers again, but this time it was different, with more purpose, methodical movements with a confident pace, stoking a fire deep within Gerard he didn't even know was burning, and as the pace built, the intensity grew, until it felt... It felt...

"Oh- Frank... I- god, oh _god_ " Gerard was babbling and he couldn't control it, couldn't control anything his body was doing at the moment. He was overwhelmed with the feeling of pleasure, deep inside him where he had never experienced it before, and it made his whole body reverberate with it. He was practically writhing on Frank's fingers, arching his back shamelessly. He didn't have the brainpower for shame anymore as Frank continued to work Gerard with his fingers, his magical fingers. Gerard's hands were clutching at the sheets desperately, and though he'd gone mostly soft from nerves after turning over to his stomach, now his dick was very interested again, achingly hard and leaking profusely against the sheets.

"Fuck, Gerard," Frank said, sounding awed. "You're so gorgeous like this, so beautiful. Just for me." He slowed down the movements of his fingers to a more teasing pace, until Gerard's moans were more drawn out, desperate, though still just as uncontrollable.

"Frank, please," Gerard panted out between moans. He didn't know what he was begging for, he didn't know where following this road would lead, all he knew was that he trusted Frank to take him there. That didn't stop his hips from moving to meet Frank's fingers, trying to speed his movements up again. He felt a huff of laughter on the skin of his lower back, and Frank slowed down even more, his free hand moving to hold Gerard down by his lower back, making Gerard whine and squirm into the mattress below him, getting friction on his cock.

"So, I'm guessing it feels better than ' _fine_ ' now? Frank said, and Gerard realised he was proud of himself, proud of having reduced Gerard to a wanton, moaning creature. He couldn't even be annoyed by it; he was too focused on the sensations being produced by Frank's fingers. The feeling was so unfamiliar to him, he almost felt like he was at the brink of orgasm with every stroke, not knowing what might put him over the edge but constantly wanting more. "Alright," Frank said, his voice husky. He pulled his fingers out of Gerard and he felt empty, his muscles clenching down on nothing. Frank only laughed when Gerard whined, though not unkindly. "Just hold on, because fuck, I'm gonna come all over myself if I don't get my dick in you right fucking now."

The words evoked a vivid picture in Gerard's mind of Frank thrusting into him hard and fast and perfect, and Gerard wasn't afraid anymore, he wasn't afraid at all. He lifted his hips up, ready for Frank's cock, and then looked behind himself when nothing happened for a few moments. "Frank?" Gerard asked.

Frank was looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face. "Will you turn around?" he asked, as if Gerard wouldn't do anything Frank asked of him right now. Gerard turned himself over onto his back smoothly, his legs falling open around Frank, his hard cock resting against his hip. "Fucking gorgeous." Frank crowded over Gerard, leaned down to kiss him, riling Gerard up even more. It was so natural for Gerard's legs to rise up around Frank's hips, to wrap them around Frank to hold him as close as he could until their cocks were sliding against each other. But he hadn't forgotten what he wanted; what Frank wanted.

"Frank, cmon, please," Gerard said, thrusting his hips up against Frank.

"Yeah, fuck." Frank reached up and found an extra pillow, and Gerard obediently lifted his hips when Frank indicated, so he could place it beneath Gerard's hips. "You have to let me know if it hurts too much or- fuck, just if it's not good enough. Okay?" He tucked a stray lock of hair behind Gerard's ear and cupped his cheek for a moment.

"I promise, I will, now please," Gerard thrust his hips up again, trying to speed things along.

Frank chuckled. He got the lube again, slicking himself up, before spreading Gerard's legs even wider and pushing them up and then suddenly it was all so real, it was happening. Gerard was exposed and fuck, he could feel the head of Frank's dick bumping against his sensitive skin and his breath caught in his throat as Frank rubbed it purposefully up and down the cleft of his ass, every pass over his hole making Gerard's muscles jump with anticipation. "Remember to breathe," Frank said, stroking Gerard's hair from his face and Gerard nodded. Just as Gerard took a deep breath in and then out, Frank started pushing into him.

All thoughts left Gerard's head as he focused in on only the sensations in his body. Frank's cock spearing it's way into him, hard and unyielding against Gerard's insides, which obediently gave way. Frank's hand gripping Gerard's hip tight enough to bruise, comforting and grounding. The burn of the stretch in his ass, which Gerard now _knew_ was only leading up to something incredible. Inch by inch, Frank pushed in, deeper and thicker than his fingers had ever managed, and Gerard was transfixed by the look on Frank's face as he did.

His brows were furrowed in concentration and he was biting on his lower lip, all the muscles in his body tense and coiled, waiting to be unleashed. He was being so careful with Gerard, treating him like he was something fragile and beautiful, something to be treasured. And he was looking at Gerard that way too. Like he couldn't believe his luck, like Gerard was precious, like he was giving Frank something invaluable. It made something in Gerard's chest swell until it almost hurt, and he gasped from it.

"Frank," he said, breathy and almost delirious. Frank was almost fully sheathed inside him now, the burn of the stretch starting to fade into something different, something Gerard now knew to anticipate. Finally, Frank's hips settled against Gerard's ass and they were both breathing hard.

"Are you- okay?" Frank asked, breathing hard.

Gerard swallowed hard and nodded. "Yes, you're- it's good." When Gerard looked up to meet Frank's eyes, Frank leaned down to kiss him again, bending Gerard almost in half and somehow pushing himself even deeper into Gerard, making him gasp. The kiss was sloppy and desperate, and they ended up breathing into each other's mouths more than anything, their lips just touching, sliding wetly.

"Fuck," Frank said, his voice higher than usual. "God, you feel so good, can I-?"

"Yeah, Frank," Gerard breathed. "Please."

"Yeah." Frank lifted himself up again and slowly pulled out of Gerard, a strange feeling that only helped build the anticipation for when he would thrust back in. “Look at me,” Frank said, almost all the way out of Gerard now. Gerard’s eyelashes fluttered before he managed to look up at Frank. Frank met his gaze steadily for a moment, before biting his lip, gripping one of Gerard’s thighs for leverage, and then _pushing in_. Gerard’s eyes went wide, and the breath in his chest felt like it had been stolen, coming out in a sharp whiny moan that took him by surprise. Frank smirked. “You like that?”

“Frank, don’t-,” Gerard panted. “Just-”

“Just what?” Frank asked, still smirking, as he pulled out and thrust into Gerard again, the same moan bursting out of Gerard. He couldn’t control it, it just escaped out of him every time as Frank’s thrusts became steadier, more rhythmic.

“Just don’t stop,” Gerard said, throwing his head back onto the pillow, his thighs coming up around Frank’s waist to hold him closer.

“Yes, sir,” Frank said, bending down to nip at Gerard’s throat. His forehead was covered in a sheen of sweat, making his hair stick together as it fell in his face. Frank’s thrusts were beginning to affect Gerard like his fingers had earlier, building up that _something_ that Gerard wanted so badly, chasing the promise of it as he moved his hips in time with Frank’s, meeting every thrust. “Fuck, you’re so good, you’re so good for me,” Frank was chanting, not stopping his movements.

A particularly sharp thrust from Frank, and suddenly Gerard felt like he was on the brink of coming already, Frank’s cock rubbing against something so sensitive inside him that Gerard gave a hoarse cry.

“There?” Frank moved his hips again, just like _that_ , and Gerard moaned again, his hands coming up to clutch at Frank’s bare shoulders and he felt _tears_ pricking at the corners of his eyes.

“Oh, g-god,” Gerard choked out.

“Just Frank is fine,” he grinned, fucking Gerard harder, the aim of his thrusts true almost every single time.

“Shut... up...” Gerard managed to huff out between thrusts. His cock was so very hard where it lay against his stomach, and there was a puddle of precome gathering beneath the head. It was more than Gerard had ever experienced before, and it fascinated him for a few seconds, to watch as every thrust seemed to bring more out of him. Frank seemed to have followed Gerard’s gaze as he reached with one hand to take hold of Gerard’s cock, jacking him loosely once, twice, then dipping a finger into the mess on Gerard’s stomach and bringing it up to his mouth, his thrusts slowing as he licked his finger clean.

“Are you close?” Frank asked, coming down close to Gerard again, close enough to kiss, close enough for their breaths to mingle. He put his lips on Gerard’s throat, alternating stinging bites with his teeth and easing it with his tongue, keeping the pace of his hips steady as he did.

“I- I don’t know,” Gerard said. Every moment he felt on the edge, but never quite reaching it, never quite enough. "I think-" Gerard never got to finish that thought, because two hard thrusts from Frank were all it took, and then all the nerves in Gerard's body lit up with pleasure. He didn't know how long he came, or what he shouted, though he must have, his voice felt raw. He just clung to the steady presence of Frank above him, a rock in Gerard's roiling ocean, as the waves crashed over him again and again and again. He felt exhausted when it was over. Pleasantly sated, his limbs tingling with echoes still, and Gerard opened his eyes to see Frank looking at him.

"Fuck, you-" Frank said, and then he kissed Gerard, hard and demanding, thrusting into Gerard again and oh, _that_ was something, aftershocks that made Gerard tremble, almost too much, almost overwhelming, but he wanted Frank to come, wanted to feel it inside him, and the thought of being used like this, of his body bringing Frank pleasure made him shudder even more.

Frank's thrusts became more and more desperate, hard and fast and lacking the finesse he'd shown earlier. When they broke apart, Frank's eyes were shut tightly and he was biting his lower lip hard, making little sounds of exertion and need that should have been weird or off-putting, but instead Gerard treasures each and every one of them.

Frank looked gorgeous when he came. That, too, should have been weird, or funny or something, but Frank just looked gorgeous as his hips stuttered, he looked beautiful when his face contorted in pleasure he'd taken from Gerard's body, and Gerard could _feel_ the evidence inside him now, hot and sticky and undeniable.

His hands stroked up and down Frank's back as he came back down, supporting his weight as he slumped down slowly onto Gerard. It wasn't the most comfortable position, Frank still inside Gerard, Gerard's legs wrapped around Frank's waist, but he still felt peaceful enough that he could probably fall asleep like this.

"Fu-uck," Frank sighed out contentedly after a while, into Gerard's shoulder.

"Yeah," Gerard agreed.

"Ugh, okay, let me-" Frank said, shakily pushing himself up onto his arms, and pulling out of Gerard, some of his come leaking out with him. It left Gerard feeling strange. Empty and stretched. _Used_. "Here," Frank grabbed his t-shirt off the floor and started cleaning up the substantial mess on Gerard's stomach. Frank wiped himself down too, before tossing the shirt away. "Now we snuggle."

"Snuggle?"

"Yes, it's the rule," Frank said simply, lying down next to Gerard in the small bed and wrapping his arms around him.

"There are rules?" Gerard asked.

"Yes," Frank said, wrapping his arms tighter around Gerard and pulling him closer. "Another rule is you have to tell me what you're thinking."

"I do?" Gerard's eyelids were getting heavy. He was warm and his entire body was relaxed and still tingling pleasantly.

"You just lost your virginity, that's a big deal," Frank said seriously. Gerard snorted. "Your ass virginity!" Frank insisted.

"Are you asking if it was good for me?" Gerard asked with a smile at Frank's serious expression.

"Shut up," Frank said, pushing on Gerard's shoulder and blushing. He really cared, Gerard realised. He cared about Gerard. Something deep in his chest clenched and his smile died away. Frank was so good. He was too good for Gerard. "Just... Was it?"

"Yes," Gerard said after a moment. He felt like he had to reassure Frank, make sure he didn't think he had done anything wrong. "It was."

"So, you're ready to accept that you're not straight now?" Frank joked. He immediately backtracked when he saw the look on Gerard's face. "Hey, no, I'm sorry, that was so fucking dumb of me, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Gerard said, looking over Frank's shoulder at the wall. That was a question that he didn't want to grapple with yet, it felt so big, so vast, so earth changing. He just couldn't do it.

"No, I'm sorry, I was being an idiot." Frank gripped him tighter, his hands stroking over the skin of Gerard's back. "I should've known, I'm lucky that's one thing my family never gave a shit about, but with your dad and everything, I just should have known."

"Frank, it's alright." Gerard just wanted to sleep now. Everything in his life was falling apart but right now, in this moment, he could pretend it wasn't. He could pretend his wife hadn't run off with an international art thief. He could pretend he didn't hate his job. He could pretend he hadn't just fucked a teenager, possibly ruining both their lives. He could pretend that he was actually good enough for Frank. If Frank would just stop talking.

"-I mean, he even talked to my aunt, that kind of controlling behaviour is just _freaky_ -"

"He what?" Gerard asked sharply, sitting up in the bed. His muscles were starting to feel kind of ache-y and he could feel it as he moved.

"Yeah, he came to where she worked and like, offered her money."

"What?" Gerard said faintly, his mind going a thousand miles per hour. "Why? When?"

"Last week, he offered her a bunch of money to move out of the city, go somewhere else."

"Why?" Gerard asked, even though he thought he knew the answer.

"I don't know, to keep me away from you I guess." Frank sat up too and put an arm around Gerard's shoulders. "He probably thinks I'm a bad influence on you." Frank's voice was light, and he pressed a kiss to Gerard's shoulder.

Gerard felt like the air was slowly leeching out of the room and he couldn't get enough oxygen. That was confirmation. His father knew about Frank. Knew about Gerard. Knew everything. What had he told Frank's aunt? Enough for her to go to the police? Frank had said it wasn't illegal but there was surely something they could charge him with, if they really wanted to. And legality didn't imply morality, Gerard had seen enough to know that. He had messed up and now his father needed to clean it all up yet again. Needed to protect people from Gerard.

"Hey, it's okay, I'm not going anywhere," Frank said. "Even if my aunt wants to take the money, I told her I'd just stay behind anyway, and she wouldn't get the money at all."

"Maybe..." Gerard started quietly. Frank leaned in closer, fierce eyes on Gerard's. He was so young and idealistic, so good. Maybe there was still time. Maybe Gerard hadn't ruined him yet. Maybe it was best if Frank went away, just like Heather. "Maybe that's a good idea."

"What?"

Gerard cleared his throat. "Maybe... Maybe you should."

"Gerard, c'mon, what are you saying?" Frank turned to face Gerard, his warm arm dropping from around Gerard's shoulders leaving him cold. He was suddenly very aware of the fact that he was naked.

"Just that..." Gerard hesitated, looking at his hands in his lap on the sheets. "Maybe he's right. Maybe it would be for the best"

" _It would be for the best?_ " Frank repeated, incredulous. "For fuck's sake Gerard, are you really doing this? Again?"

"I'm not- this isn't a good idea, you should be with someone your own age, and I'm not-" Gerard bit his lip and stopped. "I'm sorry."

"You keep doing this, you keep trying to push me away," Frank said, his voice wavering. Gerard couldn't look at him.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you."

"Well too fucking late," Frank said, and then he was climbing out of the bed. He stood on the floor, naked and glorious and unashamed. "Did you ever stop to wonder what _I_ think? You've just suddenly decided I'm moving away apparently."

Gerard drew his knees up to his chest and hid his face. "You could be happier-"

"Bullshit. You're acting like a coward right now, Gerard." The words hurt, because Gerard knew it was true. He was a coward. He was afraid of how Frank made him feel. He was afraid of the path his life would take if Frank stayed in it. "I can't believe I was stupid enough to think you actually cared. Were you just using me to rebel against your _daddy_?"

"No, it wasn't like that, Frank-"

"Whatever." Frank got some clothes off the floor and started putting them on. "Guess I'm moving to Pittsburgh. Great."

"Frank," Gerard started, finally looking up. He had a moment where he met Frank's eyes, which were red rimmed, before he was hit with something soft.

"Here. Get out." Frank had tossed Gerard's clothes at him. Now he stalked towards the door and strode out. Gerard heard the tinkling sounds of clawed paws against the floor coming to greet Frank. "Not now," he heard softly through the wall as he pulled on his pants and shirt. Frank was speaking quietly to his dog, but Gerard could still hear him into Frank's room. "Ugh, you know I can't resist your cute face." The sounds of a wagging tail banging against a wall.

Gerard walked to the doorway and peaked out. Frank was standing, with his dog in his arms, almost like a baby.

"I guess it's just you and me again, huh." Frank rubbed his face into the dog's furry tummy, before putting it down again.

"Um..." Gerard said, standing in the hall, stepping from foot to foot. Frank looked up, his face going hard when he saw Gerard.

"You know where the door is." The coldness in Frank's voice felt like a vice around Gerard's heart. He almost felt lightheaded from what a roller coaster the day had been. He stumbled out of Frank's apartment, his muscles sore and reminding him every step of what he had been doing only a few minutes earlier. Frank's come was still trickling out of Gerard's ass, as Frank slammed the door shut behind him.

It was still the middle of the night. And he was all alone now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...sorry....


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's been a while and I left you on quite a cliffhanger, I'm sorry (⌒_⌒;) Please enjoy this chapter and I'll try to be faster with the next one.
> 
> I probably wouldn't have posted this at all if Z hadn't pushed and prodded at me, so thank you for that <3 and thanks to R for the beta! I love you both <3

Paul looked surprised to see Gerard when he came into work.

"Sir! We were getting worried, er- I mean, it's been three days and I wasn't sure when you were coming back, but your father said-"

"My father was here?" Gerard asked, already feeling tired.

"No sir, he just called me." Paul had gotten up from his desk when Gerard arrived and he was standing with his back so ramrod straight that it was unnerving Gerard a little.

"Okay well, I'm back, everything should be back to normal now," Gerard said. He thought he had only missed one day of work after- after Heather left, but somehow he had lost another two days? It didn't matter now. He was back, he was fine, everything was fine.

"Yes sir, I've prepared a memo with everything you need to know about the days you missed," Paul said, grabbing the paper from his desk. Gerard thanked him and took the memo with him into his office.

Gerard sighed heavily as he sat down in the familiar chair at the familiar desk in the familiar office. Everything was fine. He'd soon get back to normal.

The first few days, Gerard realised he was always waiting for Frank to come through the door, chattering on about something stupid his teacher had said, or a new band he had discovered, or a new song he was trying to learn on his guitar.

He never came, of course.

Gerard started reverting back to his old habits, spending his lunch break visiting the coffee shop across the street for his single coffee and then returning back to his office to exercise.

Mikey had called Gerard on the Tuesday morning, likely after he'd found out about Heather (oh god, had it been on the news?) but Gerard hadn't had it in himself to answer. Since then Mikey had called a few more times and Gerard just never felt up to talking to him. He felt like he'd disappointed Mikey somehow, and he couldn't explain anything to him, couldn't face up to what a coward he had been.

When his door burst open later that week, Gerard initially felt sudden overwhelming relief and a warm tingle of happiness started spreading through his body. When he saw that it was Mikey, it died down again. It was probably the first and only time Gerard had been disappointed to see Mikey.

"What the fuck, Gerard?" Mikey said, his quiet voice angry.

"M-Mikey!" Gerard stood up behind his desk. "What are you doing here?"

" _What am I doing here?_ " Mikey asked, giving Gerard a scathing look. "You've been ignoring my calls, you asshole! Your wife leaves you, and you start ignoring my calls? I'm about to go on tour in South America and I don't even know if you're alive or dead! What the fuck?"

"I'm sorry," Gerard said, crumpling back down into his chair.

"I don't want you to be sorry, I want you to talk to me," Mikey said, losing most of his anger at Gerard's pathetic display.

Gerard shrugged. "She left."

"Come _on_ , Gerard," Mikey said sitting down across the desk from him. "You can do better than that."

"You knew we weren't happy," Gerard pointed out. "She found someone else. I'm happy for her."

"That's so nice, fuck her, how are _you_ doing?" Mikey said brusquely.

Gerard sighed. How could he explain that he didn't care about Heather leaving? He didn't care about her at all, which only made all of it even worse. He was more upset that he had broken up with the teenager he was fucking (the teenager who fucked _him_ , a voice inside him whispered). Was that even the right way to say it? Didn't you have to be an item before you could _'break up'_? What had he and Frank even been?

"Gerard," Mikey pleaded. "Tell me."

"I messed up," Gerard confessed. He was winding his fingers together in his lap, and couldn't look up at Mikey.

"…With Heather?" Mikey asked.

"Frank."

"Oh. What happened?"

"Dad offered Frank's aunt money to leave the city."

"That _motherfucker_ ," Mikey said passionately.

" _Mikey_ ," Gerard admonished. "Anyway… I told him maybe they should take the money."

"What? Gerard! You idiot, why would you do that?"

"I just- I thought I was supposed to! I thought dad knew best! I thought he was trying to save Frank from me…" Gerard lost momentum as he went on, trailing off into quiet.

"You think dad had Frank's best interest at heart?" Mikey asked. " _Our_ dad? He's never thought about anything or anyone other than his own ass since he was old enough to know his ass from his mouth, you know this, Gerard!"

"But he said-" Gerard started, but Mikey cut him off.

"I keep telling you, you can't believe anything he says!"

Gerard paused. He'd had his disagreements with his father, sure, but he always thought he had good intentions, he just went about it in a way that could be off-putting for some.

"You understand, right Gerard?" Mikey asked softly.

Gerard tried to reconcile Mikey's words with his internal worldview, but the pieces didn't quite fit. "Do you remember my friend James from when we were boys?"

"No…?" Mikey said, looking at Gerard strangely.

"No, you probably wouldn't. I was only 8 or 9 when he moved away, you would've been only maybe 5."

"Okay… What about this James?"

Gerard tried. He tried to arrange the words in his mind, to make Mikey understand. But he wasn't even sure he understood it himself. "Nothing, it's not important, sorry."

Mikey looked at Gerard with concern. "Are you going to try to talk to Frank again?"

"I don't know," Gerard said honestly. "I shouldn't, I know I shouldn't."

"But you want to."

Gerard glanced at Mikey and then away, ashamed.

"You like him," Mikey said simply. "There's nothing wrong with that."

"He's-" Gerard started, but he couldn't blame anything on Frank, that was wrong. " _I'm_ too old, too-" _broken_ , he wanted to say, bad, wrong, ugly, "-different," he finished. "I don't- He should be with someone… Someone better."

Mikey sighed. "There's no one better than you," he said. "You two seem to be good together, good _for_ each other. You should at least give it a try, especially now that Hea-" he cut himself off with a worried glance at Gerard. "Now that you're single again."

"I'm worried," Gerard confessed quietly, almost hoping Mikey wouldn't hear him. Mikey waited until Gerard went on. "I'm worried I will ruin him."

"You won't," Mikey said emphatically. "Gerard, you won't, I promise. Go talk to him, just see what he says, I'm sure he will forgive you."

"I don't know..."

There was a long pause. Mikey sighed. "Do you- I'm leaving tomorrow for the South America tour, but I can cancel, do you- I'll cancel, I'll stay here with you, we can- you shouldn't be alone right now."

"No!" Gerard said immediately. "Your career comes first, your band, don't worry about me, please."

"I love you, Gerard. I _do_ worry. You're my brother, _you_ come first."

"I'll go see Frank," Gerard said. "I'll talk to him. Tonight, after work, I'll go see him."

"I think I should still maybe stay behind, just for a few days at least. Liam can cover for me for one or two shows, it's fine," Mikey said.

"No," Gerard said. "I don't need you, I'm fine. You know Heather and I weren't- I'm fine, and I'll talk to Frank tonight and everything will be okay. I promise." Gerard really didn't want to be the reason Mikey missed out on concerts and he never wanted Mikey to put his life on hold for Gerard. If what Mikey needed was for Gerard to go see Frank then he would.

"Are you sure?"

Gerard put on a smile. "Yes, of course!"

Mikey looked at him like he didn't quite believe him. "You call me if it doesn't work out. You call me if you need anything at all and I'll come home." He leaned in towards Gerard and caught his gaze. "And if you ignore my phone calls again, I'm coming home on the next flight, you hear me?"

Gerard nodded, smiling a little for real at Mikey's intensity. "I promise."

"It's only six weeks," Mikey said. "I'll be back before you know it and then maybe we can hang out all together? Me and Ray, and you and Frank. We could go out and see a movie or something!"

"Sure," Gerard said. He was unable to picture the scenario Mikey described in his head, it felt too bizarre, too _normal_ , but he agreed anyway to placate Mikey.

Mikey left soon after, telling Gerard to take care and to call him and Gerard smiled and nodded until Mikey was gone. Gerard was Mikey's older brother, it was wrong for Mikey to worry about Gerard. He really needed to step up, be better, so Mikey wouldn't be concerned about him.

At the end of the day, when Gerard couldn't really find any more excuses to stay at work, he left the already mostly empty office building and got in his car. He didn't want to go see Frank. Or, he wanted to, but he was scared. He was scared of what he should say, scared of what Frank would say, scared that Frank's aunt would be there, scared that he would hurt Frank even more than he already had.

He drove the familiar route in silence, parking outside Frank's building in his usual spot. Then he sat.

He sat for a while, fingers tight on the steering wheel, his teeth clenched until he got a headache.

He thought of Mikey. Mikey who believed in him, who said he wasn't going to ruin Frank. Maybe it was alright. Maybe it would _be_ alright.

He made his way to Frank's building. The front entrance door was propped open with a brick, so he went inside and took the elevator up to Frank's floor. He walked down the narrow hallway to Frank's door, where he stopped and took a deep breath. It was harder to freeze here, he'd look like a creep if anyone saw him just staring at the door. So he lifted his fist and knocked hard, twice. He felt a small warmth in his chest, thinking of seeing Frank again. Maybe he could get him to smile, if he apologized well enough. Frank would frown at him at first, but eventually his expression would soften and he'd come close and smile to Gerard.

He knocked again.

Maybe it would be alright, maybe Frank would know what to do, how things should be. Maybe he would kiss Gerard and none of it would matter. He would kiss Gerard in the kitchen, maybe push him up against a wall, pressing in hard and making Gerard's entire body sing.

He knocked for a third time. Was Frank not home? Gerard had a brief moment of panic about Frank's aunt being the one to answer the door and what he would say.

"They're gone," a raspy voice said from behind him. An old woman in a flowery dressing gown was standing in the doorway of the apartment opposite Frank's.

"Excuse me?" Gerard asked.

"Regina and her nephew," the woman continued. "It happened so quickly, Frank just came to tell me and then they were gone a few hours later. A whole host of burly men carried all their things out."

"What?" Gerard asked, feeling faint all of a sudden.

"Said they were moving to Pittsburgh. A shame." She shook her head. "Frank always fed my cat and watered my plants for me when I went to visit my daughter. I don't know how I'll manage without him. Sweet boy."

Gone. Frank was gone. He was gone. Gerard felt like the world was falling around him, or maybe he was falling, the rug pulled out from under him and below was nothing, nothing, black nothingness.

"Are you alright, mister?" Gerard heard from somewhere, reminding him that he had a physical form.

"Fine, thank you," Gerard said. He shook the bewildered woman's hand and then made his way out of the building.

Gerard spent a few minutes driving home, or maybe it was a few hours, he wasn't sure. The docks looked nice this time of night. When he eventually got there, there was a notice pinned to his door, titled "HOME REPOSSESSION." Gerard ignored it and went straight to bed.

He didn't go to work again until a week later. Paul called a few times, worried about him. Mikey called and Gerard lied to his brother for the first time. He sounded happy, the first night of the tour had been a success, and Gerard didn't want to ruin that.

On his first day back again, Gerard's father marched into Gerard's office looking thunderous. Gerard for once didn't tense up or cower. He just looked up and waited for his father to get to the point.

"Gerard!" his father started. "Where do I even start with you!"

Gerard tried to pay attention but slowly a buzzing sound in his head drowned out his father's voice. Something about his attendance at work recently, lawyers and insurance companies and detectives and Gerard didn't care about any of it.

"Here are the documents. You'll look at the pictures and let me know. Here's the key." His father placed the items on the desk in front of Gerard and then left. Gerard looked over the things his father had left, not feeling particularly interested in any of them. A key with a label on the keyring, and two folders.

He picked one of the folders and looked into it. It only contained pictures, with a little text accompanying each picture at the bottom. The pictures were all of very pretty, young women, smiling brightly at the camera. Gerard sighed heavily and pushed the folder away. So his father was already moving on and planning for the future. He looked in the next folder and his breath caught for a moment, a heavy weight settling in his stomach. He didn't read the whole document. It was enough to see the words "divorce" and "separation," along with his and Heather's names. He should have expected this. His father always moved fast. He glanced at the folder with the pictures again and felt such an acute sense of impending doom he had to stand up and walk a few steps around his office.

The final object was the key. Gerard picked it up and looked at the label attached to it. It was an address, an apartment building not too far from the office. Gerard put the key back on the table and sat down heavily in his desk chair, slumping back.

After a few moments of thinking, he sat up straighter again. He wasn't stupid. He had to have some kind of plan.

"Paul, could you come in here for a moment?" Gerard said into the intercom. Paul appeared a few seconds later. "I need you to do something for me."

Paul got out his notepad and a pen, and dutifully wrote down Gerard's instructions and then ran off.

At least there were some things in his life Gerard could have control over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Five chapters + epilogue to go guys! We're almost there! Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos and twitter messages and all that, it really means so much to me, you don't even know. I never imagined I'd get such a response to this fic and it makes me so happy that you all enjoy it <3


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sorry in advance about this chapter, it had to be done.
> 
> I'm behind on replying to comments I'm sorry but I love and appreciate each and every one of you <3 I have a hard time accepting compliments but every comment makes me squee in delight so thank you <3

The next few weeks passed in kind of a blur for Gerard. At first the thought of his plan in motion had given him some buoyancy, it felt like he had at least some things under control. But then the house was repossessed, and the cars, and most of Gerard's possessions that he hadn't managed to save, and Gerard had to move into the apartment his father had picked out for him. It was a sterile three bedroom apartment, inoffensively furnished and on the top floor of a tall, modern building. It was fine. Gerard started walking to work. He could have taken a taxi or rented a car, but it was only a half hour walk and he enjoyed stretching his muscles.

Mikey didn't seem to worry as much about Gerard since he’d lied about making up with Frank. At first Gerard was relieved, but as things started becoming heavier, he began missing his brother, promising himself he would come clean as soon as Mikey came home.

He just had to hold on until then.

Living on his own was difficult. He never realised how much of the home Heather had taken care of. The new flat didn't have a scheduled grocery delivery or cleaners or laundry services. Apparently Heather had taken care of all that before. Gerard was on his own now.

He managed to schedule his own laundry service, since he needed suits for work and he had only managed to save a week's worth from the house before the locks had been changed.

At least there was a gym in the basement of the apartment building. It even had a swimming pool. Gerard figured out the times the gym was most and least busy, and started going there regularly at night. He wasn't sleeping much now anyway.

He enjoyed the pool more than he thought he would, as long as he got a good shower immediately after. When he submerged himself fully in the water, it felt like the outside world faded away, and the water pressure even chased away the thoughts in his mind. All he could hear was his own heartbeat.

The first time he fainted was only two weeks before Mikey was due back. It was embarrassing, really. He was taking the stairs to his apartment after his workout, escaping just before the morning rush. It hadn't even been that long since his last meal, and he'd been hydrating properly, so it didn’t make sense for his body to fail him like that. But sure enough, at the top of the stairs on floor 23, everything slowly went black, and he could almost see himself falling back down the stairs in slow motion.

He had probably just missed a step, fallen, and hit his head and that was why he'd passed out. The other thing didn't make sense. He was fine.

🙠

"Sir, are you sure you should be at work right now? You don't look well, if you don't mind me saying so."

"I'm fine Paul, don't worry," Gerard said. "You have the reports from last month?"

"Yes, sir," Paul said, stepping forward and handing the papers to Gerard.

"Thank you, Paul. That will be all." When Paul didn't leave, Gerard looked up at him, slowly. Moving his head too fast made him dizzy. "Is there anything else?"

"Um," Paul started, clearing his throat. "Tell me if this is out of line but..." His eyes flitted around the room, everywhere but at Gerard. "But, your uh, nephew. He hasn't been around in a while. Is he... Is he well?"

Gerard's whole body went stiff, as cracks appeared in the box in his mind where Gerard had stuffed all his Frank-related thoughts. "Yes, he's fine." Gerard didn't know this for a fact of course, but he could assume.

"Okay, good to know. Give him my regards," Paul smiled. "He's a good kid."

"Yes, he is."

🙠

The apartment wasn't big, only two bedrooms, a small living room, even smaller kitchen, and a surprisingly roomy bathroom. It wasn't like any place Gerard had ever lived in before, with dingy floorboards, patchy walls, and interiors that were probably older than Gerard was. But now it was his. 

The apartment building didn't even have an elevator, and the look of the neighbours kind of scared Gerard, not to mention the neighbourhood itself, but it was all he had been able to afford.

He'd instructed Paul to buy the apartment with money he'd had on a separate account, unconnected to either the company, or Heather. His father probably didn't even know about it, unless he was having Gerard tailed, which Gerard wouldn't really put past him. The furniture was plain; cheap, but did the job.

Gerard resolved to move in as soon as he could.

🙠

He would miss the gym, Gerard thought, his last night at the apartment his father had gotten for him. He hadn't been able to save his treadmill from the house, and he wasn't sure he had space for one at the new apartment. Not to mention the fact that most of his money and assets had been frozen while the investigation into Heather went on. He could go out for jogs of course, but he hated the idea of people being able to see him.

Mikey had landed back on US soil that morning, and they were planning to meet up the following evening. Gerard planned to come clean about everything, and take Mikey's disappointment.

He'd only been in the basement gym for a couple of hours before he decided to leave and get some rest. He needed to be alert for when he saw Mikey, and he was feeling a little lightheaded.

This time, he was only up to the third floor when his vision flooded with darkness, like black ink creeping in from the corners until he knew no more.

🙠

Waking up, everything hurt. He'd gotten so used to the numbness he'd carefully cultivated over the past few weeks, that even just being rid of that, hurt. Even his eyes hurt when he opened them with great effort. He saw a dimly lit room, before his eyes fell shut again. The next time he managed to open them, the blurry room manifested a bit more clearly into a hospital room, with a darkly dressed figure sitting on a chair next to Gerard's bed, head leaning against the wall, clearly sleeping.

There wasn't some kind of monitor softly beeping in time with Gerard's heart, but he did have a needle in the back of his hand, connected to a bag.

His head hurt.

He tried to sit up, but his muscles soon gave out, and it only made him nauseous. He ended up turning his head just in time to puke onto the floor before he fell back onto his pillow.

"Gerard?" came a raspy voice on the other side of the bed. "Fuck, Gerard, are you okay? How do you feel? You had me so fucking worried!"

Gerard turned his head with great difficulty, his eyes managing to keep the room in focus. His mouth tasted like vomit. "Mikey."

"I'll call the doctor," Mikey said, running out of the room and then coming straight back. "What did you do, Gerard?"

He couldn't answer. Mikey sounded so heartbroken, Gerard felt too ashamed to even look at him. "I'm sorry."

Mikey looked like he was going to say something more, but then the doctor came in, along with a nurse. The nurse immediately got to work cleaning up after Gerard, who muttered a shameful "sorry," at which the nurse just smiled reassuringly. The doctor was a small woman, with short blonde hair and her hands in the pockets of her white coat. 

"Good to see you are back with us, Mr. Way," she said, before looking at the stats on one of the monitors Gerard was connected to. She shone a light in his eyes and then listened to his heart with her cold stethoscope that made Gerard shiver. She also made him sit up, with some difficulty, so she could listen to his lungs. "I think we should keep you at least another night, Mr. Way."

"What? No, that's unnecessary," Gerard protested. "I just fell!"

The doctor looked at him like he was stupid. Or like he was stupid for thinking she was stupid.

"That's a good idea," Mikey piped up. Traitor. "Make sure he's completely well before you let go of him."

"Hmm, indeed," she said, looking at some notes she had. "Your blood tests are worrying, Mr. Way." She glanced at Mikey before continuing. "Would you prefer we discussed this in private?"

Gerard looked at Mikey too. "I can leave," Mikey said, standing up quickly.

"No," Gerard said. "No, it's okay, I want you to stay."

The doctor nodded. "Well as I said, some of the outcomes from your blood tests are troubling. If I may be frank, Mr. Way," she paused and gave him an unnervingly clinical look. "When was the last time you ate?"

Gerard blushed. Or he would have, but he felt like he didn't have enough blood in his body to blush. "I- uh, I don't remember, maybe the fall-"

"Fuck," Mikey sighed heavily. "I knew I shouldn't have left. Fuck, Gerard, what-"

"Now, now," the doctor interrupted them. "In any case, it's good we have you on fluids and nutrition now, but we're going to need to get your iron and potassium levels up. We should also look into getting you on a testosterone supplement."

Mikey was listening to the doctor intently and nodding, but Gerard suddenly felt far away again, like the world was spinning around him, faster and faster.

"Mr. Way?"

"Gerard," he managed, after swallowing down another bout of nausea. The doctor looked at him, evaluating.

"Gerard. I'm going to refer you to a specialist. If you promise to go see him, I will discharge you tomorrow. Deal?"

Gerard thought it over for a moment. Going free tomorrow morning, just at the low price of seeing one more doctor? Or staying here and being forced to eat terrible hospital food for god only knew how long. He would take that deal any day.

"Alright."

When the doctor left, another person entered the room. First came a soft knock and then a man slowly emerged through the door.

"Ray, come in, G just woke up," Mikey said to the new entrant to the room.

"Oh that's good, how are you Gerard?" Ray walked over to stand next to Mikey at the side of Gerard's bed and smiled softly at Gerard. Gerard felt awkward now in the thin hospital gown, lying down in a hospital bed like some sort of invalid, with both of them looking at him like that.

"I'm fine, except they want to keep me here for another night," Gerard answered. 

Mikey looked like he was about to add something but then Ray replied. "I guess all we can do is trust in the doctors, hopefully they know what they're doing."

"I guess," Gerard said, reluctantly. Ray was too positive to argue with.

"So, Gerard, do you want me to call anybody for you?" Mikey asked.

"What?"

"Is there someone you want to notify that you're in the hospital?" Mikey said, a funny expression on his face.

"Oh, maybe I should call Paul... wait, what day is it?"

"Gerard..."

"He hit his head, it's normal to have short-term memory loss," Ray said. "Probably."

"What are you guys talking about?" Gerard asked, getting winded from the force he applied to his voice.

"Frank!" Mikey exclaimed. "You said things were going well! You don't think he'll be worried about you if he doesn't hear from you for a few days?" He was smiling like he was happy for Gerard. Ray was smiling too.

Gerard had, for a few glorious minutes now, forgotten about everything that had happened. Everything. Lying to Mikey, Heather leaving, Frank leaving, losing his house, his car, it all came crashing back into him. Maybe Mikey would leave too, when he found out Gerard had lied. "No."

"But- what? Gerard, what happened?"

"I... I didn't tell you exactly the truth, when we talked on the phone while you were away." Gerard stared at the wall in front of him instead of looking at Mikey.

"Oh... So what happened...?"

"Frank was gone by the time I got there. He's gone. They moved away."

"Oh... Did you try calling him?"

"No," Gerard admitted. He had thought about it but somehow it felt like fate that he had been too late. He'd missed Frank, he'd missed his chance. Now he had to live with the consequences.

Mikey turned to give Ray a significant look, before turning back to Gerard. "You're hopeless, you know that?" Mikey shook his head. He turned to Ray again, talking as if Gerard wasn't there. "Imagine if I had just given up after accidentally confessing my feelings to you, and you just ran away. Imagine being in love and just giving up. Imagine!"

Ray glanced at Gerard and then back at Mikey. "Mikey," he warned him softly.

Gerard was stunned speechless. Love? Feelings? Mikey and Ray? Frank? 

Gerard didn't love Frank, did he? He just... Cared about him, or something like that. And Mikey and Ray? Mikey and Ray? "Why did you never tell me?" Gerard blurted out.

It was Mikey's turn to be stunned speechless.

"You thought- you didn't know?" Ray asked, his voice still frustratingly kind.

"You've been to our apartment Gerard!"

"Yeah?" Gerard felt defensive. His brother was also gay? Was it genetic? Why had Gerard never known?

"There's only one bedroom," Ray explained when Gerard just looked at them.

"I talked to you before I asked Ray to move in! I told you how nervous I was!" Mikey seemed like he didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.

"I-I just... I thought-" Gerard sighed.

"It's an honest mistake," Ray said. Mikey just looked at him. "Maybe we should let Gerard rest now?"

"If he promises to rest," Mikey muttered. "I'll be back tomorrow morning. This is not over." Mikey leaned over Gerard to kiss his forehead. "Get better you asshole. Stop being an idiot." Then he turned to Ray. "C'mon babe, let's go home and be scandalously gay." He gave Ray a peck on the lips, and then took his hand as they walked out.

Gerard felt a little like his whole world had been turned upside down. Had he really been so preoccupied with himself that he had missed a significant relationship in his brother's life? And was he right? Could Gerard be in love with Frank? Was that even possible? There were too many thoughts going on in Gerard's head, and he felt wide awake until a nurse came to him with a meal. He sat over Gerard while he ate, reading a book. The implications were clear.

He ate as much as he could stomach, but he genuinely still felt nauseous. The nurse was understanding enough, saying Gerard might be concussed, and that it was normal. When the nurse left, Gerard was left alone for the evening. He barely even knew the time, but soon the tiredness from earlier overcame him again, and he succumbed to the darkness once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit of a transition chapter as we are about to move into the final act :) hope you are all doing well <3


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! happy new year, I hope you've all had a good holiday!  
> Thank you to everyone who's been commenting and reading and leaving kudos, I really appreciate you all <3

Something about Mikey's first visit at the hospital lingered with Gerard.

Gerard stayed another night, reluctantly. Mikey came to get him first thing the next morning, and Gerard was glad to get out of there, though with an appointment card in his pocket to be back to see the specialist the doctor had made him promise to see.

It took Gerard a long time to realise what it was exactly that bothered him about the fact that Mikey and Ray weren't just friends. At first he thought maybe he was too similar to his father, and that he was just homophobic, but that really didn't fit. Then he wondered if it was because he hadn't known and now felt blindsided by it. There was a certain truth to that; he was hurt that Mikey hadn't told him from the start, though he supposed that hadn't been on purpose, since Mikey technically _had_ told him.

It still hurt though, as Mikey had always been the one Gerard confided in, and he had always thought it was the same for Mikey. Now however...

Mikey had someone else, he had his own person. He didn't _need_ Gerard anymore. They'd been so close ever since they were little boys, but now Mikey was all grown up and Gerard found they had grown apart.

Maybe it was a late realisation to come to, that his little brother in his late twenties was now an independent adult, but it stayed with Gerard for a few days.

Then, he realised the burning feeling in his stomach wasn't just melancholy, there was jealousy there. He was jealous of Ray for being Mikey's person now and he was jealous of Mikey for being able to be himself so openly. Mikey didn't hate himself for who he was, but somehow Gerard couldn't stop. He'd hated himself for as long as he could remember. He hated himself even more for being jealous of his brother for being happy. What kind of person was he if he couldn't even be happy for his brother?

Only a week after he got out of the hospital, Gerard found himself out at restaurant with a young blonde woman. She was clearly trying very hard to impress him with her white teeth and her bouncy hair, and Gerard hated it. He tried to at least smile and hold a conversation for politeness sake, but despite his efforts it was stilted. She seemed disappointed at the end of the evening, after Gerard had paid for dinner with a credit card his father had given him and escorted the girl to a cab. And that was what she was; a girl. Barely in her twenties, and Gerard was supposed to marry her? What was his father thinking?

Would he be able to stand any of the women his father had found? And was it fair to either of them to get married just for the sake of getting married? Why couldn't Gerard just be left alone.

When his father called him to enquire about the date he had arranged for him, Gerard found it hard to fake his enthusiasm.

"Oh for heaven's sake, Gerard," his father bellowed down the phone line. "At least try!"

"It just wasn't a good matchup, maybe next time-"

"If you're worried that you won't be able to control your other _urges_ , we can pay someone who can be discreet to take care of that. You just have to pick a woman you don't hate looking at and who you can suffer through living with." Gerard flinched at his father's words. "You did it once, you will do it again. No more goddamn nonsense!"

Gerard dreaded the next date in only a week's time.

After getting back from the hospital, Gerard had finished moving from the apartment his father paid for, to Gerard's own apartment. He didn't tell his father that though.

The new apartment was- well it was terrible, but it made Gerard happy to know it was all his own. He even found a new hobby, cleaning years of grime that had built up in the apartment. It had the added benefit of being excellent exercise too.

When his assets had been frozen, his father had been quick to come to him with a credit card. Gerard hated using it, hated that he could only survive with his father's help. He tried to use it as little as he could, but sometimes necessity forced his hand.

Mikey was the only thing getting him through his days. He and Ray invited Gerard over every weekend and sometimes during the week too. Mikey seemed to have taken it upon himself to keep Gerard fed, and Gerard humoured him for the most part. He also didn't really want to end up in the hospital again. So even though his brain sometimes tricked him into thinking he was jealous of Mikey, every time he saw him everything seemed just a little bit better.

Except when Mikey was asking difficult questions.

"And you just go to these _'dates?'_ " Mikey asked one night over dinner.

"Well it's only been the one so far, but yes." Gerard leaned back in his chair and shrugged helplessly. "What else am I supposed to do, Mikey?" Gerard said.

"Tell dad to fuck off, for one," Mikey said. "Eat," he added, watching Gerard push the food on his plate around with his fork.

At Mikey's words, Gerard collected a bit of potato and fish on his fork and brought it to his mouth. When he finished chewing and swallowed, he spoke. "You know I can't do that. Besides, he's probably right."

"He's right?!"

"Yes. I probably should get married again. It would be good for- for the family. The company." The words were difficult to get out, as he was still trying to convince even himself it was the right thing to do.

"Gerard," Mikey sighed.

"Do you really think that's a good reason to marry someone, Gerard?" Ray asked. His voice was light, like he was just curious.

Gerard paused. He thought about it, really thought about it. Maybe it wasn't what most people thought marriage should be, but it had worked for his parents and many of their acquaintances. They married to gain influence or assets in a mutually beneficial agreement. Like a business transaction.

"No," Gerard finally admitted. "But I don't know that I have any other choice."

"But you do," Mikey insisted. "You don't owe him anything! You don't owe anyone anything. Eat."

Gerard gave Mikey a dirty look, one he hadn't used since they were little boys, and then got himself another mouthful of fish. "I just don't know that that's true," Gerard said after he finished swallowing. "We owe our family so much, neither of us would be where we are today if we didn't have them. We have what we have because of our father."

"Do you think I'm ungrateful?" Mikey asked.

"No, that's not what I meant."

"Do you think I'm being disrespectful of our family because I live with a man?"

"Of course not!"

"Then why can't you?" Mikey asked, an expression on his face like he'd caught Gerard out. "The rules can't only apply to you. You're not that special Gerard."

"Thanks..." Gerard deadpanned and Mikey laughed. He was being annoyingly rational, and Gerard didn't have a good response.

"Mikey's right, Gerard," Ray said kindly. "You deserve to be happy. Why wouldn't you?"

They finished their dinner and then watched a movie, before Mikey drove Gerard home.

"Have you tried calling him?" Mikey asked after he stopped the car in front of Gerard's building.

He didn't have to ask who Mikey meant by _'him'_. "No."

"Why not?"

"I don't know," Gerard whispered. He bade Mikey good night and exited the car. It was strange being the one who got driven around now. Was this how Frank had felt all those times? Probably not. He and Frank were so different, there wasn't a comparison to be made. And that was it. He didn't deserve Frank. He had to remember that.

🙠

When Gerard finally had his appointment with the _'specialist'_ his hospital doctor had referred him to, he was disappointed to find out it was just a psychiatrist. Then he was immediately terrified.

He berated himself for not googling all the letters next to the guy's name on the appointment card, as he sat in the waiting room. He wanted to run away, he wanted to leave, but he was worried the other doctor would find out and hospitalise him again or worse. So he resigned himself to spending an hour smiling and nodding as some guy with a grey moustache asked him about his childhood.

The psychiatrist didn't have a moustache. He didn't have any hair at all. His office was larger than Gerard had expected, with a small water feature on his desk making a pleasant tinkling sound. There was a sofa at the wall close to the door, with a coffee table in front of it, and a chair on the other side. The man was sitting by his desk but he stood up when Gerard was shown inside.

"Hello, Gerard?" Gerard nodded. "Please, sit." He gestured towards the sofa and Gerard sat down.

"I'm Aaron." He made his way over to the chair opposite the sofa. "So how are you today Gerard?"

Immediately Gerard's heartbeat picked up. Was he supposed to say 'bad?' Was he supposed to explain all his problems now? "Fine thank you, and you?"

"I'm good, thank you," Aaron said, smiling a smile that reached his warm brown eyes. "So," he reached for a notebook on his desk, opened it up and clicked his pen. Gerard swallowed. "Why are you here?"

"Um, didn't my doctor tell you?"

"Just humour me," Aaron said, spreading his hands.

"Well, uh, I was in the hospital and um, my doctor said if I came to see you she would let me go home the next day."

Aaron wrote for a few seconds, then put the notepad away on his desk again. "Sorry, groceries," he said and Gerard didn't know if he was joking or not. "So why were you in the hospital?"

"I fainted." Aaron didn't say anything, just looked at Gerard like he was the most interesting person in the world. "And fell down the stairs," Gerard added.

"I see," Aaron nodded. "Do you faint often?"

"Not really, maybe sometimes." Sometimes when he had pushed himself too hard. Sometimes when he ignored the warning signs in order to push himself further.

"Sometimes," Aaron echoed. Then he just looked at Gerard. Gerard looked back, taking in Aaron's blue jumper over a white collared shirt and black slacks. The colour suited his dark skin very well really. He seemed like a neat person, clean shaven and short trimmed nails. When Gerard ran out of things to look at, Aaron was still only smiling and looking back at him with a mild expression.

"Sometimes," Gerard repeated. "I sometimes push my body too far when I'm exercising." He looked down at his hands in his lap. They were trembling. He told himself not to reveal too much.

"And why do you think you do that?" Aaron asked, his expression still mild.

Gerard shrugged.

"Are you training for something specific?"

"Not really," Gerard said.

"How do you feel when you exercise?"

"Um…" Gerard thought for a moment. "Good, I guess?"

"In what way?" Aaron prodded, and Gerard started feeling frustrated. How the hell was he supposed to know?

"I don't know, just like I'm doing something good with my body. Like I can do what I want with my body."

"You don't feel like that at other times?"

"Not really."

If Aaron was frustrated with how he had to prompt Gerard only to be rewarded with two-word answers, he didn't show it. "Why do you think that is?"

"I…" Because he didn't have control over any aspect of his life other than that? Because his father had his fingers in everything Gerard ever did, scrutinizing it all under a microscope to see whether Gerard measured up? Because his whole life he'd known he would have to grow up to follow in his father's footsteps and take over the family company. "I guess because I've been allowing other people to make decisions for me." How on earth had they gotten here from Gerard's original statement of _I fainted_?

"Who do you allow to make decisions for you?"

"My- my family, my father… I guess."

Aaron leaned back in his seat and looked Gerard over. It looked like he was thinking, evaluating. Gerard squirmed a little. "So what do you do for work?"

Gerard sagged a little with relief. This he could talk about without any difficulty.

He wasn't sure he liked the psychiatrist or not, Gerard thought as he waited for a taxi outside the treatment center. It had been difficult to answer his questions sometimes, but other times it felt just like he was talking to a friend or an acquaintance. An insistent, curious acquaintance.

The next day was a Friday, and just Gerard's luck, he had another _date_. He opened a drawer in his desk and brought out the folder his father had given him that day. This one was called Naomi Blake and looked the same as all the others in her picture. Blonde hair, blue eyes, big smile, and a conservative yet flattering outfit. Gerard was starting to think they were being manufactured somewhere. She was a student at NYU studying American literature, and her hobbies were horse riding, baking, and organising events for her sorority; and her father owned a large company that did a lot of trading with Gerard's father's company.

Great, Gerard thought, a little bitterly. They should have plenty in common.

They met at the restaurant, both arriving fashionably early. Gerard was dressed in one of his nicer black suits, with a simple tie to match. She was in a pretty blue dress that showed a tasteful amount of cleavage.

As his father taught him, Gerard asked for a bottle of the restaurant's nicest wine.

"Actually," the girl cut in as Gerard was speaking to the waiter. "I'm not 21 yet, so I can't." She looked a little sheepish.

The waiter looked at Gerard, who hesitated for a moment, his mind racing. "Just sparkling water then, please."

"Sorry," she said with a sweet smile and a cock of her head.

Gerard smiled tightly. "No worries." The waiter came back with their sparkling water and poured it into each of their glasses. Gerard took a sip before speaking up again. "So when do you turn 21?"

"I'm still a couple of years away," she said, her hands in her lap and a polite smile on her face.

"Oh."

The rest of the meal was awkward and stilted. She talked about her sorority and her classes and her _'daddy,'_ and Gerard made all the right noises to seem interested, but conversation didn't flow, and they were both relieved to get out of there at the end of the night.

Gerard took a cab to his apartment from the restaurant. The driver seemed surprised when Gerard told him the address he was going to. He probably didn't drive a lot of people from one of the more expensive restaurants in the city, into a run down neighbourhood like Gerard's.

Most of the furniture he had gotten for the apartment was new, if not the most expensive thing available. Gerard didn't really get it though, the sofa was just as comfortable and even if it was a little rickety, he slept just as well in the bed.

When he slept.

On Monday, his father called him to ask how things had gone on the date, and whether he should schedule another one with that _"nice young lady."_

Gerard sighed. "I don't know."

"You don't know," his father repeated dryly.

"I- she just... Seemed a little young," Gerard said. "I can't marry a 19 year old!"

"But you can fornicate with a 17 year old," his father shot back and Gerard blanched. "I thought if I picked younger girls maybe they would be more suited to your tastes but it's clear to me now what you are. You _will_ choose a girl to marry, and you should be grateful I'm allowing you that choice, and if you can't _control_ yourself, which is clear you can't, we can find someone who can be _discreet_ for you to dally with."

Gerard was stunned into silence.

"Is that clear, Gerard?"

"Yes, father," Gerard replied automatically.

Gerard slumped back on his sofa. Images and scenes from his future life were flashing through his mind. Him and a faceless woman together in a church in front of a crowd of people, a chaste kiss after the I do's, his smile thin and tired. A doctor handing him an infant and trying to feel happy over it. Three kids and the faceless woman, dressed in their Sunday best, going to church and meeting his father and mother. Sneaking out at night to meet a slim young man at a hotel and then shamefully crawling back home in the morning and smiling at his family over breakfast. Mikey's disappointed look. Dying a little bit inside every day, every moment.

Dying. Maybe that was-

He missed Frank. Everything seemed so bleak and hopeless since he had left. Gerard wondered what he would think of Gerard's new apartment. He wondered what he would think of Gerard's dates. He hoped Frank was alright. If Gerard could just see him, maybe he would feel better. More certain that he had done the right thing. If he could just see Frank's face, even from a distance. See that he was happy, he was doing alright. Just to reassure himself.

Before he could think better of it, he had texted Mikey. The reply was almost instantaneous.

_Fuck yes, I'll get the address for you, I know someone ;)_

_I knew you'd come around_

A few hours later, Mikey had gotten back to him with a Pittsburgh address. Gerard resolved to go the following day, work be damned. He fell asleep that night, finally looking forward to something, feeling lighter than he had in weeks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehe... finally?
> 
> So, there's been a lot going on IRL for me lately, so the update was a bit slow, I'm sorry. Only three chapters + epilogue to go!!! I won't know what to do with myself once this thing is finished...


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! A big big chapter today, it's one of my favourites, hope you like it! <3

It was only when he was driving his newly rented car that Gerard realised how idiotic his plan was.

Not that he even had a plan.

Was he just going to drive to Pittsburgh, and hope he would see Frank around?

Luckily, he had a 5 hour drive to worry about it.

He took a break somewhere in the middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania, to go to the bathroom and purchase a bottle of water. There, he decided he would just go and park outside Frank's address, and wait to see him coming home in the afternoon or evening. It made him sound a little bit like a stalker, but he was fine with that as long as he kept out of sight. Then he would find a hotel to sleep a few hours and then head back home. He could be back at work before noon the next day.

Frank's new apartment building was much like the last. Still there was _something_ , it was just that little bit nicer, that little bit cleaner; even the neighbourhood looked like it was a bit better maintained, and there was a playground just off to the side from the building.

Gerard found a place to park the car where he had a good view of the entrance to the building. Then he waited.

It was only around one in the afternoon when Gerard had arrived, and he wasn't sure if Frank would come straight home from school or if he would go out with friends, or even if he would come home at all. Maybe he had found a new man whose office he could stay in during the day after class or when he didn't feel like going to class. The thought made Gerard feel sick.

He watched the people coming and going all afternoon. Most didn't give him a second glance as they walked by; parents with small children or elderly couples returning from the corner shop. He'd purposefully chosen a car that would fit in better than his old, expensive car would have.

After a couple of hours of waiting, Gerard started seeing more older kids around, walking together and laughing, with school bags on their backs. Some seemed to be around Frank's age. There were more and more kids and teenagers walking past, and Gerard was sure that a nearby school must have just let out.

He started growing disappointed when the crowd started thinning again and he hadn't seen Frank yet. He somehow didn't think Frank would stay late at school for any reason. He had resigned himself to waiting until dinner time just in case, when he saw a group of teenagers off in the distance by the playground. A girl was sitting on a swing, and two boys were standing close by. One of them had long brown hair and the other one- the other one has short dark hair. It was too far for Gerard to see properly but his heart skipped a beat at even the possibility.

Maybe if he could just get a little bit closer, then he would be able to see if it was him or not. But he couldn't get closer in the car… And what if Frank left again before Gerard could even be sure it _was_ him? He made up his mind and got out of the car.

He felt silly and stupid and embarrassed, but he stuck close to the side of the building as he walked towards the playground. There was a small shed he was able to use as a screen as he slowly made his way there. He'd just get a glimpse, just enough to see, to make sure, and then he would leave. Nobody would even know he was there.

The shed provided perfect cover. He was close enough now that if he just leaned out past the side, he would be able to see. Slowly, steadily, he peeked past the corner towards the playground.

Frank was smiling at the other boy, laughing at something he had said, the corners of his eyes crinkling. He looked beautiful, and there was a harsh tugging sensation in Gerard's chest.

He'd missed him. God, how he'd missed him.

He wanted to go over there right now, to grab hold of Frank and pull him into a kiss, or maybe even just hold him close, feel Frank's body against his own.

This was what he had wanted to see. This was all he had planned. Frank was clearly doing well, he was okay, he was _better_. Gerard didn't deserve anything else from him. 

He just couldn't stop looking. He was there. Frank was there. The boy Gerard was in love with.

He gasped, his heart beating fast. He immediately withdrew to lean back against the wall of the shed.

He was in love with Frank? He was in love with Frank. He couldn't deny it anymore, couldn't hold back, couldn't pretend. He loved him. He _loved_ him. It was such an overwhelming feeling that it made him smile, even as he clutched his chest, waiting for the panic attack to set in. It never came. Instead Gerard wanted to look again, wanted to see Frank, drink him in.

"Whoa, hey, sorry!"

Gerard smacked into someone when he moved to look behind the corner again. He looked up at the person whom he had walked into. He was still apologising and holding Gerard's upper arms to stabilise him. "You okay?"

It was the long haired boy from earlier, the one who had been talking and laughing with Frank. The girl was next to him, peering at Gerard.

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you, sorry," Gerard said, trying to turn away to hide his face, but the boy held him tightly and he was looking at Gerard with narrowed eyes.

"Hey, are you-" he started, but he was interrupted.

"Gerard?"

The long haired boy's hands dropped from Gerard's upper arms and he stepped back. Gerard kind of missed them, he could use all the help he could get, holding his balance when he looked up to see Frank in front of him, _looking_ at him, his eyes hard. Even though Frank was looking at him so angrily, Gerard couldn't help the smile that wanted to break out on his face, just at seeing Frank up close again. It had been almost two months.

"Jesus Christ, Gerard," Frank said, his expression softening as he stepped closer and his eyes roamed over Gerard. "What the fuck, what happened? Why the fuck haven't you been taking care of yourself?"

"Umm... I think we'll give you two some privacy... See you later, Frank?" the long haired boy said.

"Yeah, thanks Evan, see you," Frank said, then turned back to Gerard. "What are you doing here?" There was no heat in his voice, which was encouraging. Gerard ignored the stab of jealousy at hearing Evan's name. He didn't even have time to reconcile the boy with the image he had in his head. It didn't matter right now.

"I just... I wanted to see you." Gerard's hands fell down ineffectively by his sides.

"I swear to god, I leave and you start starving yourself? This is like, emotional manipulation." Frank came even closer. "You look terrible."

"I'm sorry," Gerard said, looking down, away from Frank's probing gaze.

"Fuck," Frank cursed, closing his eyes for a long moment. "Look, just- what do you want?"

"I- I just…" Gerard thought hard.

What _did_ he want? He could just explain what he'd been doing, that he'd just been checking to see if Frank was alright; he could explain that and go back home. But that wasn't what he wanted at all.

"You," said finally. It was the only word that summed up Gerard's feelings. He felt so drawn to Frank in that moment, just like always, taking a small step towards him, unable to stop himself from drinking him in, from hoping against hope.

"Fuck," Frank cursed again, softer this time. And then he took the step forward needed to bring them closer, bringing their lips together with a hand on the back of Gerard's head. "God I missed this," Frank murmured against Gerard's lips.

"Me too," Gerard whispered, hardly believing this was happening.

They kissed for a long moment, Frank surging up towards Gerard, and Gerard pressing back just as hard, wrapping his arms around Frank's neck. Frank's lips were just as soft and sweet as Gerard had remembered, and he moaned into Frank's mouth as Frank pushed him up against the wall of the shed behind him.

"Frank," Gerard said with mounting desperation. He'd gotten hard so fast he felt dizzy with it, or maybe it was just the effect of having Frank back in his arms after so long. Either way he hadn't felt like this since he was a teenager.

"Yeah, fuck," Frank said against Gerard's mouth. He bit on Gerard's bottom lip, _hard_ , hard enough for Gerard to let out a loud whine.

Gerard wanted him to do it again, wanted Frank to take all his frustrations out on him. He was the cause of it so he wanted to be part of the solution too. "Please."

"Come on, my apartment," Frank said, taking Gerard's hand in his. He led Gerard around the building to the front door, his hand firmly around Gerard's. They rode up on the elevator in silence, Gerard biting his lip and glancing at Frank who only stared forward, though he did squeeze Gerard's hand tighter. Gerard didn't know what it meant. His heart was beating harder and harder, not knowing if Frank was about to fuck him or fight him. He led Gerard to his apartment door and once inside, he pushed Gerard against the door, hard. Gerard's head hit the wood with a thud, but he couldn't even think about the pain blooming in his skull before Frank's thigh was between his and Frank's lips covered his again.

He kissed Gerard like he was angry and he wanted Gerard to know it. To _feel_ it in his biting kisses. Gerard's hands on Frank's waist were stroking up and down in a soothing manner, but after only a moment, Frank took hold of his wrists and pinned them against the door, above Gerard's head. He pulled back and met Gerard's eyes for a moment, serious and hard, and Gerard knew he should keep his hands up even when Frank let go of his wrists. Frank kissed him again, hard and bruising and sucking on Gerard's tongue so hard his knees felt weak and he felt his cock throbbing in his pants. Frank pulled back, taking a step away from Gerard and looking him up and down. Gerard felt like he was on display, stretched out against the door; the way Frank's gaze travelled along his body almost felt like a physical touch, and Gerard knew he was blushing, but he kept his hands up.

"Take off your shirt," Frank commanded. His voice left no room for argument. Nor did his expression. Gerard didn't want to argue, anyway.

Gerard didn't hesitate, letting his coat drop to the floor, pulling his sweater off next and dropping it next to the coat. That left only his undershirt, and with a glance at Frank for confirmation, Gerard took that off too.

"Good." Frank looked him over again, though his expression shifted to something tinged with sadness, making Gerard feel guilty. "Now your pants," Frank instructed.

Pants meant shoes were coming off first, and Gerard kicked them to the side, before unbuttoning his slacks, feeling Frank's eyes on his fingers as he pulled down the zipper past the bulge in his underwear. Frank's attention on him was making him feel like his skin was on fire, his every movement being watched and scrutinized, but this time he didn't hate it, this time it didn't make him want to shy away and hide. His pants pooled at his feet, falling down easily as they had become a bit too loose over the past few weeks. Gerard pushed them to the side too, standing in front of Frank now in only his underwear, his cock straining against the fabric.

Frank stepped closer again, and Gerard was grateful for the warmth he brought, the feeling of fabric against his electrified skin wherever they touched making him suck in a breath. "Good," Frank whispered, his breath hot against Gerard's lips. "Now your underwear."

Gerard swallowed hard, his fingers going under the waistband of his briefs at his hips on each side, and he pulled down slowly, the fabric catching on his erection until it came free, bouncing up against Gerard's stomach. Frank glanced down towards Gerard's briefs, half way down his thighs. Gerard finally got them all the way off and they joined the rest of his clothes in a disorganised pile on the floor.

To Gerard's surprise, Frank suddenly and fluidly sank to his knees down on the floor, and without any warning, without any preamble, he had swallowed Gerard's cock down to the hilt.

Gerard's hands clutched at the wood of the door desperately as his knees shook. "Oh god," he choked out as he felt Frank's throat against the head of his dick, felt Frank's tongue against the underside, felt Frank's _breath_ against the skin of his lower stomach. "Please, please, Frank," Gerard chanted, his hips trembling as he tried not to move. He met Frank's gaze and saw a familiar cockiness there that made him so happy to see again.

Frank slowly pulled back, his lips dragging along the sensitive skin of Gerard's cock, until he had just the head in his mouth, his tongue pushing against the slit in a way that danced along the line between pain and pleasure. Frank's hands were on Gerard's thighs, running up and down his stomach, his ribs, up to squeeze at his chest muscles and then down again, moving to the back of Gerard's thighs and grabbing handfuls of Gerard's ass.

Frank moved up and down Gerard's cock a few times, excruciatingly slowly, his cheeks hollowed and his tongue working against the underside. Gerard wanted to put his hands on Frank, tug on his hair or caress his face, but he felt certain that Frank would disapprove, that he wanted Gerard to be still. After a few moments Frank pulled off completely, holding Gerard's cock in one hand and moving down to take first one of Gerard's balls, then the other, into his mouth and sucking on them, before moving back up to Gerard's dick.

Everything Frank did seemed to be tinged with a kind of harshness, his fingers digging into Gerard's skin just a little bit harder than he had to, his nails leaving little indents in the skin. Even the way his mouth worked over Gerard's cock was rough, making Gerard occasionally bow forward, overwhelmed, as Frank _sucked_ , hard. It was driving Gerard mad with pleasure.

"Frank, please," he moaned, uncaring that anyone walking down the hall could probably hear his cries of pleasure through the door. He was aware of himself making a high, whining noise, his hands banging against the door as he'd gone to move them before remembering he wasn't supposed to. "I- I think I'm going to- Please, I just need-" He was close, he was so close, so unexpectedly and wonderfully close to the ecstasy promised by Frank's mouth.

Frank didn't pause, didn't hesitate, didn't tease. He just kept moving his head in a steady rhythm up and down Gerard's cock until the pleasure overwhelmed him and he was coming down Frank's throat, and Frank was swallowing it all down, Gerard could feel it, could feel Frank's throat constricting deliciously around his pulsing cock until it started to become too much and Gerard flinched and started trying to move away but he was stopped by the door, held against it by Frank.

It was a punishment. He could tell, as Frank didn't let him go for a few long moments, sucking on the head of Gerard's cock and holding Gerard in place so he couldn't squirm away. His eyes on Gerard's were intense, burning into him, pinning him in place.

He didn't know what it was that finally made Frank pull back with a satisfied look on his face. Maybe it was Gerard's wild and desperate pleas and whines, maybe it was when he fell forward, using Frank's shoulders as support to hold himself up. Maybe it was the tears that burned at Gerard's eyes. Or maybe it was the way Gerard broke and just accepted everything and anything Frank wanted to give him, taking anything he wanted to do to him.

Whatever it was, Frank finally let go of Gerard's softening cock and got back to his feet, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Gerard was breathing hard, his chest heaving up and down making him feel light headed.

"Come on," Frank said, and then turned and walked away down the corridor to the door at the end of the hall without looking to see if Gerard was following him. Gerard wasn't sure his wobbly legs would be able to carry him, but he eventually managed to follow Frank and entered the room.

It was clearly Frank's bedroom, the desk and the guitars were the same, but it was bigger and the double bed was new. The same posters adorned the walls and the mess of clothes and sheet music on the floor was distinctly _'Frank'_.

"Get on the bed," Frank said.

The lack of inflection in his voice scared Gerard a little, but at the same time the promise of the words sent a thrill of arousal down his spine, even though he had just come. Frank started taking off his clothes, pulling off his hoodie and the jumper and t-shirt underneath in one go. Then he tugged off his jeans and underwear, kicking his shoes off as he did. All the clothes joined the mess on the floor and Gerard's chest felt a little warm and tight at the sight. Frank was hard, there was a sheen of wetness at the tip of his cock and it made Gerard's mouth water. He hurried to get on the bed, not sure if he should lie down or not, so he sat in the center, watching Frank.

"On your stomach," Frank directed. Gerard did as he said, lying down on his front on top of the sheets, his head on Frank's pillow.

He was starting to feel a bit unsure, a bit cold and _wrong_ somehow. He couldn't see Frank anymore. The only hints of his movements, the only proof he was still _there_ , was the rustling sounds he could hear behind himself. Then he felt Frank's hands on his flanks, warm and solid and somehow reassuring and Gerard didn't worry any longer.

Frank's hands roamed over Gerard's back and sides, massaged at his ass, pulling the cheeks apart and pushing them back together again. There was promise in his actions, and Gerard moaned, pushing back against Frank's hands.

Frank had moved onto the bed, his knees on each side of Gerard's thighs, encasing him in Frank's warmth. He didn't dare say anything. This wasn't for him, somehow. He could enjoy it, take part in it, but this was for Frank, and somehow that made it even better. Gerard's dick was trying to get interested again, an overwhelming feeling of _too much_ and _more, please_.

"I'm going to fuck you." Frank's voice was low and he was leaning over Gerard, murmuring in his ear. Gerard shivered and let out a gasp. He lifted his hips, pushing back against Frank, feeling Frank's dick sliding against the cleft of his ass.

"Please…"

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard," Frank said, and then he pushed two fingers against Gerard's hole, rubbing the outside. "And so good," he continued, pressing the tip of one finger in, dry. "That you will always come back begging for more." He pressed the finger in fully and Gerard groaned. It wasn't painful really, as it was only one finger, but he could feel every movement so much more acutely like this. "I'm going to ruin you for anyone else," Frank went on. He pulled the finger out slowly. It tugged at Gerard's insides and then Frank was pushing two fingers in, stretching the rim of Gerard's hole, slowly but firmly. "Because you're mine." His fingers slowly inched in, the stretch and drag burning a little now. Gerard moaned. "Do you understand?"

Gerard let out another wanton moan in reply.

"Good." Frank's fingers started moving inside Gerard, massaging that spot inside him that made his entire body come alive with pleasure. Frank was playing Gerard's body like he played his guitar, his fingers deft and sure, hitting every note with ease, eliciting sounds from Gerard he never thought himself able to produce. He was panting and moaning and his cock was leaking profusely onto Frank's sheets. "You see?" Frank asked, and he was short of breath too, Gerard noticed. "I know you, I'm the only one who knows you like this." His voice was growing more frantic, as his fingers moved with more purpose.

It built up, Gerard's cock leaking so much the sheets were soaked with it, but before it could go any further, Frank pulled his fingers out, and yeah, that was not comfortable at all. He groaned, both at the dry feeling of skin dragging against sensitive skin, and at the emptiness it left behind.

"Up," Frank said, pulling at Gerard's waist.

Gerard pushed himself up so he was on his hands and knees, his ass sticking out in Frank's direction. Gerard felt like a slut. It wasn't something he would ever have imagined himself liking the thought of, but being Frank's slut was something he found intensely arousing. _'I'm the only one who gets to see you like this.'_

There was the feeling of something bigger, something more blunt, at the outside of his hole, and for a moment Gerard thought Frank was going to fuck him without any lube at all, but the drag as he slid inside him was much smoother and easier than when he had used his fingers. Gerard was only a little bit disappointed, and mostly relieved. "Isn't that right?" Frank went on as he pushed himself inside Gerard, carving out room for himself and leaving Gerard breathless and wanting more.

"Frank," Gerard said, just because he wanted to feel the name on his lips. "Yes, just you."

"Nobody else has had you like this," Frank said as he started pulling out again, his hands on Gerard's hips, carefully avoiding his protruding hipbones. He pushed back in hard, and then he set an almost brutal pace to his thrusts as he fucked Gerard, his grip on Gerard's hips tightening almost painfully. Frank managed to brush against Gerard's prostate on almost every push and pull, and Gerard's moans were becoming high pitched and uncontrollable. "Nobody else has made you lose control like this, nobody else gets to be inside you like this."

The noises were punched out of Gerard's throat with every thrust, and speaking around them was difficult. "Just- ah- just you," he said again. Pleasure was building up, slowly bubbling underneath his skin, and Gerard knew he was going to come again soon if Frank kept this up.

"That's right," Frank said, one hand on Gerard's upper back, pushing him down, so his ass stuck up from the bed. It seemed to give Frank better leverage to fuck him, his thrusts easy and quick and Gerard desperately wanted to rub his dick against the sheets but he couldn't in this position. He moved a hand towards his groin to do something to relieve the pressure there, but before he could get there, Frank had grabbed his wrist and held it at the small of Gerard's back, first one then the other. He held them in one hand, his other holding on to Gerard's waist as he thrust into him, Gerard's weight resting on his knees and where his face pressed into the sheets.

Gerard squirmed, tugging against Frank's hold on his wrists. "Please," he begged. He arched his back, meeting Frank's thrusts and trying to get more pressure against his prostate.

"Please what?" Frank asked. "What do you want?"

"I want-" Gerard started, but cut himself off, embarrassment flooding his face, which was ridiculous given the situation. He rubbed his face into the pillow, trying to force himself to say it, just say it. "I want to come, please Frank."

It seemed like it was the right thing to say, as Frank's grip on his wrists slackened a little though he didn't let him go yet. "Can you come like this?" Frank asked, not missing a beat.

"Wh- what?" Gerard squeezed his eyes shut, trying to focus his mind over the haze of pleasure so he could understand what Frank was saying.

"Can you come just from this, just from me fucking you?" Frank sounded a little out of breath, from exertion or maybe arousal. "Are you gonna come just from my cock in your ass, baby?"

"I- I don't - ah - know," Gerard panted, squeezing his eyes shut and clenching his fists where they were still held behind his back. His face was pressed into the pillow and he could feel sweat running down his forehead. "I don't know, please, Frank-"

"You can do it," Frank said, matter-of-factly, his thrusts turning pointed and coercing moans out of Gerard. "I've seen it before."

"I-" Gerard tried to focus on the sensations in his body. Maybe Frank was right, maybe he could, every thrust, every brush of Frank's cock against his prostate was bringing him closer. It was making all the nerves in his body sing with it, on the edge of being overwhelming and building up that sweet pressure in his gut. He just needed that little bit more. "Please…"

"Yeah, you can," Frank said, over the obscene sound of his hips hitting Gerard's ass, skin against skin. "You can do that for me."

"Yes," Gerard breathed out. Only a little more, right _there_.

"For me, just for me," Frank hissed. His grip on Gerard's wrists tightened, pulling on Gerard so his back arched even more, Frank's thrusts reaching that little bit deeper.

It was enough.

Gerard crumpled, his voice breaking on the moan he let out as the dam broke and he came for the second time, each spurt of his sensitive cock making him gasp. His arms were still restrained but he tugged against Frank uselessly as his body writhed with pleasure. He came until he felt empty and wrung out, his entire body pleasantly exhausted. He would've dropped his hips down to the bed if Frank wasn't holding him so tightly.

Gerard felt shifting behind him and then Frank was blanketed over Gerard's back, followed by the sharp sensation of teeth on the meat of where his neck and shoulder met, making Gerard groan, his voice weak and scratchy. Frank bit him hard and held on for so long Gerard thought for sure he would have a permanent mark when Frank was done. He buried his face in the pillow, muffling his moans. Frank's thrusts sped up and his jaw clenched harder around Gerard's skin, balancing the overstimulation from his cock still dragging against Gerard's sensitive insides, with the pain in his shoulder. Then he stilled and Gerard could feel every spurt as Frank came deep inside him. When he finally finished, he unclenched his jaw and collapsed on top of Gerard, finally letting go of his wrists.

For a long moment they didn't move, both breathing heavily, Frank still half on top of Gerard, still _inside_ Gerard.

"You can't do that again," Frank said after a long moment, half-into a pillow, his breath ruffling Gerard's hair.

"Hmm?"

There was silence for so long Gerard thought maybe Frank hadn't heard him. "Leave me," Frank finally said.

Somehow it felt like the wrong thing to point out that Frank had actually been the one to leave. "I'm sorry."

Frank rolled to the side, pulling out of Gerard and going to the edge of the bed that was against the wall. "C'mon, isn't that wet and gross?" he asked.

Gerard was indeed lying in a terribly unappealing wet spot of his own making, and he pushed himself up to look at Frank. Frank's arms were open and beckoning and Gerard wanted nothing more than to be enveloped in them. So he shuffled awkwardly towards Frank, probably leaving more mess in his wake. Frank had pulled the covers loose and when he was satisfied with Gerard's position, he pulled the blankets over their bodies. There was silence for a time, both of them breathing slowly. It wasn't uncomfortable but Gerard knew there were still things that needed to be said.

"Did I hurt you?" Frank asked. His arms were around Gerard, his fingers tracing patterns into Gerard's skin. He was currently examining the bite mark he had left on Gerard's shoulder, his fingers gently prodding at it.

It was sore, but not sore enough to distract Gerard from how content his body felt at this moment. "No," he said, shifting to look up at Frank.

Frank hummed. "Good." The silence resumed, and Gerard just listened to Frank's heartbeat, steady and calming.

"I don't want to."

"What?"

"Leave you," Gerard explained. "But…" he trailed off, before deciding that he might as well tell the truth. "But I don't think I'm good enough for you. You deserve someone better." He spoke quickly, afraid he'd run out of courage at any moment. "I don't actually know if there is anyone out there who is good enough for you to be honest, but I know I'm definitely not it." It was good to finally get the words out. To admit it to Frank and to himself. "But I don't know if I can stay away any longer. Frank I think I… I don't think I can live without you." Maybe it wasn't something he should admit to, maybe it wasn't the right thing to say, maybe it was stupid and Frank would think he was crazy. But it was the truth. "I know you deserve better, but I just… I just wanted to say it."

Frank raised himself up a little to look at Gerard. "You're such an idiot," he said. It wasn't malicious, but rather… Fond? "I love you too, you know."

Gerard's breath caught and he could've sworn his heart stopped. Had he…?

"You don't have to say it, it's fine-"

"I love you?" Gerard said, only it came out more like a question than a statement.

"You…?" Frank trailed off. He looked stunned, surprised. He was looking at Gerard with cautious hope in his eyes though and it made Gerard's heart swell.

"I love you," he said again, and this time his voice was sure. Frank smiled and Gerard leaned in with a hand on Frank's cheek and kissed him, slowly and carefully.

"Gerard…"

They lay back down, Frank's arms tight around Gerard, like he would never let him go. Gerard was starting to feel sweaty wherever their skin touched, and he was covered in come, but he didn't care. He didn't _care_. He felt happy, like if he jumped out the window he would be able to fly.

"Do you remember the first time you kissed me?" Frank asked.

"On your birthday?"

"No," Frank laughed. "First time _you_ kissed _me_."

"Oh..." Gerard said and thought for a moment. He felt like he could remember all their kisses. From the first, outside in the cold, to the ones inside with the music blaring, to the ones in the hotel, the first time they had had sex. But he couldn't remember the first time he had specifically kissed Frank. When he had _initiated_ it.

"It was the first time I fucked you, in my old bed in my old apartment." Gerard could hear the smile in Frank's voice as he reminisced. "I thought I had you then… I think that's why I was so hurt when you pushed me away again."

Gerard took one of Frank's hands and lifted it to his lips. "I'm sorry," he said, pressing a kiss to Frank's knuckles.

"I'm sorry too," Frank said, turning more to face Gerard. "That's behind us now, it doesn't matter anymore. What is it?"

"I… When I was a kid, I had a best friend," Gerard said, rushing a little to get it out, to finally say it.

Frank just nodded, watching him patiently.

Gerard swallowed before continuing, focusing his eyes on the hair curling down by Frank's temple. It had grown longer in the time since he'd last seen Frank. "His name was James. We met in the school choir. We both liked singing and mathematics, and we used to make fun of our teacher's bald spot. You know, kid things." Gerard smiled to himself as he thought back. "He was from an affluent family too of course, though not on the same level as my dad. At first our parents were happy that we were becoming friends. My parents would invite his parents over for dinners and lunches, and my dad was about to invest heavily in James' dad's company.

"We didn't know any of that of course. We just knew that we liked playing together with the big mechanical train set I'd gotten for Christmas that year." Gerard sighed, trying to force himself to go on. "Anyway, we were really good friends, we talked about everything, as much as eight year old kids can. We were together in the pool once when my father found us."

"Oh," Frank said, and Gerard could see on his face that he could guess where this was going.

"Like I said, we were just kids, we didn't really know what we were doing. We weren't _doing_ anything, we were just playing, but…"

"I'm going to kill your dad," Frank muttered.

"Frank…"

"Sorry, go on," Frank said, brushing a hand down Gerard's cheek.

"There's not really much more to say," Gerard said, trying to shrug. "I never saw James again. My dad said… It doesn't matter."

"What?"

"He said that James couldn't come around anymore because I was a bad influence on him." Why did his throat suddenly feel like he was swallowing around a lump? "He said that I was a disgusting queer, and I-" Gerard swallowed hard, feeling like he had to finish, to get it all out, like venom from a wound. "That I had almost managed to ruin James with my blight, and my father had to step in to save him from me."

"Fuck."

"I'm sure he had his suspicions about me before, or he wouldn't have reacted that strongly, but I don't know." He sighed, feeling like a weight had been lifted off him, though the pain of ripping the wound open afresh still lingered.

"I'll kill him for you if you want," Frank said seriously, taking a hold of Gerard's hand. Gerard laughed.

"He's just a sad old man," Gerard said. "He's not worth it."

"Well, I'm glad you can see that now. He smiled softly at Gerard, his thumb stroking the back of Gerard's hand where their fingers were intertwined. There was a long moment of quiet, where they just looked into each others' eyes, breaking out into fits of happy giggles every so often, sometimes pressing small kisses to the corner of each others' lips, their pulse points, their shoulders.

"So what now?" Gerard asked eventually. He was loathe to break the soft moment. He hated himself for it, but the question had started to buzz away underneath his skin, and he had to let it out.

"Now we nap," Frank said, turning Gerard so his back was to Frank's front. Then he wrapped his arms around Gerard tightly. "I think after that we will take a shower - yes, together - and then go back to bed and maybe I will blow you again." Gerard giggled. "If you can get it up again that is. If not maybe I'll just fuck you again until you cry." As Frank's words became filthier, he started whispering them directly into Gerard's ear, his warm breath tickling Gerard's skin and giving him goosebumps.

"Frank," Gerard whined.

"So I guess the world's our oyster, really. After that I figure we pass out until morning and then go back home."

"Home?"

"Yes, back to Jersey. If I have to stay another day in shitsburgh I'm going to go insane." Frank muttered that last part more to himself than to Gerard. "Oh and I guess we need to eat at some point too. But for now, close your eyes and enjoy those post orgasm endorphins or whatever the fuck it is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Not far to go now. Let me know what you think!


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Qell <3

Gerard didn't truly fall asleep, lying in Frank's arms, his mind in a pleasant space between sleeping and awake, his entire body relaxed and easy. He listened to the rhythm of Frank's breathing, feeling his chest lift under his arm. He was pretty sure Frank had fallen asleep, at least for a little while. Gerard watched the sky grow darker outside through the window, his mind blissfully empty.

He felt Frank come back to consciousness slowly, with a deep breath, a stretch of his muscles and a groan. "What time is it" Frank asked when he saw Gerard was awake.

"I don't know," Gerard replied, resting his head on Frank's chest. "It's not been that long." He lifted his hand to run his fingers over Frank's soft skin, tracing the lines of his tattoos where he could reach.

"Do you want a shower and then maybe some dinner?"

"A shower sounds good." Gerard's skin felt gross from sweat and come, and it had only been bearable while he hadn't been thinking about it, but now he decidedly was and he hated the feeling. He sat up and Frank followed suit, more slowly, kissing Gerard's shoulder and deliberately keeping them in skin to skin contact. "Where is the shower?" He tried to untangle himself from Frank so he could get out of the bed, but Frank held on stubbornly.

"I'll show you." He eventually let Gerard up and got out of bed himself to lead Gerard out of the room, down the hall and into the bathroom. Gerard was very conscious of the fact that they were both naked and covered in unsavoury substances, and hoped Frank's aunt wouldn't be home anytime soon. Frank walked to the shower and turned it on, testing the water temperature before beckoning to Gerard. He got in the shower, turning to close the glass door, but Frank was getting in after him. Gerard blushed, but thinking about it he didn't want to be parted from Frank any longer than he had to. Of course they should shower together. It was efficient.

It wasn't really though, as the spray of the shower couldn't cover them both at the same time, but when they both were wet enough, Frank got the soap and started washing Gerard. He started with Gerard's front, giving Gerard soft kisses on his lips, his cheeks, his throat, as he ran his hands over Gerard's chest and arms, down to his fingers. The soap smelled faintly of lavender, and the scent washed over Gerard, calming him. The sensation of Frank's hands gliding over his skin was soothing, and he closed his eyes, letting the warm water wash over him.

"Turn around," Frank said, when he'd finished rinsing the soap off Gerard's torso.

Gerard acquiesced, turning away from Frank to face the spray of water. Frank's hands ran over his back, down to Gerard's waist, and then back up again, lightly massaging the muscles with his fingers. Gerard sighed in contentment, feeling the water run down his back, as Frank's hands made their way lower and lower. He squeezed Gerard's ass, one cheek in each hand, pushing them together and pulling them apart, letting the water wash away the sticky mess Frank had left there. Gerard felt awkward at first, but as Frank gently cleaned the area Gerard figured he was just observing good hygiene. He didn't really register the sounds behind him through the pounding of the water, so the first touch of Frank's tongue against his ass, a long, wide stripe from his perineum up to his rim, was a complete shock to him. "Frank!?"

"Just relax," Frank said, and then his mouth was on Gerard's thighs, nipping on the skin in a way that sent little electric sparks of pleasure up Gerard's spine. His thighs started trembling as Frank's mouth worked it's way back up towards Gerard's ass. Frank gently nudged Gerard's legs apart, giving him easier access.

This was wrong, it should feel repulsive, disgusting, unclean, did people really do this?

Then why did it feel so _good?_

_"Oh god_ ," Gerard moaned out when Frank's mouth was on his hole again. He started with short little licks, working his way up to longer strokes, and then sucking on the rim with his lips.

Gerard thought his knees would buckle.

"Frank, Frank, please, Frank," he couldn't stop himself, he wanted to say something, communicate with Frank, but all he could do was say Frank's name over and over like a prayer, like a lifeline. Frank's tongue circled his rim and then dipped inside and Gerard gasped. He hadn't thought himself capable of getting hard again so soon, after coming _twice_ , but here he was, his dick filling with blood that all seemed to be coming straight from his head, leaving him lightheaded and breathless.

"Fuck, Gerard, you taste so good," Frank said and the words ripped a moan from Gerard's throat, making him blush deeply but at the same time heightening his pleasure. A finger soon joined Frank's tongue in Gerard's ass, sliding in, pressing against his walls, and he should be sore but all he could focus on was the pleasure building at the base of his spine, making his head feel hazy. He leaned forward against the cool tiles and pushed his ass back against Frank's face, making Frank pull back and chuckle. "Eager, are we?"

" _Fra-ank_ ," Gerard whined instead of replying. It served its purpose. Frank leaned back in, tugging on Gerard's rim with two fingers and pushing his warm tongue in _deep_. It was so wet and Gerard couldn't tell if it was because of the warm water from the shower or from Frank's mouth and he didn't care. He felt on the edge already from a pleasure he'd never known before.

A hand came around and took hold of his cock, pumping him slowly, leisurely. Not enough to take over the sensation Frank's tongue was giving him, but adding to it, a background undertone that heightened the pleasure of every stroke of Frank's tongue in Gerard's ass.

"Oh _god_ ," Gerard choked out again, and then he was coming, the waves of pleasure radiating from his center and through his body out to the tips of his fingers and toes. He realised a few moments later that he had collapsed to the floor of the shower, and mostly out of the way of the spray. He was starting to feel cold, but he was still experiencing little aftershocks of pleasure, and he didn't want to get up.

"C'mon, let me help you up." There was a hand on his shoulder. Gerard managed to turn himself around and looked up at Frank through the spray of the shower. It was strange, looking up at Frank. He was looking at Gerard with a satisfied smile, his hair wet and plastered to his face, and his whole body glistening from the water.

Then he came face to face with Frank's cock, which was eye-level to him, and frankly a little bit frightening to see so close. But Frank had gotten hard from- from _that._ And he had just given Gerard one of the best orgasms he'd ever had in his life. And now Gerard was face to face with his cock. "I want to-" Gerard swallowed hard. He settled himself more firmly on his knees in front of Frank and looked up at him. "Can I try to- I mean, I wanted to-"

He blushed and looked away. He couldn't even say it.

"I just-" he gestured towards Frank's groin. Frank's smile was getting wider.

"Yeah?" he encouraged Gerard.

Gerard took a deep breath and looked up at Frank again before he spoke. "Can I suck your cock?"

"I don't know, _can_ you?" Frank said, grinning like he'd just made the world's funniest joke. Gerard smacked his thigh.

"You know what I mean!"

"Yeah, I'm sorry baby," Frank said, his expression more serious. "You want to try that now? Here?"

Gerard nodded. "Yes, but I don't… I don't know how…" Frank's palm cupped Gerard's cheek and lifted his face so he was looking up at Frank's eyes again.

"It's okay, I'll teach you. Just go slow," he instructed.

Gerard took a steadying breath and tried not to think too much about what he was about to do. He wanted to do it, he _wanted_ to give that pleasure to Frank.

"Use your hands first," Frank said, as Gerard opened his mouth and started leaning in. Gerard did as he was told, blushing a little at how eager he probably seemed. He took hold of Frank's cock, holding it steady. He pumped his hand up and down a few times, loving how he could feel the tension in Frank's body, how he could make Frank jump just using his hands.

Gerard opened his mouth and closed his eyes for good measure, before leaning in and touching his lips to the head of Frank's cock.

"Fuck, you look so good," Frank said, sounding like he was having difficulty speaking the words. "That's it, don't take in too much at once. And watch your teeth."

He started licking at the head experimentally, and Frank groaned in appreciation. Then he opened his mouth to try to take in the head of Frank's cock. It was against all his instincts to shove something thick and long into his mouth, but he tried to keep those reactions under control.

"Yeah, that's it, use your tongue a little- yeah like that." Gerard listened intently to all of Frank's instructions, trying his best to keep up. He didn't feel like he was doing a very good job, as he wasn't able to take nearly as much of Frank's cock into his mouth as Frank could, but at the same time it felt almost overwhelming how full his mouth was. "Focus on breathing through your nose, and relax your throat." One of Gerard's hands went to Frank's thigh to steady himself, and he could feel Frank's muscles tensed up, like he was trying to stop himself from thrusting into Gerard's mouth. Gerard wanted to reward him, to show him how much he cared about him, how much he _loved_ him, and if he loved him surely he could take more of his cock in his mouth, right?

Wrong.

Somehow Frank's dick went far enough back that Gerard's throat started convulsing and he gagged, pulling back to cough for a few long moments, going red in the face. He thought he might throw up, which honestly would be the worst thing that could happen.

"At least you didn't bite it off," Frank said, kneeling down to put an arm around Gerard. "Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry," Gerard said, looking down at the water as it disappeared down the drain.

"Don't worry, about it," Frank said, kissing him on the forehead. "This has already been the longest shower of my life and I just had the best sex of my life like half an hour ago, I'm okay. Besides, do you want to know a secret?"

Gerard nodded, feeling like a kid who'd hurt his knee as he looked up at Frank.

"Deepthroating is way overrated."

"It is?" Gerard's eyebrows shot up.

"Yeah," Frank said. "It looks good in porn I guess, and some people get off on that maybe, but you really want to focus on the head when you suck someone off, especially if you want them to get off quickly. Taking it down your throat is just a party trick."

Frank helped Gerard upright, and then to Gerard's surprise, got the shampoo and poured some in his hand. He nudged Gerard to turn around, and then started massaging it into Gerard's scalp.

It felt so good, Gerard rarely had someone else wash his hair. He still felt guilty when he could feel Frank's cock poking into him from the back from time to time, but soon enough, Frank's erection went down. He led Gerard under the spray of the shower again and rinsed the soap from his hair, before making quick work of his own hair. "Now we smell the same." He leaned in to give Gerard a quick kiss and then turned off the shower. He brought over a couple of towels, threadbare and faded, handing one to Gerard.

"Here, let me," Frank said, reaching up with his towel to dry Gerard's hair for him. He dried Gerard's hair thoroughly, and then the rest of Gerard's body, all the way to his fingertips and his toes.

It was strangely intimate. There was no part of his body Frank hadn't seen or touched by now, Gerard thought as he met Frank's warm eyes.

Frank lent Gerard some shorts and a t-shirt to wear as they made their way towards the kitchen to forage for food. Gerard had insisted when he heard Frank's stomach growl, and it had made Frank smile.

"I just said I don't think it's that good," Gerard said as they walked down the hallway towards the kitchen.

" _Not that good?_ " Frank repeated. "It's a modern classic, how can you even say that?"

"Bowie did it better," Gerard shrugged.

"I can't believe this. You think _The Wall_ is overrated? Have you even-"

Frank had been smiling at Gerard, laughing at his apparently controversial opinion, when he froze in his tracks just as they entered the kitchen. Gerard froze too as he saw they weren't alone.

"Oh, hey," Frank said casually to a woman sitting in one of the kitchen chairs with her legs crossed and reading a paper. After the greeting, Frank made his way to a cabinet and started pulling out some cereals.

"It's about damn time," the woman said. "I thought you two would never get out of the shower." Her voice was dull, like it didn't matter to her either way, really.

Gerard flushed immediately. His clothes were still scattered all over the floor of the entryway, he could see them from here, and she-

Had she been home the whole time? Had she heard them? What would she do? His heart started beating faster and he stood there frozen, in Frank's clothes in Frank's kitchen, in front of Frank's aunt.

She looked old enough to be Frank's aunt even though she dressed younger, in a pair of tight jeans and a tank top, with her face made up.

Frank acted like nothing was happening, getting out bowls and milk for them and putting them on the table.

"Are you at the bar tonight?" he asked.

She had focused back on the paper and gave a grunt of confirmation.

"Okay well I…" Frank paused, looked at Gerard and then back at his aunt. "I'll be gone by the time you get back.

She slowly put the paper down and looked at Frank, her perfectly arched brows raised.

"I'm gonna go live with Gerard."

"Are you now?" She spared a glance for Gerard before looking back at Frank.

"Yes."

She shrugged. "Alright."

Frank's eyes met Gerard's and he smiled. Gerard didn't quite understand what was happening.

After a moment Frank's aunt sighed, stood up, grabbing her handbag and pressed her cheek against Frank's, mimicking a kiss. "See you later then." Then she grabbed her coat off the back of her chair, and walked out the door like nothing was more normal than your seventeen year old nephew telling you he's moving out to live with his 32 year old boyfriend.

"I…" Gerard gaped. "What just happened?"

"She said it's cool." Frank poured cereal and milk into his bowl and started eating. "C'mon, have some!"

"Do you even know how much sugar is in that?" Gerard asked, looking at the packet suspiciously. "Besides, was she home this entire time? Frank-!"

"It's fine," Frank interrupted. "She was asleep and she's a heavy sleeper." He shrugged, showing another spoon in his mouth, then pushing the other bowl towards Gerard who was still standing frozen in place. "Eat! C'mon!"

"But Frank," Gerard started, sitting down on the spare chair. Frank started pouring him cereal and oat milk while Gerard talked. "She's just fine with it? With you leaving? She won't miss you? Or call the police on me or something?"

"Nah, she doesn't care," Frank said. He waited for Gerard to have a spoonful of cereal before continuing. "Besides, she got her money, she's fine."

"She doesn't-…?" Gerard trailed off. "Okay… Well, you want to go back tonight?"

"Yeah," Frank shrugged. "Why not?"

"What about- about everything? School, your things, your friends?"

"There's schools in Jersey," Frank said. "Finish your food, Gerard, you think those things grow on trees?"

"But-"

"It's fine, Gerard," Frank said emphatically. He turned to Gerard and put one hand on Gerard's. "I'll just enrol in a school back home, maybe my old school, I don't care. Evan can come visit, I survived without him last time I'll survive again this time. I only saw him today because he was visiting his dad this weekend. It's _fine_."

"Okay," Gerard said. He decided to trust Frank on this and stop worrying. For now at least.

Frank was able to pack his things much quicker than Gerard would've imagined. He only had two duffel bags and his music gear. And the dog. He packed everything up while Gerard did the dishes from their meal, and then came into the kitchen to announce he was ready.

During the drive back to New Jersey, the dog sat in Frank's lap in the front passenger seat. It was a kind of cute.

It was less cute when they had to stop because it started puking everywhere in the rental car.

Eventually they made it back to the city, and Frank looked at Gerard curiously when he drove past the exit to his old home.

"I had to move," Gerard explained.

"Oh my god," Frank said after a few more minutes as they got closer and closer to Gerard's new apartment. Their apartment? "You moved to the badlands?!"

Gerard made a noncommittal noise as he turned down the street where his apartment building stood. "I just had to get an apartment _somewhere_ ," he explained.

"What happened to the old place?"

"Repossessed," Gerard said simply, sliding into a parking spot on the street not too far from the building entrance. "I've sort of-" but then he stopped, gripped by a rogue thought.

What if Frank wouldn't want to be with him anymore if Gerard didn't have the fancy house and the fat bank accounts? But that was ridiculous, Frank wasn't like that, he told himself. Frank was _good_.

"They took most of the money," he said carefully, monitoring Frank's reactions. "The insurance. They took the house and the cars and they froze our bank accounts. I only barely managed to scrape together enough assets to buy this place. It all happened so quickly, this was the only one I could get."

Frank didn't say anything for a moment. "So you're poor now?"

"I guess?"

"You're finally one of us plebes," Frank grinned. "You'll have to start doing your own laundry, and cooking your own meals."

Gerard snorted. "I'm sure I will get paid from my job though." He sighed, turning the car off and rubbing his eyes. He was tired. From driving ten hours in one day, from everything that had happened in the past day, the past _weeks_. He just wanted to get into bed and sleep.

"The job you hate? You're still working there?"

"I'm the boss, they can't fire me." Not technically true, but his father was apparently working hard to keep him in control of the company. He was sure the shareholders wouldn't approve of any of the things that had been happening recently.

"But you can quit, right?" Frank asked, undoing his seat belt.

Gerard didn't answer. He didn't _have_ an answer. They carried Frank's stuff up to Gerard's apartment, though Frank seemed most focused on his dog, and then it just hit Gerard. He was back to living with another person and their small pet dog. Somehow though, he thought as he opened the door to the apartment and Frank set the dog down, which immediately sprinted into the depths of the apartment, somehow he thought this time would be better.

Gerard showed Frank around the apartment, but they did little more, yawning all the while as they undressed and got into Gerard's bed. It was the first time they had gotten into bed together without using it for sex, Gerard noted, turning off the light and snuggling up to Frank who wrapped his arms around Gerard in the darkness. He was too tired to feel self-conscious about how eagerly he sought the warmth of Frank's embrace.

"We'll have to christen this bed tomorrow," Frank said into Gerard's hair.

"Christen it?" Gerard asked, barely managing to keep his eyes open.

"The bed, the sofa, the kitchen table... Every surface in the house."

"That sounds exhausting," Gerard sighed.

"We have time." Frank kissed the top of Gerard's head. "Good night."

"Night…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, stay safe out there everyone!!


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, it's here, the last chapter!
> 
> I want to take this moment to thank everyone who helped me get to this point, everyone who has shown me support and cheered me on, everyone who read the fic, commented, kudos'd, bookmarked, sent me a message of support, it all means the world to me. I never imagined the support this fic would get and I am just blown away.  
> I began writing this fic almost two years ago, and since then I've moved twice, graduated from university, gained a lot of new friends and even lost some. I don't think I'm the same person I was when I began writing this, and I hope that if you're still here reading after all this time, in some small way, neither are you.

Waking up to his alarm only a few hours later, Gerard didn't feel fully rested, though that wasn't exactly new to him. He untangled his limbs from Frank's hold, the sleeping teenager barely stirring as he did. Gerard followed his usual routine since he had moved to the new place, jogging to work and showering in his office before anyone had arrived, grabbing an energy bar from the office cooler. Paul seemed relieved to see Gerard when he came into the office, and Gerard almost thought he was about to give him a hug.

"Your father-"

"Later," Gerard interrupted him. He just wanted a few more hours uninterrupted by his father. He had a mountain of emails to get through. He did feel sorry for Paul for having to deal with his father's rage by himself, but not enough to want to face it himself right at this moment.

Focus seemed to elude him, and it wasn't made easier when Frank called him complaining that Gerard didn't have any food in his apartment. He was sure he'd come back home and Frank would have filled all the cupboards and the fridge with groceries. The thought made him smile softly to himself.

A few of the emails in his inbox were from his father, as if he'd reply to emails when he hadn't been answering the man's calls. Gerard turned away from the computer and walked around his office instead. He had memories of Frank in every corner of the office now, he realised. Frank sitting on the sofa and reading comic books or doing his homework, or just watching Gerard. The time Frank came in, soaked from the rain outside, or the time he brought Gerard lunch because he was sure Gerard wasn't eating enough. Even that one afternoon he had hidden beneath Gerard's desk when Gerard's father had come in to tell him off.

After lunch time, Paul seemed to get up the courage to come into Gerard's office and talk to him. His father had called about various things and Paul had tried to hold him off for as long as he could, bless him, but he was still annoyed with Gerard.

"Don't worry, I'll talk to him," Gerard promised. "You've done really well, I'm sorry that I've been a little absent lately."

"Thank you," Paul said, wringing his hands, making Gerard think he still had more to say.

"What is it?"

"It's just that, well, you have an appointment tonight," Paul said and winced.

"Tonight?"

"Yes, one of the uh- ladies your father scheduled dinners with, Miss Partridge."

"Oh fuck," Gerard said to a stunned Paul.

"Sir-?"

"Can you just- just call her and tell her it's cancelled," Gerard said, rubbing his face with his hands. He was tired. He was just so tired.

_'The job you hate? You're still working there?'_

"What shall I tell her?" Paul asked.

"Just tell her…" Gerard thought for a moment. He could make an excuse, and then have to do this all over at a later date. "Tell her…"

_'But you can quit, right?'_

"Just tell her I'm fucking gay!" Gerard burst out. Paul jumped. "Sorry."

"I… you know your father will probably find out about it if I tell her?" Paul said cautiously.

"Yeah," Gerard sighed. "I know." He buried his face in his hands for a moment, leaning on his desk. Then he took a deep breath, filling him with determination. "Do it."

"Yes, sir," Paul said and Gerard thought he could see a hint of a smile on his face. He turned and walked out of the office.

By the end of the day, Gerard had made his decision and it was final. He'd tried to set his affairs in order the best he could, but he was done. This chapter of his life was over, and it was useless to try to cling on to it anymore, he could see that now.

"Leaving already, sir?" Paul asked. Gerard smiled. It was only five.

"Yes, I am," Gerard replied. "And Paul? I'm not coming back."

Paul's mouth fell open. "Sorry?"

"I'm quitting." It felt good to say it out loud. "You can be in charge for the interim, if I'm allowed to decide such things still."

"Me? But- I-?" Paul's mouth opened and closed a few times like his brain was short-circuiting. "But, sir! Are you absolutely sure about this?"

"I am." It surprised even him, how final it sounded. How sure he sounded.

"Alright," Paul said. He had gathered himself enough so that his face was free of the shock apparent there earlier. "It's been an honour." He offered Gerard his hand and Gerard took it.

"Likewise. I know you'll go on to do great things."

"Thank you, sir," Paul smiled.

"I'll be back tomorrow to pick up my stuff," Gerard said. Then he exited the building he'd spent the last 10 years in, for the last time as its executive.

🙠

"You quit?!" Frank asked, an expression of pure glee on his face.

"I did," Gerard confirmed, and he couldn't help smiling back at Frank.

"I'm so proud of you," Frank said, and then he was enveloping Gerard in a hug. It was nice to be greeted like this when he got home, he thought. Ella too, with unconditional love in her eyes and a wagging tail. Gerard preferred to hug Frank, though.

"Thank you," Gerard said into the crook of Frank's neck. He pulled back and kissed Frank, softly. He could do this now, whenever he wanted. It was kind of incredible and the thought escaped from him in the form of a giggle.

"What is it?" Frank asked, smiling back at Gerard.

"I…" Gerard started, but he couldn't find the words. Instead he leaned in and kissed Frank again.

"Good," Frank replied when Gerard pulled back again.

Gerard looked around the apartment. The change was subtle, but already Frank had made such a difference to it. Gerard had never really finished moving in, he thought. He didn't have a lot of stuff, and nothing that made an apartment a home. It had always felt that something was missing. Some kind of warmth or energy or _something_. Now it felt… different. "I see you've made yourself at home," Gerard smiled, gesturing to Frank's guitar sitting on the sofa, the comics on the dining table and the dog bed in the corner of the living room.

"Yeah," Frank replied a little warily. He walked over to his comics on the table and started tidying them up and putting them on the bookshelf behind the table.

"I like it," Gerard said, still unable to stop a smile splitting his face in half.

"Good," Frank said. "You've seen my room, you know I'm not a great person to share a living space with."

"I think you're perfectly adequate," Gerard teased, taking off his coat and hanging it up.

"Oh, thank you, how kind," Frank said sarcastically, walking back towards Gerard. "And here I was going to cook you dinner."

"Do you even know _how_ to cook?" Gerard questioned him. Frank's guilty look told him all he needed to know.

"No… but I was getting really into the role of being the dutiful housewife," he said. "Dinner on the table when my handsome husband comes home from work, and then taking care of his _needs_ until bedtime." Frank came closer until he was pressed up against Gerard, his hands coming around Gerard's neck.

"Y-you thought about that?" Gerard asked.

"Uh-huh," Frank nodded. "Every surface in the apartment," Frank reminded him. "It was a promise."

🙠

Frank came with Gerard the next day to pick up Gerard's things from the office. Frank took Gerard's hand on the elevator up, and only then did Gerard realise that his hands were shaking.

"We'll just go in and out quickly, nobody will even know we were here," Frank said softly, squeezing Gerard's hand.

The elevator dinged on the top floor, and Gerard swallowed before heading out.

Of course people stared at them while they walked down the hall, past the kitchenette, past the breakout area, up to Paul's desk by Gerard's old office.

"Good afternoon, sir!" Paul greeted them. "Frank, good to see you again."

Gerard remembered Frank's comment about Paul from way back when and quickly dragged Frank into the office. Only then did he release Frank's hand and they started throwing things into the duffel bag they had brought - one of Frank's.

The sad truth was that Gerard didn't have a lot of things in the office. Certainly not things he wanted to take home as mementos. Some books on the shelves, his clothes from the dresser in the hallway, his exercise equipment, but not much else.

"It's gonna be weird never coming here again," Frank said, looking around the room. "I got so used to coming here every day." He sounded a bit wistful.

"You think I should quit quitting?" Gerard asked.

"No," Frank said immediately. "Never, fuck this place! I just… A lot of things happened here, you know?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Gerard had had his own period of reminiscing the day before, so he knew what Frank was going through, the reason behind the soft smile that appeared on his face.

"I'm glad you never have to come here again," Frank said with finality as the finished packing up.

Gerard sighed, looking around. "Me too."

"We'll make new memories in your apartment," Frank said, hoisting the duffel bag onto his shoulder.

"It's really _our_ apartment by now," Gerard said. "…isn't it?" He got anxious when Frank said nothing and only looked at him.

"God, I fucking love you so much," Frank said finally, dropping the bag unceremoniously on the floor and tackling Gerard into a kiss that really was too filthy for where they currently were.

"We should-" Gerard said, gesturing to the door. He really really wanted to be home right now and maybe wearing fewer clothes.

"Yes, we should," Frank said, picking the bag up from the floor and taking Gerard's hand again. They exited the office together, and Gerard said goodbye to Paul one last time.

"Keep in touch!" Gerard called to him just before they turned the corner.

"I will," Paul called back.

"C'mon Gerard, the bag is heavy," Frank wheedled. People still stared as they walked down the halls, though nobody said anything. It took Gerard a while to remember, to realise what was going on.

"Wait," Gerard said with dawning horror as they waited for the elevator. "Didn't I tell everyone you were my nephew?"

"Yep," Frank replied, popping the 'p' and looking like he was about to burst out laughing. "C'mon babe," he said, kissing a frozen Gerard, and then dragging him into the lift. He could see just enough faces with bugging eyes, straining as they leaned to the side to see Frank and Gerard before the doors closed on them and the elevator started moving down.

"You really thought that was funny," Gerard said.

"Hilarious, actually," Frank smiled. Gerard bumped him with his shoulder, and Frank laughed.

Outside, Gerard called a cab to take them home, as the bag really was too heavy to take on the bus they'd taken here. "I should've bought a car too," Gerard grumbled.

"You'll get used to it in no time," Frank said. "Being like us common folk, using the public transport. It will be good for you!"

When they had finally managed to get the bag up to their apartment, both of them tired and sweaty at this point, they fell onto the couch in a tangle of limbs, Frank kicking off his shoes and wrapping his legs around Gerard's waist and his arms around Gerard's neck.

"I'm never moving again," he said, his voice muffled into Gerard's shoulder. Then his stomach rumbled. "Okay maybe I'll move in a little while."

"Do you want to cook dinner with me?" Gerard said, the idea coming to him suddenly.

"Really?" Frank asked, pulling back so he could look at Gerard. There was clacking sound of claws on the floor and then Ella was there, trying to get onto the sofa, though she was too short, fat and old to quite be able to.

"Yeah," Gerard said softly. "Maybe I can teach you a few things."

"Yes!" Frank said enthusiastically. Maybe he had noticed how insecure Gerard had been about it. "That sounds amazing."

"Any ideas?"

"Something good," Frank said simply. "And then we fuck on the kitchen table."

"Frank…"

"I already warned you about this plan, you've had plenty of time to voice your objections!" His face changed and he leaned in to whisper in Gerard's ear. "The table is perfect fuck-height."

Gerard burst into laughter. "Fuck-height?" he asked in between his fits of giggles.

"You'll see!" Frank said, feigning offence but smiling up at Gerard anyway. "Are you okay?" he asked when Gerard's laughter had tapered off.

"I'm okay, why?"

"It's just… a lot of changes for you in the past few months.

"Yeah," Gerard agreed. "Guess it's good I've got a therapist now." He'd meant it as a joke, he'd only seen the guy a few times and wasn't even sure he wanted to continue.

"You do?!" Frank said, so excited he sat up, ending up in Gerard's lap.

"Y-yeah," Gerard admitted. He ended up telling Frank about his hospitalisation and Frank took it predictably well.

"I'll just have to make sure you keep seeing this guy then," Frank said passionately. "And if you don't like him we'll just find someone else until we find someone you can talk to. You're never ever allowed to do that again!"

"I'm sorry," Gerard breathed out, ashamed that he was causing Frank distress.

"Don't be sorry you idiot, I just want you to get better!" The words stirred something in Gerard's memory, a loving echo of something unpleasant that he quickly pushed away. Frank was looking at him fiercely and Gerard never wanted to let him down again.

"I love you," Gerard said softly. Frank looked surprised. "I really do."

Frank's face softened. "I love you too." Gerard really would have to say it more often if Frank was still surprised to hear him say it.

"Let's go make dinner," Gerard said, pulling Frank up with him off the sofa. Ella followed them into the kitchen.

"Oh you think it's feeding time?" Frank bent down to talk to the dog and his voice turned into a strange baby voice that Gerard hated that he found endearing. "Are you hungry baby? You want some food?"

Gerard watched Frank fill up the dog's bowl, talking to her all the while, with a soft smile on his face.

"What?" Frank asked when he returned to Gerard. Gerard hadn't even started taking ingredients out of the fridge yet.

"I… I think I'm happy," Gerard said. Frank smiled and put his arms around Gerard.

"I'm glad."

"Are you…? Happy?"

"Infinitely happy," Frank replied, and pressed a soft kiss to Gerard's lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much, I love you all. I'll be back soon with the epilogue, which is almost 10k of cheese.


End file.
